I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

cantdecide · 13-11-2016 8:31pm

Thread needs a poll.

GreenFolder2 · 13-11-2016 8:32pm

It'll blow over.
Sounds like there's just a bullying atmosphere in the organisation in the first place.

Hold your head high and just ignore them. You've done everyone a favour.

RayM · 13-11-2016 8:32pm

mikeym wrote: »

Those Two men will be very angry when they get back to work.

Thread carefully OP or they will rat you out.

Maybe they'll just be embarrassed that their behaviour got them suspended from work.

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 8:32pm

It's understandable why everyone in your office hates you. Yes they were stupid but running off like a busybody getting them suspended or even fired? You are not the morality police. And now you claim you are being bullied to top it all off because people stare and wont speak to you LOL

People like you make offices poisonous. You say you know you did the right thing, then why are you on here asking about it? You are now in a ****ty situation entirely of your own accord.

TheNog · 13-11-2016 8:32pm

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

OP here. I stand by my actions and I know that I did the right thing. They had no right to speak about the women the way they did, it was so malicious, what they said about the women whom they didn't find attractive. A lot of you are talking about loyalty... well, where was their loyalty to these women? They showed their true colours and what they really thought about them. And some of you are wondering...I am a woman.

OP you did the right thing here and took a lot of bravery. I wouldn't be minding the posts about "keep your nose outta it", "private conversation", "rat/grass" or "Joan of Ark" bull. IMO all posted by gormless idiots.

Fair play to you and pity there isn't more like you

One more thing: it wasn't you who got them suspended. They got themselves suspended. Also management either believed your side of the story or verified your account by another witness and acted upon it

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 8:32pm

batistuta9 wrote: »

Is people not taking to you, bullying now?

Everything is bullying now.

Won't last a whole lot longer though. A certain fake tanned savior has come to change the world for the better

zetalambda · 13-11-2016 8:35pm

cantdecide wrote: »

Thread needs a poll.

https://us.v-cdn.net/6034073/uploads/attachments/687606/401487.png

freshpopcorn · 13-11-2016 8:37pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

That's not the point. That carry on in the work-place is no longer tolerated, you can't even do your job these days without having to listen to abuse from a few idiots. I'm a male and I can tell you now that if it was me there I would have done the same thing reporting them two, and they would also get a few words in their ears as well personally, they wouldn't say it again.

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff. She's the one who's people don't want anything to do with now and it will continue. When somebody new joines the company. Somebody will pull them to the side and warn them to becareful around her and not to trust her. If she's ever in a bit of bother now in the work place I can't see her colleagues sticking up for now. Which is an important thing in my opinion.

Clampdown · 13-11-2016 8:38pm

If men want to talk like that they should at least have the cop on to not do it in the office and not do it anywhere women can hear it.

Saying 'her tits are unreal', that's one thing, fairly harmless but going into detail about sex acts or what you would like to do to a colleague, and making insults about other colleagues appearances would obviously make some women feel uncomfortable. And some men, too, who might feel they are expected to join in and don't want to.

I'll admit that I've had these types of immature and crass conversations with mates after a few beers when I was younger, but the locker room talk, if you have to do it, should be kept in the locker room. Not a literal locker room, but just not where women are forced to hear it. If there are no women around and you want to act like gross little boys then knock yourself out. To do it in the workplace where female colleagues can hear it - only a disgusting pig would do that.

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 8:40pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff.

Yeah, normal people tend to act like normal people.

The perpetually offended are rightfully shunned.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 8:42pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

Going by the reaction the OP has got it's tolerated in her work place by the male and female staff. She's the one who's people don't want anything to do with now and it will continue. When somebody new joines the company. Somebody will pull them to the side and warn them to becareful around her and not to trust her. If she's ever in a bit of bother now in the work place I can't see her colleagues sticking up for now. Which is an important thing in my opinion.

I think the OP is a lot tougher than that, I'm sure she can continue to fulfil her work obligations and just ignore the idiots that have a problem with this. I'm also sure that there are others in there that are happy she done what she did. It will keep the rest of the fools in check in future not to carry on like the other two suspended fools.

Gbear · 13-11-2016 8:42pm

There's a difference between being generally crass and specifically demeaning to people within the office.

