favourite lines

s0l

This place is pretty dead lately and this won't help but what the hell.

How about a few of your favourite lines from movies, books or songs.

Fav movie qoutes:
"Maybe there's no peace in this world, for us or for anyone else, I don't know. But I do know that, as long as we live, we must remain true to ourselves." Kirk Douglas in Spartacus

"Ernest Hemmingway once wrote, ' The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part" Morgan Freeman in Se7en

Samuel L Jackson: "That **** will rob you of your ambitions"
Bridget Fonda: "Not if your ambition is to get high and watch TV" in Jackie Brown

"Looks like i picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue!" Lloyd Bridges in Airplane!

"Suck my spinning steel, ****head!" Peter Jackson in Braindead

"You punch like you take it up the ass." Robert De Niro in Raging Bull

"People say crazy **** during sex. One time I called this girl, 'Mom'." Jeff Anderson in Clerks

"There's someone out there for everyone- even if you need a pickaxe, a compass and night vision goggles to find them" Steve Martin in LA Story.


fav song lines of the moment:
"Thanksgiving's coming on the Fourth of July
In the form of a girl with a needle in her eye
Well she come from out west on a nickel's worth of gas
Got her mind on her money and dope up her ass" -The Lord Is A Monkey by the Butthole Surfers (Although with that one it's more the way it's said more than sung and the music behind it that makes it really cool)

"The boss had me that body there
That's where I smelled some flesh
It took a little time but I figured they were mine
There were fingers going down my chest
My mouth went through the ceiling and my body fell through the floor" - Who Was In My Room Last Night? - Butthole Surfers

"Oh alcohol
I love you more than i did the week before
I discovered alcohol
oh alcohol would you please forgive me
for while i cannot love myself I'll love something else
I thought that alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do
I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze
but now i know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose to walk the fine line between self control and self abuse" Alcohol by the Butthole Surfers

"Got no future, great big past
little bitty guy on the rim of my glass
gotta meet the plane so I can get my monkey
teach him to be cool but a little bit funky
got no credit and i got no fear
and i got about a buck, so i can buy a beer
gotta see a doctor about the words I've said
and I've got to get a bike and I've got to paint it red
oh no, we gotta go, we're not gonna live forever
why? why? we gotta die you know that we'll be together
hey hey, we gotta say I could never be a saviour
you don't have to be there because I'm never never never
coming home" - Dracula From Houston by, yep, you guessed it, the Butthole Surfers.


I am in a butthole surfers mood, if you don't like that you can go get bent.

Man U babe

Mrs Doyle: (whilst Ted is trying to eat a sausage) "Oh it's a filthy, dirty business, sex. Can you imagine, Father. Your husband standing over you with his lad in his hand, wanting you to degrade yourself. I want you to get a good clear picture."

GuanYin

"Just because the f---er's got a library card doesn't make him Yoda" - Brad Pitt, Se7en

Barry Aldwell

"I can no longer sit back and allow Communist infiltration , Communist indoctrination, Communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids... "
- General Jack D Ripper

"But he'll see the big board!"
- General "Buck" Turgidson

"MEIN FUHRER, I CAN WALK!"
- Dr. Strangelove

"Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed, but I do say no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops, uh, depending on the breaks."
- General Turgidson

"- one .45 caliber automatic
- two boxes of ammunition
- four days' concentrated emergency rations
- one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills
- one miniature combination Russian (pronounced 'Rooshan') phrase book and Bible
- one hundred dollars in rubles
- one hundred dollars in gold
- nine packs of chewing gum
- one issue of prophylactics
- three lipsticks
- three pair of nylon stockings

Shoot, a fella could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas* with all that stuff."
- Major Kong

This was originally Dallas, but some inconsiderate guy called JFK got himself shot on the day the advance screenings were to take place, with absolutely no heed of the film. Anyway, the advance screenings were cancelled, that scene redubbed (you can still see him say Dallas) and the release put back 2 months.

Aliminator

"Yippe-kay-ay muthafukar." - John McClane, Die Harder (2)
"General, I want the truth."
"YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH......." - J. Nicholson, A Few Good Men

(in response to how he portrays women so well in his books): "I think of a man, then remove all reason and accountability." - J. Nicholson, As Good As It Gets.

