Now ye're talking - to someone who's lived in a state care home

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 04-10-2018 6:15pm

Nokia6230i wrote: »

Also for those of us who've had no experience of the system, what's the difference between a care worker and a social worker please?

Thanks.

Hi Nokia6230i

A social worker is the case worker for the child and could have upto 30 children assigned to them at once, so it is an almighty workload to get through on a weekly basis, the pressures of the job combined with expectations of parents of children in care can be big also, parents either don't realise or don't care that they have other children as part of their allocation but want their child to be given priority which one can understand to an extent but it isn't possible for a particular child to be given number 1 status, this has never been the case.

A care worker is someone who does not have a job that is 9-5, they work days,nights, evenings,weekends,bank holidays, Christmas, new year and so on, and they are the people caring for the child on a daily basis, they in turn liaise with the social worker on a monthly basis or possibly less depending on the unit manager and their team requesting this, such as in reviews or case conferences, where social workers, their management team, care workers and their management plus psychologists, teachers and of course family and other professionals to work out a strategy or a care plan as it is officially known,what they want to see happen for the child, the progress to date, any additional needs or requirements during their stay in care. these are some of the many duties of a care worker.

In the unit where I lived, the staff members worked to a 3 week roster, this roster includes 7 x 24 hour shifts in that time.

During these 3 weeks they worked with a set team, once the 3 weeks were up, the teams rotated.

In these teams there is a child care leader, formerly known as a house parent who was in charge of overseeing the running of the unit during their shift. these child care leaders always maintain the same roster unlike the child care workers who were formerly known as assistant house parents, they change shifts at the end of every 3 weeks and work with a different child care leader when changing over, it took 3 months or 12 weeks for this cycle to come back around and work with the child care leader they were previously working with.

In this time there was also a shift that was known as a "float" an 8 hour shift from Sunday to Thursday that only assistant house parents worked, there are no overnights involved on this shift and the member of staff goes home each night unless circumstances warrant them staying overnight such as a member of staff being absent for a variety of reasons or the residents are behaving in a disruptive manner.

Since my time in care these 3 week change overs have now become 3 month change overs in the modern day, the same principle applies other than that.

Nokia6230i · 04-10-2018 7:51pm

Presuming the 3 month change is better than the 3 week one; from the childs perspective any way.

Changing every three weeks, even if the team's the same, can still be a lot more disruptive since it's more regularly done.

Also this bit "7 x 24 hour shifts in that time".......crikey!

That's dangerous; even parking the employment aspect, imagine driving home after that?

To know you've 7 of those to do in a 3 week period must be soul destroying; it would be for me and this would then play out in terms of treatment of children in care in terms of crankiness; maybe I just can't do 24 hours on the go for anything though!

Loveinapril · 04-10-2018 7:55pm

Nokia6230i wrote: »

That's dangerous; even parking the employment aspect, imagine driving home after that?

The 24 hour shifts include a sleepover though, so you would "clock out" and go to bed from 11pm/ 12pm til 7am or so then start again. When I did those shifts I would start at 12pm til 12.30pm the next day. When I worked in a more chaotic residential with live nights we did 13 hour shifts. They were soul destroying!

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 04-10-2018 8:42pm

Nokia6230i wrote: »

Presuming the 3 month change is better than the 3 week one; from the childs perspective any way.

Changing every three weeks, even if the team's the same, can still be a lot more disruptive since it's more regularly done.

Also this bit "7 x 24 hour shifts in that time".......crikey!

That's dangerous; even parking the employment aspect, imagine driving home after that?

To know you've 7 of those to do in a 3 week period must be soul destroying; it would be for me and this would then play out in terms of treatment of children in care in terms of crankiness; maybe I just can't do 24 hours on the go for anything though!

Loveinapril wrote: »

The 24 hour shifts include a sleepover though, so you would "clock out" and go to bed from 11pm/ 12pm til 7am or so then start again. When I did those shifts I would start at 12pm til 12.30pm the next day. When I worked in a more chaotic residential with live nights we did 13 hour shifts. They were soul destroying!

Loveinapril is 100% correct regarding sleeping arrangements.
Staff would "clock out" at 23:15 and "clock in" at 07:15.

They didn't always go to bed at those times though, they used to regularly have a Video night or a DVD night as technology changed and could be going to bed at 02:00 or even 03:00

If the residents were chaotic then going to bed was out the window, this was a regular occurrence for the first 2 years of my stay, including residents absconding for upto 4 months before being apprehended and returned to care.

In one case there was a group of 3 boys involved, it took removing 2 of them from my unit and put into secure custody to halt the situation, there was even a child conceived in my unit during this as well as one of the boys slipped his girlfriend in through the bedroom window and we could clearly hear sexual intercourse taking place between them.

In relation to the crankiness, it wasn't unheard of when staff were going to bed late and getting up early.

