Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Bullying in the workplace

Options
24

Comments

  • Options
    #32
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    I actually feel sorry for the bullies in some way. Imagine being such an utterly pathetic tosser that you bully another grown adult in the workplace. their lives must be genuinely sh1t.

    If you look behind that fascade you will find a very fragile person with usually with addiction problems in the background (gambling, sex, drugs or alcohol). Its just a release to humiliate someone on the workroom floor.


  • Options
    #33
    Ray Palmer
    Registered Users Posts: 8,364 ✭✭✭Ray Palmer


    I have been through a whole process of dealing with a bully in work. The thing is it started out as normal and just progressively got worse. Just a disagreement on how something should be done he insisted on a manger deciding and the manager sided with me. That was it I now was a target for his irrational paranoid delusions. If the manger disagreed with him I somehow made that happen. He refused to speak to me for 3 months. The manger didn't even notice

    New manager came in and asked me to speak to this guy about not following procedures. Told the manager he doesn't speak to me and won't listen to anything I say. Manager thought I was joking. Went over to the guys desk and started speaking and he got up and walked away. The manager was stunned. He started asking about and he couldn't believe everyone knew including the owner. Then I told him how my lunch and things from my desk would regularly go missing and I found cds belong to me in the bin. My bicycle would regularly mysteriously get punctured

    Manager decides to do something and then my position suddenly becomes redundant as they needed the guy more than me as he designed key parts of the software. I was well aware of what was going on so made them double the redundancy payment when I produced a list of all the other people that had been fired,made redundant or left due to this guy.

    3 months after I left the manager was fired because he couldn't get on with the other guy. The company allowed the bullying because they let him become vital. They eventually had to fire him when they found he coded back doors into the software and suspected he brought down a client's system over a grudge he had with a manger there.


  • Options
    #34
    steddyeddy
    Registered Users Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    I have been through a whole process of dealing with a bully in work. The thing is it started out as normal and just progressively got worse. Just a disagreement on how something should be done he insisted on a manger deciding and the manager sided with me. That was it I now was a target for his irrational paranoid delusions. If the manger disagreed with him I somehow made that happen. He refused to speak to me for 3 months. The manger didn't even notice

    New manager came in and asked me to speak to this guy about not following procedures. Told the manager he doesn't speak to me and won't listen to anything I say. Manager thought I was joking. Went over to the guys desk and started speaking and he got up and walked away. The manager was stunned. He started asking about and he couldn't believe everyone knew including the owner. Then I told him how my lunch and things from my desk would regularly go missing and I found cds belong to me in the bin. My bicycle would regularly mysteriously get punctured

    Manager decides to do something and then my position suddenly becomes redundant as they needed the guy more than me as he designed key parts of the software. I was well aware of what was going on so made them double the redundancy payment when I produced a list of all the other people that had been fired,made redundant or left due to this guy.

    3 months after I left the manager was fired because he couldn't get on with the other guy. The company allowed the bullying because they let him become vital. They eventually had to fire him when they found he coded back doors into the software and suspected he brought down a client's system over a grudge he had with a manger there.

    Sorry to hear you went through that. The bullying victims here are in a similar situation but the bully has the illusion of being needed as his boss is his friend. In reality the guy is absolutely useless but he's still here.

    I think the worst people are those that protect the bullies.


  • Options
    #35
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users Posts: 6,679 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    Bullying really is an odious character trait and the worst thing about bullies is that they will never ever ever ever change. If someone is at heart a decent person but sometimes act like a pr!ck, there is some scope there for improvement when someone points out their flaws but a bully will just look genuinely dumbfounded and surprised if you tell them they are a bully as if you said the weirdest thing in the world, and then continue to torment others. I don't believe either in empathy when it comes to these creatures- tell them straight out to fcuk off and don't take any sh!t and they tend to back down.


  • Options
    #36
    fryup
    Registered Users Posts: 18,069 ✭✭✭✭fryup


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    I actually feel sorry for the bullies in some way. Imagine being such an utterly pathetic tosser that you bully another grown adult in the workplace. their lives must be genuinely sh1t.

    they enjoy it, they get a power trip out of it


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #37
    AndrewJRenko
    Registered Users Posts: 28,488 ✭✭✭✭AndrewJRenko


    Mad_maxx wrote: »
    Good luck getting any kind of justice if your a male who happens to find himself with a female bully to contend with, all she has to do is reach for the sexism card and management will cover their ears and eyes for fear of being branded sexist, women bosses are the worst
    The two best bosses I've had in 30+ years working have been women. I've seen one woman bully too, and she was awful - but no, women bosses are definitely not the worst.