"I'll be back." (but that go so overused in T3. shameful)
"Dude, if Abraham Lincoln was a woman, he'd be BABE-raham Lincoln." - Wayne's World.

"Common Sense is not that common." -Anon
"God does not play dice." - Einstein.
(see sig. also)

so many more. so little thought processes.

Zukustious

Bruce Cambell pointing a shotgun at a deadite in Evil dead 2: Swallow this!

Barry Aldwell

(Sorry if this is a little off, but I can't listen to the mp3 at the moment. Parents asleep and all)

TROGDOR WAS A MAN
BUT NOW HE IS A DRAGON
BURNINATING THE COUNTRYSIDE
BURNINATING THE PEASANTS
BURNINATING THE PEOPLE
AND THE TATCH ROOF COTTAGES
TATCH ROOF COTTAGES

tribble

And Trogdor smote the Kerrack and all was laid to burnination - StrongBad

mentalimplosion

father dougal, after judging the baby contest:
'you'd think people would go to the trouble of shaving their babies'

nosmo

One I just heard off KMFDM;
"Ask not what you can do for your country, ask what your country did to you"

Liquorice

I have nothing to declare but my genius-Oscar Wilde
Get my swan costume ready-Anna Pavlova on her deathbed
And he would...tell me why I couldn't sleep and why I couldn't read and why I couldn't eat and why everything people did seemed so silly, because they only died in the end-Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
"Ford, there's an infinite number of monkeys outside who want to tell us about this script for Hamlet they've worked out"-Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
If I'd known they were going to do this, I would have become a shoemaker-Albert Einstein after the A-bomb was dropped on Hiroshima

She wears her tears on her blouse,
Confused and wracked with self-doubt,
She stole the keys to my house,
And then she locked herself out-Placebo, Lady of the Flowers

Also, see my sig.

article6

Damned Barry taking all the good quotes...

"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here! This is the War Room!"

"We discovered you were planning a similar device."
"That's ridiculous. We have no such plans."
"... Our source was the New York Times."

"Okay, I'll shoot it. But I'm warning you, if you don't get on the line to the President, you're gonna have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company."


"The Department of Education has a proud record in turning out socially integrated and creatively aware children who are fully trained in the arts and techniques of self-expression. However, we feel that conscription into the army would give publicity to the fact that many school-leavers cannot actually read, write, or do sums."

"As regards smoking, people should be free to make their own decisions. We do not want the Nanny State. The only drawback to this view is that it is also an argument for legalising marijuana, heroin, cocaine, arsenic, and gelignite..." - both from Yes Prime Minister

"Just cause you feel it, doesn't mean it's there." - Radiohead

"O unworn world enrapture me; encapture me in a web
Of fabulous grass and eternal voices by a beech." - Patrick Kavanagh

Finally, there's a quote from the Hitchhiker's Guide about the beauty of nature. Since it must have a creator, it's a reason for God's existence.

"Aha! Since God exists in faith and not reason, that means you can't exist!"
"Gosh, you're right," says God, and disappears in a puff of logic.
These people go on to prove that black is white and get run over at a zebra crossing. - Douglas Adams

Barry Aldwell

Not really a funny, or in any way relevant piece of literature, but for some reason I find myself thinking of this a lot:

"Soldiers, Sailors and Airmen of the Allied Expeditionary Forces: You are about to embark upon the Great Crusade, toward which we have striven these many months. The eyes of the world are upon you. The hopes and prayers of liberty-loving people everywhere march with you. In company with our brave Allies and brothers-in-arms on other Fronts you will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

You will bring about the destruction of the German war machine, the elimination of Nazi tyranny over the oppressed peoples of Europe, and security for ourselves in a free world.

Your task will not be an easy one. Your enemy is well trained, well equipped, and battle-hardened. He will fight savagely.

But this is the year 1944. Much has happened since the Nazi triumphs of 1940-41.

The United Nations have infiicted upon the Germans great defeat in open battle man to man. Our air offensive has seriously reduced their strength in the air and their capacity to wage war on the ground.

Our home fronts have given us an overwhelming superiority in weapons and munitions of war and placed at our disposal great reserves of trained fighting men.

The tide has turned.

