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Worried about Elder Abuse

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  • 05-05-2021 2:04am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I am very concerned for a vulnerable elderly neighbour who I am worried may be a victim of elder abuse, in particular financial abuse, at the hand of her niece.

    She is widowed and has no other family, and no children of her own, that I can talk to. Does anyone know who I can discuss my concerns with in these circumstances? I am genuinely worried, as the last time I spoke to her, I could tell she was anxious and stressed.

    I tried to call her today and her niece answered her phone, and fobbed me off when I asked to talk to her. We've been neighbours for over 20 years, my instinct tells me something is wrong.

    TIA


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    #2
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,958 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    The HSE has a number you can contact, see the link here.


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    #3
    spaceHopper
    Registered Users Posts: 3,968 ✭✭✭spaceHopper


    Could you talk to the local public health nurse.


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    #4
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,028 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Do you know who this lady's GP is that you could ask to speak to in confidence to lodge your concerns?

    To thine own self be true



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    #5
    the14thwarrior
    Registered Users Posts: 392 ✭✭the14thwarrior


    could you knock on the door with a pie and ask to see her?
    see if you can gauge more information

    from your post, its hard to see how abuse can be determined, and so, the more details or concerns you have, the more information you can pass on


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    #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks for the replies. I'm going to make a call to the number given, and see what they advice me to do.

    I don't want to give away too much detail, as Dublin is a small place, but suffice to say there have been a few things happen recently that I see as red flags, and one particular thing this weekend that have made me decide that I can't ignore my gut any longer.

    I've wrestled with this for a while and I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong, but if I'm not and I found out after, I'd never forgive myself for not saying anything.


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    #7
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Not saying that you’re wrong OP, but I’m not getting what sparks your concern. Is there a dramatic change in her behaviour? Is it that this person used to be very chatty with you, but now isn’t? Or is it that her niece was never involved before and now is? Could it be simply a case that your neighbour is having physical difficulties, or is simply older and tireder, and isn’t interested in random neighbours anymore?

    Why are you classing her as vulnerable, and specifically worried about financial abuse? I’m not saying that you’re wrong, but you may get better thoughts from others here if you make this clearer.


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    #8
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    I think you're right to go with your gut feeling nd talk to someone.
    Maybe there's nothing but it would be hard to live with it if there was something.

    Good luck


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    #9
    wildwillow
    Registered Users Posts: 1,125 ✭✭✭wildwillow


    Gut feelings are often correct but you need to thread carefully.

    My mother used to complain about not seeing or talking to anyone all day when I would phone her. The reality was that my brothers and sister in law and neighbours were visiting every day and taking great care of her, but the onset of dementia meant she didn't remember it.

    Engage with the niece as a friendly neighbour and you may be able to read the situation better. If she is not anxious that you continue to be friendly, it would raise my worry level.


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    #10
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,260 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    I suppose you could contact the HSE and see how you’d get on.
    They are probably used to to at least you can say you did something.
    Just be careful that things don’t get turned on you.


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    #11
    TheBoyConor
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,292 ✭✭✭TheBoyConor


    Might as well ring the cat as ring the HSE.

    Maybe contact your own GP for advice, or see can you get on the the public health nurse.


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    #12
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,681 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    I suppose you could contact the HSE and see how you’d get on.
    They are probably used to to at least you can say you did something.
    Just be careful that things don’t get turned on you.

    How could things get turned on OP?


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    #13
    freshpopcorn
    Registered Users Posts: 30,260 ✭✭✭✭freshpopcorn


    YellowLead wrote: »
    How could things get turned on OP?

    There’s an elderly lady who doesn’t have any relatives apart from a niece.(I think)
    A neighbor comes along saying the niece is bad, an abuser, etc.
    Some might say that they are trying to cause tensions and trouble to get in with the old lady so she could inherit off her.
    I’ve seen similar happen before. I hope that makes sense.
    I’m just saying to the OP about being careful how she deals with the situation.


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    #14
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    OP here.

    I'm very familiar with the niece already, and know she is a bully and a user who has caused trouble for my friend in the past (borrowed large sums of money and never repaid it, that kind of thing) and is not of good character. My neighbor's husband kept her at a distance from them after the last time she caused problems but since he died she has got her claws in. I am familiar with dementia and its not the issue here.

    I've rang the HSE and the local nurse, and I'm waiting for a call back from someone. If no one comes back to me, I'll call the GP next. Thanks again.


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    #15
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,681 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    freshpopcorn wrote: »
    There’s an elderly lady who doesn’t have any relatives apart from a niece.(I think)
    A neighbor comes along saying the niece is bad, an abuser, etc.
    Some might say that they are trying to cause tensions and trouble to get in with the old lady so she could inherit off her.
    I’ve seen similar happen before. I hope that makes sense.
    I’m just saying to the OP about being careful how she deals with the situation.

    Sure - I just don’t think calling the HSE helpline (a good idea as a first step in my opinion) would warrant that reaction but fair enough on a broader scale.


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    #16
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi OP here again. I posted yesterday but for some reason my post isn't showing.

    I already know the niece well, she has caused problems in the past, borrowing large sums of money without repaying it and such. My neighbor would find it hard to say no to her. Her husband kept the niece at bay after the last time, but he has since passed away. I'm familiar with dementia, that's not the issue here.

    I've made the calls, so not much else I can do. I'm not worried about it coming back on me, if we were all to worry about things like that no abuse would ever be reported.


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    #17
    wildwillow
    Registered Users Posts: 1,125 ✭✭✭wildwillow


    She is lucky to have a neighbour like you.
    If you are both vaccinated you could visit, even "politely" ingoring the niece if she objects. Try not to allow her to be isolated.

    Appear at the door with some scones or soup or flowers as if it was the normal before covid and just walk in past the niece calling out hallo and "isn't lovely to be able to visit again, and I'm so looking forward to having time together again.

    Does the niece have siblings? Would they be any help.

    I do hope you get some help.


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    #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    ConcernedNeighbour wrote: »
    I am very concerned for a vulnerable elderly neighbour who I am worried may be a victim of elder abuse, in particular financial abuse, at the hand of her niece.

    She is widowed and has no other family, and no children of her own, that I can talk to. Does anyone know who I can discuss my concerns with in these circumstances? I am genuinely worried, as the last time I spoke to her, I could tell she was anxious and stressed.

    I tried to call her today and her niece answered her phone, and fobbed me off when I asked to talk to her. We've been neighbours for over 20 years, my instinct tells me something is wrong.

    TIA
    Know of somewhat similar case involving 86 year old me relative.
    Do you know this lafys GP? Has the GP an email address.
    Contact their GP by phone and request their email address.
    Write a detailed letter describing your concerns.
    That's what I did in the case of this 86 yo.


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    #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Just saw your latest post, this 86yo man I know has "lent" money too, no hope whatsoever of it being repaid.
    His GP practice appreciated my email about his situation.


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    #20
    heretothere
    Registered Users Posts: 616 ✭✭✭heretothere


    Glad you called the HSE, your gut is so often right, I've heard it being called the 2nd brain!

    She is lucky to have a neighbor like you to look out for her. You've know her 20 years so you can see if she isn't the same


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