Shamed for being Frugal

lawred2 · 08-11-2016 11:20am

enoughalready wrote: »

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

Frugality is a good thing as long as it doesn't tend towards meanness in group situations..

But not buying into mindless consumerism is not something to be ashamed of.

lawred2 · 08-11-2016 11:32am

intheclouds wrote: »

I dunno.

Theres nights out for dinner where I drive and dont drink, where I dont drive and do drink, where I am really hungry and get every course including dessert, where I am not hungry and just get a salad etc...

But at a group meal everyone has the same night out regardless of how much you specifically consume.

I go along with people who want to check the menu prices but I inwardly groan. Even if Id only a starter Id never ever bring it up so I could pay less.

Its swings and roundabouts. Sometimes I end up paying more than i have consumed, sometimes less. But the night out is not just what i consume - its the venue, the company etc...

I would in the main be like yourself but I remember one particular occasion where there was a meal for someone leaving my wife's work.. Partners were invited.

It was a grand night in general. Nice company... About 14 or so people but there was one lad at the table who fancied himself as a billy big shot - kept ordering very expensive bottles of wine off the menu (like 3 - 4 times the cost of the house wines)... He ended up taking it upon himself to order about 6 in total. Most of it consumed down at his end. Not even a courtesy query towards the rest of the table whether they were on board with his selections..

He got himself mightily pissed and headed off before desert.. Threw down enough to cover his food with an extra tenner or so for 'his share' of the drinks bill.

Rest of us got stung big time for his 'refined' palette.

I was not impressed. But there was little I could say or do other than pony up.

It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.

intheclouds · 08-11-2016 11:46am

lawred2 wrote: »

It only takes one ignoramus to ruin it for everyone.

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

lawred2 · 08-11-2016 11:49am

intheclouds wrote: »

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

Might be a myth. But at the same time very believable.

Sam Kade · 08-11-2016 11:52am

intheclouds wrote: »

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

MayoSalmon · 08-11-2016 11:56am

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

intheclouds · 08-11-2016 11:57am

Sam Kade wrote: »

It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

You think?

Ive been arranging and doing the bill split for an xmas meal of a particular group for 20+ years. Not once has anyone else asked to even look at the bill. I could easily pull the trick of having mine paid for - not that I would.

Its not the same person sitting next to me each year, or indeed the same people in attendance - some people cant make it sometimes, different partners have come and gone etc...

lawred2 · 08-11-2016 11:58am

Sam Kade wrote: »

It took someone years to figure it out? Urban myth I'd say. Where pooling money is involved people suddenly become great at maths.

I wouldn't agree. I find people are generally quite trusting in such situations.

Most people just ask what their bit is and leave it at that.

Stoner · 08-11-2016 11:59am

stefanovich wrote:

One example is donuts at work a few years back. There was one guy who always bought the really cheap nasty ones whilst everyone else on the team went to a nice bakery. He was mean.

What you do there is get him a crappy one on your round and everyone else a nice one.

I did a couple of variations of this. I don't drink but years ago my drink was a pint of some sort of fizzy drink. One guy always got me just a single drink but his was a pint of Guinness.

He wouldn't change so I had enough, they had those little half pint , pint shaped glasses. When it was my round everyone got their drink and he got his "little pint" we still laugh about it. Stopped it through

I used to share a place with three other lads abroad. Every day it was someone's turn to pop down to the lovely bakery and get a French stick it was split 4 ways. On one guys turn he'd refuse to go said he didn't really like bread anyway. We asked why he ate it every day when someone else bought it.
Eventually he did go but he went to lidl and bought a miserable sliced pan that was never fresh but stayed that way for three weeks.

So we cut him out of the French stick around and left him with the lidl bread. He lasted two days!

I think there is a line with these things. People who use coupons are wise but when people elect to pay for something and they use a coupon but ask you for the cash value back, not good. Like the two for one coupon, you pay and I'll go for free etc that's a 50/50 deal.

Driving the car you can afford is not frugal it's sensible.
I've noticed that the people who seem to enjoy getting onto others about this are usually the ones in the red with credit cards. I think they are trying to justify their own situation.
I'm very wasteful myself but i respect those guys who keep last night's pizza for lunch. I just eat everything that's in front of me.!

infogiver · 08-11-2016 12:32pm

intheclouds wrote: »

This is true.

I heard a story once (urban myth?) about a group of people who met each year to have a dinner, one person always took it upon themselves to receive and split the bill, calculate a tip etc...

One year the person next to her realised that she split it based on the numbers minus herself - everyone had been paying for her dinner without realising for years!

Genius. It's like that story about the owners of a small petting zoo situated in a park somewhere in UK contacting the local authority to find out when they were going to replace the parking attendant who had recently retired. This guy had turned up in the petting zoo car park every day for about 15 years with a peaked hat and a ticket machine and charged every car leaving the car park. He did a fantastic job very helpful with directions and the parking situation wonderful with kids.
Turns out that the zoo thought that he was employed by the LA and the LA thought he was employed by the zoo and he'd pocketed every penny tax free for all that time. By the time it was discovered he'd sold up and buggered off to the Sth of France.

pilly · 08-11-2016 12:37pm

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

No I agree, but it's different when you don't actually have 30 is my point so people who are working need to be considerate of someone who's not at the moment.

um7y1h83ge06nx · 08-11-2016 12:54pm

infogiver wrote: »

Genius. It's like that story about the owners of a small petting zoo...

