Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Work Colleague......do I tell him?

Options
  • 23-02-2016 2:16am
    #1
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭


    Hi!!

    Im enduring my 4th sleepless night over a crush in work. Ive worked in my job for 4 years and he's worked there for 2. When he started I was in a relationship. I thought he was so attractive and found myself very awkward around him. I knew I had a lot of potential to fancy him so I stayed well clear of him.

    7 months ago my relationship broke up. I was so heartbroken I forgot about my crush and managed to lose my sense of awkwardness around him. We chatted every now and again, nothing heavy. We recently kissed on a work night out and I felt elated. I haven't felt so happy in so long. He messaged me when I got home and we both said how attractive we found the other. He messaged me the next day and we laughed about ye previous night, just friendly messages.
    2 days later I messaged him as I hadn't heard from him, he wrote back immediately and we spent the night texting but again just friendly nothing about the kiss etc. its been another two days and I haven't heard from him or met him in work.

    Was it just a drunken kiss to him and nothing more?? I really like this guy and im wondering should I be forward and tell him how I feel?? I think I'll regret it if nothing more comes of this......

    Opinions on girls making the first move?!


Comments

  • Options
    #2
    amdublin
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Arts Moderators, Entertainment Moderators Posts: 20,650 CMod ✭✭✭✭amdublin


    Op there is something about your phrasings I find worrisome. I'm not sure why you are having sleepless nights over a crush, a kiss and some texts. In the heady days of a first kiss sometimes excitement tales over but having sleepless nights indicates to me you are stressing yourself thinking about it amd I do worry if you are putting too much on what has happened/your whole crush situation.

    To me it sounds like things are going perfectly. You had a little kiss and now you've had some text nights. I'm old and fuddly but I believe that's standard protocol for people these days :)
    My suggestion would be see if there are more text conversations (or send him a text to start one) and then depending on how the conversation is going consider throwing out are you around some eve, fancy going for a drink. But this is nothing to do with whether you are a fella or a girl making the first move it very much depends on how things are going. So op, my advice is be very careful about reading the conversation, is he interested in more or are you just having a friendly conversation? Is there anything flirty in the conversation? Anything indicating he'd like to meet?
    If none of these suggest you say othi ng. Amd then don't text again. If he is interested he will text you again.
    Good luck!


  • Options
    #3
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    amdublin wrote: »
    Op there is something about your phrasings I find worrisome. I'm not sure why you are having sleepless nights over a crush, a kiss and some texts. In the heady days of a first kiss sometimes excitement tales over but having sleepless nights indicates to me you are stressing yourself thinking about it amd I do worry if you are putting too much on what has happened/your whole crush situation.

    To me it sounds like things are going perfectly. You had a little kiss and now you've had some text nights. I'm old and fuddly but I believe that's standard protocol for people these days :)
    My suggestion would be see if there are more text conversations (or send him a text to start one) and then depending on how the conversation is going consider throwing out are you around some eve, fancy going for a drink. But this is nothing to do with whether you are a fella or a girl making the first move it very much depends on how things are going. So op, my advice is be very careful about reading the conversation, is he interested in more or are you just having a friendly conversation? Is there anything flirty in the conversation? Anything indicating he'd like to meet?
    If none of these suggest you say othi ng. Amd then don't text again. If he is interested he will text you again.
    Good luck!

    God I didn't mean to sound creepy😱😂 he's just a shy kinda guy and not sure whether I need to make it more obvious!


  • Options
    #4
    Neyite
    Administrators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 25,947 Admin ✭✭✭✭✭Neyite


    He's kissed you, and told you he fancies you. Working together can make a person hesitate, but you can figure out the ground rules for that if you decide to see each other.

    So, engineer a works night out, if he's interested, he will be there (or if he cant, he will let you know in no uncertain terms why he genuinely cant make it). Get a bit of Dutch courage - not too much - and see if you end up kissing again.

    If you don't kiss, he's decided to back off. It might be that he does fancy you but has concerns about dating a colleague. Or he might know you are mad about him and a bit wary of getting involved.


