Lost in life

Sarah1991 · 29-04-2021 8:27am #1

Hi all,

Looking for any advice I can get.

I'm feeling very lost at the moment(which I suppose isn't strange given the way things are at the minute).

I've changed around jobs a few times in the past 2 years and can't seem to find anything that I want to stay in, it's not that I'm struggling in them just that I'm not happy.

I suppose I'm lucky in the sense that I've no dependents so nothing has stopped me from moving around. But I feel like a bit of an embarrassment, all my friends are in their chosen careers and have stayed there/progressed to higher positions and can't understand why I can't just pick one place and stay there for a few years at a time.

When I was younger I always envisaged myself being happy in my career and really excelling but I just feel a bit of a failure and feel my life slipping on by with nothing to show for it.

YellowLead · 29-04-2021 9:08am

Hi OP,

As you said yourself the last year really has been extremely challenging or a lot of people. I found myself getting quite bored of my job since working from home - but I am sticking at it rather than looking elsewhere for now because I feel that I will enjoy it more again when I get back to the office, plus I have a long term strategy of progression.

There is nothing wrong with moving jobs frequently enough if you are young (you don’t mention age) or it’s just for a few years while you figure out what it what. The longest I stayed in a job was 4 years (well it was different jobs as the same place actually), the shortest was 11 months. There is no set pattern.

I suppose you need to figure out what it is about the jobs you have moved from that bores you.
Is it the tasks themselves, the pace, your colleagues? Are you not challenged enough? Bear in mind most of not all jobs have chunks of work that are hella boring, we just have to wade through them and hopefully the more interesting parts will be enough to keep us motivated.

Is it the industry/role type that bores you. Could you re-train?

Don’t worry if friends are all settled in their careers etc - honestly. Some people just know what they want to do and get on with it at an early age. Others change career at 40 and fly at it.
It depends too what your own goals are in terms of what’s important in life to you. Maybe a career isn’t, maybe tipping along just to make money is fine and hobbies and friends and family are your life. That’s okay too.

Are you feeling fed up with everything? If so it’s not really about the job side of things, it’s feeling disconnected with your life/you and that’s something you need to get to the bottom of separately.

Windmill100000 · 01-05-2021 9:51am

Hi op,it is not all that uncommon to not know what you want to do. We live in an age now where people do change careers throughout their lifetime, sometimes multiple times.

I would recommend doing the 16 personalities test, which may help narrow down areas of interest. It's quite detailed and takes a while so be prepared and maybe grab a cup of tea/coffee beforehand.

It is actually simplified questionnaire of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, which you may have heard of. You can sign up for this one online too, although there is a fee.

My own experience of tbe 16 personalities one is positive. I did it a good few years ago and my personality type was Entertainer. One of the recommended careers was counsellor, which is what I was working at.

I'd also question if your lack of direction regarding your career seeps into other areas of your life, such as relationships/friendships/ hobbies. If so it may be worthwhile looking into therapy to work through what is going on there.

All the best.

https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

ILoveYourVibes · 02-05-2021 7:57am

Sounds like rather than having a plan and being captain of your own ship ..you are just drifting.

I think you need a plan.

Wanderer78 · 02-05-2021 8:06am

Sarah1991 wrote:

When I was younger I always envisaged myself being happy in my career and really excelling but I just feel a bit of a failure and feel my life slipping on by with nothing to show for it.

You're not a failure, modern society places an enormous amount of pressure on us to conform to certain norms, the career being one of the main ones, this is something we re conning ourselves with, many become deeply unhappy in their careers eventually, and find it difficult to change due to normal life responsibilities, family, debts etc. You're in a very lucky situation, take this time to think about what you love doing with your time, what things you d like to try, both in terms of work, but also in terms of past times, maybe you can bring them both together, for the ultimate career. Job hopping with a plan can be very beneficial, you will discover what you like and dislike, best of luck

kweeveen86 · 02-05-2021 9:26am

You sound a lot like me. I'll be 35 next week and have spent my whole adult life flitting from one job to another with a lot of hobbies coming and going too. I have never lasted more than 2 years in the same job as I get bored once I'm confident that I know what I'm doing and opportunities for progression haven't been there at the right time in the industries I've worked in. I just find that there are too many interesting things to try and places to go to in life.