There were staff who used to come in at 18:00 to commence a shift and finish the next morning at 09:00, this involved staying up all night while the other staff slept, it was discontinued during my stay.

The 3 month staff team cycle is far more stable for residents than the 3 weeks change over, the shift pattern itself remains as a 3 week circle however, i'll give the pattern below,

Week 1:

Monday Late
Tuesday Early
Wednesday Day Off
Thursday Day Off
Friday Late
Saturday Early
Sunday Late

Week 2

Monday Early
Tuesday Off
Wednesday Late
Thursday Early
Friday Off
Saturday Late
Sunday Early

Week 3

Monday Off
Tuesday Late
Wednesday Early
Thursday Late
Friday Early
Saturday Off
Sunday Off

That shift pattern remains in place to this day, with all shifts commencing at 12:00, during my stay it was 14:00, in the years subsequent to my stay this was pushed back to 13:00 and in recent years to 12:00.

This was primarily done to accommodate staff who either travelled from different counties which was very common or indeed those with children, some staff drove over 2 hours each way prior to and after each shift to return home.

This has declined in recent years as they have been redeployed to their home counties to take up new positions in units closer to their homes.

Sinister Kid · 05-10-2018 3:42pm

I've lived in state care homes, AMA wrote: »

I think it's only fair that I wait, rather than having to divide my attention between my own children and a foster child, I would rather focus solely on the foster child.

When I was in the first foster family there was a total of 9 foster children plus 3 children of their own.

In the second foster family, the foster parents had 2 young children, aged 5 & 6, throw an unstable 13 year old teenager into the equation and it can make for a living hell, especially for children at that age having to see gardai at their door due to a virtual stranger who lived with them for only a matter of days.

The social worker in my case at the time was only appointed the week before this and admitted at a case conference some months later she underestimated my situation at that time.

It is for these reasons I would rather wait until my own children are grown up to foster.

Hi OP,
Thanks for the interesting AMA.
I'm the opposite side of the coin to you. I was the biological child of the foster family & I could not agree with you more, you really hit the nail on the head with this answer.

My parents got landed with quite a few difficult cases, I could write a book about some of the stuff I had to deal with. I don't have kids myself but if I did, based on what I went through, I would not foster while I was raising them.

I have to say, I find it very interesting that we both have the same opinion on the matter.

pxdf9i5cmoavkz · 05-10-2018 4:32pm

Were there any moments in the years up to age 13 where you momentarily forgot the disaster you were in and had a few moments of happiness? Birthday parties for example. Where for just a moment everything was pleasant.

--

Was there a singular moment in your life where you realised that "this is it" and from here on things are only going to get better?

Gloomtastic! · 05-10-2018 8:18pm

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Hi OP,
Thanks for the interesting AMA.
I'm the opposite side of the coin to you. I was the biological child of the foster family & I could not agree with you more, you really hit the nail on the head with this answer.

My parents got landed with quite a few difficult cases, I could write a book about some of the stuff I had to deal with. I don't have kids myself but if I did, based on what I went through, I would not foster while I was raising them.

I have to say, I find it very interesting that we both have the same opinion on the matter.

But, unless you had kids very young, would you have the energy levels required to look after a foster kid once you’ve hit your late 50s/early 60s? Also, the advantage the kid(s) have growing up within a normal family environment cannot be underestimated.

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 05-10-2018 10:21pm

Sinister Kid wrote: »

Hi OP,
Thanks for the interesting AMA.
I'm the opposite side of the coin to you. I was the biological child of the foster family & I could not agree with you more, you really hit the nail on the head with this answer.

My parents got landed with quite a few difficult cases, I could write a book about some of the stuff I had to deal with. I don't have kids myself but if I did, based on what I went through, I would not foster while I was raising them.

I have to say, I find it very interesting that we both have the same opinion on the matter.

Hi Sinister Kid,

No problem at all, enjoying it immensely.

I was in foster care myself with biological children of foster parents, but never heard them speak out, so it is equally as good to hear your side as it is for you to hear mine, it was always something I thought of, how do biological children perceive foster children.

Did your parents put up with the difficult cases or were social workers contacted to have them removed?

I find it is a challenging situation to deal with your own children while still young and then have children from disadvantaged/troubled backgrounds added to the equation.

Raising the family first and then fostering is the preferable situation and it is good we both have near identical feels on it.

Do your parents still foster?

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 05-10-2018 10:26pm

Nadia Some Trader wrote: »

Were there any moments in the years up to age 13 where you momentarily forgot the disaster you were in and had a few moments of happiness? Birthday parties for example. Where for just a moment everything was pleasant.

--

Was there a singular moment in your life where you realised that "this is it" and from here on things are only going to get better?

I had only 1 birthday party prior to 13, my 10th birthday, life felt brilliant then, even my communion & confirmation days were a disaster with hostility and you could feel it.
In care I had a birthday party every year.