The free men of the world are marching together to victory. I have full confidence in your courage, devotion to duty, and skill in battle.

We will accept nothing less than full victory.

Good luck, and let us all beseech the blessings of Almighty God upon this great and noble undertaking."
- Dwight D. Eisenhower's order of the day, June 6th 1944

Happy CTYI guy

That Eisenhower guy knew how to give orders...

"TED!!! she's been eating chocolate!!"

Shoeless Ailbhe

It's better to have loved and lost than live with a psycho for the rest of your life- some postcard I picked up in an art gallery.

Samantha: Mommy, when can I squeeze one out?
Donnie: Not until 8th grade.
- Donnie Darko

Kitty: He told me to forcibly insert the fear-love lifeline into my anus! - Donnie Darko

Donnie: Why do you wear that stupid bunny suit?
Frank: Why are you wearing that stupid man suit? -Donnie Darko

Girl: What are feces?
Samantha: Baby mice. -Donnie Darko


Dr. Thurman: If the sky were to suddenly open up, there would be no law. There would be no rule. There would only be you and your memories, the choices you've made, the people you've touched. There would only be you, him and no one else.
-Donnie Darko. Suprise!

Dr. Lester: I've been very lonely in my isolated tower of indecipherable speech. -Being John Malkovich

"Don't be so humble - you are not that great." - Golda Meir

"His ignorance is encyclopedic" - Abba Eban

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - Albert Einstein

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." - Sir Winston Churchill

"In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends." - Martin Luther King Jr.

"A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems."
- Paul Erdos
"The only difference between me and a madman is that I'm not mad." - Salvador Dali
"If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance."
- George Bernard Shaw

theymademedoit

"life is one big movie...you just dont get to pick your genre..."

Barry Aldwell

"We're gonna murder those Hun b4stards by the bushelful!"

mentalimplosion

'all i ever wanted was to be good, and it all went so far in the opposite direction. all i ever wanted was to be good, and it all turned out so bad'-elizabeth wurtzel

revelate

"I'm minister for gun-running, daylight robbery and general mayhem"..Liam Neeson as Michael Collins.

Barry Aldwell

Originally posted by revelate
"I'm minister for gun-running, daylight robbery and general mayhem"..Liam Neeson as Michael Collins.

OMG best job title ever. Where can I apply to fill this noble and distinguished post?

Anyway:

"The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee."

lordsippa

That is not dead which can eternal lie, and with strange aeons even death may die.

Green Hand Guy

"Join the army, and see... the opposing army"

firebird

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes"
"To lose one parent could be seen as misfortune... To lose two seems like utter carelessness"
"I will not allow my ward to marry into a handbag, and form an alliance with a parcel!"

All Oscar Wilde

mentalimplosion

i have said that the sanction regime is like Swiss cheese-that meant they weren't very effective-george w bush

Spenguin

[LIE] I understand what you speak of Ana. [/LIE]

Spenguin

I just heard a brilliant quote from king of the hill.

' gentlemen, the crap has literally been scared out of me.'
I love this show.

Liquorice

I love your lipstick, you are one classy broad. Come on, dollface, let's do the Charleston.

As much as that program annoys me, I love that line.

Fool enough to almost be it,
Cool enough to not quite see it,
Doomed.
Pick your pockets full of sorrow,
Run away with me tomorrow,
June.
We'll try and ease the pain,
But somehow we'll feel the same,
Well no one knows
Where our secrets go.
I send a heart to all my dearies,
When your life is so, so dreary,
Dream.
I'm rumoured to the straight and narrow
While the harlots of my perils
Scream.
And I fail.
But when I can
I will.-Smashing Pumpkins-Mayonnaise

lordsippa

"This doll is extremely dangerous. It has voodoo properties."

"I'm making time!"

"HERE COMES THE CHOPPER TO CUT OFF YOUR HEAD!"

and of course, something musical:

"And clenching your fist for the ones like us
Who are opressed by the figures of beauty
You fixed yourself, you said well, nevermind
We are ugly but we have the music..."

