No photographer - asked to take photos

woodchuck · 09-07-2019 11:21am #1

I'm attending a wedding later in the month. It's my partners brother who is getting married and they're having a very small celebration. They're getting married in a registry office and just having lunch afterwards with a group of ~20. I've been looking forward to this as it will make a freshing change to all the typical large weddings that we've been to.

However I've just found out through the grapevine that they plan to stop off at a park between the ceremony and the lunch to take photos. So naturally I asked (my partner, who heard from his mother) if they had decided to hire a photographer. But no... it turns out they'd like my partner, his Dad and myself to take the photos. In theory that's not a problem. We all have decent enough little cameras and would be taking our own photos even if there was a professional photographer. However given that my partner and his Dad will naturally be in a lot of the "family" shots, I'm kind of feeling the pressure

So I'm worried that:
1. My photos won't turn out great (e.g. could be poor weather/lighting conditions that I wouldn't know how to work around). I know I'm just being silly though - if the photos were that important to them, surely they would've hired a professional.
2. That I'll be left out of most of the "family" photos. I just don't want to feel like I'm on the sidelines and only there to take photos

It's a family event and I'd like to feel part of it. Before anyone suggests it, I don't own a tripod in order to take photos on a timer with everyone in them.

Please tell me I'm being silly and worrying over nothing

Has anyone else ever been in a similar position?

harr · 09-07-2019 11:29am

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm attending a wedding later in the month. It's my partners brother who is getting married and they're having a very small celebration. They're getting married in a registry office and just having lunch afterwards with a group of ~20. I've been looking forward to this as it will make a freshing change to all the typical large weddings that we've been to.

However I've just found out through the grapevine that they plan to stop off at a park between the ceremony and the lunch to take photos. So naturally I asked (my partner, who heard from his mother) if they had decided to hire a photographer. But no... it turns out they'd like my partner, his Dad and myself to take the photos. In theory that's not a problem. We all have decent enough little cameras and would be taking our own photos even if there was a professional photographer. However given that my partner and his Dad will naturally be in a lot of the "family" shots, I'm kind of feeling the pressure

So I'm worried that:
1. My photos won't turn out great (e.g. could be poor weather/lighting conditions that I wouldn't know how to work around). I know I'm just being silly though - if the photos were that important to them, surely they would've hired a professional.
2. That I'll be left out of most of the "family" photos. I just don't want to feel like I'm on the sidelines and only there to take photos It's a family event and I'd like to feel part of it. Before anyone suggests it, I don't own a tripod in order to take photos on a timer with everyone in them.

Please tell me I'm being silly and worrying over nothing Has anyone else ever been in a similar position?

I don’t think you are being silly especially about not being in the photos , the couple aren’t going to be expecting pro type photos anyway.
I do think it’s a bit cheeky asking guests to fill in as the photographer even if you are family.
If they do ask just say you wouldn’t be comfortable taking such important photos and decline.
I know the price of Wedding photographer is very high even for a small wedding. But plenty of enthusiasts who they could hire for a fraction of the cost.
I am into photography as a past time and I have often being asked to do family events or I will offer to do the event as a gift but the difference is I have the right gear to do it and I certainly wouldn’t be comfortable do a wedding no mater how small with a point and shoot camera.

baby and crumble · 09-07-2019 11:34am

woodchuck wrote: »

Before anyone suggests it, I don't own a tripod in order to take photos on a timer with everyone in them.

Well first off, you can pick up a tripod for about €25 in argos and cheaper on Amazon if you decide you do want to do that.

Second, I think it's poor form that you're being drafted in without actually being asked.

Third, I did similar for the legal ceremony part of my brothers wedding a few years ago (it was family only, they had a ceremony and the full party thing the following day) and it was pretty nerve-wracking, but TBH I put my camera on 'Auto' and just prioritized getting the pics framed properly and in focus, and I took HUNDREDS of photos. Then I literally sent the files over to my brother and that was it. I didn't do any more than that, because tbh it's not my job.

There's not a huge amount more than that you can do. So long as you get someone to organise that there's a few shots of the entire group (either by drafting in a by-stander although that's risky with a decent camera etc or by getting your hands on a tripod and using a timer) then if there's 3 people taking photos no doubt you'll be in some.

