I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 13-11-2016 9:13pm

paralysed wrote: »

It's harder for them to blank you if you say their name instead of the word hi. That's what I do.

At least these guys are getting laid. Where I work, I've been turned by women who work in the same office. There's four women in that office and I can only imagine the gossip between them. If our company actually had socials after work, it'd be easy for me to make a move!

James Bond would find a way.

Barry Badrinath · 13-11-2016 9:17pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

Do you honestly think I give a flying fcuk who you are ? You still deserve a slap around the head in regards to your previous comment, so we'll leave it there.

Aw dont be sooo mean snowflake.

Triggered much?

Ted111 · 13-11-2016 9:20pm

I think it's fair to say that Lenny and Karl were out of line.
That sort of talk in front of a girl they didn't know or weren't sure was comfortable with, was a little out of line.

The anon lady was not right in how she addressed it.
Maybe through youth or lack of experience dealt with the situation cack handedly and made things awkward for herself and others - colleagues and management.

Situation should have been handled more subtlety and discreetly. An opportunity if you will, to show everyone in her new group that while she is no pushover, she is loyal, trust worthy and reasonable.

Venom · 13-11-2016 9:20pm

Jawgap wrote: »

By the sound of it, you overheard a private conversation and reported it.

It shows you to be untrustworthy so people won't engage with you in case you report them for their transgressions which are probably nothing more serious than sly fag breaks, a few personal phone calls and a bit of goofing off.

Maybe challenging the behaviour of the people concerned instead of grassing them up might have been better?

This ^.

I used to work in a place where one asshole who was very eager to move up the ladder, was constantly reporting people to management for petty stuff like going to the loo or making a cuppa. Needless to say no one would have anything to do with him and blanked or ignored him on everything not work related.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:21pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Aw dont be sooo mean snowflake.

Triggered much?

Nah, love and best wishes my dear friend.

namloc1980 · 13-11-2016 9:21pm

OP, your colleagues will think you're now untrustworthy. And to be honest I wouldn't blame them. Hence you're being blanked.

JimmyTClarke · 13-11-2016 9:23pm

You didn't do the 'wrong' thing per se, however, perhaps there were other options that could have been taken before going down the official route?

If I heard or saw something of an inappropriate nature in work, my first port of call would be to talk to the person in question and express my displeasure with their remarks and/or behaviour. Give them a chance to make it right, if you will. Don't get me wrong, what they were doing was unacceptable and should not be tolerated. However, the route you chose has made your work life difficult as a result. You would be surprised how many people back down in a wave of embarrassment followed by profuse apologies when they realise that they've crossed the line from 'banter' to 'offensive' and are called out on it. But in saying that, perhaps you weren't comfortable in confronting them directly, and that's fine too (not everyone is).

At this stage of the game, I think it's important that your colleagues know exactly what the nature of your complaint was and why you felt the need to report what you heard.

jackboy · 13-11-2016 9:23pm

mansize wrote: »

No it isn't. Such hyperbole.

So naive. Telling tales on colleagues is not considered 'emotionally intelligent'.

PucaMama · 13-11-2016 9:26pm

Very innapropriate conversation for work, and they deserve to be pulled up on it. It's a sign of bad manners if someone thinks that's ok. And the comment about the people in the pub talking loudly in the same way. That too is bad manners. Some people seem to love carrying on like this in public like they are some kind of hero.

holyhead · 13-11-2016 9:27pm

Based on the title of your op you cannot be shocked surely that you are getting the cold shoulder at work. If the conversation didn't involve you or your were not the subject of the conversation you really should have stayed quiet. Informing on work colleagues, while theoretically noble, is guaranteed to make you the subject of venom from fellow workers. Given the nature of your complaint even if they did talk to you, they would do so minding their p's and q's to such as an extent as to make it uncomfortable for all parties. If it is at all possible seek alternative employment and don't snitch again. Learn from this.

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 9:27pm

PucaMama wrote: »

Very innapropriate conversation for work, and they deserve to be pulled up on it. It's a sign of bad manners if someone thinks that's ok. And the comment about the people in the pub talking loudly in the same way. That too is bad manners. Some people seem to love carrying on like this in public like they are some kind of hero.

What should they be allowed to talk about then , mein Fuhrer?

cantdecide · 13-11-2016 9:28pm

It's a shame we couldn't have them shot

PucaMama · 13-11-2016 9:28pm

lawlolawl wrote: »

What should they be allowed to talk about then , mein Fuhrer?

In private where it belongs. The workplace isn't private.