  • Options
    #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Ok you need to chill. If someone was losing sleep over me after 1 kiss I would be a little hesitant to further things, of course he's not going to know this but your anxieties will be evident to him in some form, he may get the vibes that you're more into him. I'm not saying play cool, but you need to relax and see if things happen naturally. It is only a crush, and you've built him up in your head way too much and that will only cause trouble and hurt for you. Do you know his relationship situation? How long has he been single? There are a whole lot of reasons apart from the fact he's a colleague that he may be reluctant. You've initiated texting the last few times now leave it to him.


  • Options
    #6
    batmanrobin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 385 ✭✭batmanrobin


    Proceed with caution, OP. Work relationships can be troublesome. Also, you don't want to wind up in a situation where he hasn't the courage to tell you he doesn't want to go there but will reply to your texts out of politeness making you think something is there.

    See if he texts you this time. I hate to play games, but I have found with men who are genuinely interested, there were no games. They were quick to make contact and keep it going.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,126 ✭✭✭Augme


    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.


  • Options
    #8
    batmanrobin
    Closed Accounts Posts: 385 ✭✭batmanrobin


    Augme wrote: »
    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.

    I'd normally be for this approach, but it can be a bit more awkward given that it's a work colleague - despite the kiss and him saying he fancies her. Also, he might agree in an attempt to keep civil.

    OP, if you take the above approach, make sure he knows it's a date and not just a work thing.

    Honestly, though, I'd avoid a work relationship at all costs. Not worth the headache if things go south.


  • Options
    #9
    magicmushroom
    Registered Users Posts: 824 ✭✭✭magicmushroom


    Augme wrote: »
    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.

    Totally agree with this, just keep it simple.
    He kissed you, said he finds you attractive - stop over thinking and just suggest a drink.

    I also wouldn't find the sleepless nights odd like some posters - when you really, really like someone that can happen :)
    And it's rare, so enjoy it OP - good luck


  • Options
    #10
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    magicmushroom wrote: »
    Totally agree with this, just keep it simple.
    He kissed you, said he finds you attractive - stop over thinking and just suggest a drink.

    I also wouldn't find the sleepless nights odd like some posters - when you really, really like someone that can happen :)
    And it's rare, so enjoy it OP - good luck

    Thank you, I was starting to worry about myself with some of the replies!! Of course I've slept but I've just been up fighting with myself over whether the situation calls on me to be ballsy and say something or not. I'm not obsessed with him by any means I just know he's a good guy and would hate to regret any chances untaken.


  • Options
    #11
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    Augme wrote: »
    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.

    It's the second guessing and wondering that's got to me, if I knew one way or the other whether we're just friends or he's open to more. Id just be happy to get on with things whatever way he felt and either move on from that crush or go for those few drinks n see how it goes.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    BreadnBuddha
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,311 ✭✭✭BreadnBuddha


    Augme wrote: »
    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.

    In total agreement here.

    Stop hiding behind texts OP. Throw caution to the wind and ask him when you're going on a date.

    He likes you lots. It's a zero risk thing to get moving and see where things go.


  • Options
    #13
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    BreadnBuddha wrote: »
    In total agreement here.

    Stop hiding behind texts OP. Throw caution to the wind and ask him when you're going on a date.

    He likes you lots. It's a zero risk thing to get moving and see where things go.

    I thinkso too we're not close friends and I shouldn't feel awkward about someone knowing I like them...and if I do it'll pass.....eventually;-p


  • Options
    #14
    jimd2
    Registered Users Posts: 789 ✭✭✭jimd2


    Augme wrote: »
    I don't know if I'm just a really old person trapped in a youngish persons body but I'd disagree with most of the advice above. It just seems a really odd way of doing things. It also seems like a great way to set you up for more second-guessing and wondering.


    Just sent him a text this evening and ask if he'd like to go for drink after work or at the weekend. You'll have an answer then whether he likes you or not.

    Agreed 100%. That or call over to him / call him and mention going for a drink.


  • Options
    #15
    Augme
    Registered Users Posts: 5,126 ✭✭✭Augme


    Soulseeker333 wrote: »
    It's the second guessing and wondering that's got to me, if I knew one way or the other whether we're just friends or he's open to more. Id just be happy to get on with things whatever way he felt and either move on from that crush or go for those few drinks n see how it goes.


    That's why it's best to just ask him out straight. It will eliminate all the second-guessing and wondering.


  • Options
    #16
    beks101
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,802 ✭✭✭beks101


    I'm in the 'just text him and ask him out' camp.

