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How to help brother with possible mental illness?

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  • 05-03-2021 1:14pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    So basically I'm looking for some information on where to turn in regards with maybe getting my brother the help he so badly needs.

    Bit of a backstory he's also an alcoholic and has attacked my siblings on various occasions. They were lucky to escape.

    I don't know if he even has a doctor because he hasn't been to one in years. I just dont know where to turn.

    Of course I know he has to want the help first and that will be the tough part.

    If anyone has any advice.

    Thanks


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    #2
    poisonated
    Registered Users Posts: 2,277 ✭✭✭poisonated


    Help brother wrote: »
    <Snip> No need to quote the post.

    What is the mental illness you think he has? Usually you need to go to a GP to get a referral to a psychiatrist but this would depend upon the mental illness.


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    #3
    TP_CM
    Registered Users Posts: 443 ✭✭TP_CM


    There's a group which was specifically set up to help friends and families of alcoholics. Maybe if you phoned them with an open mind, walk them through what you're seeing, thinking, and feeling, they can offer advice on what should be done next.

    http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/


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    #4
    MouseMan01
    Registered Users Posts: 188 ✭✭MouseMan01


    Substance abuse is one of the leading triggers of mental health issues.

    So its possible that he is an alcoholic with a mental health disorder.

    First stop should be to your GP. Then take it from there.

    Best of luck...


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    #5
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    MouseMan01 wrote:
    Substance abuse is one of the leading triggers of mental health issues.

    ....or does the mental health issues come first, then the addiction, or 'maladaptive coping mechanism'! Op, gp first, then take it from there, best of luck


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    #6
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,768 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I know you said it in you post, OP, but you are right. He's an adult. He has to want to get help and make changes himself. How likely is he to sit down and talk to you? How likely is he to take on board your concerns. Bear in mind that you approaching him with this will immediately put him on the defensive.

    Alcoholics, at first, don't like it pointed out to them that they have a problem with drink. It generally takes them a very long time to admit there is an issue. Up until they get to that point they are very good at playing the victim, at blaming everyone else for being in the wrong. If he has been violent to your siblings do you think he would react to you in the same way?

    Absolutely, have a chat with the GP. But be aware that the GP can recommend services, possibly treatment or addiction counselling. But your brother will have to engage. He'll have to have his own GP appointment. He'll have to go to speak to a counsellor. He will have to follow up with treatment. If he's not yet in the place where he feels he wants to do that, then realistically there is nothing you can do for him. But you can get help for yourselves. You can not enable him. You can step away from him and not try follow him around cleaning up the messes he causes. (Do you try keep the peace with him? Do you cover for him? Make excuses? Pick up his slack? Loan him money?)

    You are in a horrible position. You can try advise him, if you think he would listen. But you're probably better off all removing all 'props' that you provide him with. Take a step back and look after each other. Be each others support. Maybe if he's left to feel the full consequences of his actions he will eventually have to make changes. If you are all (or even one of you are) protecting him from himself then you are making it easy for him to continue.


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    #7
    Sinus pain
    Registered Users Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Sinus pain


    If you don’t know if he has a go you can to your own gp for advise. They should be able to steer you in the right direction.


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    #8
    antix80
    Registered Users Posts: 2,419 ✭✭✭antix80


    Sinus pain wrote: »
    If you don’t know if he has a go you can to your own gp for advise. They should be able to steer you in the right direction.

    Strange advice. €50 to be told the website of a counselling service or a domestic abuse hotline.


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    #9
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭tara73


    What I ask myself, did your siblings report the incidents of his physical attacks on them to the guards?

    As sad as it is to report a sibling, it's important, not only because he is obviously a danger, but also because this could be the key to get him into treatment, he might get sectioned and like that he is getting the treatment he needs, most possible with medication.


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    #10
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    Mod note
    antix80 wrote: »
    Strange advice. €50 to be told the website of a counselling service or a domestic abuse hotline.

    antix80
    It’s fair advice to give. Going to the go is a practical first step for Op.