Bannasidhe · 09-07-2019 11:34am

I took the photo's at my nephew's wedding and tbh I enjoyed it. It gave me something to do. I get that you are nervous, I was too but I just took loads of photos, did a bit of cropping where needed, and ended up with some pretty good ones.
Had a photobook made up for them of the best ones - gave digital copies of them all to do with as they like- and they were delighted.

Ended up with some very special shots like the last photo of my mother and her 3 sisters together all laughing and joking. No professional would have gotten it and my mother's youngest sister was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer just weeks later.

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 11:36am

How about hiring a professional photographer? It could be your present to the newlyweds.

Larbre34 · 09-07-2019 11:38am

Your partner has the key position here. Tell him exactly how you feel. And how does he feel about this onerous task?

I've been to small weddings where a guest or two with decent DSLRs have taken the formal photos, but they have tended to be friends rather than the family group, who wouldn't really be in them anyway.

baby and crumble · 09-07-2019 11:39am

victor8600 wrote: »

How about hiring a professional photographer? It could be your present to the newlyweds.

Not trying to be rude but do you know how much wedding photographers cost?

chuck eastwood · 09-07-2019 11:40am

This has happened to me more than once. I am am amateur photographer at best and apart from landscape and my partner/kids I just don't like taking photos of people on request. Every birthday communion etc etc I got a text and was asked to bring my gear. Not could I or would I. I just didn't enjoy it regardless of my skill level so the last birthday I told them that. No big deal in the end but I'm glad I said it.

pwurple · 09-07-2019 11:52am

Well, at least it's outdoors... but yeah, I'd say it to them. The risk is of course that they won't have decent photos, as long as they understand, then you're good.
I was asked to take some photos for one of my friends, basically because I had an SLR. I did take some, loads, but it was indoors, on a rainy day with very low lighting (candles). I didn't have the lighting gear for that... so most of my photos are junk

On being included... sorry, but you're right. It doesn't sound like you are considered part of the family.

What is your relationship here? You are boyfriend/girlfriend of the brother of the groom is it?

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 11:57am

baby and crumble wrote: »

Not trying to be rude but do you know how much wedding photographers cost?

Yes. Just enough to cover the costs. Unless you want to find a "celebrity" photographer who can sweet talk you into throwing bags of money at him just to give you a few printed snaps at the end.

Ficheall · 09-07-2019 12:02pm

Spend the next week or two taking loads of terrible photographs and sharing them on your instagram/facebook/whatever the kids are using these days.

Homer · 09-07-2019 12:02pm

victor8600 wrote: »

Yes. Just enough to cover the costs. Unless you want to find a "celebrity" photographer who can sweet talk you into throwing bags of money at him just to give you a few printed snaps at the end.

You quite clearly have no understanding of what is involved in running a photography business! Expensive equipment, back up equipment, insurance, vat, overheads.. What exactly are "the costs" in running a photography business do you think? And what's a reasonable amount to charge to cover those costs?

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 12:17pm

Homer wrote: »

You quite clearly have no understanding of what is involved in running a photography business!

Do you? Lol, I am not going to hire a person who accuses potential clients whether they know anything about the business or not.

Homer wrote: »

...Expensive equipment, back up equipment, insurance, vat, overheads.. What exactly are "the costs" in running a photography business do you think?

All of these (and more) constitute costs to the photographer that need to be covered.

Homer wrote: »

And what's a reasonable amount to charge to cover those costs?

Do you want me to tell you how much to ask for? My administrative costs are going to push you well into the celebrity photographer cost category.

baby and crumble · 09-07-2019 12:20pm

victor8600 wrote: »

Yes. Just enough to cover the costs. Unless you want to find a "celebrity" photographer who can sweet talk you into throwing bags of money at him just to give you a few printed snaps at the end.

Cool. I'll show you my wedding photos from a highly trained, professional photographer who spent days preparing with us, 10 hours shooting on the day, editing 900+ photos for us, creating a 20 minute slideshow and who used high quality gear and let's compare with someone who charges €200 for 2 hours shooting and sends you the low-res unedited images on Dropbox yeah? We'll see which are better. :rolleyes:

LionelNashe · 09-07-2019 12:26pm

If a photo is in focus and the people in it aren't caught with a weird expression or with their eyes closed, I don't think most people can tell the difference between a good and a bad photo, so I wouldn't worry about it.

GBX · 09-07-2019 1:05pm

These are not silly doubts to have OP. If they are looking for a some snapshots of the day that's fine - but if they expect decent pics with no editing/post processing, they could be disappointed and in turn will they throw that back at you?

