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Snubbed after holiday romance with Thai girl.

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  • 27-03-2015 5:02pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    It's probably a story that has been told thousands of times after a trip to Thailand but I have another one that to be honest is pretty painful. I'm not the typical "dirty old man" people might picture instantly when they hear a story about love in Thailand.

    I'm a perfectly normal mid 20's guy who went to Thailand in 2013 with an open mind and curiosity about a fascinating country. Sure enough I met a girl there and spent 2 days with her. We had fun but she freaked me out when she said she loved me after 2 days. I tried to keep my distance after that but then decided maybe she's just a bit forward with her words and doesn't appreciate what love actually means in English. I went back to Thailand last year, saw her for 3 or 4 days and was sad to leave but not in love or by any means attached to her.

    Fast forward to now and i'm devastated. I spent 6 weeks there and returned home last week. Of them 6 weeks, 4 months were spent with this girl. We had an amazing time, it was brilliant. And all of a sudden she has completely stopped talking to me out of nowhere. I actually felt like I was in love with her (stupid me), but it seems she must have got a better offer. I wasn't paying her for her company, I did buy meals on nights out and pay for her transport but she let me stay in her room free of charge so I don't think I was particularly feeding her money.

    She randomly got all weird with me after I left her, told me she was moving to Malaysia (which seemed extremely sudden as she had never mentioned it) and boom. Like that she is gone from my life. I guess its making me feel so bad because the last girl I was with also hurt me in a similar way (dumped by text after 3 years together). I'm not sure what advice im looking for except how do I get her from my head? It is the first time ive felt this strongly about a girl in over 3 years and she just disappears like that. What can I do? The first time this happened with my ex was bad enough but a second time doesn't bear thinking about, its horrible. Thanks for any help.


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    #2
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    All you can do is treat it as a learning experience. Develop critical thinking when it comes to assessing women, try to filter out the sorts of people who do things like this early on.

    I think it's normal to be bad at filtering women in that kind of way when you're in your mid twenties. It is something you can learn easily enough though; once you take a different attitude.

    It would be really weird if she charged you for staying in her room.

    You dodged a bullet here tbh.


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    #3
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,714 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    HolidayRomancesnub wrote: »
    We had fun but she freaked me out when she said she loved me after 2 days. . . .
    I wasn't paying her for her company, I did buy meals on nights out and pay for her transport but she let me stay in her room free of charge so I don't think I was particularly feeding her money.

    If you took her out and bought her meals, then you were paying for it by Thai beach holiday terms.

    I've been to Thailand many times and you see it all the time.

    Thai girls becoming "girlfriends" of lads who are taking them out, wining and dining them and also sleeping with them - but not paying for the deed of sex. They are basically a more sanitised version of prostitution.

    What did she work at?


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    #4
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    Isn't a 'holiday romance' something that by definition only lasts the duration of the holiday?

    See it for what it was. A bit of a dalliance with a foreign girl. Sure, you perhaps would have liked more; she clearly didn't feel the same so this never was going to get off the ground.

    You wanted different things. White knuckle through the emotions and get back out there.


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    #5
    arayess
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,707 ✭✭✭arayess


    I went out with a thai girl in Ireland. Never been over there. She told me she loved me after a week. She had her own place and job so there was no need to keep me. while I'm a great guy , I'm not that good!!

    It might be a translation thing. If she thinks in thai and speaks in English. Don't know any thai to state that but that's what I assumed at the time.

    I'd let it go and chalk it down to an experience.


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    #6
    LadyAthame
    Closed Accounts Posts: 793 ✭✭✭LadyAthame


    HolidayRomancesnub wrote: »
    Of them 6 weeks, 4 months were spent with this girl.

    That does not make sense surely that is a mistake?


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    #7
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    zoobizoo wrote: »
    If you took her out and bought her meals, then you were paying for it by Thai beach holiday terms.

    I've been to Thailand many times and you see it all the time.

    Thai girls becoming "girlfriends" of lads who are taking them out, wining and dining them and also sleeping with them - but not paying for the deed of sex. They are basically a more sanitised version of prostitution.

    What did she work at?

    I think this is a slightly unfair comment. If that were true then most western girlfriends are glorified prostitutes. It's traditional for a man to pay for the girls food on nights out, even when only dating - granted it doesn't always happen nowadays but when you consider that she was taking me around Thailand on the back of a motorbike and giving me a room to sleep in, and in some cases buying me (cheap) street food it's hardly sanitised prostitution is it?

    Although I do feel a bit stupid for falling for a Thai girl having read a few of the bad stories about it on the internet. I should have just taken it for what it was - a holiday romance. But when you become attached to someone and feel a connection it's hard to just call it that and move on. She was a Thai masseuse btw and not of the happy ending variety (as far as I know anyway). She did seem to lie a lot and randomly said she was taking off for Malaysia for work the day before I left Thailand (despite no inclinations of her wanting to do this from previous conversations). It was probably a smokescreen for her to go off with a different guy and I guess I just feel like a right eejit for letting the whole thing get to me.


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    #8
    coffee_cake
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Politics Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 81,310 CMod ✭✭✭✭coffee_cake


    In fairness OP you said you freaked out and kept your distance twice and "had no attachment". Thai or not I could understand someone getting fed up with that


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    #9
    Big Bag of Chips
    Administrators Posts: 13,778 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Big Bag of Chips


    You met her briefly two years ago. You met her briefly last year. And this year you spent a few weeks with her. It hardly constitutes a relationship. She doesn't know you. You don't know her. I'm guessing she didn't spend 2 days with you 2 years ago and spent from then until now "waiting" for you.