Unfortunately it's a myth, pity as it's a brilliant story but I guess all good myths are.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp

infogiver · 08-11-2016 12:57pm

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

I don't think you understand. If your living on benefits then you wouldn't actually have €30. People not in this situation just don't get it.

infogiver · 08-11-2016 12:58pm

Lillianna Agreeable Apostrophe wrote: »

Unfortunately it's a myth, pity as it's a brilliant story but I guess all good myths are.

http://www.snopes.com/crime/clever/carpark.asp

Still love it though

intheclouds · 08-11-2016 1:02pm

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

Its not about making yourself happy though - if you dont have it you dont have it.

witchgirl26 · 08-11-2016 1:55pm

I can be a terrible spendthrift (especially when I'm a bit down) but I try to fight against it and at least if I'm spending, I try to get things at a reduced price or shop around to get the best deal I can.

I really admire people who are better at saving than I am.

I think friends should be aware enough of each other's financial situation to recognise if someone really can't afford a meal out due to their current situation and maybe try to do something that is within that friends means.

I often don't drink when we go out and my group of friends is quite good in that if there's a couple of people not drinking the wine purchased for the table, we deduct the cost of the wine off the bill, split the food evenly & then split the wine between those who had it. It's never even been brought up by someone but just the way we've always gone about it.

To be honest, as someone who could do with being more frugal, sometimes if someone is almost bragging about how great they are at doing it, it gets to me because I know I should be doing more and sometimes does get a reaction from me. But that is my own issue, not theirs.

mansize · 08-11-2016 2:14pm

I don't think moaning the cost of a Doctor's Letter is an example of frugality

infogiver · 08-11-2016 3:28pm

mansize wrote: »

I don't think moaning the cost of a Doctor's Letter is an example of frugality

Neither do I.
It is an example of the current rights/entitlement culture that pervades the land at the moment though.

Walter H Price · 08-11-2016 4:01pm

To be honest i can get really annoying , one of the lads moans constantly about the price of everything , meals out, Takeaways , drink , rent petrol etc... i get it that him and hos OH aren't earning the same as the rest of us but seriously it gets old after a while like once or twice I've told him to change the record on a night out when he's gone on about the price of something or rip off Ireland 1 too many times , just puts a downer or some stuff like.

I hate ordering takeway's with them or going out for food because they will never just split a bill like and it takes an age.

Saving is a good thing , we do it religiously with direct debits from both our paychecks , we're saving for a wedding and mortgage , there a big difference between being smart with your'e money and being tight as a ducks hole and letting all and sundry know how much of a rip off you find everything.

RainyDay · 08-11-2016 6:01pm

infogiver wrote: »

I don't think you understand. If your living on benefits then you wouldn't actually have €30. People not in this situation just don't get it.

He's Ross. You're Phoebe.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I53n7ldcSGo&feature=youtu.be&t=1m

Latatian · 08-11-2016 8:47pm

MayoSalmon wrote: »

Life is too short to be a tight arse..not meeting up with friends because of a 30 euro meal is depressing but hey whatever makes you happy. The most valuable thing you will have in old age will be your memories and if creating tem costs a little bit then so be.

Not that it makes you happy to be unable to go out for dinner with friends- it's that you have to do it. You have no other option.

Sometimes you'll 'grin and bear it' and go for the meal (it's a special occasion, you don't want to appear 'cheap')... and that could be your week's food bill gone. So the rest of the week you don't eat, or you eat plain pasta-and-salt. Gets old if it's for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Life is too short to have to do that to 'keep up appearances'.

Apologies if it looks like I'm piling on. Just saw the other two responses now- such is not my intention.

zell12 · 18-02-2021 6:04pm

Daily Mail -Maths teacher who goes bin diving reveals how she can eat three meals a day plus snacks for FREE

Íde, 39, from Dublin, was horrified by the idea of perfectly good food being thrown away and started going through supermarket dumpsters weekly to rescue fruit, vegetables, meat, ready meals and even fancy chocolates.

'I talked about it quite openly at work. Sometimes I'd bring in stuff and I'd leave a sign saying, 'Free doughnuts – these are dumpster-dived. Some people were really disgusted about it.'
'People walking past assume you're poor or you don't have anything. You're not driving consumption and you're saving something, that would have otherwise been wasted, from being thrown out.'

kleefarr · 18-02-2021 6:09pm

zell12 wrote: »

Daily Mail -Maths teacher who goes bin diving reveals how she can eat three meals a day plus snacks for FREE

Shame on the shamers.