Edit: it's amazing, calling for manners gets you called "mein Fuhrer"

13-11-2016 9:29pm

Yea, gotta agree with others - you reported a private conversation and got people suspended. Regardless of the conversation, which, personally I don't think is that bad, you can understand how and why people wouldn't trust you too much.

13-11-2016 9:32pm

I can see from both points of view here.

The lads were well out of order talking like that but surely another way could have been found before reporting them? It doesnt just affect the lads in question but their wives and kids if they lose their jobs. FWIW i do think its disgusting to talk like that in a place of work but surely you could have expressed your disgust at their comments and asked them to kindly stop or else before you actually went upstairs with it?

I cant understand why lads would use this type of language anyway in a work place environment? Professional suicide. at the end of the day the women they objectify is someones daughter/niece/sister etc and the same lads would not handle it on their own doorstep

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 9:32pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Yea, gotta agree with others - you reported a private conversation and got people suspended. Regardless of the conversation, which, personally I don't think is that bad, you can understand how and why people wouldn't trust you too much.

How would you feel if you heard two of your female co workers in the canteen whispering and laughing about you and calling you ugly? Would you think those two women seem like competent employees that can fit into a job where they are working in close quarters with others? They certainly do not to me. Its just so ridiculously immature

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 9:35pm

The feminists on here will praise you for "sticking it to the man" and standing up for an imaginary "sisterhood". But they don't have to deal with the consequences. You expected to be seen as a hero in the office. Instead your colleagues female or otherwise won't even look at you.

This is not a game, it's a peoples livelihoods yours included. I'm afraid unless you smooth it over with these guys (which I've no doubt you will not do) then you should start looking at the job pages for other employment. Getting people suspended and potentially fired from work is no joke. People who think this will all blow over are totally wide off the mark.

mansize · 13-11-2016 9:36pm

jackboy wrote: »

So naive. Telling tales on colleagues is not considered 'emotionally intelligent'.

If it prevents a suit to the organisation it may be in the company's interest.

Referring to it as "telling tales" is juvenile

freshpopcorn · 13-11-2016 9:36pm

I actually think the OP got a bit of a land after reporting these men. I think she was expecting her colleagues to support her and she well done.
In my experience people don't take any notice of what these men did unless they said something horrible about a person to their face.

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 9:37pm

wakka12 wrote: »

How would you feel if you heard two of your female co workers in the canteen whispering and laughing about you and calling you ugly?

If that scenario happened I would be 100% turned on :cool:

Jawgap · 13-11-2016 9:39pm

wakka12 wrote: »

How would you feel if you heard two of your female co workers in the canteen whispering and laughing about you and calling you ugly? Would you think those two women seem like competent employees that can fit into a job where they are working in close quarters with others? They certainly do not to me. Its just so ridiculously immature

How would you feel if you were having a private conversation and it was reported to management? Even if it subsequently turns out you did nothing wrong?

No doubt the original conversation was way beyond the bounds of acceptability, but reporting it to management wasn't the only course of action, but it was the one the OP chose and like the guys who were reported the consequences have to be faced.

SEPT 23 1989 · 13-11-2016 9:39pm

wakka12 wrote: »

How would you feel if you heard two of your female co workers in the canteen whispering and laughing about you and calling you ugly? Would you think those two women seem like competent employees that can fit into a job where they are working in close quarters with others? They certainly do not to me. Its just so ridiculously immature

It's called having a skin

You would laugh it off and tell them to go **** themselves and move on

Like an adult would

SteM · 13-11-2016 9:40pm

Venom wrote: »

This ^.

I used to work in a place where one asshole who was very eager to move up the ladder, was constantly reporting people to management for petty stuff like going to the loo or making a cuppa. Needless to say no one would have anything to do with him and blanked or ignored him on everything not work related.

You don't see the difference between reporting sexually explicit talk in the workplace and making a cup of tea?

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:42pm

wakka12 wrote: »

You see, 'blanking' somebody is a very hard form of bullying to prove . And even harder to stamp out, what are the management going to do like watch over the lunch room and force employees to make conversation with OP? This isn't junior infants , Your boss cant make your co workers like you.
You're in a really ****ty position OP, the best that can happen is everyone forgets about it and things go back to normal. But to be brutally honest I don't think that'll ever happen.

You took the whole post out of context, well done. Maybe you should read the thread again.

Jawgap · 13-11-2016 9:42pm

SteM wrote: »

You don't see the difference between reporting sexually explicit talk in the workplace and making a cup of tea?

