Boards.ie uses cookies. By continuing to browse this site you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Click here to find out more x
Post Reply  
 
 
Thread Tools Search this Thread
11-07-2014, 10:26   #1
southcentralts
Registered User
 
southcentralts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 533
The Doctor is in

Having just paid my $27.50, I have just printed out my certificate from the university of interwebs to prove my doctorate in nanosupersomethingology!

Ask me anything
southcentralts is offline  
Advertisement
11-07-2014, 11:35   #2
Star Lord
Registered User
 
Star Lord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,322
Doctor I've a mole on my bum that I want you to look at.

Now that you've looked at it, my question is how do I get like crazy strong using nano thingies?
Star Lord is offline  
11-07-2014, 11:58   #3
southcentralts
Registered User
 
southcentralts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 533
Great question buddy, to start with congratulations on being our 1st and 2nd customer, and I need to advise you that your bill has already been settled ( I have emailed an invoice to hello@boards.ie. (privileges of being a mod and porn-star combined).

Next That mole has done you no wrong and under the European charter of human rights - living upon a human entitles you to the same rights as the human you live upon, therefore your mole shall henceforth be called DiegoElDiablo, and you will be happy to know that he will have to pay rent, although you will now have to pay a personal property tax for your own body from now on .

Finally you have already ingested my super nanobots as I have cleverly dispersed them in the most ingenious and fiendish method possibl...did I forget classified, anyway these wonderfully addictive nano's will make you feel super strong while actually making you very weak, not that you have any choice but to keep taking them as they also become a poison if not ingested weekly.



NEXT
southcentralts is offline  
11-07-2014, 12:46   #4
Chucken
Registered User
 
Chucken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8,324
Doctor, should I cut my toenails? I fear I may be turning into an eagle or perhaps a vulture?

Chucken is offline  
13-07-2014, 01:05   #5
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,119
Not much of a Doctor thread, this. Typical, ask a question today, get an answer when they return from their fitness to practice hearing
C.K Dexter Haven is offline  
Advertisement
13-07-2014, 18:07   #6
southcentralts
Registered User
 
southcentralts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 533

Dammit man, I'm a doctor not a mechanic. I am legally required to spend 47 hours on a golf course after every patient.

Now, who is next?

Aha, well we should examine this in detail.

Firstly FEAR is merely False Evidence Appearing Real, so I guess we should check if you have been travelling to any alternate realities, perhaps on a vacation or business trip?

Depending on your travel agent it may have looked like this?

This FEAR you think you have is quite contagious, however easily treated with high doses of LSD.

Next we should really check if turning into an eagle is such a negative thing, I mean it is not really like turning into a lane, just take a look at this.

I am sorry but I think not wanting to be an eagle is indicative of a much more troubling underlying problem, have you had any compulsive obsessions you cannot control lately? Like if your lungs suddenly and without warning inhaled oxygen for a few seconds every few seconds?
Of course being a vulture is well...

and we can hardly ignore the vultures infamy


Hwever we all have to eat at sometime or other in our lives.

So in conclusion, cut - don't cut, just as a matter of interest, should you choose to cut them...how, how much would you be looking for them??? per nail?
southcentralts is offline  
13-07-2014, 21:02   #7
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,119
Actually all I wanted to know is if I could have a few sausage and bacon rolls now and again- not everyday mind, just once in a while
C.K Dexter Haven is offline  
13-07-2014, 22:03   #8
Ted_YNWA
Moderator
 
Ted_YNWA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Posts: 58,288
Hey doc, anytime I have a cold, my left nostril runs more than my right. Do you know why this is?
Ted_YNWA is offline  
13-07-2014, 23:06   #9
southcentralts
Registered User
 
southcentralts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 533
Quote:
Originally Posted by C.K Dexter Haven View Post
Not much of a Doctor thread, this. Typical, ask a question today, get an answer when they return from their fitness to practice hearing

Actually all I wanted to know is if I could have a few sausage and bacon rolls now and again- not everyday mind, just once in a while
Fine, I have been in a whole 20 minutes and seen one patient, I have not had enough whiskey to wake myself up yet, but sure I will see another patient this week.
Unfortunately I will be forced to triple the price - 9 unguis sculptures.