Barry Aldwell

Is this the real life?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality
Open your eyes
Look up to the sky and see

I'm just a poor boy
I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come
Easy go
Little High
Little low
Hit me where the wind blows
Doesn't realy matter to me
To me

Mama
Just killed a man
Put a gun against his head
Pulled my trigger
Now he's dead
Mama
Life had just begun
But now I've gone and thrown it all away
Mama
Didn't mean to make you cry
IfI'm not back again this time tomorrow
Carry on
Carry on
As if nothing really matters

Too late
My time has come
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time
Goodbye everybody
I've got to go
I've got to leave you all behind
And face the truth
Mama
I don't wanna die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all

[cue bitchin' guitar solo]

I see a little silhouetto of a man
Scaramouche
Scaramouche
Will you do the fandango
Thunderbolts and lightning
Very very frightening
Me
Gallileo
Gallileo
Gallileo
Gallileo
Gallileo
Figaro
Magnifico

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me
He's just a poor boy from a poor family
Spare him his life from this monstrosity

Easy come
Easy go
Will you let me go
Bismillah, no!
We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah!
We will not let you go
Let him go
Bismillah!
We will not let you go
Let me go
Will not let you go
Let me go
Never let you go
Let me go
Never let you go
_Oo_
No, no, no, no, no, no, no

Oh mama mia mama mia
Mama mia let me go
Beelzebub has a devil put aside
For me
For me
For me

[cue waynes world moshing bit]

So you think you can stop me and spit in my eye?
So you think you can love me and leave me to die
Oh baby
Can't do this to me baby
Just gotta get out
Just gotta get right outta here

Ooh yeah
Ooh yeah
Nothing really matters
Anyone can see
Nothing really matters
Nothing really matters to me

Anyway the wind blows

Spenguin

Alison raises an eyebrow.

Do they count as quotes? I mean, its a song. But at least now everyone knows the words. YAY! OK!

Barry Aldwell

Originally posted by Spenguin
Alison raises an eyebrow.

Do they count as quotes? I mean, its a song. But at least now everyone knows the words. YAY! OK!

Nobody at the first disco in S1 knew the words. Damn you all.

lordsippa

I am the eggman!
I am the eggman!
I am the walrus!

:D mags :D

Originally posted by Barry Aldwell
Nobody at the first disco in S1 knew the words. Damn you all.

I knew all the words. Lots of people knew all the words.
And isn't it 'any way the wind blows', not hit me where the wind blows?

theymademedoit

another from that micheal collins film -
"whats this??" *picks up sod of turf*
"its a sod of turf"
"no its not, its a weapon!"

Peterfing

And isn't it 'any way the wind blows', not hit me where the wind blows?

NOW who doesn't know the words, Barry?

Plasticman

Since we're doing song lyrics...

News Flash: Vacuum Cleaner Sucks Up Budgie
Oooohh...bub-bye - Magnificent Seven by The Clash

twirly sponge

Originally posted by mags
I knew all the words. Lots of people knew all the words.

Yep, I knew all the words too.

purplepolkadot

glen hansard at the beginning of 'what happens when the heart just stops':
Eh, this next song is called ‘What happens when the Heart just stops’. Em, I was telling this story last night, em, about, just very quickly, I’ll summarise it tonight. There was a dog in our neighborhood when we were kids. This young dog, who, who used to sit on the corner, y’know… beside our school, y’know he would just sit on the corner, and he never moved, whenever we went to school, whenever we came home from school, weeks on end, summer holidays, the dog was always just sitting there, in the corner. And eh, he eh, he was very dutiful, he would just sit there like…y’know…and we’d kinda when we’d be coming home from school, we’d rub him, we’d be like ‘howaya’.
We called him Deefer, we didn’t know what his real name was, we called him Deefer, which was Deefer Dog. And he was the most polite thing, he just, he wouldn’t give us any trouble at all he’d just be like, y’know like ‘yeah, yeah, aw thanks, been out, now I’m back to business’. And the only time the dog ever got in any way riled up or excited was when a white estate car, it was like a, this Ford Escort Estate, if it was white, he would tear after it, losing the head. *Barks* This was his big moment, he’d get really excited and eh, chase the car. And we were thinking maybe, y’know, me and me mates, we were thinking, cos we’d sit on the grass and watch him, y’know, we’d kinda be thinking; *takes a drag* “I wonder wha’ he’s thinkin’ man”. Y’know, just, “Thanks man, it’s bleedin’ man, he just sits there all the time, doesn’t do anything, jus’ watching the traffic, and then look at the car, the white car, here, watch watch watch watch watch” *Barks*.
So, after years of observation we sort of sussed out that he had a thing with this white car; we theorized, because we were in that kinda mood. Em, we theorized that maybe his owner was knocked down by a white car, and he sits on the corner where it happened. Or maybe he was, his owner had him in the white car and just turfed him out when, y’know. “Here this’ll do. Here ya go lassie, off ya go, good boy.” Well, whatever the dog would just sit there and wait, so we never knew what he was waiting for, but we all ****in’ respected him so much. Cos this dog had a mission, y’know.
So this song is kinda written from his point of view.
We built him a kennel on the corner, me and my mates. It was really exciting; bits of wood and nails and hammers and we got all sort of riled up and we made him a kennel. And when he died we buried him on the corner aswell, so, he’s still there man. I dunno, don’t know what his deal was but he’s waiting for something...