Conall Cernach · 18-02-2021 6:22pm

My concern with "dumpster diving" would be that the food, even though it is probably in its packaging, has been sitting in a bin where rats etc. have been urinating and defecating etc. Fruit, veg and bread don't usually come in air/water tight packaging.

statesaver · 18-02-2021 7:20pm

zell12 wrote: »

Daily Mail -Maths teacher who goes bin diving reveals how she can eat three meals a day plus snacks for FREE

Sorry, but she does not look very healthy

DJIMI TRARORE · 19-02-2021 12:01am

statesaver wrote:

Sorry, but she does not look very healthy

That was my 1st reaction too, especially around the eyes

pottokblue · 27-02-2021 1:29pm

Fair play to her from dumpsterdiving she can save money for a future wildlife trip once they lift the 5km nonessential travel restrictions...

GypsyByName · 13-05-2021 11:58am

My mother invited me out for coffee once, then asked me if I fancied a chicken fillet roll. She then proceeded to whip one out her bag that she had prepared that morning and brought to the coffee shop!

Shes beyond frugal and I was ashamed, I say it in front of her all the time now to wind her up!

Feisar · 13-05-2021 12:47pm

Stuff I do that's not as dramatic as going through waste!:

Bring a flask instead of popping out for coffee three times a day
Bring my own lunch, extra win for boiling a ham on a Sunday, lunch "meat" is mental expensive plus isn't filling
Odds and ends of veg get turned into soup.
Toiletries get bought by the tonne! Well not exactly but you get the idea. Plus always which the price per liter on shower gel for example. Two for one might not be a better deal than another product. And they are all practically the same, sodium laurette sulphate being the primary ingrediant after aqua/water.
Buy in bulk where it makes sense. I.e. yogurts, we'll buy a large tub and share it between us.
Vote with your senses and not the marketing, know what generic products are as good or better than the branded versions.

The above saves a lot of money with no negative impact in living standard/enjoyment.

Ash.J.Williams · 13-05-2021 12:52pm

enoughalready wrote: »

I wonder if anyone else has experienced this? My friend today shamed me by stating I was so stingy in front of another friend because of my money saving, frugal habits. I was so annoyed that I shot back that at least I'm not in credit card debt and so on. It got me thinking that now in future I have to 'hide' my fugal way off living because if I speak about it people will call me cheap or stingy. Its a horrible feeling not being able to live the lifestyle you want without being judged. Has anyone else had a similar experience and how they combated it?

Sometimes I’ve observed frugal friends taking for granted how much is spent on a social event and being frugal with coughing up . They are the lowest of humanity:)

Feisar · 13-05-2021 2:15pm

Ash.J.Williams wrote: »

Sometimes I’ve observed frugal friends taking for granted how much is spent on a social event and being frugal with coughing up . They are the lowest of humanity:)

Does my head in, the first up to drop to the bottom of the wine list etc, then total shock at the cost at the end of the evening. Or the couple that says "we didn't have a starter/desert". Yea but ye had the steaks with the supplement cost plus drank two bottles between ye. Feck me it does my head in.

cbreeze · 18-06-2021 4:36pm

Three meanies:

Guy in work (pre-Covid) used to look out for deliveries of buns/sandwiches for meetings he was not even going to and duck into the conference room and grab some before the attendees had a chance to get them.

Some retired civil servant was on a committee as an external advisor and he would scoop up all the scones, butter and jams left over at the end of meetings - he was that crass he even took the little baskets they came in!

In a society I'm there were regular meetings followed by dinner with wine. One member used to go round at the end of the meal pouring all the wine from the nearly empty bottles into one bottle to take home with him. Worse, he even mixed the red and the white! Waste not want not I suppose

Happymonkey123 · 15-07-2021 10:22am

To be fair I think there is a big difference between frugal & a tight arse or just plain mean. I think mean ppl give frugal living a bad rep. I've been frugal since college, no choice, my mam was a widow since I was a child. I've learned skills to save getting professionals to do things, try to shop around for things I need, use coupons etc but if I agree to go out for drink or meal I'm buying my round. I only purchase in that restaurant or bar as its a business with staff to pay etc. At ppl birthday I spend the same money as they do on me but I do try & shop around to get more bang for their buck, family know me now so they will tend to tell me what they want so they get more for their money. I hate meaness but if I can save on things that I don't care about so that I'm mortgage free at 37 with my house worth €350,000, why not!!

Stanford · 15-07-2021 8:49pm

https://boards.ie/discussion/comment/98793775#Comment_98793775

+1 for the difference between "frugal" and "mean", the first is a lifestyle choice and nobody's business, the second is a nasty personality trait and can impact on others. Which one is the OP guilty of?

zell12 · 15-02-2024 9:30pm

Resurrecting this thread, as I observe we are being more frugal now. People shopping for the best deals, carefully choosing in the supermarket, not wasting as much food, trying not to fall for advertising. Cafes, pubs, are shutting as there is less custom, etc. Maybe I'm wrong

L1011 · 15-02-2024 9:32pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121773078#Comment_121773078

I'd say there's a difference between being frugal and being broke - a lot of people only adjusted their habits cause of the latter.

gussieg · 12-04-2024 5:10pm

learning to make and do and grow your own food is something we were lucky to grow up with, and is something worth passing on as it is so needed right now.

Shamed for being Frugal

Comments