Life Hacks: The Arse edition

You're welcome in advance.

I might have over-indulged on jalopenos last night, to the point where I'd be going to the bathroom three or four times an hour for a couple hours. During these episodes, my anus felt like very sore, very raw. It felt like I was ****ting out a cactus. That sounds like I'm just trying to be funny, but believe you me, that's what it felt like.

Eventually, I remembered my trusty Life Hack and one that I've been using for years.

I'm willing to share it, so here's what you do.

1 - Take a generous amount of toilet paper and run it under the cold tap. If your toilet isn't situated right beside a sink, this will be of little use to you.

2 - The toilet paper should be wet enough for you to be able to manipulate the shape. Now, roll it into the shape of torpedo.

3 - Literally stick it up your arse.

And that's it. Within seconds, you will experience relief from the pain. You'll hear what sounds like a cold tap running on a hot frying pan, but rest assure it's normal.

It won't stop you from having to go the toilet, but it will sooth the pain after each and everytime. Simply rinse and repeat. Don't take that bit literally.

There you go.