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Feeling numb and obsessive thoughts

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  • 09-11-2019 1:55pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Hi,
    Going to try to make this as short as possible. Male, 36, married, decent job, basically all the stuff that's supposed to make you happy.
    I've suffered with depression in stages of my adult life which lead to going on antidepressants on two different occasions. About a year for each time. Haven't felt the need for them in about 6 years and life's been going really well.
    About 6 months ago I noticed a cute girl in work, no big deal, I work in a big office so there are lots of attractive people around. The problem is I developed a crush on this girl but again didn't think anything of it. No intention of it going anywhere, just a small crush. The problem is I've found myself obsessively thinking about her. Not only that, I'm now starting to feel completely numb to everything else as in I don't get excited by anything I'd normally be interested in. When I think of her I feel something but I feel it's not actually her, I'm just looking for something to make myself feel somewhat alive.
    My worry is that I recognise that numb feeling as a sign of depression, something bigger is going on and the more I think about it the worse it seems to get. I'm utterly confused because I've no reason to feel this way. In the past I could always put depression down to being unemployed and feeling hopeless. Now that I have the things I thought I wanted I still feel like I'm missing something.
    I know this is not very well thought out and I probably come across as a complete mess but I kind of feel that way at the moment.


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    #2
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,203 ✭✭✭Augme


    Overandover wrote: »
    Male, 36, married, decent job, basically all the stuff that's supposed to make you happy.

    Firstly I think it's very important to get away from the attitude above. Happiness is different for everyone and I think you need to figure out what happiness means for you.

    I'm a bit younger than you, the idea of marraige for me is hell for example. What struck me is you never spoke about your wife. Do you love her? Is your relationship good? Is there passion in the relationship? Have yous reached a point where it's all gone a bit mundane and boring?

    As for a decent job, what is that? I could work in a job that really well paid, has lots of benefits but the actually day to day work is boring snd I know I wouldn't enjoy that job. Do you actually enjoy your job? Do you look forward going into work?

    You need to figure out what would actually make you happy in life. Maybe sit down by yourself in evening and make a list of what currently makes you happy or you enjoy about your life and make a list of things that you think would make you happy.


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Augme wrote: »
    Firstly I think it's very important to get away from the attitude above. Happiness is different for everyone and I think you need to figure out what happiness means for you.

    I'm a bit younger than you, the idea of marraige for me is hell for example. What struck me is you never spoke about your wife. Do you love her? Is your relationship good? Is there passion in the relationship? Have yous reached a point where it's all gone a bit mundane and boring?

    As for a decent job, what is that? I could work in a job that really well paid, has lots of benefits but the actually day to day work is boring snd I know I wouldn't enjoy that job. Do you actually enjoy your job? Do you look forward going into work?

    You need to figure out what would actually make you happy in life. Maybe sit down by yourself in evening and make a list of what currently makes you happy or you enjoy about your life and make a list of things that you think would make you happy.

    Thanks for the response. I do love my wife and our relationship is good. Maybe apart from the last while but that's down entirely to me. I feel like this just crept up on me. I was going along fine and then all of a sudden I realised that I wasn't feeling much at all. I really like my job, it's very challenging and to be honest I've channelled all my energy into it in the last couple of months because it's the only thing that seems to fill the gap. I'm also guilty of wanting to see said girl at work because it gives me a feeling of something. It's weird, i don't want a relationship with this girl as I'm married so I don't even know why I'm even thinking about her. That lead me to start thinking deeper and I realised I'm not feeling myself at all. In work I'm confident and assured and I'm starting to feel less so in my social life. Might sound strange but I don't really know myself anymore.