You saying the 3 of you have decent small cameras - I'm not doubting your ability to take a decent picture. But at a wedding its once off chance to get it right and if its not, you can't recreate these. Will the parents etc all still expect photos of the day. Yes you can get them printed. But will they be disappointed if they were not up to professional standard? Will you be expected to hand over the camera to a bystander in the hope they get a few decent family/group pics as well?

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 1:14pm

baby and crumble wrote: »

Cool. I'll show you my wedding photos from a highly trained, professional photographer who spent days preparing with us...creating a 20 minute slideshow....

My OT response deleted.

woodchuck · 09-07-2019 1:17pm

Thanks for all the replies!

Spend the next week or two taking loads of terrible photographs and sharing them on your instagram/facebook/whatever the kids are using these days.

This made me laugh

Unfortunately these kids aren't on instagram/facebook etc.

Well first off, you can pick up a tripod for about €25 in argos and cheaper on Amazon if you decide you do want to do that.

I've looked at cheap ones before, but they're quite flimsy and probably wouldn't be much good on grass. I don't want to invest in an expensive one, as I wouldn't get the use out of it. His Dad might have a tripod, but I'm not sure and obviously it would be up to him whether or not he wants to bring it.

How about hiring a professional photographer? It could be your present to the newlyweds.

An interesting idea, but it would be too expensive. I'd also feel like I'd be stepping on the couples toes and changing the dynamic of their day (low key, informal).

On being included... sorry, but you're right. It doesn't sound like you are considered part of the family.

What is your relationship here? You are boyfriend/girlfriend of the brother of the groom is it?

Yes, I'm the girlfriend of the brother of the groom. We're going out a number of years though (a little longer even than the couple getting married), living together etc. So it's lot like I'm just a casual onlooker... or at least I don't think I should be made to feel like that! I do feel insecure that because I’m not technically/legally family, that I don’t belong in the family photos.

Your partner has the key position here. Tell him exactly how you feel. And how does he feel about this onerous task?

It's no bother to him! He’s very laid back. I did chat to him about my concerns very briefly. He thinks it will be fine, that we’ll all just take turns taking photos, so I’ll still be in some of them. But unless he actively pulls me from behind my camera into a group shot and asks someone else to take the photo, I feel like I’m not going to be in very many family/group photos. He’s very unlikely to do that though. Like I said, he’s very laid back and prefers to just go with the flow. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking him to do that, as it would be very out of character for him.

If they do ask just say you wouldn’t be comfortable taking such important photos and decline.

I really couldn’t do that. They’re unlikely to ask me in person until the day (they don’t live locally), so I’m not going to cause a fuss then when it’s too late to make other arrangements. Even if they did officially ask me in advance, I’d feel terrible saying no. It’s quite possible that they just can’t afford a photographer (I don’t know their full financial situation, but they wouldn’t have cash to burn).

These are not silly doubts to have OP. If they are looking for a some snapshots of the day that's fine - but if they expect decent pics with no editing/post processing, they could be disappointed and in turn will they throw that back at you?

I think it’s just snapshots that they want. If they are expecting professional pictures, they will definitely be disappointed

They’ve seen my photos before though, so they’d know the type of thing to expect (in focus, well framed). Even if they’re disappointed, they’d never say it to me. They’re actually very nice people!

I don’t know if it’s reassuring or making me more worried that I’m not just being silly having these thoughts though

baby and crumble · 09-07-2019 1:22pm

victor8600 wrote: »

Go on, show them. Preferably in a separate topic in AH, that would be laugh.

They're already available here in this forum actually. Because i shared them because I'm really happy with them, and I put my money where my mouth is by happily recommending the excellent work of a professional and because I respect the talent of people tasked with capturing memories of one of the best days of my life.

victor8600 wrote: »

Did you say your photographer created a 20 minute slideshow? I hope the original photos in a resonable resolution are also available in a Dropbox folder somewhere, because I (and probably most of the wedding's attendees) would like to get own photos and couple of other photos without having to screengrab them from a slide show.

Don't you worry about me and my friends. Considering I actually respect the skills of people I contract to provide a service to me, and who have invested time, money and skills into their own business I think I know enough to respect my family and friends too.

ANYWAY, I have a feeling I'm getting dragged off topic.