Sometimes it bothers me a little but I have pretty much made peace with it now and don't beat myself up about it anymore. Lots of friends have good jobs, earn well and have steady careers but I haven't found the perfect niche for myself yet.

What I have done is try to find jobs that are seasonal or project-based and have a definite 6 or 12 month shelf life. All the better if you're in a position to move town or country too. I lived in remote parts of Ireland, in Spain and Scotland for two years, England for one. It always sparks a new interest and then leads on to something new. You always meet lots of interesting people at least and have loads of interesting experiences.

It keeps me motivated and always looking forward to the next challenge and if I'm not enjoying a job then at least I know it's not for long.

Someone in an interview once asked me quite dismissively why my CV was so bitty and I explained that surely a having a broad range of life experiences and skills and working in a variety of industries with people from all walks of life made for a more well-rounded person with way more to offer than someone who's been on the same road forever. (I don't think I got that job but that's beside the point! LOL)

That's the way I look at it now and I fully believe it and I hope that you do too. Something solid will show up for you eventually but until it does, enjoy the ride and don't be hard on yourself. Best of luck! ðŸ˜€

sydthebeat · 02-05-2021 9:42am

Hi Sarah, without meaning to sound trite but l love the John Lennon lyric "life is what happens to you while your busy making other plans"

Living life isnt about finding that perfect job, or perfect friend, or perfect house etc.
It's about trying to get there, it's about the journey and you're experiences on that journey. It can be a mind set that allows you to be happy in pursuit of a goal rather than an embarrassment that the goal hasn't been achieved yet. I try everyday to instill into my kids they cannot control what other people say and think about them, therefore they shouldn't allow other people's thoughts and words have any power over them. It's a complete folly, though one we are socially engineered to care about.

Remember, you are the total sum of your experiences, so someone who has a broad focus with lots of different experiences is generally an interesting and considered person. Live your life the way you want it, No regrets. Don't feel pressurised to conform to the mortgage, marriage, 2.4 kids ideology that older generations push. Keep looking because the more you look the more chance you'll have of finding what's right for you, and you might find out in the most unusual of places. And be proud of being on that search cos that's what life is.

kweeveen86 · 02-05-2021 9:54am

Another great John Lennon pearl of wisdom that I love and that people should always keep in mind:

My teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said "happy". The teacher replied "no, I don't think you understand the question". I said "I don't think you understand life".

Sarah1991 · 04-05-2021 1:55pm

Thank you all for taking the time to respond, I've read over them and its comforting to know I'm not the only one who experience this.

I suppose I'm just finding it hard because I'm surrounded by friends/family who are all quite successful/settled in their careers and I'm over here not knowing what to do in life.

I'm nearly 30 and sadly this is not how I envisaged my life would be.

screamer · 04-05-2021 2:01pm

Op not everyone who is successful in their careers are happy.
I agree with other posters you need a plan, and you need to give yourself a boot up the bum and motivate yourself, cause no one else will do that for you. It’s a cliche, but where do you see yourself. If that’s too out there or daunting, make a list of jobs you don’t see yourself in, and again if you’ve not a clue, simply make a list of tasks you love and tasks you hate. That’ll help you to see, what type of role you’d be drawn to, Good luck with it, and remember happiness is everything in life, no matter what you do.

Sarah1991 · 04-05-2021 2:18pm

screamer wrote: »

Op not everyone who is successful in their careers are happy.
I agree with other posters you need a plan, and you need to give yourself a boot up the bum and motivate yourself, cause no one else will do that for you. It’s a cliche, but where do you see yourself. If that’s too out there or daunting, make a list of jobs you don’t see yourself in, and again if you’ve not a clue, simply make a list of tasks you love and tasks you hate. That’ll help you to see, what type of role you’d be drawn to, Good luck with it, and remember happiness is everything in life, no matter what you do.

Thank you. You're dead right, I need to actually do something about it, nobody else can do it for me.

I'm gonna do a bit of research tonight and try to set out a bit of a plan.

Lost in life

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