It's about having respect for your colleagues which means not talking about them in a derogatory fashion and not grassing them up.

Reporting the conversation was not the only option.

midnight city · 13-11-2016 9:44pm

Mr Joe wrote: »

The feminists on here will praise you for "sticking it to the man" and standing up for an imaginary "sisterhood". But they don't have to deal with the consequences. You expected to be seen as a hero in the office. Instead your colleagues female or otherwise won't even look at you.

This is not a game, it's a peoples livelihoods yours included. I'm afraid unless you smooth it over with these guys (which I've no doubt you will not do) then you should start looking at the job pages for other employment. Getting people suspended and potentially fired from work is no joke. People who think this will all blow over are totally wide off the mark.

She may write those guys off as friendly colleagues, there is no way back after formally getting them trouble like that.

osarusan · 13-11-2016 9:44pm

"I got suspended because Tom and myself were sitting in the office looking at the women around us and talking about which ones were hot ones that we'd like to shag and which ones were ugly mutts, and somebody overheard it and complained."

It could have been handled differently alright, but if things happened the way the OP says, then I wouldn't have a bit of sympathy for either of the two lads.

Also, as an earlier poster mentioned, I'm surprised that the women in the office bear some ill will towards her - perhaps they just don't know the full story. It wouldn't surprise me if the two lads have given their very different/sanitised version of events.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:46pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Yea, gotta agree with others - you reported a private conversation and got people suspended. Regardless of the conversation, which, personally I don't think is that bad, you can understand how and why people wouldn't trust you too much.

Have you not understood the OP's main opening thread ? it was not a private conversation, it was loud enough that not only she could hear but others too. If it was private, then none of the above would have heard a tweet.

SteM · 13-11-2016 9:48pm

Jawgap wrote: »

It's about having respect for your colleagues which means not talking about them in a derogatory fashion and not grassing them up.

Reporting the conversation was not the only option.

Having respect for your colleagues is not ranking them based on how much they turn you on in earshot of other staff members. The two blokes showed no respect for their colleagues in the first place.

I'd love to know what types of offices there are in this country based on some of the replies here.

holyhead · 13-11-2016 9:49pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

Have you not understood the OP's main opening thread ? it was not a private conversation, it was loud enough that not only she could hear but others too. If it was private, then none of the above would have heard a tweet.

If it didn't involve her and she wasn't the subject of the conversation then it was a private conversation. I might hear what someone at the next table in a restaurant was saying but that doesn't render it a public conversation.

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 9:51pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

You took the whole post out of context, well done. Maybe you should read the thread again.

You talked about the boss having the responsibility to stop the OP being bullied, OP complained of being bullied in the form of her coworkers blanking her, I replied to your post saying how hard it is to stop this kind of bullying. Passive aggression not necessary

13-11-2016 9:51pm

Deleted User wrote: »

Yea, gotta agree with others - you reported a private conversation and got people suspended. Regardless of the conversation, which, personally I don't think is that bad, you can understand how and why people wouldn't trust you too much.

A conversation in earshot of others is not a private conversation.

The OP is not responsible for their suspension. Their inappropriate behaviour in a professional environment is responsible, it's their fault alone.

Nobody should have to listen to crap like that at work.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:53pm

holyhead wrote: »

If it didn't involve her and she wasn't the subject of the conversation then it was a private conversation. I might hear what someone at the next table in a restaurant was saying but that doesn't render it a public conversation.

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if those two dopes were classing the women workers in the office, it's quite obvious they would be talking about all women in the office, not just one or two, but them all. A bit of education could do well here for a lot of posters/children.

holyhead · 13-11-2016 9:53pm

Candie wrote: »

A conversation in earshot of others is not a private conversation.

The OP is not responsible for their suspension. Their inappropriate behaviour in a professional environment is responsible, it's their fault alone.

Nobody should have to listen to crap like that at work.

If it doesn't involve you or your not asked for your opinion then it is a private conversation.

mariaalice · 13-11-2016 9:54pm

Can someone be suspend all based on a report of a conversation?, highly unlikely there must have been other complaints about the men concerned or else they had a warning in the past.

holyhead · 13-11-2016 9:55pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if those two dopes were classing the women workers in the office, it's quite obvious they would be talking about all women in the office, not just one or two, but them all. A bit of education could do well here for a lot of posters/children.

Unless her name is mentioned then it has nothing to do with her. Spare me the education jibe.

13-11-2016 9:56pm

holyhead wrote: »

If it doesn't involve you or your not asked for your opinion then it is a private conversation.