OP, I don't think you're being silly at all. But like others have said, if they're happy not to get a photographer then all you can do is be honest about your skill level and take the best photos you can for them. Best of luck.

mloc123 · 09-07-2019 1:28pm

victor8600 wrote: »

How about hiring a professional photographer? It could be your present to the newlyweds.

I think you are looking at 1500e minimum, minimum, to hire somebody. It would be a hell of a gift tho :pac:

salmocab · 09-07-2019 1:30pm

I know this is glib but take the photos and if they are crap just say tough I’m not a photographer.

09-07-2019 1:41pm

OP,

It's unfortunate they waited until the day to ask you to be the photographer because you forgot to bring your camera.

But, at the very least say I'd be delighted to take the photos of the X occasion. i.e. not the whole thing. If someone asked me to a wedding and then asked me to be the effective photographer for the whole thing I'd jokingly say 'you couldn't afford me, but Shur, I'll take a few photos at the church. And my hands won't be too steady later on, you know what I mean.'

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 1:42pm

mloc123 wrote: »

I think you are looking at 1500e minimum, minimum, to hire somebody. It would be a hell of a gift tho :pac:

This could be an acceptable price to pay to avoid the embarrassment! It could be made cheaper by inviting a good photographer for an hour instead of the full day.

Anyway, the OP said that this will change the dynamic of the informal event. So an outsider is out of the question.

SirChenjin · 09-07-2019 2:37pm

woodchuck wrote: »

Thanks for all the replies!

Yes, I'm the girlfriend of the brother of the groom. We're going out a number of years though (a little longer even than the couple getting married), living together etc. So it's lot like I'm just a casual onlooker... or at least I don't think I should be made to feel like that! I do feel insecure that because I’m not technically/legally family, that I don’t belong in the family photos.

It's no bother to him! He’s very laid back. I did chat to him about my concerns very briefly. He thinks it will be fine, that we’ll all just take turns taking photos, so I’ll still be in some of them. But unless he actively pulls me from behind my camera into a group shot and asks someone else to take the photo, I feel like I’m not going to be in very many family/group photos. He’s very unlikely to do that though. Like I said, he’s very laid back and prefers to just go with the flow. I wouldn’t feel comfortable asking him to do that, as it would be very out of character for him.

I think it’s just snapshots that they want. If they are expecting professional pictures, they will definitely be disappointed They’ve seen my photos before though, so they’d know the type of thing to expect (in focus, well framed). Even if they’re disappointed, they’d never say it to me. They’re actually very nice people!

I don’t know if it’s reassuring or making me more worried that I’m not just being silly having these thoughts though

No, you are not being silly at all to have those thoughts. I wonder though are you slightly overthinking the part about not belonging in family photos.

Don't get me wrong, I absolutely do see what you mean, but chances are they would be mortified if they thought you were taking this as them not wanting you to be in the photos or that you didn't belong in the family photos.

It sounds like they are fairly laid back too, from what you have said. It would have been nice of them though to actually ask rather than you hearing it on the grapevine, IMO. It's nice to know too that they like the photos that they have seen you take previously so that's a compliment to your skills.

Hopefully it will all work out okay, and now that your boyfriend is aware of it, he will make some effort to make sure that you are included.

m5ex9oqjawdg2i · 09-07-2019 2:45pm

victor8600 wrote:

Yes. Just enough to cover the costs. Unless you want to find a "celebrity" photographer who can sweet talk you into throwing bags of money at him just to give you a few printed snaps at the end.

Stop pretending you know what you are talking about.

victor8600 wrote:

Did you say your photographer created a 20 minute slideshow? I hope the original photos in a resonable resolution are also available in a Dropbox folder somewhere, because I (and probably most of the wedding's attendees) would like to get own photos and couple of other photos without having to screengrab them from a slide show.

victor8600 wrote:

Go on, show them. Preferably in a separate topic in AH, that would be laugh.

What's with the attitude?

victor8600 wrote:

This could be an acceptable price to pay to avoid the embarrassment! It could be made cheaper by inviting a good photographer for an hour instead of the full day.

What planet are you living on? â‚¬1500 is an "acceptable" gift, sure buddy.

You are in a hole and you have no idea how to get out of it. Pro tip, stop digging.

miamee · 09-07-2019 2:49pm

I know it sounds like a big deal but from the sound of the whole day it is all very low-key and informal so I'd expect they are thinking the same of their photos.

I doubt it means you won't be in any family photos, sure they won't be leaving out yoru OH or his dad but they are also taking photos.