  • Options
    #38
    con___manx1
    Registered Users Posts: 1,474 ✭✭✭con___manx1


    a guy who used to work in my company was bullied by someone fairly high up. he recorded conversations with the bulllie on his phone and recorded a hr conversation. im not sure exactly what was said in the hr conversation but he ended up taking the company to the cleaners with what ever hr said to him. he got thousands out of it.


  • Options
    #39
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Senior management will always back and cover up for the middle management bullies. Senior management put them there for reason to get results. IF he goes down then its off the backs of Senior management/owners.

    Its an institutional thing. I dont think any organisation is immune to it. The ones you think have the most respectability/ transparency have the greatest cover ups.


  • Options
    #40
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    A cousin of mine worked as a TCD researcher. Not sure if she still does but anyway their head of department, a woman, seems to be a unimaginable c*n*.

    The team of researchers (I think mostly women) were invited to her home for a xmas do. Bit of an odd thing to do but it was thought she was given some funds for the do and she decided to buy some booze etc with this money and have the do at her private home.

    At the party she said to everyone well just help yourself to whatever you like. My cousin and her acquaintance took no more than a couple of glasses of whiskey from her cabinet. She ain't no heavy drinker in fact she's something of a fitness freak. By all accounts it was a fairly quite do that didn't go on too late.

    When they next returned to work the head had a angry word with the group. She complained that her son was really upset that some of his whiskey was taken without his permission. She said that they were really disrespectful after inviting them into her home. I was told this tale some years ago and never forgot it because this kind of stuff really sickens me, especially when you think that a woman in a privileged position could be so disgusting not to mention that she pocketed all the funds for the xmas do with no accountability as to how the money was spent.


  • Options
    #41
    SHOVELLER
    Registered Users Posts: 1,638 ✭✭✭SHOVELLER


    Mad_maxx wrote: »
    Good luck getting any kind of justice if your a male who happens to find himself with a female bully to contend with, all she has to do is reach for the sexism card and management will cover their ears and eyes for fear of being branded sexist, women bosses are the worst

    Agree with this except the last line. In my experience the female bosses were the most rational and fair minded.

    But in the civil service at home one of the biggest problems are the middle aged women in the lowest grade who can play the bullied card when their incompetence is exposed. I had to put up with a false allegation of bullying from one nutter which in itself is bullying. The problem then is multiplied when the Human Resources unit is staffed with unqualified staff.

    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    Senior management will always back and cover up for the middle management bullies. Senior management put them there for reason to get results. IF he goes down then its off the backs of Senior management/owners.

    Its an institutional thing. I dont think any organisation is immune to it. The ones you think have the most respectability/ transparency have the greatest cover ups.

    Very true. Again in the civil service the word of anybody in a grade above you is golden and it doesnt how much verifiable information you have. If management said today was sunday and you proved it was tuesday sunday it is.

    In two separate instances I questioned management's decision to put two astonishingly incompetent unqualified middle aged females in place where I and others had to do their job. In the first place I was moved to a different section and in the second I was ostracised to a different part of the building.

    The day I resigned was one of the best of my life.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #42
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Car expert wrote: »
    People that are being bullied need to remove the dildo from their hole and wake up and stand up for themselves. This isn’t first class school.