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    #11
    JPup
    Registered Users Posts: 909 ✭✭✭JPup


    Is there anyone in the family he would listen to? Or any friend who might be able to have a chat with him?

    It’s almost impossible to make progress unless he wants things to change. That’s the sad reality in my experience.

    Contacting a support group for relatives of addicts is a good starting point as others have said. You can contact you GP, but there’s very little they can do. It’s your brother that needs to make the appointment.

    Best of luck to you! There are many out there in similar circumstances. It’s not easy.


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    #12
    MouseMan01
    Registered Users Posts: 188 ✭✭MouseMan01


    antix80 wrote: »
    Strange advice. €50 to be told the website of a counselling service or a domestic abuse hotline.

    Hardly.

    A GP is not only a trained medical professional who can assess his mental state.

    But can also refer him to a consultant psychiatrist who can prescribe medication.

    In extreme cases a GP can have him hospitalised.

    The GP can also liaise with community mental health teams.

    If your brother has a mental health disorder OP. Then a helpline staffed by well-meaning volunteers is going to be of little help.

    He needs medical supervision immediately.


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    #13
    HildaOgdenx
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,449 Mod ✭✭✭✭HildaOgdenx


    JPup wrote: »
    Is there anyone in the family he would listen to? Or any friend who might be able to have a chat with him?

    It’s almost impossible to make progress unless he wants things to change. That’s the sad reality in my experience.

    Contacting a support group for relatives of addicts is a good starting point as others have said. You can contact you GP, but there’s very little they can do. It’s your brother that needs to make the appointment.

    Best of luck to you! There are many out there in similar circumstances. It’s not easy.

    Yes, that was what I was thinking also, OP. Is there any one maybe outside the immediate family circle, that he would listen to, if they were able and willing to approach him.

    It must be very tough on you and other members of the family. Look after yourselves, and I hope things improve.


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    #14
    Sinus pain
    Registered Users Posts: 507 ✭✭✭Sinus pain


    antix80 wrote: »
    Strange advice. €50 to be told the website of a counselling service or a domestic abuse hotline.

    It’s what I’ve done myself - €60 though in my case and I’d spend it ten times over. My father suspected he was being gassed by his neighbour and was suffering from paranoia - hadn’t clue where to start and to be honest was stressing me out as well. I got direction from my gp and a kind ear to listen to me - my father is doing great now in new medication for his paranoia.

    I gave that advice from my own experience - you might not agree but it’s practical advise when you don’t know where to turn.
    Nice of you to pop in and criticise my advice whiting offering any of your own.


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    #15
    MouseMan01
    Registered Users Posts: 188 ✭✭MouseMan01


    OP seems to have removed the mental illness aspect of their post.

    Strictly speaking alcoholism is also classed as a mental health disorder I believe.

    My advice stands. Go to GP.


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here, so firstly I want to thank everyone for their advice it has been an amazing help.

    So to answer a few questions I don't know and don't want to speculate on what mental illness I think he's dealing with, all I know is he needs to be accessed by a professional. I really think he's using alcohol as a way to deal with it as I believe the mental illness was there first.

    Regards his attacks on our family, my other brother made a statement to the guards about one such incident but nothing has come of it since. For some reason the guards around where we live don't seem to care. They know my brother well and the way he is but they turn a blind eye.

    I think I will have to try talking to him and see what I can do but at the end of the day it's up to him unfortunately. The amount of stress it causes us all is unbelievable.

    Atleast now I have a plan of action, I didn't know what to even do before this so thanks everyone.


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    #17
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,768 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Does your brother still live in the family home? Does he live with other family members? All you can do is not enable him. Not facilitate him. Not smooth things over for him. You can also advise family members to do the same, but each individual will do their own thing. If your parents are involved it might be very difficult for them to step back and let him deal with his own mistakes.

    My husband was a problem drinker and it caused huge problems in our lives. It took an awful lot for me to finally say enough. I'm not sure would I have the strength to do the same with my child.


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