I'm really struggling, need advice

_Godot_ · 12-11-2019 5:00pm #1

I'm just after having a massive crying fit over everything.

My siblings and I inherited a house after our father died. My brother and I currently live in it, and our sister lives in the UK. I am currently on disability and my brother, who was told by a social worker he was almost guaranteed disability, doesn't have any money at all, because he didn't finish his application (he had sent the form off, they requested some more information he didn't send it, so his application was closed), because of his pride (his words). Now I'm forced to pay bills, buy foods, and somehow come up with the money to pay plumbers to fix every leak that happens (currently have a leak and I have some money, but I also have an electricity bill to pay).

And there's also a pipe just outside in the garden under a small metal cover with a hole in it, and there's a blockage of stones in it, or so a previous plumber told me, and it gets backed up with **** and paper, and I just spend time clearing out what I could and putting drain unblocker down to at least try and clear out 'organic material'.

And I just can't take it any more, I'm still in tears, trying to not break down, I can afford to get this place fixed up or move out, and I just wish this whole damn place would disappear, or that I would.

I can't get a loan, I have no savings. Our sister can't help. Is there anything I can do, or someone to speak to that can help?

LuciX · 12-11-2019 5:26pm

_Godot_ wrote: »

I can't get a loan, I have no savings. Our sister can't help. Is there anything I can do, or someone to speak to that can help?

Check this out: https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/money_and_tax/personal_finance/loans_and_credit/microcredit_loans.html

The Personal Microcredit Scheme provides small credit union loans at low interest rates. The loans are available to people getting a social welfare payment who may have difficulty getting credit from other sources.

lfen · 12-11-2019 5:42pm

Firstly, you need to tell your brother how him not following through on his claim, is impacting you. It sounds like he needs you to hand hold him through his application. Frustrating I know, but power through as it will be worth it in the end.

<snipped>

Also, is there a spare room in the house? If so, could you rent a room out to help with cash flow?

There are always options. Have your cry. Get it out and then get yourself a pen and paper and start focusing on what CAN be done.

Purgative · 12-11-2019 7:34pm

lfen wrote: »

<snipped>

Please please don't do this.

Possibly use the info supplied by Lucix or possibly try a credit union.

StinkyMunkey · 12-11-2019 8:07pm

_Godot_ wrote: »

I'm just after having a massive crying fit over everything.

My siblings and I inherited a house after our father died. My brother and I currently live in it, and our sister lives in the UK. I am currently on disability and my brother, who was told by a social worker he was almost guaranteed disability, doesn't have any money at all, because he didn't finish his application (he had sent the form off, they requested some more information he didn't send it, so his application was closed), because of his pride (his words). Now I'm forced to pay bills, buy foods, and somehow come up with the money to pay plumbers to fix every leak that happens (currently have a leak and I have some money, but I also have an electricity bill to pay).

And there's also a pipe just outside in the garden under a small metal cover with a hole in it, and there's a blockage of stones in it, or so a previous plumber told me, and it gets backed up with **** and paper, and I just spend time clearing out what I could and putting drain unblocker down to at least try and clear out 'organic material'.

And I just can't take it any more, I'm still in tears, trying to not break down, I can afford to get this place fixed up or move out, and I just wish this whole damn place would disappear, or that I would.

I can't get a loan, I have no savings. Our sister can't help. Is there anything I can do, or someone to speak to that can help?

So your brothers pride prevents him from claiming benefits fits, but his pride has no problem sponging off his sister on disability....!!!

It's time your brother got some tough love, without even knowing your situation, your brother sounds like a lazy git.

Light a fire under his ass, time he started to pull his weight.

12-11-2019 8:17pm

Do not go into debt if you can avoid it.

You either need your brother to start paying towards the upkeep of the house and bills or for him to move out.

_Godot_ · 12-11-2019 8:37pm

He can't afford to move out because he has no money. I would really love to leave and sell this dump, but he's the only reason I haven't!

Purple Mountain · 12-11-2019 8:40pm

Go see the Community Welfare Officer and tell them you need money to fix essentials in the house.

zapper55 · 12-11-2019 8:53pm

Put it up for sale. Tell him you cant afford to run it on your income. Surely if you split the proceeds you'd be better off just living apart. He has no respect for you. Hes more interested in his pride.

isohon · 12-11-2019 9:04pm

_Godot_ wrote: »

I'm just after having a massive crying fit over everything.