    Thats a load of crap. People who are bullies can make the bullying very sly, to the point youd almost think youre just imagining it, so its often very hard to catch.And they can be in positions of authority above and so it could put your livelihood in jeopardy if you kick up a fuss and theres nothing to prove that anything is happening other than you accusing somebody of something bad

    Adult bullying is always a tricky and horrible situation and theres a lotmore to it than just standingup for yourself like when you were in school


  • Options
    #43
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Ray Palmer wrote: »
    I have been through a whole process of dealing with a bully in work. The thing is it started out as normal and just progressively got worse. Just a disagreement on how something should be done he insisted on a manger deciding and the manager sided with me. That was it I now was a target for his irrational paranoid delusions. If the manger disagreed with him I somehow made that happen. He refused to speak to me for 3 months. The manger didn't even notice

    New manager came in and asked me to speak to this guy about not following procedures. Told the manager he doesn't speak to me and won't listen to anything I say. Manager thought I was joking. Went over to the guys desk and started speaking and he got up and walked away. The manager was stunned. He started asking about and he couldn't believe everyone knew including the owner. Then I told him how my lunch and things from my desk would regularly go missing and I found cds belong to me in the bin. My bicycle would regularly mysteriously get punctured

    Manager decides to do something and then my position suddenly becomes redundant as they needed the guy more than me as he designed key parts of the software. I was well aware of what was going on so made them double the redundancy payment when I produced a list of all the other people that had been fired,made redundant or left due to this guy.

    3 months after I left the manager was fired because he couldn't get on with the other guy. The company allowed the bullying because they let him become vital. They eventually had to fire him when they found he coded back doors into the software and suspected he brought down a client's system over a grudge he had with a manger there.

    Wow how does this guy get anything done in life being so filled with hatred of seemingly everybody for no reason


  • Options
    #44
    Paulzx
    Registered Users Posts: 1,967 ✭✭✭Paulzx


    steddyeddy wrote: »
    The bullied parties are 20 year old students who are subject to sexual and threatening comments by a 47 year old Yorkshire man.


    That sounds like a step above bullying to me........


  • Options
    #45
    steddyeddy
    Registered Users Posts: 27,564 ✭✭✭✭steddyeddy


    Paulzx wrote: »
    That sounds like a step above bullying to me........

    Yep. That's academia for you.


  • Options
    #46
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,616 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    As someone who was badly bullied in the workplace and that bullying almost completely destroyed me (I work/worked in academia and research) I can completely concur with the opinion of the OP.

    Yes, bullying is indeed rife in academia. It is full of individuals who will step on others to get ahead, and those who abuse their position of power. That said, there are a lot of good people in third level education too. It is all very much down to the culture in the institution and individual departments.


  • Options
    #47
    wakka12
    Registered Users Posts: 9,786 ✭✭✭wakka12


    Why would people who work in academia be more likely to bully than in other workplaces?


  • Options
    #48
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Why would people who work in academia be more likely to bully than in other workplaces?
    I was just wondering that myself


  • Options
    #49
    JupiterKid
    Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators Posts: 12,616 Mod ✭✭✭✭JupiterKid


    The interesting thing in the case of my being bullied back in 2008/9 was how subtle and insidious it was at first from my then new boss - little "constructive" criticisms of my research reports, asking me to go back over and recheck the data, etc. It eventually led to a full on bollocking in his office every morning.

    I was physically sick with dread going into work most mornings not knowing what humiliation I would be subjected to that day. I didn't tell my research assistant and colleagues what was going on. I didn't want them to get involved or take sides.

    The thing was - the bully was actually a sad little man and I suspect professional jealously was at play - as I subsequently found out that I had more peer reviewed publications than he did even though he was a decade older than me. I had a huge breakdown and seriously contemplated suicide. I turned to very heavy drinking. :(

    However, I am getting my career and life back. I would never dream of abusing my position over another person. It IS possible to be decent and successful.


  • Options
    #50
    Wildly Boaring
    Registered Users Posts: 3,631 ✭✭✭Wildly Boaring


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    I was just wondering that myself

    Also wondering?

    I'm wondering too is it that the victim is better able to articulate the problem after?

    Surely bullying is equally rife in places where the managers have serious power. Say somewhere where you have minimum wage employees with no union etc. Call centres. Warehouses. Retail


  • Options
    #51
    BrianD3
    Registered Users Posts: 8,292 ✭✭✭BrianD3


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Why would people who work in academia be more likely to bully than in other workplaces?
    Academia in Ireland is public sector and the public sector is rife with bullying. A combination of chaotic working conditions, very poor management, a jobs for life mentality and a scarcity of permanent jobs while permanent workers are effectively unsackable.