I just think that's so darn cool, cos it's so sweet an cute

Squeee

I can't help but notice that there is a severe lack of family guy or zim qoutes on this!!!!
Father Ted:
"I took your keys, and I drove your car into a big wall....and if you don't like it...TOUGH! Coz I've had my fun, and that's all that matters.
Family Guy:
"Hey baby, what age are you?
'16'
"18? You're first!"
'Mom!'
"Ooh, I like where this is going!"

"Piss off ya grotty little wanker!"
"Mealy mouthed crotch-pheasent.....slack-bellied strumpet"

Zim:
"I go home! Now mind your business, bus slave!
"Quiet or I'll eat your head!"
"More organs means more human...it WILL work! <Bleurgh>"
"I put the fires out....."
'You made them worse!'
"Worse?......or BETTER?"
"I've never seen such a healthy young boy! And such plentiful organs!"

Winnie the Pooh:
Eeyore: "Nobody minds. Nobody cares. Pathetic, that's what it is"

" 'Eeyore,' said owl, 'Christopher Robin is throwing a party'
'Very interesting,' said Eeyore. 'I suppose they will be sending me down the odd bits which got trodden on. Kind and thoughtful. Not at all, don't mention it.'
'There is an invitation for you'..
'Ah!', said Eeyore. 'A mistake no doubt, but still, I shall come. Only don't blame me if it rains.'"

Eeyore"And I said to myself: the others will be sorry if I'm getting myself all cold. They haven't got Brains, any of them, only grey fluff that's blown into their heads by mistake, and they don't Think, but if it goes on snowing for another six weeks or so, one of them will begin to say to himself: 'Eeyore can't be so very much too Hot about 3 o'clock in the morning.' And then it will Get about. And they'll be sorry"

There are some really good ones but I think Neil would kill me if I put them up. I think I put up too many long ones anyway. Still, they weren't obscene.

Zukustious

On the mention of Zim quotes:

Gir: Greetings children of earth. This is you new school anouncer. A special surprise manditory field trip is happening for the following lucky children; Morla, Flen, Regwarki, everyone one in Ms. Bitters's class... except for Zim, and especially Dib. All these children get to go to a special place made entirely of food... I like food, NOW CHECK THIS OUT! <gir makes beat box noises>.

Poop dogg: Sell 100 bars and you'll win a <chhhhzzz> adhesive medical strips.

Zim: You'll man the tractor beam, I'll pump the cows full of human sewage.
Gir: Cows are my frieeeeeeeeeeeeennnnnnnnnndssssss
Zim: ... I don't like you

The almighty Tallest: You have been assigned to the planet Blorch home of the slaughtering rat people. <Displays picture of Lark cowering aroung slaughtering rat people>
Lark: Why would you draw that?
Tallest: However, because of your increased height, we have decided to give you the planet Vort, home of the universes most comfortable couch.

mentalimplosion

susan came to new york from la
hitch-hiked her way across the usa
plucked her eyeborws on the way
shaved her legs
and then he was a she
i said hey honey, take a walk on the wild side

candy came from up on the island
in the backroom she was everybody's darlin'
never ever lost her head
even when she was givin' it
i said hey baby, take a walk on the wild side
-lou reed


oh, and i really love the *takes a drag*-iw onder what he's tinkin' man.... sheer class. gotta love that man. we wrote a eulogy for him in english today.


oh and
what is this? a centre for ants? it needs to be at least....... 3 times as big!