My siblings and I inherited a house after our father died. My brother and I currently live in it, and our sister lives in the UK. I am currently on disability and my brother, who was told by a social worker he was almost guaranteed disability, doesn't have any money at all, because he didn't finish his application (he had sent the form off, they requested some more information he didn't send it, so his application was closed), because of his pride (his words). Now I'm forced to pay bills, buy foods, and somehow come up with the money to pay plumbers to fix every leak that happens (currently have a leak and I have some money, but I also have an electricity bill to pay).

And there's also a pipe just outside in the garden under a small metal cover with a hole in it, and there's a blockage of stones in it, or so a previous plumber told me, and it gets backed up with **** and paper, and I just spend time clearing out what I could and putting drain unblocker down to at least try and clear out 'organic material'.

And I just can't take it any more, I'm still in tears, trying to not break down, I can afford to get this place fixed up or move out, and I just wish this whole damn place would disappear, or that I would.

I can't get a loan, I have no savings. Our sister can't help. Is there anything I can do, or someone to speak to that can help?

If you are really feeling like you want to disappear, and are making plans in that regard, you need to immediately go to your gp for a walk in appointment and tell them exactly how you feel with no sugar coating at all.

Aside from that (and it must really be your first priority), you need to see your community welfare officer as soon as possible. Bring the bills, the quotes for the work, (ask the plumber to print them off if you don't have them now) go in and explain honestly and completely how you feel. Do not spare your brother in this.

If your brother refuses to claim disability, and has no other income, then he has no food. Do not give him any. Remove light bulbs from all the rooms you don't use. Keep your toilet paper in your own room. Lock your room. His pride cannot come at your expense.

Tipperary animal lover · 12-11-2019 9:20pm

_Godot_ wrote: »

I'm just after having a massive crying fit over everything.

My siblings and I inherited a house after our father died. My brother and I currently live in it, and our sister lives in the UK. I am currently on disability and my brother, who was told by a social worker he was almost guaranteed disability, doesn't have any money at all, because he didn't finish his application (he had sent the form off, they requested some more information he didn't send it, so his application was closed), because of his pride (his words). Now I'm forced to pay bills, buy foods, and somehow come up with the money to pay plumbers to fix every leak that happens (currently have a leak and I have some money, but I also have an electricity bill to pay).

And there's also a pipe just outside in the garden under a small metal cover with a hole in it, and there's a blockage of stones in it, or so a previous plumber told me, and it gets backed up with **** and paper, and I just spend time clearing out what I could and putting drain unblocker down to at least try and clear out 'organic material'.

And I just can't take it any more, I'm still in tears, trying to not break down, I can afford to get this place fixed up or move out, and I just wish this whole damn place would disappear, or that I would.

I can't get a loan, I have no savings. Our sister can't help. Is there anything I can do, or someone to speak to that can help?

Put in a request to your local svpd office, ask them for help tell them your story ans see if theyll help you out, also they can help with coal or oil over the winter speak to them all depends on who you talk to some are very nice some can be standoffish

Padre_Pio · 12-11-2019 9:26pm

_Godot_ wrote: »

He can't afford to move out because he has no money. I would really love to leave and sell this dump, but he's the only reason I haven't!

You have to look after yourself, not people who won't look after themselves.

Put the house up for sale and downsize to something you can manage by yourself.

Mooooo · 12-11-2019 9:27pm

Ask the plumber is he looking for an apprentice and send the brother off with him, might learn to fix what's up with the house if nothing else.
If he can't realise that ye have a roof over yer heads and have to manage the running of it to keep it I dunno what can be said to the lad. If he looks for money don't give a cent, he must learn

_Godot_ · 13-11-2019 1:18am

I want to thank everyone, you all gave me something to think about. I'll be having a long chat with my sister about everything.

Midster · 13-11-2019 1:54am

Fact is you obviously love your brother, otherwise you would have kicked him out by now.

Maybe he gives you good company, maybe he does what he can, maybe deep down you feel that being completely on your own might be worse.

But you have to look at this situation logically. In order to stay were you are, you need more money, and if you get to far behind on your bills the bank will take the house from under you and then you both will really end up with nothing.

If you and him want to continue living together and are happy doing that, you absolutely must confront him on the conversation before it’s to late, make him understand how real the situation is, get through to him, slap him in the face if you have to.

Take him through it step by step, help him, if your aim is to keep the house it’s in your interest, and his to do so.

And pray that he gets back on benefit fast enough so you don’t loose the house. Till then, you and you alone will have to do all you can.

If he doesn’t listen, and won’t do what you ask, my advise is to sell the house, and fast before the water damage gets to great.

I’m so sorry for your situation, I don’t know you, but try not to let your own sorrow take your mind off what must be done.

I'm really struggling, need advice

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