New Job: Did I make a mistake?

LegacyUser · 16-09-2019 10:38am #1

Hi all.

I am not sure if I am looking for advice here or if I am just looking to complain and vent; either way it could be good for me mentally.

A few years ago I left college, finishing my postgraduate degree with honors and got myself into what I thought was the perfect job. My first role was great experience-wise but took its toll on me mentally. I was bullied fairly badly by two members of staff and after sticking it out for around 3 years I decided I needed to move.

I took a job that was a bit of a demotion but was closer to home. A few of my friends worked there as well so this meant I settled in within a day or two and felt like I would have happily stayed there for the rest of my life. As time went on I felt as though my team was shifting in terms of workload and although I felt like I was demoted I was being handed things that made me feel a bit like a skivvy. I am a grafter and I work hard, don't get me wrong, but I felt I was over-qualified to work those tasks but no job is beneath me.

A job came up around awhile ago which was a massive jump in salary and in responsibility but in another company. This would have always been the 'dream job'. I applied to the job the night before and I got the interview which shocked me. I did it thinking I wouldn't get it but I did. I was literally in shock and felt in two minds about accpeting it; take something I had 'dreamed' of or stay where I was which was comfortable but making me a bit brain dead. I was getting a bit too comfortable there and drinking a bit too much (I could get away with being a bit ropey on a Monday morning or a Friday morning after Sunday/Thursday drinks) but everyone treated me really nicely, like stuff you couldn't even imagine. I felt that I oversold myself in the interview (which is normal enough) and beginning to wonder if I am cut out for this.

I have been in the job for 4 weeks now and I do not know how to feel about it. I miss my friends in my old job really badly and miss the company and my lifestyle there. This new job has me on high alert. I am doing less skivvy work but I feel more responsible for the bigger picture stuff. I have serious impostor syndrome and am finding that I have acquired some sort of weird speech issue where I can barely talk to my colleagues. I have five presentations to give to large groups between now and the end of the month and I am bricking it. Presentations on topics I know little about to people I know with my bosses all in the room! Culture-wise, no one seems to get along well or socialise. I don't seem to have a mentor or proper manager (I am used to micro managing!) and am not watched or looked at by anyone.

I can't go back to the older company as they have already replaced me. Maybe in the future they might look for additional staff but it would be a much lower wage and it might take a few years.

I know this could just be me finding my feet and that i should give it time but my gut is telling me to run out of the place and never look back. This is the kind of job I had always dreamed about but now that it's here I am questioning my own abilities, my personal aims and feel like that I made a mistake all this time. This isn't making me happy but I feel that I need to give it more time. I would feel like a failure if I got up and left as so many people are happy for me and proud of this achievement and now I feel the pressure to excel in a role that I don't know if I am capable of or want.

antix80 · 16-09-2019 12:07pm

You're making mistakes and you're learning some lessons but maybe not the right ones.

Working hard (being a skivvy) will not get you anywhere. In your first job, you were possibly oblivious to the jealousy that working hard can bring. You might be looking at the good things in that job with rose-tinted glasses now, many graduates run out of steam and get depressed with office politics. Some just weren't as hot as they thought they were.

Second job should have suited you better because it's closer to home and could provide a better work-life balance. But you took the "demotion" to heart. You continue working too hard despite it getting you nowhere. The drinking isn't a problem right now but that lifestyle/dynamic (of blurring your work and personal life) doesn't last forever anyway and will eventually become a problem.

Job number 3..
Before we talk about it.. what are your "personal aims"? If they were to find a good job, well, congrats, you got it. Now what?

Job number 3 isn't allowing you to hide behind being busy doing skivvy work and doesn't reward you (or punish you) for it either. The speech problems sounds like some sort of anxiety.
My advice.. do your 5 presentations. Whoever asked you to prepare the presentations is the person you should turn to for guidance. Be super prepared, be confident, ask for feedback instead of worrying whether you did well or not. Try to stay cool, professional and personable during the presentation. You're in new territory - if by the end of doing the presentations you feel more comfortable, maybe it is a good job for you.

Don't go back to the busy/grafter work unless you're earning a good piece rate. People you work with will resent it and you'll burn yourself out while achieving very little careerwise. Don't worry about being best friends or drinking buddies with your coworkers. Your focus should be on building relationships with colleagues, staying stimulated at work and hopefully discovering a career path.

Upforthematch · 16-09-2019 10:39pm

Hi Op,

Give it 6 months.

You were very comfortable (too comfortable?) in your previous job which was going nowhere by the sounds of things.

You've a big pay rise now - here's your big chance to rise to the challenge. Give it socks, be interested and sure there will be crap days and set backs but remember it's much easier to hire you than fire you so the company want this to work too.

