Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Cousins extensive drug use

Options
  • 24-03-2019 3:57pm
    #1
    dartboardio
    Registered Users Posts: 2,436 ✭✭✭


    My cousin works with me and is quite fond of cocaine the last few years to the point where he doesn't enjoy taking it it seems, takes it alone most of the time etc which is a red flag obviously. We would see him on nights out but he'd only be there to sell it and going off to take it all himself.

    He has told me a few times by now when hes off his head that he knows he has a problem and wants to go to drug counselling or similar

    Its not just a gram or two at the weekends its huge amounts. A half bar of it 6000 worth he had to collect the other day, sells it and has alot left for himself.

    I feel awful for him because anytime i see him he looks miserable even though he'd be on a night out for example.

    I want to help him but dunno how to approach the situation, he lives at home with his parents my aunt, uncle and quite a few siblings and they don't suspect a thing even though his mum is a nurse...

    He told me the other night he just sat in his room alone staring at the ceiling taking loads of it.

    And that he takes it in work. The family are absolutely clueless and not short of a few pound which clearly makes things worse cause as they say its only really a problem when you cant get it.

    Should i confide in his parents? Send them a letter even to tell them to help him?

    How would ye approach the situation.

    I know he wants help but feels trapped because the people around him or the easy access to getting cocaine and he has admitted every week he doesnt wanna go do it but ends up every week.

    He has dropped out of college twice now and is a very intelligent guy i dont wanna see him just have his whole life taken over by something like drugs. Hes worth much more than that.

    I feel like if i approach him sober and give him links to a narcotic anonymous meeting or something he will just fob it off or may get nervous etc


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,215 ✭✭✭Augme


    I'd look up a local Narcotics anonymous group, or whatever the equivalent is over here and see when the next meeting is and go along with him. He clearly wants help. I wouldn't be contacting his parents yet. Try and help him yourself first since he has confided in you.


  • Options
    #3
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Yeah, NA.. even bring him to a meeting..
    He won't have to talk or anything until he wants to..It does work for a lot of people, and even if it doesn't now, once he knows where it is, and the seed is planted, he might get it in time..
    Cocaine is awful..it destroys your ability to do anything without it..makes absolute sh1te of your dopamine system..
    Hope things work out anyway..


  • Options
    #4
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,790 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    I'd be very surprised if he is as bad as you say that the people living with him don't suspect a thing.

    If he's an adult then I suppose the only thing you can do is talk to him directly. Offer him the support to get help for himself if he actually wants it. He has to be serious about quitting it though. If he's not there's nothing you or any of his family can do for him.


  • Options
    #5
    seamus
    Registered Users Posts: 68,317 ✭✭✭✭seamus


    You're concerned for the health and welfare of someone living in your aunt and uncle's house. You need to tell them. It would be different if he just took a quick sniff every other weekend. You're not being hysterical about drugs, you have a genuine concern.

    If he was cutting himself and talking about suicide, you wouldn't keep it to yourself. This is no different.

    Depending on how close you guys are, you could go to him first and tell him that you're worried about him and that you need to tell his family. But it's very hard to effect any change on someone else at a distance. The people closest to them need to be involved.


  • Options
    #6
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Tbh it sounds like he is fobbing off dealing with it and dancing around the issue.

    You could tip off the Gardai anonymously and that would give him an almighty kick up the arse and might spur him into action to address his addiction. He might be compelled to enter into residential drug addition treatment in order to avoid going to prison.

    Being a dealer and not just a user means he is actively fuelling the drugs industry which ruins lives, results in murder and killing of innocents and environmental destruction.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    You could tip off the Gardai anonymously and that would give him an almighty kick up the arse and might spur him into action to address his addiction. He might be compelled to enter into residential drug addition treatment in order to avoid going to prison.

    Being a dealer and not just a user means he is actively fuelling the drugs industry which ruins lives, results in murder and killing of innocents and environmental destruction.

    I agree with the sentiment about dealers and drug dealing anyway, but reporting him to the guards isn't the way to go with this I don't think. If he were just a dealer that's one thing, it's scummy to profit from other people's misery. This guy has a serious substance abuse issue himself. He's as much a victim of it as anyone else.

    I don't think the OP should go down the gardaí route:

    - it's unlikely the guards will do much about it.

    - it doesn't help him address his addiction. Even when compelled to attend a program a person won't quit for good unless they want to. You can't force it.

    - in the end, all that will happen if the guards do get involved is he will lose his job and end up with a criminal record. You can imagine how this would only exacerbate his drug use - he probaby would not do time for this, whatever that might accomplish anyway.

    OP I think if you are really concerned I would tell your aunt and uncle and let them deal with it. They are better placed to handle it, I wouldn't be taking this on. Separately, they should be made aware of what going on under their roof if they don't know. If he got into a bad debt (which he likely will considering the scale of his use) then they're at risk too. It's not right that they don't know.

    I think this is too much to take on secretly and you need to let his parents know.


  • Options
    #8
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Tbh it sounds like he is fobbing off dealing with it and dancing around the issue.

    You could tip off the Gardai anonymously and that would give him an almighty kick up the arse and might spur him into action to address his addiction. He might be compelled to enter into residential drug addition treatment in order to avoid going to prison.

    Being a dealer and not just a user means he is actively fuelling the drugs industry which ruins lives, results in murder and killing of innocents and environmental destruction.

    This is awful advice OP, please ignore this.

    Given the quantities you've referred to him having I wouldn't be involving the authorites at all - the whole situation will be taken out of your hands and could well result in him getting years of jail time for this...he has a mental health issue and needs support, not condemnation and his own family members selling him out to the police because they think it might give him a "kick up the arse".

    Actually laughable that somebody could do this and think they're "helping" him.