    In the case of academia - you could get a lab technician who has been there for 20 years, has become institutionalised and bullies every postgrad/postdoc (who will often be young, poor, on short term contracts) that he comes across. Or else bullies another technician who has also been there for 20 years and hates their job but has become institutionalised/unemployable/pigeonholed and clings on to the job even with the bullying while they count down 20, 10, 5 years to pension age.

    Meanwhile the person that is supposed to be managing the work doesn't give a sh*t because they have 35 years done, are skilled at avoiding making decisions or tackling issues and won't rock the boat while they look forward to their pension.

    It is usually quite different for private sector workers. They don't expect a job to be for life, they're not as pension obsessed and as a result they are more nimble and better at extricating themselves from bad situations. Also there is usually some direction to the work - the boss might be a prick but at least you know that he is the boss.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #52
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    wakka12 wrote: »
    Why would people who work in academia be more likely to bully than in other workplaces?

    I know because I have an inside on it. I have aspergers syndrome, this is one part of it. So I am open to correction on other parts of it.

    *Some* (not all, autism is more of an art than a science) autistic lecturers especially in the hard sciences, were bullied along the way. Now nobody is going to step on them again. Again *Some* lecturers with HFA (Higher Functioning Autism), also have a lack of empathy, they dont get why ordinary people (NeuroTypicals) cannot pick up higher concepts like physics, programming, accountancy etc etc etc.... So they perceive them as stupid. Now you would imagine they would help identify their fellow autists and help them up but they dont because they are ashamed at who they are. This often leads to addiction traits/patterns (collecting/drinking/gambling/sexual complexs (cross dressing/compulsive masturbation/prostitution..etc etc).

    Once again, *Some* not all. I have the most fantastic Biology teacher, driven to help her autists students up and prepare for exams, I see her female asperger traits, and she is open about them. I feel as privileged as if I had Professor Temple Grandin lecturing me.


  • Options
    #53
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Wildly Boaring wrote: »
    Surely bullying is equally rife in places where the managers have serious power. Say somewhere where you have minimum wage employees with no union etc. Call centres. Warehouses. Retail

    This is a different type of bully, He/She has a lower IQ and got to this position by stomping down on other people, kissing ass and snitching. Management like him/her because they get metric and dont bother them with the detail. My cousin is one of these dopes. Thy mimic other managers to get up the ladder and are usually good at manipulating and negotiating.

    These sad sacks usually meet a sticky end when they become scapegoats for something else that managers use them as useful idiots when there is a scandal.

    The only way they can rise up is by stomping down on other poor souls. Hotel, retail, call centers, catering, short term manufacturing contracts and others are rife with these bottom feeders


  • Options
    #54
    Wanderer2010
    Registered Users Posts: 6,679 ✭✭✭Wanderer2010


    I often wonder why more families don't get involved in confronting these bullies. I know there is a lot of shame involved and the victim often wouldn't want their family anywhere near their workplace but if I had a son or daughter who was in tears every day because some piece of dog sh!t was treating them badly, I would not be able to stop myself having a man to man chat with said individual.


  • Options
    #55
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    Coming up on Prime Time this evening they are doing a piece on stress in the workplace which reports show has increased over the last few years. A promo for the piece has a guy say "it's dog eat dog in the workplace and some ppl will do anything to get to the top". I wonder how much bullying is part of all of this, it must be a part of it.


  • Options
    #56
    skooterblue2
    Closed Accounts Posts: 6,816 ✭✭✭skooterblue2


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    I often wonder why more families don't get involved in confronting these bullies. I know there is a lot of shame involved and the victim often wouldn't want their family anywhere near their workplace but if I had a son or daughter who was in tears every day because some piece of dog sh!t was treating them badly, I would not be able to stop myself having a man to man chat with said individual.

    Are you having me on? My two cousins are lynch pins in the beef industry. These lads are local heroes and idolised as heros (until one of them got helping the horse into the burger machine). If you are in the beef business at senior management level, these clown brothers are legends. "Ahhh poor John (not real name) was hard done by." The SH^&E people tell themselves about these goons is unreal in families.


  • Options
    #57
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,298 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    JupiterKid wrote: »
    The interesting thing in the case of my being bullied back in 2008/9 was how subtle and insidious it was at first from my then new boss - little "constructive" criticisms of my research reports, asking me to go back over and recheck the data, etc. It eventually led to a full on bollocking in his office every morning.