Barry Aldwell

Various quotes from my school, just to change the pace a bit

"You really should have page 5 up on your bedroom walls by now lads, alongside the picture of Jennifer Lopez. She'll age, lads, but maths won't."
- My applied maths teacher, today, during one of his more lucid moments.

"See you on Monday, if you haven't killed yourself by then."
- One of my classmates, today. In quite a serious voice. Oh dear.

"Do you think you're running some kind of banana republic here?"
- My Physics teacher, sometime last week, to a student that didn't have his book.

"I've got my own little fortress here, and it'll take some force to take me out of here"
- Physics teacher again

"I'm not gay, I swear"
- Substitute English teacher. It's supposedly a joke. He prances too much for that

"John has a red ball. What colour is John's red ball?"
- Not sure if the teacher in question even said this, but it's the kind of thing he'd say.

"No, he's not playing with himself"
- What playing dots in Geography class nets you

Teacher: "Is it (drawing he just confiscated) a self portrait?"
Student: "It's a kite"
Teacher: "Like I said, is it a self portrait?"
- What drawing in Geography class nets you

*to train* "Gracie"
- Teacher + Trip to Italy + 2 glasses of red wine = Much hilarity

*to parked car, after bumping into it* "Will ya get outta the way!"
- Teacher + Trip to Italy + 2 glasses of red wine + Bunch of students to record every moment = Even more hilarity

"Who's flashin'?"
- Teacher + Trip to Italy + 2 glasses of red wine + Bunch of students to record every moment + Camera flashes at night = So much hilarity we still mention it. Unfotunately the videotape of the trip melted when played. There was so much blackmail material on that tape

Spenguin

Not a bad idea Barry.

* Various commenting on someone in my classes singing
Student: He sings like mozart.

*French teacher asking student question
Student coughs
teacher: Going a bit heavy on the cigarrettes lately eh (name)?

* two students argue over which form their teacher likes best.
Teacher: I hate you all the bloody same.

*in assembly principal talking about peace
Principal: in the sixties people would often say the word peace as a greeting. Usually followed by the word man.

Peterfing

“These are the most sophisticated orgasms.”
-Woodwork teachers, meaning organisms

“What are you, queer?”
-PE teacher to boy who couldn’t throw basketball properly

“This is a big orgasm in Ireland...”
-Woodwork teacher again, talking about Coillte, meaning
organisation

“Move on to the sex one.”
-My Irish teacher (why are all my teacher’s talking about sex by
accident?)

“Erm… Miss … Jesus wasn’t in the Old Testament…”
-Student setting our Religion teacher straight

“Look who SLEPT IN THEIR CLOTHES!”
-Me, unfortunately, talking about my Irish teacher in an accidentally loud voice as she walked past me... I hate it when that happens

Student: “Oh the new religion teacher is so fine.”
Teacher walks by as he speaks
Student: “Seriously, I’ve got like a boner during class just looking at her.”
Another teacher walks past while he is speaking.

“I think she’s after getting fatter.”
-My friend talking to me about our Irish teacher who hears
exactly what he says. Eeep.


PS. :f33r: What the heck is that? The Odlums symbol or something?

Bazookatone

Okay, here goes:

"Jesus! It's like she had a whole other person inside her skin who's gotten out"
my friend, after seeing my school's vice principal who'd lost about half her weight

"So bishop, what's your opinion on spankathons?"
a guy on a pilgimage to Lourdes, speaking to the bishop of my diocese, I kid you not, I was a witness.

"You DO realise what is in this bag, don't you miss"
me, after being handed a shopping bag FULL of used fivers that had not yet been counted, by my social studies teacher.

"Are you taking the piss?"
me, again, after being asked by my parents if I had considered the priesthood as a career.

"HAhahahahahahahahaha!"
my mother, father, english teacher, best friends and tae kwon do insrtuctor on being informed that I had won a trip to lourdes.

