Jon Bon Jovi FACTS!

So I've decided this forum doesn't have enough Bon Jovi appreciation, and decided to make a thread telling you about how awesome Bon Jovi is.

- Bon Jovi is like 40 now and still sleeping with 20 year olds. Awesome.

- Bon Jovi may or may not have a space between Bon and Jovi

- Bon Jovi once gouged out roadie's eyes with his thumbs

-Real name: John Francis Bongiovi. Make fun of his middle name and he'll **** you up. The purpose of Bon Jovi is to flip out and kill people.

-Jon Bon Jovi is also available for weddings, birthday parties, and bar mitzvahs.

-Jon Bon Jovi once punched a hole in a cow just to see who was coming down the road.

-He started up a prison band and is touring most prisons. He also escaped once by chewing through the brick walls IN A SINGLE NIGHT and then carried over thirty people out through the hole at once.

He wasn't recaptured, he turned himself in because he promised his cellmate he would play for him and Bon Jovi NEVER misses a gig.

-In 1986 Bon Jovi f*cked a groupie and got her boyfriend pregnant. That is how manly he is.

-Bon Jovi has the original Shraud of Turin in his home, not on display but on his bed.

-Not only does Bon Jovi's **** not stink, it's also composed entirely of sugar-coated candy sprinkles.

-In Asia, Jon Bon Jovi is hunted for his fine horn, which is then ground up and sold as an aphrodisiac.

-The true form of Jon Bon Jovi is far too much for any mortal to see and live.

-Jon Bon Jovi has a blood-fued with every member of Rush.

And he plans on killing Phil Collins with a motherf*cking SPEAR!

-Looking at an early manuscript dating to times long before the dead sea scrolls, shows that the word used for "creator" and "god" does in fact translate to Bon Jovi.

-In countries in the early medivial era, Jon Bon Jovi had the right to sleep with any young virgin the eve before her wedding.

It was called, the Rite of Jon.

-The line from "Dead or Alive" says "I've seen a million faces, and I've rocked them all". Not true! JBJ has seen billions of faces, and has a %150 faces-rocked ratio, meaning he has rocked more faces than he has seen.

-Whatever you do, do not go into your bathroom tonight and turn off all the lights and say "Bon Jovi" 13 times into the mirror. This will summon the vengeful spirit of Bon Jovi and he will play a wicked guitar solo right into your ear that has made some go insane.

-Every December 24th, Bon Jovi flies around the world with a space ship on loan from Boston and delivers rock to all the boys and girls. Good girls get a power ballad. Good boys get hair extensions. Bad children get actual rocks.

-Bon Jovi once rode a steel horse across the equator, twice.

-Bon Jovi once saved a schoolbus full of children when their bus stalled on railroad tracks by picking the bus up and gently placing it down safely away from said tracks. As he walked away, a single tear could be seen running down his cheek.

-Bon Jovi played a show in Thailand in the late 80s and one night Jon Bon Jovi wandered into the back room of a bar where there was a game of Russian Roulette in progress, a bunch of guys sitting around a table passing the revolver.

The guy who owns the place (who is watching the game from the corner, taking bets) doesn't like the foreigner wandering in like that, and demands Bon Jovi is put in the game. Everybody gets all quiet because it turns out five guys have already pulled the trigger onto an empty chamber, and Bon Jovi is next in the rotation. He put the gun in the mouth, squeezed the trigger, and it misfired.

-Bon Jovi has a dog made out of Hitler.

-JBJ once heard that water swirls down the drain the opposite way in the Southern Hemisphere. So he conducted experiments with a sort of supertoilet--perfectly balanced on the equator--and was able to produce antimatter from the process. Then he wrote a song about it.

-Freddie Mercury was walking offstage from a gig one night to the noise of the roaring crowd. A young man stopped him as he walked down the stage.

"Fred," this man said, his eyes silently pleading. "You should stay home tonight."

Thinking this man was a crazed fan, Mercury shoved him away, but the man grabbed on to his arm and held it tight.

"Freddie, you really, really should stay home tonight," the man said. His lips were trembling and a tiny tear was welling up in his left eye.

Freddie Mercury called for the bouncers to drag this person away. Later on that night, he ended up contracting the AIDs virus from an infected sexual partner.

Friends, the man after the gig was a young Jon Bon Jovi. If Freddie Mercury had heeded his warnings, Queen would still be rocking us today

-Jon Bon Jovi was surgically separated from his conjoined twin brother at the age of 12. The twin, as tragically hideous as Jon is angelically beautiful, died on the table and was later cast inside the plaster frontispiece to Jon's summer home on the Riviera.

-Out of deference to the world's Muslim population, Jon has never appeared shirtless on camera, because the enormous scar on his abdomen spells out the true name of God in Arabic.

-Jon was the original lead singer for the Jackson 5, but had to be replaced by a hastily-adopted orphan named Michael because the blackface makeup irritated his sensitive skin.

-Jon donated a kidney to one of the police officers pulled from the rubble of the World Trade Center after 9-11. Whose kidney it was, sadly, remains unknown.

-In his autobiography, Richie Sambora has alleged Jon was the person responsible for tattooing the kanji characters for "small wonder" onto former Skid Row frontman Sebastian Bach's penis.

-Bon Jovi once fought in Vietnam and saved over 20 people from a mortar blast, one of which was his Lieutenant. He also became the worlds No.1 ping pong player and played people from all over the world. Later, he formed a shrimp company with the Lieutenant he saved in the war and became a millionare. He then ran back and forth across America numerous times.
He married Jenny and then she died of aids.

He then formed Bon Jovi in her honour.