If you have any spare time think about how you're going to spend your big pay increase!

Good luck!

P2C · 16-09-2019 10:57pm

Research your topic. Nail down your presentations. Practice in front of the mirror and record yourself. Go on slideshare. Learn some facilitation skills and try and engage your group. Do a good job. Build some confidence and move on

Ursus Horribilis · 16-09-2019 11:38pm

Did you make a mistake? There probably isn't a simple yes/no answer to that question. By the sounds of things, you were right to move on from your old job. Leaving that was always going to be a wrench for all sorts of reasons. As to whether you moved on to the right new company, time will tell. Leaving any job for a new one is a gamble. You might have found yourself somewhere that's not as pleasant as your last workplace but it might not be all bad. You didn't have to stretch yourself in your last workplace so perhaps you got rusty when it came to building up work relationships? Even though you say the people in your new job don't socialise, you might still be able to form good working relationships/friendships with your colleagues. 4 weeks is nothing. Keep trying.

As for your job, you are probably a lot better at it than you think you are. You're only a wet week in the place so nobody'll be expecting you to know all the ropes or to have fully settled in. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you need it. Unless you're working alongside utter sh1tholes, there will be people who are willing to help. Or if they can't help, they can point you in the right direction. Most of your issues sound like they're in your head. Your stagnation in your old job is coming against you here, as is the comfort zone you were in. I doubt you're as inadequate as you think you are.

If this isn't the right workplace for you, then give it a bit of time and start looking around for your next job. Any time anybody changes jobs, they're taking a chance. Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn't. Would it help if you viewed this job as a stepping stone to somewhere else? Somewhere temporary before you move on?

the14thwarrior · 18-09-2019 6:52pm

I did the same thing, stayed in a job I was good at, had a good life, easy enough, worked hard when I needed to, and no one really was on my case. Lots of chatting and tea and smoke breaks. It was comfortable and easy.

after a few years when a few of the old mates moved on and/or left, and a new manager later, life was not so great.

after a few years again, I took opportunity to move to management, a temporary job for a year. It was hell in the first six months. The first two weeks I thought i made a huge mistake. By six weeks I was working harder than I had ever been.
No friends, work colleagues grand, no smoke breaks with mates, no long lunches, no one to moan and bitch at. Worked long and hard to figure it all out.

I had no mentor. I had no training (but I made friends with people that could help me). I was sad to leave it after a year. Because ultimatly it made me feel better in the end, and yes, I had more money, more status, more job satisfaction, and I have given myself experience to move wherever I want to.

A friend of mine caught me leaving work one day and said I had a pep in my step she had never seen. In truth i grew into the job. I know now that I needed something to bring out the best in me. That if I had stayed in my old job sooner or later I would resent myself.
because nothing stays the same.
and you leave it too late to figure that out
and you meet old friends that are doing what they do best
and you have left it too late to move from your comfort zone

but listen, my temporary job ceased and I went back to my comfortable job.
I'm not happy with myself inside.
So i got another management job and will get back in the game.

and after I've said all that, I will say this: If I stay in management and give it a go for another year or two, and I really don't like it, I will know that I've tried it, and that I would rather be happy and comfortable than rich and overworked.

Give it a shot, give yourself a break for another six to nine months,
then make an informed decision

good luck o brave one

lastusername · 19-09-2019 12:35pm

OP, what you've got right now is a lot of *temporary* personal thinking going on about this move and your new job, and what this involves, as you are experiencing, is a lot of analysing, taking apart, diagnosing, comparing, assessing and questioning.

Unsurprisingly, this leads to feelings of doubt, nervousness, uncertainty, insecurity, anxiety, and whatever pops into the mix.

What you should know and what you will hopefully see is that these feelings are caused by your thinking around this move to the new job, NOT the job itself.

It's a common misunderstaning that it's the latter (the job), not the former (your thinking about the job, and how you relate to your thinking) that's causing you to feel this way. This is also why people will well-meaningly recommend tactics to 'resolve' stuff and follow the same line of analysing, judging, assessing and diagnosing you. You don't need to be diagnosed and you don't need to fix anything here.

When your frenetic thinking about the job starts to ease and calm down, and when you see that happening (because your thoughts and feelings are always changing anyway - you don't have to do anything), you WILL start to think about the job differently.

In this calmer space, you'll start to see you're capable, confident and able with your current resources and skills. Your interviewers saw this too, otherwise they wouldn't have given you the job!

If you can see all of this, you will start to feel calmer about it, and I bet you'll go into those presentations feeling calmer and will do a great job. That'll give you a pep in your step and you'll go on from there!

But remember as well that it's ok to feel anxious, it's not a bad thing, just a normal result of your frantic thinking right now

New Job: Did I make a mistake?

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