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Now ye're talking - to an au pair
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HalloweenJack wrote: »Fascinating topic for an AMA as my ex (German) was an au pair. We also had a few au pairs when I was a kid so it's something I've been used to throughout my life.
It's so weird talking to an adult here who says that they had an aupair! I just never expect them to grow up
HalloweenJack wrote: »In the case of the au pairs we had in our home, I was too young to ever consider their feelings or see them as real people. As for my ex, she constantly moaned about the job and I think she found it quite isolating. She wasn't doing it because of an interest in kids, it was more of a way of doing something and getting out of her situation in Germany so I don't think she was in the best frame of mind to be doing it.
It can be quite isolating to be fair. I remember feeling trapped in a few houses. I was an aupair in a house in the middle of nowhere, with no bus service, nothing was within the walking distance, and I don't drive. I'm not a very social person, I prefer spending time in my own company, so I wouldn't be that affected by it, but it was too much sometimes, even for me. I can't even begin to imagine what it would be like for a person who likes going out.
And don't get me wrong. I also constantly moaned about the job. I think it's natural. You can't really moan about it at home, since you live where you work, so as soon as you're in a safe distance, you need to get it all out
HalloweenJack wrote: »What do you think are the most important qualities for an au pair? Do you think it's a good way to experience a new country/culture?
It's a great way to experience another country, especially here in Ireland. There are so many aupairs here, so it's easy to find friends and go on trips around the island. The hard part is that you make friends with someone, and then they leave, and you know that it's likely that you'll never see them again.
Also, you get to live in an Irish household, so you get an insider access to things you wouldn't see unless you lived with the Irish people.HalloweenJack wrote: »I also lived in the Czech Republic for a year, in Brno, and I feel that it was the biggest culture shock I've had in my life. As you mention, the people aren't as friendly, at least on the surface, but I also found that people were very humble, almost downtrodden. I thought, in general, Czechs didn't think there was anything special about the Czech Republic, which is a shame because it's a lovely country.
Woohoo, that's great! I was in Brno once or twice for a conference. I am from North-East, about an hour away from the Poland border, so Brno would be a bit too far for me to travel to. People in Brno tend to be more friendly than the rest of the country, so you're lucky you didn't try to live in Prague
And you're absolutely correct, we don't think there's anything special about Czech republic. I see it differently now and there are many places there that I recommend to my friends and colleagues when they ask me about Czech republic (we have a church fully decorated with human bones!!!), but back then it was all 'meh'.HalloweenJack wrote: »What was the biggest difference for you about Irish people? Was it difficult to adapt?
I think that the biggest difference was the perception of time and distance.
First of all, when somebody says "I will meet you at half ten", in Czech republic it would be 09:30, while here in Ireland it means 10:30. I still ask people to talk to me in the digital format and to say the actual words "ten thirty" instead of "half ten", because otherwise I get very anxious about it :rolleyes:
Another thing about time - "I'll be there in 2 seconds/2 minutes". No, no you won't. I learned that as soon as somebody uses number 2 in time estimation, it's usually much longer than that. I had a host mom who would be home "in 2 minutes", and that would usually mean that I have to work overtime and she won't be home for another hour.
And this whole thing about being very early/very late. Lots of Irish people seem to be very easygoing about time. That includes Bus Eireann.
Regarding distance - people would tell me that "we live 10 minutes away from the town". At home this would mean 10 minute walk. Nope. Here it means drive. And it's never 10 minutes either. Or when somebody says "We live in Wexford" and then lives far away from any sign of civilization, at the very end of county Wexford.
I got used to all of the above, but it still drives me nuts, even after 8 years in the country.0 -
Whirl_wolle wrote: »I have a friend who was a childminder, similar to a nanny role but it wasn't live in.
The days were long and full. Very full. The parents came to expect more and more from her. The cooking of meals, the laundry, the cleaning of the home on top of looking after the children. Staying on late after arriving home from work to go out. Weekends too. My friend showed me a picture she took of the family's kitchen one morning. The counter tops had many dishes and plates and cups and cutlery etc built high. That was a regular occurrence. Seeing that, I thought, can the parents do anything for themselves?
This sounds normal. The parents will get used to having someone doing everything for them really quickly. That's why I always say to girls who ask me for an advice with a new family that they shouldn't overdo it. Do what's needed, do what you're asked to do, but don't try to impress the family, because they will hold you to doing the tasks for the rest of your stay.
I was in a family like that. I would clean the kitchen every evening, and by the time I got up next morning, there were dirty dishes everywhere. One family had a habit of having a fried breakfast every morning. Then they would put all the plates and cups right into the big pan full of oil. Everything was greasy. It was gross.