  • Options
    #9
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Well considering the downward spiral of drug abuse and mental disarray that he is in it is only a matter of time before he runs up debts with his dealers than he cannot pay off and next thing you know you have higher level drug dealers battering down the door of the family home and demanding money from the family on threat of kneecapping or worse.

    It is only a matter of time before that happens or else he is found by his parents stone dead some afternoon after a massive overdose which is quite likely considering that he is lying off on the bed staring at the ceiling while taking in copious volumes of the stuff. It is just a matter of time before something bad happens one way or the other.


  • Options
    #10
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I also wouldn't involve your other family members behind his back.

    Speak to him directly about it, state that he needs to seek help and that you'll be there along with him. Take him to a narcotics anonymous meeting and get him on that track.

    Everyone else deciding on his behalf what's best for him behind his back might make him feel patronised and make him defensive over it - be sure to engage with him personally over this before involving anyone else.


  • Options
    #11
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    But where is the motivation for him to actually change is ways? Just because his cousin tells him? Yeah right.

    I would advise a bit of encouragement in the form of an ultimatum that he either demonstrates that he is geting clean and stops dealing or you will be telling the parents and then the gardai if there is still no move from him. He is in a drug induced stupor. He needs a motivator to actually change his ways.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Well considering the downward spiral of drug abuse and mental disarray that he is in it is only a matter of time before he runs up debts with his dealers than he cannot pay off and next thing you know you have higher level drug dealers battering down the door of the family home and demanding money from the family on threat of kneecapping or worse.

    It is only a matter of time before that happens or else he is found by his parents stone dead some afternoon after a massive overdose which is quite likely considering that he is lying off on the bed staring at the ceiling while taking in copious volumes of the stuff. It is just a matter of time before something bad happens one way or the other.

    Oh so the best way to alleviate this downward spiral and mental disarray is to introduce the incredible enormous mental stress of being investigated by the Gardaí out of the blue for cocaine distribution?? Are you having a laugh?!
    How is the prospect of him going to prison for 20 years, not to mention having a criminal record that would preclude him from securing any gainful employment in the future supposed to help him, over say, having a firm and frank conversation over it with him directly and getting him started on some addiction programmes?
    It's actually an absurd suggestion honestly that your option might even be the slightest bit helpful; I pray to god that you aren't one of my relatives and certainly would ever want to avail of any "help" from you!


  • Options
    #13
    wiggle16
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 3,022 Mod ✭✭✭✭wiggle16


    Mod note:

    Posters should direct their responses to the OP. If you don't have constructive advice for the OP, please don't post.

    Thanks


  • Options
    #14
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Sure he can just plea the mental health and addition card and he'll be out in 6 months and maybe get off the drugs.

    I'd say he'd probably even get sent to a residential treatment centre rather than a prison.


  • Options
    #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    TheBoyConor wrote: »
    Sure he can just plea the mental health and addition card and he'll be out in 6 months and maybe get off the drugs.

    I'd say he'd probably even get sent to a residential treatment centre rather than a prison.

    It still takes it out of his hands - he should be given the opportunity to pursue treatment himself with his cousin's support.

    Perhaps he doesn't want to be labelled a drug addict and have people judging him his whole life ("well he shouldn't do drugs then eh??" - I'm sure he's aware he has an issue, giving up highly addictive class A drugs of your own volition is probably a good deal more difficult than we might realise)


  • Options
    #16
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Yes give him the opportunity to deal with it of his own volition, of course. But what happens if he fails to honour such a commitment or fails? Do you just walk away and let him to his fate?

    A point will come when the parents and/or gardai have to become involved for the safety of the family and cousin. As I said, it could escalate to gangsters coming late at night to collect debts or the cousin being found stone dead from an overdose.

    If it were to come to that I don't think the rest of the family would be too keen on the OP saying to them, "oh yeah, I knew about it the whole time. Sure I said to him 'give up your aul drugs'" Confidentiality between the cousins is not going to be much comfort when the cousin is lying in a grave or his brother/sister/parent is in lying in ICU in a hospital after a beating or from a pissed off drug dealer who is owed money.


  • Options
    #17
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,790 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    Mod Note:

    The Witch King of Angmar and TheBoyConor, enough. You are both after falling into a huge big pile of supposition there. Offer advice to the OP. That's it. That's all we ask. You can disagree with the advice given by another poster, of course, but do it in the context of offering your own advice.

    Thanks.


  • Options
    #18
    poisonated
    Registered Users Posts: 2,277 ✭✭✭poisonated


    I disagree with bringing in the Gardaí. That would just make his life more miserable than it possibly is. If has health insurance, st Patrick’s do a course that I believe is very good. I haven’t done it myself though but have heard good things.


  • Options
    #19
    joeguevara
    Registered Users Posts: 8,041 ✭✭✭joeguevara


    Just to put this into perspective if you do follow the crazy advice of getting Gardai involved. If they catch him with a half bar what do you think will happen. That's 4.5 oz which is 126 Grammes which if found with mixing agent will be valued over 13k which is mandatory 10 years. Jaysus great advice.


  • Options
    #20
    xword
    Registered Users Posts: 34 ✭xword


    Yes, agree with others here. Offer to go to a meeting with him. But he has to make the decision first. It's very altruistic of you to want to help, but you don't need to be caught up in his drama either. You can gently let him know that when he's ready to confront his addiction, you'll be there to help him, but for the time being, you' rather not know any more about his issues because they upset you. You're a good cousin.


  • Options
    #21
    HappyAsLarE
    Closed Accounts Posts: 771 ✭✭✭HappyAsLarE


    The only way he will stop is when he wants to stop. When the pain of the addiction out weighs the pain of sobriety.

    I am speaking from experience. You will not be helping him in any way by telling his parents or the gardai.


  • Advertisement
Advertisement