Anyone who thinks it's okay to go on like that in the workplace must be a refugee from the 50's.

It's not okay, it's totally out of order, and they got exactly what they deserved. What's happening the OP now is just shooting the messenger.

Hard to believe people are defending this crap in 2016.

If it was in the pub, then that's one thing. In earshot of others in the workplace? Give over.

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 9:57pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

It doesn't take a genius to figure out that if those two dopes were classing the women workers in the office, it's quite obvious they would be talking about all women in the office, not just one or two, but them all. A bit of education could do well here for a lot of posters/children.

You don't understand how the real world works.

You are the one in need of education.

holyhead · 13-11-2016 9:58pm

If its not about her why on earth kick up dust. While their may have been inappropriate conversation/s going on, uncomfortable for her to hear, in the practical sense what her work colleagues are doing to her post complaint, is far worse on her. She may have got her colleagues suspended, just borrowing from the title of the op, she herself is in a hellish work situation.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 10:02pm

lawlolawl wrote: »

You don't understand how the real world works.

You are the one in need of education.

I'm very well aware of how the real world works, it's idiotic comments like yours of which I don't understand, been here long enough to understand it all, but thanks for your comment anyway.

Deub · 13-11-2016 10:02pm

How do the other people in the office feel about this type of conversations?
Do they also take part?

Roger Hassenforder · 13-11-2016 10:04pm

wakka12 wrote: »

How would you feel if you heard two of your female co workers in the canteen whispering and laughing about you and calling you ugly? Would you think those two women seem like competent employees that can fit into a job where they are working in close quarters with others? They certainly do not to me. Its just so ridiculously immature

no evidence the muppets' comments were directed at the OP.
she overheard them...

Bobeagleburger · 13-11-2016 10:05pm

Were you the only one that heard them?

Were they suspended on your word alone?

Four Phucs Ache · 13-11-2016 10:05pm

I worked in an office with 50-80 on the floor.Age varied greatly between 18 and 65.Everybody over the years talked, cried, lunched , socialised , slept with , and some married .It was a nice mix of people and characters and there was "the lads" and the "girls".Everybody got on.It was on its own a separate universe between 9am and 5pm.

What management did was only covering their ass, and senior mgt covering theirs.It has to be done in the world we live in now socially.What you did may have been right but the internal social world you are in for 8 hours a day has cracked.It appears you are no longer viewed as others have said "part of the team".

Everybody bends the rules here and there with tasks and procedures and internal rules and policies.They are now afraid of the new behavioural status that you have displayed by doing what you did over a conversation you heard.

I feel for you as you have your own morals but it's going to take time to fix this crack.

anewme · 13-11-2016 10:06pm

Mateo Famous Beachcomber wrote: »

James Bond would find a way.

Jon Bon Jovi would "keep the faith".

"Always"

13-11-2016 10:08pm

Deub wrote: »

How do the other people in the office feel about this type of conversations?
Do they also take part?

Why? Does that magically make this an appropriate way to behave in a place of business?

There is zero context that makes this behaviour acceptable.

It is absolutely not on, in any way, in a workplace. No amount of 'ah sure, it's grand' from anyone else makes it allowable.

bpmurray · 13-11-2016 10:10pm

The OP acted perfectly correctly - such behaviour is completely unacceptable. I presume your company has a written policy about such behaviour, so these guys just showed how stupid they were by flaunting it - if they were fired, the average IQ in the workplace would go up!

I don't understand the others in the office not realising that these dickheads were not only breaking the rules of the company, they were also breaking the law (sexual harassment is, after all, illegal) and it exposed the company to a potentially expensive lawsuit and penalties. So they were 100% in the wrong: if they wanted to act the lad, they could do so somewhere else, but the workplace is definitely not the place for that.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 10:10pm

Well it just goes to show you that this ancient carry on in the workplace is still rampant. The education part I mentioned on my previous post just proves it. Some people just aren't capable of common sense and politeness wherever they are, and as such do need further education in how to treat their fellow women. Children that never grew up, now that is sad.

Best wishes OP, keep the chin up because those two plonkers should have been sacked, not suspended.

BreadnBuddha · 13-11-2016 10:17pm

jackinthemix94 wrote: »

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Wait til you are a victim of one of your famed "isms" in the workplace, and see how you like it.

Straight white men?

What does colour have to do with anything?

Triggered much?

cursai · 13-11-2016 10:18pm

This is what Hillary did and look where it got her.....

I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

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