A few photographs with a nice background of the park with the happy couple, one with each of their parents, one with each of their sibling groups, one with siblings plus partners maybe (Dad could take this one) and wedding party if they have one, that's about it. You probably would have taken these photos anyway, so while I'd caution them that the photos might not turn out as they expect, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

Wheety · 09-07-2019 2:57pm

We got married in a registry office and then a meal in a restaurant. We hired a professional. I wouldn't like to put that pressure on someone and you're not going to have many pictures with everyone in them.

She took pictures at the registry office, few in a park close to it and some in the restaurant. Well worth it as you didn't have a guest worrying.

I can send you details if you want OP?

Princess Consuela Bananahammock · 09-07-2019 3:00pm

woodchuck wrote: »

So I'm worried that:
1. My photos won't turn out great (e.g. could be poor weather/lighting conditions that I wouldn't know how to work around). I know I'm just being silly though - if the photos were that important to them, surely they would've hired a professional.
2. That I'll be left out of most of the "family" photos. I just don't want to feel like I'm on the sidelines and only there to take photos It's a family event and I'd like to feel part of it. Before anyone suggests it, I don't own a tripod in order to take photos on a timer with everyone in them.

Please tell me I'm being silly and worrying over nothing Has anyone else ever been in a similar position?

1 - Just make sure their expectations are realistic: you're happy to do it, but the photos won't be as good as a professional photographer's. Nor are you going to be spending dozens of hours on photoshop post-processing them (unless you want to!) - just the best ten/twenty or so with some basic touch-ups. Perhaps they're happy with this.

2 - If there is more than one photographer, just get together beforehand and make sure you cover each other with regards to all being in someone's photos.

victor8600 · 09-07-2019 3:08pm

Princess Consuela Bananahammock wrote: »

2 - If there is more than one photographer, just get together beforehand and make sure you cover each other with regards to all being in someone's photos.

This is a great idea. Get together with other photographers, create a team and make a plan -- who is responsible for what venue or time slot. After the weeding your photo team can get together and pick the photos to make a story, this may be fun.

Neyite · 09-07-2019 4:59pm

Coming at this from the angle of the bride and groom, this is what I'll be doing. ( I did ask those who I am putting behind the camera though!)

I'm not overly bothered about photos. If I've one or two decent ones to give to the mammies for their walls and one for the thank you cards, I'll be happy. I'm not expecting professional results from an amateur whatsoever. Between the 5 or so people that have a good quality camera, there's bound to be a few good shots, especially since the location I'm getting married is stunning. And that's all I want.

For me it's about keeping it simple, like lots of other details of the day. I've been a guest at far too many weddings where the bridal party were gone for hours getting photos done and for me I see that as missing out time I could be spending with my guests enjoying my day. But I am having a very simple no-frills wedding so there's not much to photograph.:P

woodchuck · 10-07-2019 11:20am

Neyite wrote: »

I'm not overly bothered about photos. If I've one or two decent ones to give to the mammies for their walls and one for the thank you cards, I'll be happy. I'm not expecting professional results from an amateur whatsoever. Between the 5 or so people that have a good quality camera, there's bound to be a few good shots, especially since the location I'm getting married is stunning. And that's all I want.

Thanks, it's good to get some perspective from the other side! I'd imagine their attitude is similar. Since the whole idea of taking photos only seems to be occuring to them so close to the wedding, I'm assuming it's just a "nice to have" as opposed to wanting top end professional shots (otherwise they would have budgeted for that). It's quite possible they're doing it for the parents too.

We're having dinner with the parents next week, so I should be able to get more information then.

pullandbang · 11-07-2019 12:22am

woodchuck wrote: »

So I'm worried that:
1. My photos won't turn out great (e.g. could be poor weather/lighting conditions that I wouldn't know how to work around). I know I'm just being silly though - if the photos were that important to them, surely they would've hired a professional.
2. That I'll be left out of most of the "family" photos. I just don't want to feel like I'm on the sidelines and only there to take photos It's a family event and I'd like to feel part of it. Before anyone suggests it, I don't own a tripod in order to take photos on a timer with everyone in them.

Please tell me I'm being silly and worrying over nothing Has anyone else ever been in a similar position?

