CTYI-Based Stupid Story Thread

Liquorice

Okay, there's a thread like this in the After Hours forum, but I thought I'd start up a CTYI-based one here. Reply with the most madcap things you can.

One Thursday, the CTYI psychology class were in study, and Elaine, their TA, was telling them that they weren't allowed to debate whether Hitler went to Heaven or Hell. Aoife was pointing out how much fun it would be to play tennis with the 'rat-ball'(a morbidly obese rat, a picture of which is in Atkinson and Hilgard's Introduction to Psychology). Just then, two things happened. Colm burst through the door holding the rat-ball, and something smashed through the window. On closer inspection the object that came through the window was...

Squeee

A giant orb. A big orb.

s0l

Which later turned out to be an Auto-Felletio device which started to whirr around on the ground threateningly...

Havelock

claiming to be the reincarnation of Hitler, that he had been a Buddist, and his punishment for his evils was to be the device that he was, and to belong to a paticularly unappealing memeber of the CTYI organisation staff (Crash: If you are going to be bitched at about this please edit, it is only meant as humours and not meant to offend the satanic dictatorial cult that organises CTYI and enforces unjust rules, anyway back to the story). He pleaded that the group would hide him, and he would in return lead them to some hidden Nazi gold. (I should write trashy airport novels) The class where debating the pros and cons, when....

nosmo

there was a huge explosion and the door flew off its hinges, slamming into a nearby wall and crushing a small child nearby. From the entrance ran about 10 men clad in black, carrying submachine guns.. they were the dreaded mod police... Behind them followed...

Raphael

A giant, rabid wolverine, with jaws like a vice, Teeth as sharp as razors and eyes that burned like flaming torches!

Suddenly without warning it...

Liquorice

...pounced on Colm and swallowed the rat-ball. While the wolf devoured Colm's hands, someone clad in a catsuit and a cape burst through the door, ready to save the day. They turned out to be...

ll=llannah

a confused R.A. who thought that the cat suit would give them special superpowers with which they could 1) save Colm 2) the smart little children of the psychology class and 3) survive on cheap cat food for the rest of their days of being a poor university student.
unfortunately, the R.A. was promptly devoured by the wolverine (but it would be terribly embarrased later on to realize that one of the felt ears had been stuck in its fangs.) The dreaded mod police began to laugh so hard that tiny multicolored elves sprouted from their necks, ran about the classroom singing "its a small world after all" and harassed the students by . . .

Liquorice

...eating their socks...

s0l

And using them to create a mind bending array of colours which started to erase their very minds!!! but then...

stevanavich

... strange chemicals concocted by med. in the lab gave the elves super-elvish powers to fight off the mind erasing light, but could not protect them from...

Shoeless Ailbhe

(hate to interrupt, but which of those last two should we take?)

Barry Aldwell

<<SNIP - i already said not to go bashing the RA's in the "RA's" thread, show some common Fucking sense ffs - Neil >>

s0l

HE CAUSED THE PENIS TO EXPLODE!...

stevanavich

..after the dust had settled, where had once stood the almighty phalic symbol, was mere rubble. drawn to anything exciting in the hopes of extinguishing it, willie appeared...

Barry Aldwell

...covering everybody in manjuice, Garogness and...


[EDIT:This was meant for macdara's post, but it still (kinda) fits.]

Raphael

leaflets advertising safe sex and ogra sinn fein.

Upon seeing this Catriona...

Barry Aldwell

...declared that all nevermores, and only nevermores, were invited to a special session next August. This announcement caused Fergal to cream his...

Raphael

trusty sidekick willy, who responded to this unprecedented act of cruelty by...

Barry Aldwell

...crying his eyes out. Were they tears of joy? I can reveal that they wer....

Raphael

...e actually tears tears of insane rage and insanity. The suddenly willie ran off and curled up in a corner chanting:

Nurgle is my one and only true lord and i must...

s0l

and I must masticate furiously while atop a bed of women, willie then started to do this, when all of a sudden caitriona bursts in on his bed of women extravaganza and says....

BLUNT AND POINTLESS.

Raphael

... willie, there are some students downstairs who need to sign out, and please get out of my bed.

All of a sudden, rory burst through the wall carrying a...

Zukustious

... beaten man who went by the name of batman. Then Batman lay on the bed much to willie's dismay. Then, Hugh leaped in from the window with a sword and a head impaled atop it. The head belonged to none other than...

Spenguin

...that annoying guy who carried his guitar around the place and couldn't play it. Willie, fearing he would be next, flew away to discworld where he saw the five elephants and...

s0l

..went about systematically scaring them with a mouse given to him by stefana, but not any mouse. this was a giant mutated radioactive mouse that used to live in the cooling towers of chernoble until sean....