My biological family were never short a few bob, just not willing to spend it on me unless necessary, outside the state payments that is, once I went into care the money was literally thrown at me as a cover up, me being oblivious to it all thought it was the best thing ever, only in the later years did I see it for what it was. It was basically to keep me away from the family home and try to make themselves look good to the care workers.

The only real moment I thought things would get better is when I was informed I was going to see out my days as a minor in the care of the state, and that is exactly what happened. I loved state care though, while it did have downsides, the upsides outweighed them.

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 05-10-2018 10:29pm

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

But, unless you had kids very young, would you have the energy levels required to look after a foster kid once you’ve hit your late 50s/early 60s? Also, the advantage the kid(s) have growing up within a normal family environment cannot be underestimated.

One of our care workers was 60 fostering a 15 year old who was discharged from the unit into their care as a foster child, it did take it toll on the energy levels.

John_Rambo · 06-10-2018 8:39pm

I've lived in state care homes, AMA wrote: »

I had only 1 birthday party prior to 13, my 10th birthday, life felt brilliant then, even my communion & confirmation days were a disaster with hostility and you could feel it.
In care I had a birthday party every year.

My biological family were never short a few bob, just not willing to spend it on me unless necessary, outside the state payments that is, once I went into care the money was literally thrown at me as a cover up, me being oblivious to it all thought it was the best thing ever, only in the later years did I see it for what it was. It was basically to keep me away from the family home and try to make themselves look good to the care workers.

The only real moment I thought things would get better is when I was informed I was going to see out my days as a minor in the care of the state, and that is exactly what happened. I loved state care though, while it did have downsides, the upsides outweighed them.

Jesus. And I complain about things.... I've nothing to ask you to be honest, but I've nothing but admiration for you. I reckon you're one tough nut and by all accounts (reading between the lines and getting beyond your modesty) a great dad. How you bounced out on the flip side like you did is beyond me.

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 06-10-2018 10:23pm

John_Rambo wrote: »

Jesus. And I complain about things.... I've nothing to ask you to be honest, but I've nothing but admiration for you. I reckon you're one tough nut and by all accounts (reading between the lines and getting beyond your modesty) a great dad. How you bounced out on the flip side like you did is beyond me.

Hi John,

Thank you for your post and kind words. I believe I am tough mentally at least given what I have been through. I live alone for my children and will do everything in my power to ensure they don't get as much as a sniff of what I went through. Bouncing out on the flip side has been a success story but the lasting damage overall has been I am not susceptible to emotion in a way that many others would be, such as when people cry or shed tears at funerals, or indeed when they become parents, I am unable to fully explain it but I haven't shed a tear when my children were born, of course I wanted to make sure that mother and babies were fine, which they were,I've won praise from those who know me closest of the care workers for how I have conducted myself as a person,a father and as a partner in that time since leaving care. Funeral's is another one, I've been to 2 (both family) in the last decade and didn't feel any need to cry, become emotional or feel a sense of loss, it's like a switch in me that was turned off many years ago and was never turned back on, the beatings I took in the home (family home) combined with the mental and sexual abuse I was exposed to as a child completely sanitised my mind.

Gloomtastic! · 06-10-2018 11:04pm

I've lived in state care homes, AMA wrote: »

it's like a switch in me that was turned off many years ago and was never turned back on, the beatings I took in the home (family home) combined with the mental and sexual abuse I was exposed to as a child completely sanitised my mind.

I’m sure you’re aware that’s probably prosecutable. Your inner strength is admirable but you may need justice to be able to forgive and move forward. What stops you?

I've lived in state care homes, AMA · 07-10-2018 11:24am

Gloomtastic! wrote: »

I’m sure you’re aware that’s probably prosecutable. Your inner strength is admirable but you may need justice to be able to forgive and move forward. What stops you?

There was a case, it collapsed due to a legal error by the prosecution. I will never forgive those people if I am honest, I have moved on, had no contact with them and I am happy with how my life is now.

Not a single phonecall,text,message on facebook or even a card in my door, they know where I live, i was nothing more than an inconvenience to them, i was often asked by people in later life was i the child that nobody wanted in terms of family, the answer is yes i was.

How i found the strength i will never truly know, it wasn't like i just woke up one day and decided that's it, it was over time, i did try to reunify with some of the family for a few years after leaving care but was just in a corner twiddling my thumbs. Honestly though it doesn't bother me anymore, yes i do go to my local mental health clinic once every 6 months but i am in a good place, it is my children i feel sorry for only having one side of the family and some are still too young to fully explain what is going on, needless to say their mothers side of the family more than make up for my absent family. All i do is keep on smiling for my children day in day out, my motto is to have a positive mental attitude.

Boards.ie: Mark · 11-10-2018 11:03am

Thank you very much to our volunteer for talking about and sharing their experiences. And thank you all for your questions. As there's been no questions in a couple of days, I'll wrap this up.

Now ye're talking - to someone who's lived in a state care home

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