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    #4
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Overandover wrote: »
    Hi,
    Going to try to make this as short as possible. Male, 36, married, decent job, basically all the stuff that's supposed to make you happy.
    I've suffered with depression in stages of my adult life which lead to going on antidepressants on two different occasions. About a year for each time. Haven't felt the need for them in about 6 years and life's been going really well.
    About 6 months ago I noticed a cute girl in work, no big deal, I work in a big office so there are lots of attractive people around. The problem is I developed a crush on this girl but again didn't think anything of it. No intention of it going anywhere, just a small crush. The problem is I've found myself obsessively thinking about her. Not only that, I'm now starting to feel completely numb to everything else as in I don't get excited by anything I'd normally be interested in. When I think of her I feel something but I feel it's not actually her, I'm just looking for something to make myself feel somewhat alive.
    My worry is that I recognise that numb feeling as a sign of depression, something bigger is going on and the more I think about it the worse it seems to get. I'm utterly confused because I've no reason to feel this way. In the past I could always put depression down to being unemployed and feeling hopeless. Now that I have the things I thought I wanted I still feel like I'm missing something.
    I know this is not very well thought out and I probably come across as a complete mess but I kind of feel that way at the moment.


    You have analyzed it well. You feel dead inside. So you need to do something about that.

    Existing is not the same as living.


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    #5
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    maybe you need to speak to your gp. depression can raise its head anytime and needs to be treated.


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    I agree that something is wrong but I'm confused because depression has been different in the past.
    I spoke to my wife about it who also thinks I need to speak to someone. I didn't mention the fact that I've had a lot of thoughts about some random girl and that's the only time I feel alive because of guilt and obviously not wanting to hurt anyone. Those thoughts while they make me feel something they also make me feel sick because I know they are unhealthy and so the cycle continues.


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    #7
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Depression can show up in lots of different ways - you can experience the numbness or anhedonia without feeling particularly sad, and there doesn't have to be a specific reason like unemployment for that to happen. It also sounds like your obsession with this girl might be a side-effect of your general numbness, like you are focussing on the one thing that still allows you to experience a strong emotional response.

    You say you recognise some of the signs as being similar to when you were depressed before, so it's very very probable its the same thing coming on again. Please do go to the doctor - don't wait until the flatness becomes so normal you forget what it was like before.


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    #8
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    B0jangles wrote: »
    Depression can show up in lots of different ways - you can experience the numbness or anhedonia without feeling particularly sad, and there doesn't have to be a specific reason like unemployment for that to happen. It also sounds like your obsession with this girl might be a side-effect of your general numbness, like you are focussing on the one thing that still allows you to experience a strong emotional response.

    You say you recognise some of the signs as being similar to when you were depressed before, so it's very very probable its the same thing coming on again. Please do go to the doctor - don't wait until the flatness becomes so normal you forget what it was like before.

    Thanks for this. My head's been all over the place this week and at one point in work I had to go outside because I felt completely overwhelmed by my thoughts. Really feel like this has come out of the blue. I've made an appointment for this week to see my go with a view to going to see a therapist once and for all. The more I think about it I can't remember the last time I was happy and I'm a little worried that maybe I just can't be. My dear is not so much for me but for my wife. I never intended to drag someone else into this. I can kind of deal with it because it's my life but it's not fair to put it on her. By that I mean I don't know if I can ever be the partner that someone truly deserves. Things can be great for a couple of years and then this **** will happen and ruin it all. Sorry again for such an incoherent post but I'm very thankful for the responses.


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    #9
    B0jangles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,951 ✭✭✭B0jangles


    Overandover wrote: »
    Thanks for this. My head's been all over the place this week and at one point in work I had to go outside because I felt completely overwhelmed by my thoughts. Really feel like this has come out of the blue. I've made an appointment for this week to see my go with a view to going to see a therapist once and for all. The more I think about it I can't remember the last time I was happy and I'm a little worried that maybe I just can't be. My dear is not so much for me but for my wife. I never intended to drag someone else into this. I can kind of deal with it because it's my life but it's not fair to put it on her. By that I mean I don't know if I can ever be the partner that someone truly deserves. Things can be great for a couple of years and then this **** will happen and ruin it all. Sorry again for such an incoherent post but I'm very thankful for the responses.


    Well done on making that appointment, I know how extremely hard it can be to take that step when you're feeling very low :)
    The overwhelming dark thoughts and the feeling like you're bad for your wife are the illness talking - they are not real*.
    You said you've been through this before - remember too that you went on medication and you got better, so the medication worked, and it will work again.

    Very very best wishes OP - it's an awful thing to go through but you can recover and be happy and hopeful again.

    edit: *I don't mean the thoughts and feelings aren't real, they absolutely are - I mean that they are probably being generated and influenced by the depression.


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