Unhappy in marriage

I think you should try going to talk to a different counsellor on your own. There are some big issues affecting you alone and I don't think marriage counselling is the place to work on those. Your wife obviously wants to save the marriage and has a vested interest in you not leaving. You've got to get the bottom of why you're newly married and feel you have made a terrible mistake. Why you appear to have drifted into the situation you find yourself in now, even though it would appear you had reservations all the way along. You need somebody to work with you and help you figure out what's going on. Another big issue for you is your guilt over your wife if you decide you have to leave. If the marriage is indeed dead, staying because she's breaking down and has nowhere to go are terrible reasons. Unless she is incapable of living independently or of holding down a job, she'll be fine.

This isn't a matter to be dealt with hastily. From what I know of antidepressants, it can take time to find the right ones and for them to take effect. I also hope that your GP prescribed them for you because you genuinely need them, not because it's easier to just throw some pills at a problem. On a more practical note, wear a condom if you have sex with your wife. Hopefully she is not the sort of person who'll "forget" to take the pill but you never can know for sure.

Were you happy when you were living with your girlfriend? Who proposed?

Have you always had a tendency to get depressed?

dontknowwhattodo wrote: »

The main issue is that ive never felt as if ive truly loved her and had that chemistry with someone that makes for lasting and loving relationship, the glue that holds 2 people together. shes such a good person and good to me that ive ignored my gut for ages, and of course that we're married i feel trapped and my life is bound to feel exhausting and full of regret. i feel like a complete idiot and wish i wasnt such a bottler when it comes to women. im sick of feeling stressed and drained all the time.

Basically u want to ride other hot women and maybe marry a hot one someday ? Thats the cause of your depression? This one is hot enough?

I married a hot one ( not quite as hot anymore after kids etc, still nice) but I have always wanted to ride her hot sister, and so many other women I see in the gym/work etc

Not gonna lie its frustrating I can't, should be content with just beautiful wife, but we are animals with instinct, we can't help but fantasise and get down over it

All I'm trying to say OP is there's always someone hotter, you might never be content

You have it bad, I would let her go

She will find someone better and after riding a few hot ones you will more than likely miss your wife when she finds a nice guy, has beautiful kids, lives a good life etc

It's very easy for us to sit here and diagnose what we think has gone wrong. That's dangerous because none of us knows you, your wife, your mental health history or what your relationship is like. All we can go by is what you're telling us. Random people on the internet aren't going to be able to give you the answers you need to this. It's not clear whether you're depressed because you made a mistake by marrying your wife or if you're depressed and it's driving your thinking. It's possible even you don't know the answer to this (yet) which is why I feel this is better left in the hands of professionals. If you believe you have not been honest with yourself and that being in a committed relationship is not what you want, that's fine. Just be sure that this is the truth before you pull the plug. There is no going back once the wheels are set in motion.

It's hard enough to keep a marriage together with someone you are mad about. I don't see how it's possible if you are not thst bothered.

It might not feel like it now but you did the right thing OP. Your wife will hate you forever with reason, but that's the price of not having balls from the start.

Thanks for the update. Things aren't going to be easy for you over the next while but hopefully you'll emerge from the dark place you're in. It's better to have pulled the plug on this even at this late(ish) stage than to plough on with things. I'm a big believer in listening to your gut but there are times when we aren't very good at hearing it. Perhaps once you've taken a step back from this, you'll start seeing things very differently. I feel sorry for both you and your wife. Both of you are going through hell and will never be the same people afterwards. It's better to rip the plaster off now than to endure death by a thousand cuts. I wish both of you every happiness in the future.