One the one hand I wouldn't worry about your pics not turning out great. Put your camera on AUTO, point and shoot. You'll be grand!
On the other, I would worry that the couple think the photos are not important to them. They WILL regret not have good photos from what will be the biggest day of their lives. They may not appreciate the photos now, but those photos are all they will have left from their wedding day. It's in years to come that those photos will be appreciated, not necessarily by them, but by their children and grandchildren.

BTW - Shoot RAW...........

wuffly · 11-07-2019 6:07am

Like you've said they probably don't see the photos as being important, more a nice to have. They probably know you have a decent camera and like taking photos.
I would be the same as you and worry about getting good/nice pics of their special day. I'm sure you'll get some lovely pics.
Not a professional at all but I would suggest to save time and stress make a quick list of photos you/they want and whose in them, this way no one will be forgotten/accidentally left out. It probably won't be a long list if its a small wedding.
Spend an hour or 2, looking up websites like 'One Fab day' to get some ideas, nothing fancy as such just ideas on how to get them to pose/stand. I have a good camera and often find my biggest issue when i look back at photos is that I didn't spending an extra 30secs getting people to pose properly, as in close enough to each other etc.. Set the camera on Auto and just keep clicking!

Spocker · 11-07-2019 11:56am

I'm in a similar situation; the bride of an upcoming wedding has *assumed* I'll do the photos, because I have a decent camera, and like taking some photos. (caveat: I have taken pictures at other family events of the bride in the past)

For me though, this is also a family holiday (the wedding is another country) and I have small kids, so my answer was a polite but firm no. For me it's more about being able to relax on the day, and have some fun with my family - not having to worry that everyone is in place, or ready for their close up.

I'll be telling my bride (

) to organise a professional, particularly because it's highly unlikely there would be the opportunity for a second shoot when the wedding is abroad - memories are great, but good pictures can always be hung/shared

woodchuck · 16-07-2019 2:56pm

Got some more info from the mammy... so not only area we expected to take photos, but we're also now in charge of arranging transport

It's all happening in Dublin City Centre, so the plan is to use taxis, but it's not so central that we can rely on just flagging them down easily. We might need up to 6 taxis max. I've actually never used the mytaxi/freenow apps though. Does anyone know if you can order multiple taxis at once using the app? (I've never used the app before) Or would we be better off ringing up 8202020 or something instead? I don't want to order in advance though, because the length of time we spend taking pictures might vary a lot depending on the weather.

Oh and ideally they want us to be one of the first to arrive at the restaurant to greet the people who aren't at the ceremony. I don't see how that can work though if they want me to use my phone to get the taxis, as surely I'd have to be the last one in a taxi incase there are any issues (e.g. ringing me to let me know where they've pulled up or trying find the people to be collected - not much use if I'm not there).

I'm sick of this third hand information though. Getting the OH to ring the brother see wtf is actually expected from us :P And to set expectations, particularly regarding the photos - there was talk of taking pictures in the restaurant with the window/view behind them. That ain't gonna work!!

16-07-2019 3:20pm

woodchuck wrote: »

Oh and ideally they want us to be one of the first to arrive at the restaurant to greet the people who aren't at the ceremony.

At least you'll be familiar with everyone - it'll be handy for when you're asked to serve the food :pac:

Neyite · 16-07-2019 3:44pm

Yes you need to get it first hand from the couple - exactly what they want you to do - you may find that they have their own plans and MIL is being a bit of a meddler and nominating you for stuff that they don't need you to help with. My mother would totally do that.

You might be better off if you've the numbers to hire a small bus. They generally give you a flat rate, and agreed pick up and drop off times so won't ditch you for another fare, and you might have a very merry atmosphere on a bus compared to separate taxis.

A wedding I went to had a bus from the hotel-church-hotel and it was a brilliant idea and had a really happy vibe.

woodchuck · 16-07-2019 3:59pm

Haha yeah, I think the "meet and greet" might be the mothers idea alright!!

I agree that a bus is a good idea. But as we don't have a set time for a pick up (e.g. if it's raining heavily we might have to ditch the photos altogether), it could lead to more hassle than it's worth. I might get the OH to mention it to his brother though and see what they think. However as it seems they're doing things on a shoestring, so I highly doubt they've budgeted for a bus and I'll be damned if we're gonna pay (we already have a present sorted).

