What's the etiquette here??

It’s an amazing thread alright and also a very influential one...I have no doubt that the information published here is the main reason for the recent surge of bog roll panic buying

Fireball81 wrote: »

Nope....had a bit of self pleasure about an hour ago, being paid while doing it (and supposed to be working) makes it even sweeter.

Jesus but I haven’t had a “loud one” in years.

armaghlad wrote: »

I thought you preferred the confines of your workplace gentlemen’s room to relieve yourself? Be interesting to see how you and other likeminded perverts will cope without your twisted fetish for a few weeks. Most people will be concerned about protecting their kids and parents while office gofers like you will be wondering when they’ll next get playing with themselves in the work jacks. Pathetic

Lad - cool the jets.

perrito caliente wrote: »

Strange sensation on the purse lips all week whenever I'm squeezing sticky fondant through the birth canal. Eventually fingered around there in the shower today and discovered what I think is a wart. Tried to pull it off, but it's a tough, sinewy thing. Should I get one of those white wart creams you apply to the head of the wart with a little brush? Don't want to be wasting my GPs tme at the moment, obviously. Or should I call them to be sure?

Sounds pretty rough, P. Wouldn’t be doing anything drastic, just yet. Is it causing you any pain or “discomfort”?

Could easily be a, harmless, “skin tag”. Have you tried to take a look at the “situation”? If you go down this route I would, most certainly, recommend the “double mirror” technique. It will provide the best view without all that, unpleasant, bending.

After you’ve gotten a good look at the thing you could then give your GP a call and describe what you saw. Maybe even take a photo that you could email on, should they require a “visual”.

Wouldn’t be looking into “attacking” it with any of those liquid wart removers, or the “freeze off” ones. In fact, you could ask your GP about the option of using something like dental floss, or fishing line, to tie around the base of the thing. This should cut off all blood supply and after a few days, maybe a week, you could just “flick” it off.

Might need the help of your partner, or trusted friend, to get a good tight knot around it though. Best of luck and stay safe.

perrito caliente wrote: »

Thanks Emmet. Great advice and a few things I hadn't considered. No pain with this little bugger, but you can feel him clipping off the body of the turd as it shoots out. It's long enough that I can grab a hold of him between my thumb and index finger, but if I pull too hard my anus starts to pulse a little painfully, so I'm not sure could there be an infection. I was fingering around in there again a few minutes ago, and I can definitely feel it if I cross my legs, but I'm trying not to "go at it", as you might say.

And yes, it was one of those white 'freezing' ointments I was thinking about. You just paint a little white layer over the head of the wart, and it supposedly falls off.

Jeez, P, not sure I’d be putting on anything that might burn, irritate, blister, irritate or, generally, malign the “affected” area.

It’s one thing to use it on your finger but I would be, massively, averse to putting that anywhere near my hole.

Have you used this sort of “thing” before? I have, not near my ass, or genitals, for that matter. I’ll tell you, it’ll do the job but not before a lot of pain on your part, in this case your arse.

Obviously, on the ads, and on the box, it’s all a simply case of “application” and waiting but in reality there’s reapplication and pain.

At least consult with the pharmacist before you go “full steam” ahead with this. Maybe show them the photo and see what they say?

YFlyer wrote: »

Hover over the bowl.

Yes..fire from ‘the shotgun’ about 50degree angle, take note of the ‘power thrust‘ and expected mixture, too rich would be a problem and power should be carefully managed.

Keep all moveable surfaces well clear, eg trouser belts, waist bands, shirt tails.

So to summarize the procedure in these difficult times

1.Establish firmly and stably in the ‘ approach’ taking note of the landing area.

2. Have clear expectation of the consistency of the ‘payload ‘ expected, and manage the power to discharge safely.

3. Ensure all moveable surfaces clear and ‘stowed’.

4. Spool up the power evenly and solidly and there should be little problem.


N B.... Important to have ‘emergency procedures’ prepared in the event of ‘overshoot or severe landing area excursion’ which should be ..Quick wipe, secure all moving surfaces and get the fcuk out of trap and area as fast as possible.

Just how is everyone holding up during this “trying” time? I don’t think I’ve stayed in this long in my adult life. And it’s having an “effect”.

Now, I saw the panic buying coming a mile off. I’d been getting a few extra things, non-perishables, before the schools closed. Once I got “wind” they were going to close I got a few more bits in.

It’s been, what, 6 days? I’ve mostly been getting by on things like mugshots, cuppa soup, “instant” noodles, both pot and brick, and the odd freezer pizza. Probably leaning too heavily into the noodle supply.

