Dad making sexual remarks and jokes

LegacyUser · 04-01-2019 4:55pm #1

I'm 29 and currently living temporarily with my Dad until I find my own place.

He and my mam broke up when I was young and we always stayed close (my parents are still friendly too) but I hadn't ever lived with him until recently when my circumstances changed.

It's going well so far but the thing is, he sometimes makes sexual jokes/references and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. He seems to think it's hilarious to make these innuendos and jokes though. Or after a few drinks he'll bring up his sex life in previous relationships and what went wrong etc. I guess it's important to say he's never been in anyway untoward or inappropriate with me at any point. But these sexual references make me uncomfortable and almost upset because I want to say please stop, you're my Dad.

I'm no prude by the way, I just don't think it's right. So I wondered what others might think.

As a 29 year old woman is it ok for my dad to be able to talk about sexual matters or am I right in feeling creeped out and uncomfortable?

Rubberchikken · 04-01-2019 8:12pm

i always think if something is making you uncomfortable then that feeling is there for a reason and must be listened to.

you're 29. tell him to stop. tell him you dont want him talking to you like that. tell him you dont want to hear about his sex life/past relationships.
basically tell him to grow up, cop on and have some respect for his daughter.

vectorvictor · 04-01-2019 8:18pm

This really rests on your relationship with him and the boundaries.

Some parents will do this for a laugh i.e. to make you uncomfortable , cringe etc.. in a funny sort of way. If it's not in that sort of context and is actually to be brag or seek your opinions on his sex life or is done in a way to cause your actual discomfort well that's wrong.

To me it sounds like a mismatch between sense of humor and you both having different outlooks on the boundaries/familiarity that you share.

Paddy Cow · 05-01-2019 2:55pm

Everyone knows their parents have a sex life but that doesn't mean they want to hear the gory details. You're gonna have to tell him to stop. It's weird.

CalamariFritti · 06-01-2019 1:04am

Everyone feels different about subjects concerning sexuality. Some people have no boundaries and others clam up vaguely being reminded that there is such a thing. But sex is the most normal thing in the world and therefore its only normal that it may come up in conversation between two adults who know each other very well and share information about their private lives.
In that way I would not agree with people who say its weird. Treating it like some odd taboo kind of thing is weird.

I think now that you live with him and you're both proper mature adults he might be trying to connect to you from adult to adult rather than from parent to daughter. So he may talk to you like he might usually talk to his friends.

For sons or daughters that is sometimes difficult because children often have some idolised squeaky clean view of their parents. In our heads our parents dont get wasted, have sex or make idiots of themselves like everyone else and we dont want be reminded that in fact they do. He seems unaware of that and that's a little shortcoming I guess, but he probably means no harm. Do you have siblings? How does he talk to them?

As for you, you seem to have a good and normal relationship with him and you said that you dont think there is anything untoward behind it. In which case there isn't really any reason why this should upset you. It may not be your favourite subject but it shouldn't really upset you. Is the subject something thats making you uncomfortable in general when talked about or is it just the fact its your dad?

If you really hate it so much you have to communicate with him. But don't tell him its weird and he has to stop like you might say to some creep or stalker or something. Drop some hints or do it jokingly.

BBFAN · 07-01-2019 9:17pm

OP, you say you've never lived with your Dad so it makes it a bit of a different situation. He obviously just sees you as an adult that he can discuss anything with but it's very easily sorted if you just say "Dad, stop that carry on, I don't want to know about your sex life".

As someone else said sometimes parents do it for the laugh to embarrass their children but if you make it clear you don't find it funny it should stop.

wiggle16 · 10-01-2019 3:31pm

I would just say casually next time he makes those comments is "Ah da, come on, I don't want to hear about that/would you give it over".

Try it a couple of times. He will get the message.

seamus · 10-01-2019 4:12pm

weirdjokes wrote: »

I want to say please stop, you're my Dad.

So say that. Why wouldn't you say it? "Ah for fvck's sake Dad, stop, I don't want hear about your sex life". Don't say it in a jokey way; ensure that he knows you're not just embarrassed but you're actually uncomfortable.

Dad relish the chance to embarrass the sh1t out of our kids, but if I knew something was genuinely upsetting I would stop immediately.

I'm no prude by the way, I just don't think it's right.

It's not wrong. Your father has a sex life and is entitled to be open about it. But that doesn't mean he has to be open about it to you.

As others say, take it as something of a compliment that he regards you as an adult with whom he feels he can talk honestly and openly, and not as a child that he has to hold back for.

But if you don't want to hear it, he shouldn't be telling you.

tawnyowl · 14-01-2019 1:09am

weirdjokes wrote: »

I'm 29 and currently living temporarily with my Dad until I find my own place.

He and my mam broke up when I was young and we always stayed close (my parents are still friendly too) but I hadn't ever lived with him until recently when my circumstances changed.

It's going well so far but the thing is, he sometimes makes sexual jokes/references and it makes me extremely uncomfortable. He seems to think it's hilarious to make these innuendos and jokes though. Or after a few drinks he'll bring up his sex life in previous relationships and what went wrong etc. I guess it's important to say he's never been in anyway untoward or inappropriate with me at any point. But these sexual references make me uncomfortable and almost upset because I want to say please stop, you're my Dad.

I'm no prude by the way, I just don't think it's right. So I wondered what others might think.

As a 29 year old woman is it ok for my dad to be able to talk about sexual matters or am I right in feeling creeped out and uncomfortable?

If you don't want to hear about his sex life you have every right to say "Too much information, Dad!"

If he keeps trying to wind you up after that, then things might improve when you get your own place.

klm1 · 21-01-2019 2:23pm

As other posters have said, Tell him it makes you uncomfortable.
In his defense, it doesn't sound like he's used to having his kids living with him, and he sounds a little immature. He needs to realise you're one of his kids grown up, you're not a flat mate.

Dad making sexual remarks and jokes

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