    Yeah he might be hesitant given the work situation, yeah it's a bold move but what the hell, life is short and it'll cut out the sleepless nights and the second guessing.

    If he's into you he'll snap up the offer and move things forward; if not he's just not that bothered. Better to know either way. Best of luck OP ;)


  • Options
    #17
    nikpmup
    Registered Users Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭nikpmup


    I would second sending a text to ask him out for a drink, but if by chance you do get a rebuffal, follow it up with a "grand, no worries, take care :)" type of breezy reply, to eliminate the possibility of work awkwardness. Good luck!


  • Options
    #18
    PressRun
    Registered Users Posts: 3,126 ✭✭✭PressRun


    You've kissed and admitted that you both find each other attractive. I don't think there's much to lose here. Sure, he may be a little cautious because of the work thing, but I'd still go for it. I know a couple who got together through work and even if it doesn't work out, it doesn't have to be really awkward.

    I'd be in agreement with those who think you should just be up front and ask him out for a drink in the evening or go for a coffee or something. It sounds like you're chatty enough with him over text now that you could ask him that straight out and get a pretty straightforward answer.

    And I wouldn't be too concerned about the sleepless nights. People react to these situations differently. It can be a little bit anxiety-provoking for some. I wouldn't look into it.


  • Options
    #19
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    Thank's everyone!! I mentioned it in one of the texts very casually. He said yes but didn't make definite plans.....I'm totally OK with that if he gets onto me about it well and good if not I've no regrets. Thanks so much for all your kind messages and advice.


  • Options
    #20
    nikpmup
    Registered Users Posts: 2,510 ✭✭✭nikpmup


    Soulseeker333 wrote: »
    Thank's everyone!! I mentioned it in one of the texts very casually. He said yes but didn't make definite plans.....I'm totally OK with that if he gets onto me about it well and good if not I've no regrets. Thanks so much for all your kind messages and advice.

    You're halfway there - make a few suggestions, "do you fancy going to see x gig on Fri?" - he could be shy/not great at making plans; if you're waiting for him to get back to you and he doesn't for those reasons, you could have wasted an opportunity. Be bold!


  • Options
    #21
    PinkLemonade
    Closed Accounts Posts: 768 ✭✭✭PinkLemonade


    Soulseeker333 wrote: »
    Thank's everyone!! I mentioned it in one of the texts very casually. He said yes but didn't make definite plans.....I'm totally OK with that if he gets onto me about it well and good if not I've no regrets. Thanks so much for all your kind messages and advice.

    You asked him out so it's up to you to follow through with an actual plan


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #22
    Calypso Realm
    Registered Users Posts: 416 ✭✭Calypso Realm


    PinkLemonade wrote: »
    You asked him out so it's up to you to follow through with an actual plan

    This. OP, unless there are any updates (?) the ball is firmly in his court now. In fact, I would not initiate any more texts for now. This will give him the opportunity to show his intentions. If you don't hear from him, just act cool and casual around him at work.

    Although the signs are there that he likes you, do bear this in mind the work situation might be making him additionally cautious!

    Good luck!


  • Options
    #23
    professore
    Closed Accounts Posts: 5,857 ✭✭✭professore


    He's pretty laid back to say the least ... you kissed and you asked him out, and he's STILL not jumping at the opportunity ? I hate to say it but he can't be very interested.


  • Options
    #24
    Soulseeker333
    Registered Users Posts: 49 ✭Soulseeker333


    Calypso Realm wrote: »
    This. OP, unless there are any updates (?) the ball is firmly in his court now. In fact, I would not initiate any more texts for now. This will give him the opportunity to show his intentions. If you don't hear from him, just act cool and casual around him at work.

    Although the signs are there that he likes you, do bear this in mind the work situation might be making him additionally cautious!

    Good luck!

    Update!! We've been on a couple of dates since. We've had a great time so we're just enjoyin early stages of dating no pressure! Delighted I went for it n thanks for all your advice.


  • Options
    #25
    Penny Tration
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,687 ✭✭✭✭Penny Tration


    Soulseeker333 wrote: »
    Update!! We've been on a couple of dates since. We've had a great time so we're just enjoyin early stages of dating no pressure! Delighted I went for it n thanks for all your advice.

    Lovely update!


Advertisement