    I was physically sick with dread going into work most mornings not knowing what humiliation I would be subjected to that day. I didn't tell my research assistant and colleagues what was going on. I didn't want them to get involved or take sides.

    The thing was - the bully was actually a sad little man and I suspect professional jealously was at play - as I subsequently found out that I had more peer reviewed publications than he did even though he was a decade older than me. I had a huge breakdown and seriously contemplated suicide. I turned to very heavy drinking. :(



    I think the vast majority of bullying is subtle. I was bullied when I came back from the UK to rural Ireland and got a low skilled job in a local pharmaceutical factory. I ended up leaving it after a few months. I wasn't in the best state of mind when I came back to rural Ireland but that's another story. The point is when I look back at it now I though I was going crazy precisely because it was subtle - I though it was all in my in mind. The reality is it was subtle and I left the job because I couldn't at that time cope with it.

    I believe that most bullying is subtle because if it's done that way it's harder to prove. It could be argued that the victim is just mis-interpreting innocent remarks.
    However, I am getting my career and life back. I would never dream of abusing my position over another person. It IS possible to be decent and successful.

    Good for you and yes there's no excuses for being a total *unt.


  • Options
    #58
    m5ex9oqjawdg2i
    Closed Accounts Posts: 11,221 ✭✭✭✭m5ex9oqjawdg2i


    suicide_circus wrote: »
    I actually feel sorry for the bullies in some way. Imagine being such an utterly pathetic tosser that you bully another grown adult in the workplace. their lives must be genuinely sh1t.

    I sympathize with bullies as I sympathize with cancer. Poor poor cancer, so misunderstood.


  • Options
    #59
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    skooterblue2 wrote: »
    If you look behind that fascade you will find a very fragile person with usually with addiction problems in the background (gambling, sex, drugs or alcohol). Its just a release to humiliate someone on the workroom floor.

    Nonesense, bullies are often strong individuals, they are just bad and enjoy what they do.

    Some people are born bad.


  • Options
    #60
    Trekker09
    Registered Users Posts: 1,581 ✭✭✭Trekker09


    I started to get bullied just after my son was born. It was instigated by two guys who had, up to then, been ok towards me and I got on OK with. One was adopted and the other lads father had left when he was young. It was subtle at first, written messages left where I'd see them, laughing as I walked past. Small, stupid things that became more obvious after a while. The effect it had on me was devastating. I lost all confidence, couldn't sleep etc and really dreaded getting up in the morning to go to work. I felt small and worthless and my self confidence was non existent.

    This went on for 6 years and kept it all to myself for the 1st 4 years, finally breaking down and sharing it with my wife. In the meantime I had spoken to management about the situation, ,but they brushed it off by bringing the three of us into the office and making us shake hands. I went back in afterwards to complain but it fell on deaf ears, as management obviously thought I had done something to deserve it and basically told me to man up!! My wife was amazing and furious in equal measures. she built me back up emotionally and we decided that I would go back to college part time to see if I could get a better job. I managed to get a software development job after my 1st year exams and have been contracting since 2012, mainly working on overseas projects.

    I still see the 2 bullies, one of them actually apologized to me but I just told him to get away before I decked him. The other one I approached and thanked him for being an arsehole as it had inspired me to better myself! They also had a hard time after I left as some of my colleagues who had seen what was going on came down hard on them after I left. Unknown to me they had also been doing this while I had been bullied. It was an awful, awful time, gut wrenchingly terrible, but for anyone else going through the same thing, share it with someone and get help, the sooner the better.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #61
    Mad_maxx
    Registered Users Posts: 13,505 ✭✭✭✭Mad_maxx


    Wanderer2010 wrote: »
    Bullying really is an odious character trait and the worst thing about bullies is that they will never ever ever ever change. If someone is at heart a decent person but sometimes act like a pr!ck, there is some scope there for improvement when someone points out their flaws but a bully will just look genuinely dumbfounded and surprised if you tell them they are a bully as if you said the weirdest thing in the world, and then continue to torment others. I don't believe either in empathy when it comes to these creatures- tell them straight out to fcuk off and don't take any sh!t and they tend to back down.


    No great mystery, they are just bad.


Advertisement