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Extra job

  • 04-04-2019 9:10am
    #1
    wicorthered
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭


    My best friend is tied up abroad and won't know can he make my wedding till a week or two before hand. I've had to allocate all the readings etc to others just in case he can't make it.


    I want to involve him in some way, so any suggestions for something he could do at short notice that we wouldn't need if he cant make it?


Comments

  • #2
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,340 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    Have you asked him if he wants to do anything? Some people often think it will make someone feel important to "be involved" and have a job but it can often just be a hassle. If you have all the duties assigned to other people, just let him enjoy the wedding!


  • #3
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Exactly. Does he actually want an active part? For my brothers wedding I had to do readings but i only did it because i felt obliged to do it. I'd have much preferred to just have nothing to do and sit there as a spectator. It was some dose having to do religious readings when I don't even believe in god. But sure I wasn't going to rock the boat about it.


  • #4
    wicorthered
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭wicorthered


    I'm pretty sure he'd like to be involved.


  • #5
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Pretty sure? Have you actually asked him?


  • #6
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,457 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    being 'involved' is a pain in the hole


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  • #7
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    ^Yep.

    For many people, guys especially, attending the church part of a wedding is a boring chore.


  • #8
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    It's his best friend, guys, he likely wouldn't have an issue doing something. Not everyone hates weddings like so many posters here would have you believe.

    Yes, OP, you could ask him if he'd like to do something just to check, especially if he's up to his eyeballs in work stuff. Depending on whether he's techie or not you could ask him to put together a slideshow of photos for during drinks or something. My best friend did that and he put in photos of us with friends, family all that so it wasn't just pictures of us :pac: And even if he doesn't get to come to the wedding he could send it as a file beforehand. But it's also something that if it's not there no-one will miss it.


  • #9
    lawred2
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 24,457 ✭✭✭✭lawred2


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    It's his best friend, guys, he likely wouldn't have an issue doing something. Not everyone hates weddings like so many posters here would have you believe.

    Yes, OP, you could ask him if he'd like to do something just to check, especially if he's up to his eyeballs in work stuff. Depending on whether he's techie or not you could ask him to put together a slideshow of photos for during drinks or something. My best friend did that and he put in photos of us with friends, family all that so it wasn't just pictures of us :pac: And even if he doesn't get to come to the wedding he could send it as a file beforehand. But it's also something that if it's not there no-one will miss it.

    Jobs for the mass like readings are without doubt a pain the in the hole.


  • #10
    baby and crumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 8,512 ✭✭✭baby and crumble


    lawred2 wrote: »
    Jobs for the mass like readings are without doubt a pain the in the hole.

    Honestly, I love doing readings at weddings. I get I'm possibly in the minority but I very much enjoy being asked to do them, and honestly I see them as a compliment to me and my relationship with whoever is getting married. You don't want someone you dislike or don't care about speaking at your wedding.

    I do get that a lot of people have issues with public speaking etc., but to blanketly say everyone hates being asked to do things at weddings - especially if it's someone as close as a best friend - is wrong. That's all I'm saying.


  • #11
    Loveinapril
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,340 ✭✭✭Loveinapril


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    It's his best friend, guys, he likely wouldn't have an issue doing something. Not everyone hates weddings like so many posters here would have you believe.

    Yeah, I am sure he wouldn't mind doing something to help out but I don't think the OP should be trying to find something just to feel like he has included him. I love weddings, but my day has never been enhanced by being asked to encourage people to sign the guest book, handing out booklets or moving flowers from one area to another. I would much rather be having a drink with people, relaxing and enjoying the day.


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  • #12
    RoamingDoc
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 174 ✭✭RoamingDoc


    You'd have to ask him as it may not be his thing at all but what about being an extra groomsman?

    Stand at the top of the church during the ceremony, stand around for a few photos afterward, then on to enjoy the reception.

    Doesn't have anything undone if he can't make it.

    Plus, as your best friend, would be nice to have him in the photos and at the top of the church?


  • #13
    Mrs OBumble
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 26,084 ✭✭✭✭Mrs OBumble


    Chief wine tester.

    Can he sing or play an instrument well enough to do a solo?


  • #14
    jlm29
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    If you really feel the need, write an extra prayer of the faithful, that can be omitted, or that someone else can read if needs be.
    Or put in another reflection or something somewhere. I personally agree with those who say there’s not really a need. I hate being asked to do these things, no matter how close I am to the couple getting married. And I’d certainly hate to think they actually had to make up a job just for the sake of including me


  • #15
    wicorthered
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭wicorthered


    Cheers for the replies.


    I'd feel awkward asking him to so something without having a definite role lined up. I have explained I'd penciled him in for the readings until I found out he wasn't sure he'd make it, so I suppose he does know I did want him involved.



    The more I think about it the more it does appear I'm just trying to shoehorn him in, which might make him feel awkward!


  • #16
    bucketybuck
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 18,495 ✭✭✭✭bucketybuck


    baby and crumble wrote: »
    It's his best friend, guys, he likely wouldn't have an issue doing something.

    Big difference between "happy to help if asked", and "feeling upset if not given something to do"...

    It really does sound like he is being shoehorned in for the sake of it here, and if he is busy at work and only coming last minute then really what is the aim of finding some busywork for him to do? Who is that helping?


  • #17
    wicorthered
    Registered Users Posts: 729 ✭✭✭wicorthered


    bucketybuck wrote: »
    Big difference between "happy to help if asked", and "feeling upset if not given something to do"...

    It really does sound like he is being shoehorned in for the sake of it here, and if he is busy at work and only coming last minute then really what is the aim of finding some busywork for him to do? Who is that helping?


    It's not just for the sake of it. I'd like him involved and under other circumstances I know he'd like to be involved.


    I was hoping someone might of known of a role I wasn't aware of, that I could have asked him to fill. Instead it looks like I'd have to make up a job, which might make him feel like he was putting us out or that he might feel as you say we're putting him in for the sake of it. Which I don't want either as obviously I want him to enjoy his day to!


  • #18
    JustAThought
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,324 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    wicorthered wrote: »
    It's not just for the sake of it. I'd like him involved and under other circumstances I know he'd like to be involved.


    I was hoping someone might of known of a role I wasn't aware of, that I could have asked him to fill. Instead it looks like I'd have to make up a job, which might make him feel like he was putting us out or that he might feel as you say we're putting him in for the sake of it. Which I don't want either as obviously I want him to enjoy his day to!

    If its religious ceremony you could get one person to bring up the gifts and if he arrives he could share this job. Important and visible but not indespensible. But it would mean he couldnt have a drink before or might be restricted in where he could sit. An extra prayer of the faithful that the next person could read if s/he didnt turn up is the easiest - IF they like parading up the length of the Church and if they want a job and if the like reading to a hallfull of people.

    Tbhs/ he's not sure if s/he can make your wedding. He is already under a lot of pressure from you. I'd be being supportive of him and not putting him/her under more pressire to go by finding jobs for him/her. They are being as clear as they can about probably not making it - living abroad, work issues, won't be able to tell you until about 10 days before. Why can some peoole not take a big flashing yet politely worded huge hint. ? I'd insread write a letter they could keep saying nice things about the past & friendship and that you'd understand absolutely if they cannot make it and leave it at that. Let them know you care but don't pressurise them or guilt them with jobs to go. Maybe they are already under a lot of pressure -work -family pressures -living abroad & pressure to use hilidays for returning direct family issues & christmas - not to mention financial pressure of taking a holiday and days off workto go to your wedding - let it be is my advice - see beyond your needs to make them feel wanted with a job to theirs and let it go.


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