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Parents moving in with You

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Comments

  • #52
    GoneHome
    Registered Users Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭GoneHome


    mvl wrote: »
    - but I would look into helping them get their own accommodation, including financial support if needed.

    I don't know about offering financial support to be honest, christ if they're both in their 50's and working and they haven't enough for a deposit on a handy apartment/house I'd be questioning what they're doing with their money. The OP is obviously a young guy with his own house and a mortgage to boot so has enough financial pressures of his own without having to help out his in-laws.


  • #53
    4ensic15
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,691 ✭✭✭4ensic15


    It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.


  • #54
    GoneHome
    Registered Users Posts: 1,783 ✭✭✭GoneHome


    ensic15 wrote: »
    It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.

    Different scenario though, as in the majority of cases the parents would be mortgage free, would have their family reared so no school/college costs etc, I know it's not ideal but it's a different situation to what the OP is talking about, a young guy with a mortgage about to start a family and he's landed with his in-laws moving in


  • #55
    NSAman
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,442 ✭✭✭NSAman


    santino wrote: »
    They're in mid 50s. Lovely people, wouldn't impose, but they have their own way of doing things. They would probably cook, clean themselves.
    Have chatted with my OH, she doesn't love the idea but we wouldn't see them out being family and all. I'm just conscious I'm saying that now and not when they've moved in ;)

    Well at least the hash will be passed around and there wont be a "bang" o dem..;)


  • #56
    Dj Stiggie
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 619 ✭✭✭Dj Stiggie


    Aside from everything else posters are saying, I'd be worried about the strain it could put on your and your wife's relationship. Imagine you hate living with them and you end up constantly complaining to your wife. You might not like the solution/side she picks.

    There's no way I'd do, especially if there isn't a time limit. But have her parents even suggested it? Sounds like they're pretty settled in Wicklow.


  • #57
    rainbowtrout
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 15,382 ✭✭✭✭rainbowtrout


    I don't see why this is the only option (have read the follow up post by OP). So they live in Wicklow, can't find anything else suitable in the area so want to move in with you four hours away and give up their jobs in the process?

    So what happens next? Why can't they move out of the immediate area they are in in Wicklow and commute? Depending on what part of Wicklow they are in, can they get new accommodation in Laois, Carlow or Wexford? Are they planning to get jobs where you live? What is the incentive for them to get jobs if they move in with you? Will they actually move out again?


  • #58
    MaryBrosnan
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 110 ✭✭MaryBrosnan


    Coitis will become an issue.


  • #59
    retro:electro
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 21,039 ✭✭✭✭retro:electro


    4ensic15 wrote: »
    It is amazing how many people who are quite prepared to move "home" to the parents in a "crisis" but when the shoe is on the other foot it doesn't seem such a good idea.

    But it’s not a crisis? They’ve been sitting on this since November! I don’t think anyone would mind if the were only moving for a few months/ year due to building or saving for a house deposit, but the move seems to be permanent. It’s not unwise to advise the op of the pitfalls and consequences of that.


  • #60
    Sleepy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,269 ✭✭✭✭Sleepy


    If you do this OP, it'll be the last time you ever get the ride on the couch, the kitchen table or anywhere besides your own bed or a hotel room. And if the other half is a screamer, you're probably not going to be getting the ride at all for fear of the in-laws hearing. :eek:

    Food for thought!


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  • #61
    josip
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,169 ✭✭✭✭josip


    Sleepy wrote: »
    If you do this OP, it'll be the last time you ever get the ride on the couch, the kitchen table or anywhere besides your own bed or a hotel room. And if the other half is a screamer, you're probably not going to be getting the ride at all for fear of the in-laws hearing. :eek:

    Food for thought!


    See OP's post #47 above.
    From now on, all sex will be baby-making sex.
    No more screaming, standard missionary, early on morning of day 13 following a 3 day abstinence, and every morning for 5 days following.


  • #62
    4ensic15
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,691 ✭✭✭4ensic15


    GoneHome wrote: »
    Different scenario though, as in the majority of cases the parents would be mortgage free, would have their family reared so no school/college costs etc, I know it's not ideal but it's a different situation to what the OP is talking about, a young guy with a mortgage about to start a family and he's landed with his in-laws moving in

    what has a mortgage got to do with anything? Why is it ok to move into a mortgage-free house and not a mortgaged one?


  • #63
    4ensic15
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,691 ✭✭✭4ensic15


    retro:electro wrote: »
    But it’s not a crisis? They’ve been sitting on this since November! I don’t think anyone would mind if the were only moving for a few months/ year due to building or saving for a house deposit, but the move seems to be permanent. It’s not unwise to advise the op of the pitfalls and consequences of that.

    Who said it was a crisis?


  • #64
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,084 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    OP, whatever about the short term - this couple need to be thinking about where they will live once they get too old to work. (Also don't make assumptions about how easy it will be for them to find work: once 50 hits, getting jobs gets a lot harder.)

    Are they on the council housing list in Wicklow? If no, then they need to get on to the list wherever they move to. If yes, they need to check whether they can transfer to the list of the council where you are. (Being on the list won't get them a house immediately, but especially once they turn 55 it gets them some options that aren't open to younger people.

    Do they have a longer term vision of a multi-generational household? Unlike many here I wouldn't be 100% against that, there are a lot of advantages, once the adult-children have developed their own maturity by moving out of the original home (which you clearly have done). If they and you + your wife do, then you all need to be figuring out how to afford a large enough property for this.


  • #65
    Church on Tuesday
    Registered Users Posts: 3,858 ✭✭✭Church on Tuesday


    seamus wrote: »
    As above, talk to your wife and ensure that you are both on the same page here. You're not the child of the parents, so you're in the tougher position, you have less room to stand up for yourself. She's the child so you are relying on her to be the representative for your family and to be honest and blunt with her parents when necessary.

    If you're agreed that them living with you is OK, then you need to sit down like four adults and set the ground rules for her parents. It is your house. Your rules. I'm sure her parents haven't been in this scenario for years, and may expect her to be the child, but the relationship is reversed. They do things your way, or they go somewhere else.

    If at all possible to try set up separate living rooms. A TV and a couch where you and your wife can relax, and a separate one where your parents can relax. Even if this is a TV in a bedroom, having a space that's not shared will be essential for everyone's health.


    That almost certainly won't happen.

    Blood is always thicker than water.


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