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Are My Friends Just Putting Up With Me?

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  • 06-03-2016 11:54pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    I've had some conversations recently that have left me with niggling doubts in the pit of my stomach...
    A few months ago at a party I made a pretty big ass of myself and basically totally let down one of my friends. Things were pretty cold between us for a while, however I apologized and slowly but surely we got back on track and we're pretty much back to the way we were beforehand (or so I thought). So next year we all need a place to live and we arranged ages ago that we could all live together. I got details about a potential house only to find out from another friend that everyone had picked out a place without me. She claimed that she didn't think that I would be interested but now I'm wondering if that's an excuse for them not wanting to be friends anymore. I just have no idea what to think and do not want to be tagging onto a group if I'm really not wanted.
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    #2
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    You really need to ask her. Her excuse sounds like bs to be honest


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    #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    CaraMay wrote: »
    You really need to ask her. Her excuse sounds like bs to be honest

    See yeah that's what I thought. I asked if anyone was still uncomfortable with me hanging out with them and she said that SHE was fine with it but that I would have to ask the others if I still wasn't sure.
    The whole thing just kind of pissed me off because I said about possibly having a place in mind a few weeks ago and one of my friends seemed totally up for being roommates. Like if you're not actually up for something I suggest just say it to my face there and then.


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    #4
    CaraMay
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 4,652 ✭✭✭CaraMay


    Talk to them face to face


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    #5
    Senna
    Registered Users Posts: 8,800 ✭✭✭Senna


    Sounds pretty clear cut to me, these people have made a housing arrangement without you and they knew you wanted to live with them.
    Doesn't mean they don't want to be friends and doesn't mean they will never want you in the group again.
    As others have said, talk to each of them, but whatever you done has obviously effected them and their trust in you, so it may take a long time for the relationship to get back to normal, up to you to make it up to them and don't be so silly in the future.


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    #6
    danslevent
    Registered Users Posts: 893 ✭✭✭danslevent


    I had the same kind of scenario that you described. My friend had a bit of a drinking problem and it all came to a head at one party several months ago. We are pretty much back to normal but I would never want to live with them because they can be a liability.

    It seems pretty cut and dry here, don't force yourself on them, they clearly don't want to live with you.


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    #7
    ivytwine
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭ivytwine


    Hey OP

    Don't take this the wrong way but I have friends I love that I couldn't live with. One person springs to mind immediately, drinks a lot, lovely girl but very immature attitude to alcohol. I've done my partying time now, while I still like a good night out, im not into getting drunk every night. I couldn't live with her and remain friends.

    Living with someone is a big step and it's something that I think friends don't think too much about. I'm sure there's lots of people here who lived with friends and are no longer friends with them.

    I don't think they handled it in a very mature way at all, but if what happened was a serious incident involving alcohol I can see where they're coming from. It doesn't mean they dislike you.


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    #8
    OnTheCouch
    Registered Users Posts: 526 ✭✭✭OnTheCouch


    OP these are your friends so you will know them an awful lot better than anyone here will.

    Now what you should remember about this, is that if you suspect that they are lying, then the chances are fairly high that your hunch was correct, simply because it's an awful lot easier to come across as convincing in a lie to those you don't know as opposed to those you do.

    As for what do you do about it...well you can either confront her head on, or just accept it. The latter option is probably the one you'd take in an ideal world and then subsequently endeavour to mend your behaviour in future so that slowly but surely you are trusted more.

    I have had a few situations like yourself and you do notice that with good friends, time is a great healer. The more time that goes by, the more petty the row seems and the more you start to miss each other.

    If you challenge her directly, even though you are probably correct about the bs, you could make things worse in my opinion.


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