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Gay man addicted to straight porn

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  • 17-02-2019 2:12am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi

    The title of this thread might be slightly simplifying my situation. I'm a 40 year old man who is gay. I know this because I have never been able to sustain any sort of lasting relationship with a woman, in spite of being somewhat good looking (if I say so myself, hah)

    I know I am gay because piecing together my behavior since I was young, Ive always been attracted to men, in the form of trying to make them happy, or getting joy fro their acknowledgement, similar (bosses , friends, colleagues etc) and never been able to have sexual relations with a woman. I cant bring myself to watch gay porn for some reason, and keep going back to straight porn, but I think its more down to habit than anything else. I get that women are attractive, there's a reason their so popular, but when I am with one, I get a revulsive feeling. Ive been afraid to engage in sexual activity with a man, because of one experience I had at a party, where a guy who was a bit bigger than me got a little bit overly handsy.

    I'm worried about going to therapy about it, I did a few years ago, and the therapist, (it was a community center, and I think she might have been catholic) was convincing me I was just a confused straight man. I spent the next year trying to be straight, much to my own and several womans disappointment.

    I cant find anything online similar to my situation. I feel like I'm emotionally attracted to men, but not physically??? I don't care if I'm gay, or if I'm straight, I just want to know what I am. I want to have some sort of a caring lasting relationship with a person, I'm beyond lonely. Has anyone heard of anyone in a similar situation? Is it normal, or even heard of before? Should I just lock away my sexuality and be asexual? If you don't use it (gay) can I lose it? Has anyone had to teach themselves how to be gay?

    I would appreciate any advice....

    thanks in advance


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    #2
    suicide_circus
    Registered Users Posts: 19,802 ✭✭✭✭suicide_circus


    what was your relationship with your parents like?


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    #3
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    Question RE gay sexuality wrote: »
    I'm a 40 year old man who is gay. I know this because I have never been able to sustain any sort of lasting relationship with a woman, in spite of being somewhat good looking (if I say so myself, hah)

    I know I am gay because piecing together my behavior since I was young, Ive always been attracted to men, in the form of trying to make them happy, or getting joy fro their acknowledgement, similar (bosses , friends, colleagues etc) and never been able to have sexual relations with a woman.

    There's a lot in these two points, OP.

    In general, people who are gay or bisexual find their own gender sexually attractive. That's one of the main defining characteristics. What you identify as attraction I'd probably put down to admiration or slight hero-worship. Not being able to have sex with a woman or make a relationship last doesn't mean you're gay.

    Here's the thing, do you even WANT to have sex with a man?

    I wouldn't really pay much attention to the type of porn you watch, I'm pretty much exclusively attracted to women but I watch a fair chunk of gay male porn, it's just a bit hotter to me.

    I would really recommend you going to a therapist who has some experience in working with sexual minorities and understands the nuances of human sexuality. You might be asexual, you might be Demi-sexual, you might be any combination of sexual, or non.


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    #4
    GWHYTE123
    Registered Users Posts: 12 ✭GWHYTE123


    Hi, I am married, but feel like a woman, Im 42 now and it is only recently that I have thought about being with a man emotionally, since then its been a huge burden mentally, and creates loneliness too. I feel estranged from wife and sex there dosen't work.
    So i know what loneliness is like


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    #5
    GWHYTE123
    Registered Users Posts: 12 ✭GWHYTE123


    Sorry meant to say I look at straight porn but imagine im the female


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