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Coping with sudden loss and the anger/bitterness afterwards

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  • 19-06-2019 11:33am
    #1
    jon1981
    Registered Users Posts: 4,359 ✭✭✭


    I lost my mother 4 weeks ago at 62 also suddenly (Haven't spoke to my father in 19 yrs). Each day is a struggle but I get through it. I have a young family and a busy job so I don't really have a choice.

    What plagues me is being robbed of the future I had in my head, family holidays, my children building a bond with their nanny, who loved them dearly. She adored them, we left if late in life to have them so sadly she only had a short couple of years with them. The thought of them never seeing the joy they brought her really gets me.

    She had a very hard life (father related) and she was getting to a stage when really the good years were ahead. I just can't get over it. She would not have wanted to leave the world now, there was still too much she wanted to enjoy.

    I see other people with their parents or having really good trouble free lives and I can't help but get angry how much is being taken for granted. I know this is all me, not them but I can't stop. I'm even withdrawing from wanted to see my in-laws or be at their family events because I can't help but feel like I'm missing out on all of this.

    The big concern i have is feeling bitter and angry with people for ever. How did you get over that?


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    #2
    Voltex
    Registered Users Posts: 1,580 ✭✭✭Voltex


    So sorry for you loss Jon! 62 is very young to pass away. My mam passed away 7 months ago aged 66...so I feel your pain! Im not gonna try and add some words to try and make you feel better...its one of the worst pains in the world to feel.

    Resentment, bitterness, anger all comes with the loss of such a close relative. I felt and still feel these emotions towards certain people, but through counselling and hard work, I've learned to manage these feelings in a way that's healthy.


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    #3
    farmchoice
    Registered Users Posts: 1,026 ✭✭✭farmchoice


    im sorry for your loss mate. we lost my mother in law 3 and a half years ago. she was much the same age as your mum, and like that our kids were young the youngest less than a year.


    our lives seemed so empty after her death, every thing so pointless and futile, like that all the holidays we were going to take all the time she would have had with her grand kids....


    that was 3 years ago now and while we all still miss her and talk of her all the time that terrible gut wrenching pain has passed.


    it seems like a cliche but by and large its true, time is a great healer. you will always miss you mam, and when you see other families and the kids with their granny's, first communions, birthdays , graduations, marriages your heart will be heavy for a moment, but you will in time get the joy back in your life.


    for now just keep on keepin on, its all you can do. and dont be to hard on yourself grief is a terrible thing, mind yourself.


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