I'm getting a bit annoyed at this stage though tbh. We've been told all along that it's going to a very low key, no fuss kind of day. And now we get landed with all these jobs so close to the day. I'm starting to feel like the only way to have a no fuss day is to transfer the fuss to your guests...

baby and crumble · 16-07-2019 4:53pm

woodchuck wrote: »

I'm getting a bit annoyed at this stage though tbh. We've been told all along that it's going to a very low key, no fuss kind of day. And now we get landed with all these jobs so close to the day. I'm starting to feel like the only way to have a no fuss day is to transfer the fuss to your guests...

Pretty much. It's really not that stressful when people are running around doing everything for you for free.

I'd be well annoyed if I was you. Getting 6 taxis from one app will be very difficult, and then the question becomes who pays for it? Honestly I'd say a bus could easily work out cheaper than 6 separate taxis, depending.

The only thing to do is go right to the couple themselves and say 'we've been hearing loads of rumours about jobs and stuff on the day. What exactly do you want or need people to help with?' and that way you can divvy things up. Personally I think it's exceptionally cheeky the way they seem to h ave gone about everything. I'm a planner, and honestly I'm getting anxiety just reading the updates to this thread!!

ongarboy · 16-07-2019 5:16pm

Absolutely yes, you need to hear this direct from the bride and groom and not third hand or through the grapevine as you said in earlier posts, OP.

I don't know of any bride or groom collectively that would happily assume certain core tasks of the wedding are in hand just because they passed the requests on to mothers/mothers-in-laws to deliver to the respective task owners or worse, assume that others would take/volunteer such tasks without being directly asked. (ok plenty of grooms might be blase but their brides wouldn't). I'm surprised the bride or groom (or both together) didn't contact you specifically about these key tasks and left it in the hands of others to inform you casually (photography, transport and meet and greet - ok the latter meet and greet is just a nice to have and not essential - reeks of Mammys's notion of her idea of protocol).

I would say when asked to perform photography duties that you will be happy (if you are not stressed about doing so) to do so with one major caveat - you are not the best at taking photos but would be happy to give it your best shot (pun intended) but just to bear that in mind as this will be a one off opportunity to capture the moment, advise them to bear that in mind. I'd not be too peeved about not being in family or group shots if you are only the girlfriend of a brother of a groom. Who really sees or pays attention to these group shots that will be hidden forever in a wedding album or hidden away among 100s of photos in a Dropbox/Google Photos drive?

As regards the transport, unless all the guests live all over the place in opposite directions that don't make a small coach/mini-bus practical for pick ups, then use 8202020 and reserve X no of taxis in advance. If the guests all live nearby, it would be a handy way for bonding/pre wedding craic as the two sides of the families meet/break the ice etc before and after service, reception etc.

Meet and Greet - your call - it would be nice and give you an opportunity to meet members of the bride's family/guests and give guests a sense of orientation. Maybe put up posters with balloons if it's located in a big venue (perhaps management of venue can help with that?

16-07-2019 5:23pm

I'm a pro photographer.

I remember when I got my first request to do a wedding. It was because the bride-and-groom to be had seen a lovely photo I'd taken.. a landscape photo of a bridge. :rolleyes:

Most people haven't a clue. When I first started out I was looking to charge megabucks and I was prepping for weeks before and practically living the wedding over and over. Nowadays I come in at a fairly low fee, and just tend to coast through it, making it up as I go along and hope for the best. I don't think anyone's even noticed my approach has changed.

I've often spent days in my head working out an amazing shot, figuring out how to get the lighting, etc. set up quickly and pose it right. Then when you present the photos the bride and groom skip right past it to the group photo to see if John that lives down the road was there or not. And jaysus, look at aunt Breda's dress. Tom looks well, though... etc. etc.

Most people simply don't care that much. If you can get a half decent photo of the bride and groom, with a shallow depth of field, that'll be your go-to photo, then you can just point-and-shoot the rest of the day. No one will be any the wiser.

(I appreciate I'm making it sound like I simply don't care about weddings, which is only partly true - it's worth keeping in mind I have a lot of experience so my half-assing is probably still quite well laid out vs someone new to it or who has never done it before).

That said, I have never done a wedding for a close friend. I've been asked by most, but I always so no, as I'd rather be a guest at a personal friend's wedding, especially family. I'd much prefer to enjoy the day and be part of it, rather than go in with a job to do and be a spectator with responsibilities. I think it's unfair to ask people you're close to, to work on your wedding day, rather than enjoy your wedding day.

(I fully expect to be hung, drawn and quartered for my comments, but such is life

)

No photographer - asked to take photos

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