I never understood why they would leave it on top of the dishwasher (which I emptied the evening before). I used to clean it every morning, but then I stopped doing it, because it was getting ridiculous. Eventually the parents started putting their dishes into the dishwasher in the morning, so you can say I successfully trained them!
This can also be quite normal in some cases. At the beginning before I learned how to stand my ground, I would try to be around until the kids went to bed. I wouldn't necessarily work, but I liked to make sure that I'm not needed, and I didn't want to make it look like I hate them and I'm running out as soon as the parents come back home.Whirl_wolle wrote: »Upon contacting my friend many times, she was always in work. I was astonished to learn of the pay she was receiving. It was very low for the work, the load and the hours she was doing.
It was a mistake. In two families the parents started taking it for granted and would come home late on a regular basis. I'm around the house anyway, so what's the problem, right? I always wanted to ask them how they would feel if their boss sent them more work to do in their free time, telling them that they're not going out anyway.Whirl_wolle wrote: »Did you ever come across parents who took advantage off you ? Did you ever come across as pairs who were worked long and hard for little pay?
Do you think working in a home or a private capacity like this, is it open for abuse with long hours, a load that is too much and a pay that is very low.
For parents who took advantage, see the beginning of my post. That was about it. I knew aupairs who had to do absolutely everything in the house, including scrubbing the floors, washing the windows, walking the dog, walking the kids to their activities after school (about 2 miles walk on a busy road, there was no sidewalk there), bringing them to school, collecting them from school, etc. She was getting the same money as I was getting while looking after one kid, doing next to no housework and the most work I did was taking the baby out for a walk.
It is definitely open for abuse. It should be regulated somehow. I'm not saying that it should be classified as a regular job, but there should be some regulation in place. Au pair work is heavily regulated in the US, there's lots of paperwork, it has to go through an agency, the aupairs spend the first few days in New York for training and then they go to their new families, get welcome packs from them, and the agency keeps a close eye on the aupair and the family throughout the year, with random visits. Something like that would be very handy to have in Ireland.
The worst part about the abuse is that the families often don't realise that they are doing something wrong and the aupair is afraid to speak up (either doesn't want to ruin the relationship with the family or doesn't want to be kicked out on the street).0 -
manonboard wrote: »This has been a really interesting, and entertaining read.
Thanks for sharing OP and making it so friendly.
Thank you for saying that, I really appreciate it! 0 -
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Tell me how wrote: »What do your friends back home think of Irish people having Au pairs when they might not necessarily be that wealthy.
Hi,
Sorry about the late response - things were mad these last few days!
I think it has become more normal and it's not such a strange concept to Czech people. Czech families still wouldn't get an aupair in my opinion, but at this point almost everyone knows someone who went abroad as an aupair and has an idea what it's about and what the families are like. (Apart from my father who is still convinced that I will be drugged and forced into prostitution in Amsterdam).Tell me how wrote: »Do they think it is a sign of laziness to need one, or luxury to be able to have one?
Czech mothers would see it as a sign of laziness, 100%. There would also be a hint of jealousy in their opinion
It really depends on the family when you want to figure out if the family genuinely needs an aupair or if they are just being lazy. I've seen families where the mother didn't even have a job, she just liked things done for her. <- people like that shouldn't get an aupair, they should get a maid.
I've also seen families where both parents were working from dawn to dusk, with no family that would look after the kids, couldn't afford childcare out of their home, and getting an aupair was the only way -time and financially wise- to make sure that everything is looked after. I was in a few families like that and I can tell you that while you have to work much harder and longer hours, it's also really rewarding as you see how important you are in the house.
I will also tell you that there is a very thin line between being lazy and a genuine need, and there have been families who got an aupair because they needed one and kept getting aupairs after they didn't really need one anymore, just because she would look after the homework and clean the kitchen :rolleyes:Tell me how wrote: »
Could you see yourself using an Au pair in future?
I'm currently in the family planning stage of my life, so I'm often thinking about this. I wouldn't really want to get an aupair, because I don't like asking for help, I want to be able to do everything by myself, which is often easier said than done.
I'm also terrified that I would start using the aupair without realising it, and I wouldn't want to do that to anyone.
Then there's the fact that I don't like people. I have my 'circle of trust' and don't know how I would deal with inviting another person into it. An aupair is not a stranger after a while, but I still wouldn't be comfortable with that (which is ironic).
But seeing the childcare costs and the length of maternity leave, I probably won't have a choice! We'll see. It probably wouldn't be that bad, but I'm kinda counting on my partner's parents! 0 -
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