And it shows. Hitting the jacks every second day now. Before it was twice, once in the morning and then that late night “bane” I couldn’t seem to shake. Well it’s shook now.

Every second day and it is not pleasant. No real smell, which is good, but everything else is unsettling. Heavy “loads” of thick, gloopy, muck getting squeezed out. Slow progress. Dark beige in colour, with a consistency of melted taffy.

As you can imagine, the clean up has been tough. With the paper “uncertainty” I’ve been trying to conserve. This mess isn’t helping as it tends to “spread” on exit. Once out it clings to, and “mats” the hair.

I’ve stated previously how I don’t hold with the “scrunch” wiping technique and that I am a, strict, “folder” but now I’m forced to fold, re-fold, re-fold again and, sometimes, even re-fold once more. It’s not a very pleasant experience.

I guess I could start looking into opening some of the “tinned” foods, maybe something like tomatoes? Just to add some colour, like. I’ve loads of pineapple too, would be hesitant to “over-indulge” in them since the “incident” with the pears.

Will let you know how it goes. Hope you’re all faring well out there.

JohnnyFlash wrote: »

We need to talk about women and toilet roll. How in the name of sweet suffering Jesus do they use so much on a visit to the boombox?

Probably down to “surface area”, J. They’d have a lot more of it than us. I mean, they’re basically working with “inverted” parabola.

An unknown philosopher once asked ‘where does the gash end and the arse begin?’.

You’d have to imagine they’re probably more thorough, and thoughtful, than we are. They’d be more concerned with a “proper” good clean than just the “3 and out” rule most lads would employ.

It would all come down to variables.

Brendan Bendar wrote: »

Yes..fire from ‘the shotgun’ about 50degree angle, take note of the ‘power thrust‘ and expected mixture, too rich would be a problem and power should be carefully managed.

Keep all moveable surfaces well clear, eg trouser belts, waist bands, shirt tails.

So to summarize the procedure in these difficult times

1.Establish firmly and stably in the ‘ approach’ taking note of the landing area.

2. Have clear expectation of the consistency of the ‘payload ‘ expected, and manage the power to discharge safely.

3. Ensure all moveable surfaces clear and ‘stowed’.

4. Spool up the power evenly and solidly and there should be little problem.


N B.... Important to have ‘emergency procedures’ prepared in the event of ‘overshoot or severe landing area excursion’ which should be ..Quick wipe, secure all moving surfaces and get the fcuk out of trap and area as fast as possible.

I'm not certain on this advice B. What if one was to deploy a high speed "Depth Charge" - wouldn't there be potential for some serious splashback? All the worse then if you get a combo delivery of first liquid, followed up by something of a more solid & dense makeup. The cheeks and Biffin's Bridge would need a good sanitising after wiping down.

Had a messy dump this morning, doing my bit to conserve toilet paper so jumped in the shower and hosed my ring piece down - a lot easier than multiple wipes I must say.

NeinNeinNein wrote: »

Did you just use water or did you go all out and apply a squirt of Timotei?

Just water, used some fancy stuff from herself to wash my hands afterwards lol

mfceiling wrote: »

https://twitter.com/fesshole/status/1240615258345046017?s=19

Poor fecker.

Hairy fecker I bet.
I must count how many passes it takes myself on average. Its deffo more than 3 but way less than 30.
Did anything get done about them cubicles you were not happy with or is it a case of "sure I won't smell it from my house" now!

Bullocks wrote: »

Hairy fecker I bet.
I must count how many passes it takes myself on average. Its deffo more than 3 but way less than 30.
Did anything get done about them cubicles you were not happy with or is it a case of "sure I won't smell it from my house" now!

Usual cost cutting exercise. Voiced my disapproval right up to the end but nobody paid any heed. Disappointed for the poor sods who go in to bale every day and have little to no privacy.
Bad form.

Nevin Parsnipp wrote: »

Think we all gettin a bit stressed about this virus situation.?

Blew out a thick plugg of acrid sh1te this morn on arrival to work...took the "S" like a sniper bullet and dissapeared without need to flush....very strange occurrence for this poster as my usual effort is a mid morn blunderbus of loose scree requiring several flushes and the use of the lavatory brush where available .

All this bad noos I guess....

No offence Nev, but how can you be 100% sure you definitely made a deposit under these circumstances?

Fireball81 wrote: »

Not sure if it's the working from home that has my bowel movements out of sync, each day this week at 10am have had to rush to the throne to deposit a runny brown oily substance - stinks to **** too and yellow on the paper when wiping (used the shower yesterday and yellow liquid went down the drain).

Was concerned this could be a symptom of COVID-19 but on it's own it seems unlikely according to the HSE website.

:eek:

Did you take a snap and send it in?