Havelock

had liberated it, be using expensive swiss cheese elaboratly shaped like a female giant radioactive mouse. But thats a different story, so back to the DCU campus. *odd wavy fade sceen out and new sceen in from 70's era American TV*

While all this was going on, a mysterious man in black was sneaking past the RA's un-noticed, none of them could even sense the dreaded guest of doom...Who was he here to see? What was the odd shiney metalic disc he carries with him? Where was he meeting his dangerous and highly trained female contact agent? When would a nosy RA finially catch him? Why would he risk all on this suicidial mission in the Campus of No Return?...

Plasticman

...Because he missed Liz (Everybody awww ). He then proceded to get kicked off campus, when suddenly, a giany cow dropped out of the sky onto willy, who was unlucky enough to be escorting him out. The cow was well known to accompany a certain generic cartoon character called...

Shoeless Ailbhe

PULG.... (Pathetic Ugly Loser Girl).

s0l

however PULG herself was Totally Crushing.........

nosmo

CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!

But then Neils storm troopers burst in and locked the thread because....

Raphael

Someone posted an amaturely photoshopped picture of a hung-over panda



Meanwhile in the discworld, Willie was...

Plasticman

...waylaid by the infamous C.M.O.T. Dibbler, who convinced him, against all common sense, to eat a whole sausageinabun (TM). Willie then run off screaming, to find...

s0l

He was back in the real world and it was all a dream, that was caused by a gas released by the little auto fellatio thingy,and now back to his own self he looked around and saw...

Raphael

That everyone on campus was wandering around upside down.

On closer examination he discovered that...

Havelock

that he was not upside down (like some of you may have suspected), but rather looking throught a lens. But thats the last we'll ever her of the device or willie. As neil's storm troopers exicuted both for being in so many posts on this thread, so they were no longer funny. But then since they had been summonded to this post they realised that they them selves were no longer funny, so they shot them selves. All this time the annoying people who had only played the beginning of songs in res looked onas behind them....

tibilt

and the man, said to be the late brother of mr.ryan, was found feet up in a sock. authorities say it was related to the anti-tree terrorism he was running from his seaplane.

Green Hand Guy

The very seaplane that had been known as the "Science Seaplane" until it was stolen by a samurai dressed as a small side salad with no tomato and had to be replaced with a bus. Little did anybody know that this seaplane was armed with the one device that could make an anti-tree terrorism campaign go wrong, a....

tibilt

...green handed tree monkey, who, when introduced to a wooded area, could bring about the destruction of all trees within a two bus radius using his deadly...

Liquorice

...Banana Gun, that uses walnuts as bullets. Many do not know that walnuts are effective bullets because...

Green Hand Guy

...skills in napkin folding which allowed him to fold a napkin into such a complex pattern that he could replicate a small tomohawk missile. He had learned this skill during his travels though the outer reaches of...

tibilt

(in response to scarlett)...many people are ignorant buffons who do not attend enough court cases to know that the judicial system does not allow walnut pellets to be carried by monkeys due to their exteme umbrellas. but a falling monkey...

(in response to green hand guy)...inner city dublin, where he also learned the trade of selling chocolate to kids and telling them it was marijuana grown in kuala lumpor, a country known for its...

Green Hand Guy

(let's keep up scarletts one)
...will generally travel faster than a falling walnut when aimed at...

tibilt

now its getting confusing. should we start again?

tibilt

or better still...a circus performer taking a amoke break behind a truck, due to the cigarettes inherent...

Havelock

(ignoring tibilt)....the ground from a higher place. But none of this is importaant to the central story of who the anti-tree terrorism where funded by, where they had gotten the highly trained monkey and which trees in paticular they wished to destroy....and why?.....

stevanavich

the anti tree terrorism establishment was funded and controlled by the "FBI" - Foliage. Based. Infrastructure. who obtained the highly trained monkey as the outcome of a series of gambling sprees at local clown run casinos in the deep underground layers of Jimmy Carter- who had a specific hatred for trees of the decidious variety, but only those with nuts... for squirrels grow fat on nuts, thus...

Liquorice

...making an inedible meal. Squirrel fat is semi-impossible to digest. The monkey failed in his mission, due to unforeseen complications. His mission was...

tibilt

...to identify and stike-mark the related deciduos trees for the terrorists secret weapon, spoons.while no one was killed in the ensuing onslaught, many were wounded by the spoon-shrapnel flying through the air.one victim, a clown from surrey said that the monkeys seemd to be...

Green Hand Guy

...taking note of which pieces of spoon shrapnel did the most damage, possibly so they could use this information to build the Ultimate Spoon, a spoon so powerful it would make really really really good spoons look just really good. The one thing they needed to finish this weapon was...

tibilt

...a whale.a bloody great big whale that could only be obtained from a secret underground scientific laboratory in mexico.all they needed to gain accees was...