    Are there plans for either of you to move to each other's country to be together as a proper couple? You spent a few nice weeks together as a holiday romance. You don't owe her anything. She doesn't owe you anything. She mentioned going to Malaysia. Yet you feel this wasn't enough. There wasn't any discussion about it prior to her telling you. Why would there be discussion about it?! She mentioned it when she mentioned it. She didn't need to run it by you first!

    Maybe she did get a better offer, by way of someone closer to home, or in Malaysia (?) Again, she doesn't owe you anything.

    You had a nice holiday romance. It's natural after getting back from holiday to feel a bit down. Give yourself time to miss your holiday, and miss her and then move on. And maybe don't keep making plans to go back to Thailand to visit her once a year. Next time you go back you could find her in a relationship/married/pregnant etc. Once a year isn't a relationship. And if you are not in a relationship then each of you can do whatever you like, wherever and with whomever!


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    #10
    the evasion_kid
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,740 ✭✭✭the evasion_kid


    I'm going to be blunt here op but you were probably one of her many "sponsors" I've seen this scenario loads of times in Thailand,your basically a walking ATM and if you dont send money for the "sick buffalo" and another sponsor is...well your just conviently dropped.really do yourself a favor and check out a site called stickman's submissions,you'll see you're not the only one in this boat.its classic textbook stuff.


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    #11
    zoobizoo
    Registered Users Posts: 2,714 ✭✭✭zoobizoo


    HolidayRomancesnub wrote: »
    I think this is a slightly unfair comment. If that were true then most western girlfriends are glorified prostitutes. It's traditional for a man to pay for the girls food on nights out, even when only dating - granted it doesn't always happen nowadays but when you consider that she was taking me around Thailand on the back of a motorbike and giving me a room to sleep in, and in some cases buying me (cheap) street food it's hardly sanitised prostitution is it?
    .

    I'm just giving my opinion on the facts you gave and my own observations of westerners having girlfriends on holidays in Thailand.

    What I never saw was middle class Thai career women falling for Western men within days of meeting them.


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    #12
    blatantrereg
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,743 ✭✭✭blatantrereg


    It's not sanitised prostitution. It's using sex to manipulate someone for financial gain. The only common aspect is that both involve using sex to make money.

    One is a straightforward transaction. The other is more along the lines of a confidence trick. Really prostitution would strike me as the more sanitised of the two.


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    #13
    liz lemoncello
    Registered Users Posts: 247 ✭✭liz lemoncello


    Big Bag of Chips wrote: »
    You met her briefly two years ago. You met her briefly last year. And this year you spent a few weeks with her. It hardly constitutes a relationship. She doesn't know you. You don't know her. I'm guessing she didn't spend 2 days with you 2 years ago and spent from then until now "waiting" for you......

    Exactly.

    OP, you weren't "3 years together". What did you expect her to do?


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Look, I can't say for sure, but sounds to me like you've been played for money, and someone else was prepared to shell out more money than you, so you got dropped.

    Forget her, I seriously doubt that she was ever interested in you for more than money for her / her family. Chalk it down to experience and move on.

    Sometimes it isn't just the people who appear to have less 'power' who are the users.


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    #15
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks to the people who have replied although some of the replies have been a bit cynical. I never specifically stated I was handing her money as in cash in hand. Yes I paid for meals when we went out together, I hired motorbikes and I paid for accom when we left her town. I think I remember giving her 900 baht one time because she had stopped work for a full month to be with me (the equivalent of about 25 quid). She didn't even ask me for it. She is a masseuse which people have told me is just a glorified bar girl so I don't really know what to think. Maybe she is playing me.

    Anyway as an update to this I eventually coaxed the truth out of her that she wasn't going to Malaysia at all. She went to Vietnam to meet up with a different man. I know full well that I don't have any right to expect her to be with "only me", I guess it just hurt because she went to see him literally the day after I left her and also the fact that she lied hurt. I guess I just don't understand the whole Thai culture of not really being straightforward and honest about things like this. She only met up with him for one day and then left him because apparently she "loves" me. She was crying down the phone and all and sent a picture of her ticket home in case I didn't believe her. She then tried to meet me at the airport to say bye but it was too late. Sounds like something from a soap opera and that's how it feels.

    I guess this whole scenario has just f*cked with my head a bit. I had a brilliant time with her. When we are together she comes across as a genuine, caring sweet girl. But then there's this whole other scheming, lying side to her. I don't know what made her admit to me that she went with another man. Maybe me being honest about my feelings for her sent her on a guilt trip, I dunno. All I know is that i'm left in a horrible predicament whether to continue chatting to her or not (i'm home now). I do have plans to teach in Thailand within the next year or two, so maybe its worth keeping in touch.. I have no intention of ever sending her money every month or anything like that, so if she sticks around then I'll know she's for real. That's the problem though - it's hard to tell if she's being real or not.


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    #16
    Stench Blossoms
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,390 ✭✭✭Stench Blossoms


    OP - Did you buy her any gifts? Clothes maybe?

    Guy I know got duped by a girl over there. He'd buy her clothes etc and she'd return them and keep the money when he was gone. It's quite common over there.


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    #17
    power pants
    Registered Users Posts: 2,907 ✭✭✭power pants


    She may like you on a personal level but ultimately she needs to make money and you are still a potential cash cow. She is keeping you sweet in the hope that you do go back over and pay for things. If you dont she has plenty more holiday makers to spend money on her.
    Ive no doubt you do feel down as you seem to have genuine feelings for her but as others have said, put this down to experience and move on.


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