Now your Symptoms seem very clear, I have not seen a case quite like this one.

But I do remember an occasion during one of those tedious Fitness To Practice hearings, a colleague I met while on trial for gross misconduct, He assisted me to extract a demon from the judge. In all fairness I do think they would have executed me that time, if I had not sensed the presence of a Demon in the courtroom. Once again proving that having the only qualification to see and excise demons in a room saved me. This fellow practitioner was merely a novice in exorcism though I found his help most rewarding on that occasion.

After securing my freedom, we reconvened to the pub to celebrate a job well done, when he spoke of an amulet, whose trail he had been following through a mysterious and blood soaked thread all the way back to 1996 where it's story began.



Legend has it the amulet was crafted from the world cup stolen in 1983, Rumored to contain an incantation to summon Michael Collins heself. He went on to tell me about how he traced the amulet, with his wife of 15 years, for the past 15 years! But while together they managed to unearth the key to the amulet - at which point he showed me the key



Which of course he wrapped in a silver silk scarf. He recalled vividly how upon touching the key his wife melted into a pool of goop, It really was fantastically concise yet it had such simplistic thorough detailing of the environmental factors to drag you right into that cave in the shadowy light watching as she locked eyes with him twice, before letting his blood from her dagger, fall into the center of the dais unlocking it, finally allowing her to plunge her hand inside the prison to release the key. And the way he described her look of realization to know her final error as the corrosive acid began its easy task, was amazing to hear.

During a brief pause in the story, while at the bar ordering two more drinks, I realized I was a bit bored of this story and decided to call a taxi


Next
southcentralts is offline  
Advertisement
14-07-2014, 00:23   #10
southcentralts
Registered User
 
southcentralts's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 533
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ted_YNWA View Post
Hey doc, anytime I have a cold, my left nostril runs more than my right. Do you know why this is?



I have had to consult with the books on the 'cold' you mentioned and although they started out very cagey, it is a Sunday night which I guess would be their night off, I am unsure as I do not generally socialize with books - I just was not brought up that way. However after a little small talk, they were happy to help, if you do notice symptoms of this cold, gather firewood from your local pharmacist, and place beneath feet. Purchase some medically sterile matches and apply to the firewood to prevent the cold from spreading, while fighting the cold at the source.

1.


2.


Now down to your nostril issue, the left one is it?
Running fast. So fast nostril, I will just run some tests.

And I see we have the results now I will just fetch my medical dictionary for...all of these words, and

I'm Sorry to have to be one to tell you, Your Left nostril has tested positive for EPO, I believe it is in training for a marathon or some kind of cycling tournament given these levels of blood-doping. The good news is that your right nostril is running on time but has developed an inferior complex towards the left, I would recommend a separation now, but I broke my lightsaber yesterday fishing for lobsters.

Luckily it broke before it evaporated the ocean
southcentralts is offline  
30-07-2014, 22:39   #11
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,119
Where's Doctor Foster. I always see Doctor Foster in this surgery
C.K Dexter Haven is offline  
30-07-2014, 22:44   #12
Chucken
Registered User
 
Chucken's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 8,324
Quote:
Originally Posted by C.K Dexter Haven View Post
Where's Doctor Foster. I always see Doctor Foster in this surgery
He went to Gloucester I believe. It may have been raining when he left.
Chucken is offline  
30-07-2014, 22:49   #13
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,119
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chucken View Post
He went to Gloucester I believe. It may have been raining when he left.
Did he ride a cock horse to Banbury cross too?
C.K Dexter Haven is offline  
30-07-2014, 22:50   #14
Star Lord
Registered User
 
Star Lord's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 21,322
What kind of horse???
Star Lord is offline  
30-07-2014, 22:55   #15
 
Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 9,119
Quote:
Originally Posted by DamoElDiablo View Post
What kind of horse???
Yes, on top of old smoky he went. Off to get his nuts in May I believe; and his oats.
C.K Dexter Haven is offline  
Post Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Remove Text Formatting
Bold
Italic
Underline

Insert Image
Wrap [QUOTE] tags around selected text
 
Decrease Size
Increase Size
Please sign up or log in to join the discussion

Thread Tools Search this Thread
Search this Thread:

Advanced Search



Share Tweet