"What time's the 08.30 bus at?"
my lovable but slightly ditzy friend

Bazookatone

okay, film quotes
"I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle" T2
"My brain! It's my second favourite organ!" Sleeper
"Naked force has resolved more issues throughout history than any other factor!" Starship Troopers
"I'm sorry Dave, I'm afraid I can't do that" 2001
"No, I am your father" The Empire Strikes Back
"Klaatu Barada Nikto" The day the earth stood still
"Come quietly or there will be.....trouble" Robocop
"Damn you, damn you all to Hell!!!!!" Planet of the Apes
"Uhhh.....They're flocking this way!" Jurassic Park
"Be afraid. Be very Afraid" The Fly

one TV quote
"If reavers take the ship, those who survive will be raped to death, cannabilised and skinned to make their clothes, and if thet're really lucky, it'll happen in that order. Firefly

revelate

continuing the theme of teacher quotes:

"The pill is only 99.9% effective girls and i still have to get a prescription for it"
English teacher

"You'll only get one eye, ever"
Home Ec teacher

and my personal favourites from our hyperactive geography teacher

"hang on, hang on..i've only got one set of ears..they haven't invented cloning yet..i'm not brilliant yet"

"there may be words missing from those photocopies girls but don't worry, they're only letters"

"there are water-testing stations on many rivers in ireland..go tell it to the shannon..go tell it to the blackwater!"

"scotland is still experiencing titanic activity"

"if you stand on the corner of your house you'll only get one idea girls"

mentalimplosion

teacher quotes:
*we could put sausages in pairs of tights, and hang them off the roof-german teacher

*in german class- half the people were asleep, the other half had their head on the desk in boredom.
german teacher-right girls, i know there's boys outside and you're all distracted by them. just stand up at stare at them. boys like that sort of thing.
next thing, all the girls in the class are standin g at the window staring at the guys.

*ana, get out of the class-english teacher
*ana, that's a terrible idea-art teacher
*ana, i don't believe that you could become the CEO of nestle. i'm giving you detention-geography teacher
*ana, shut up, nobody cares about the world trade talks-teacher

Squeee

"You're NOT stripping me on the hike!!!!"
My friend Ciara to our PE teacher.
Dick(formerly known as richard):
"I can't get it up"
"I can't get it to stay up"
Neil
"I have a small penis"
Person who shall not be named(I'd be killed)
"We were both thinking about little girls having sex....what-do-ya know?" (Believe it or not there WAS actually some previous conversation that made this statement acceptable)
"We are creatures of the underworld......we can't afford to laugh"-Moulin Rouge

Crash

SO OUT OF CONTEXT DAMN YOU!

Liquorice

Liam from Psychology 1 e-mailed everyone else in the class these, I thought I'd post them...

Quotes from our TA Elaine in study:
"No laughing"
"No talking"
"No messing"
"No listening to music"
"No debating whether Hitler went to Heaven or Hell"
"No cursing in German"
"No communicating telepathically"
"No climbing over desks"
"No standing on desks either"
"There shall be no contact with the desks"
"Okay, you can do your writing on the desks"
"No talking obviously un-literal statements literally"
"No passing judgement"
"No tempting Satan"
"No revoking of article 3 of the 22nd US amendment"
"No lying on one another"
"No poking one another"
"No catchphrases"
"No attempting a revolution"
"No flirting loudly"

Sarah(instructor):Teletubbies have been banned for diminishing children's speech capabilities and have been replaced by Bloopers-Flying Fart Machines.

Neil(some little guy from our class):Is this some sort of toll bridge or something? Smiley: No, it's a library.

Sarah: An apple? For me? Really? I always wanted an apple.

Sarah: Okay, we're going to do an experiment, but the Americans won't be able to do it.

Sarah: I picked typically Irish acronyms because I was purposely trying to trip up the Americans.

Neil: Didn't John Nash have a memory problem? Sarah: No, he had schizophrenia. Neil: But didn't he have a memory problem? Sarah: No, he didn't. (The conversation continued like this for a few minutes.)

And some more:
Steven: One child, slightly used.
Abstinence boy: Why can't everyone just abstain? Is it that hard?
MacDara: Áine, can we borrow your clitoris?
MacDara: They're going to give me a counciller!
(On some mini-skangers)They seem to have a fascination with vowels. Probably because they've been raised by their mopeds.(Possible slight misquotation) <--I can't remember who said that, it was either the Computational Linguistics TA or instructor.