There can be different levels of acceptability in terms of professionalism and light-heartedness in offices. That's a matter of taste and while higher-ups might have a problem with it, particularly if it surfaces when dealing with people from outside the company and especially customers, who mightn't have the vernacular your office has developed and don't understand that it's harmless, you've no real case to get bent out of shape about it.

Talking ****e about people is another matter. At the very least you should be expected to show a bit of discretion and not get caught doing it.
In private settings where you're happy you won't get caught anything goes and everyone partakes in that kind of thing, but doing it clear as day in the middle of an office requires a serious level of being a wanker to absolutely justify taking action.

Maybe you should've gone to them first OP - sometimes these things can snowball a bit where it starts off mild enough and people lose the run of themselves and don't stop to think how they're behaving.
That'd be nitpicking though. People should have the cop-on to not behave like that and if it goes tits up they only have themselves to blame.
That you're getting all the ****e now and there doesn't seem to be much in the way of contrition would suggest they haven't learned a thing, they're more concerned with that they got caught than that they behaved in a way that disgraced themselves and would suggest strongly that they're massive, gaping arseholes.

freedominacup · 13-11-2016 8:42pm

lawlolawl wrote: »

You suck OP.

This what all men do and you tattled like a child because it offended your delicate sensibilities. Congrats on making the world a more dishonest place where people aren't allowed to actual be who they are.

It's something boys do. I don't know many men who indulge in this sort of idiocy.

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 8:43pm

I don't know how people are attacking op over this. Can you not try to imagine what it would be like hearing a group of jack asses rating you by the water fountain or calling you an ugly tramp? (I'm sure they said worse things too)
I couldn't imagine a more sickening, intimidating and uncomfortable environment to work in, or people to work with
Its just so so inappropriate at work, this is an adult environment not the junior cert
Though I don't know whether Id agree that the OP did the best thing in this situation due to the fall out that it resulted in, as expected. She is 100% morally right though

BailMeOut · 13-11-2016 8:44pm

Op the only thing you did wrong was posting in this forum. Posting your issue in one of the 'Work & Jobs' forums would yield better and more constructive responses.

...and well done and fair played to you for standing up for yourself and your female work colleagues.

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 8:44pm

lawlolawl wrote: »

Everything is bullying now.

Won't last a whole lot longer though. A certain fake tanned savior has come to change the world for the better

It's certainly hilarious.Tries to get 2 people fired over nothing, then when people stare and refuse to speak she wonders why and says shes getting bullied, and now plays the victim.

What she should have done was

A) Stop eavesdropping or roll your eyes and ignore their **** talk

Call them out on it and tell them to cop on and grow up

Instead she chose the worst option possible, now her work has become a toxic environment.

osmiumartist · 13-11-2016 8:46pm

If I was the employer I'd be more worried about employees talking ****e to each other when they are supposed to be working. There's no harassment of any sort here as it was a private conversation.

Gbear · 13-11-2016 8:47pm

On the "it wasn't your business OP" thing.
If they're talking guff about everyone else in the office, one could probably assume that she's getting the same treatment when she's out of earshot.

Didas · 13-11-2016 8:48pm

OP you should really have sussed out the opinions of your colleagues on these lads behaviour before you went off on a crusade of morality. From what you say of the culture in your office and the reactions of your colleagues to your report there was no need for you to report these comments.

Ten of Swords · 13-11-2016 8:49pm

Unless those men hung themselves in their interviews with management/HR there is absolutely no way 2 people were suspended on the say-so of one person, did someone else back you up? I don't believe your story at all op.

By the way, anyone who does this to their colleagues is most assuredly marked by management too and can forget about any forward advancement.

Welcome to the real world :eek:

SteM · 13-11-2016 8:49pm

osmiumartist wrote: »

If I was the employer I'd be more worried about employees talking ****e to each other when they are supposed to be working. There's no harassment of any sort here as it was a private conversation.

Surely a private conversation in an office is a conversion that cannot be overhead by anyone else? 2 people talking openly is not a private conversation.

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 8:49pm

Gbear wrote: »

On the "it wasn't your business OP" thing.
If they're talking guff about everyone else in the office, one could probably assume that she's getting the same treatment when she's out of earshot.

Maybe she was. Maybe she wasn't. But now you can be sure the whole office are saying 10 times worse about her.

freshpopcorn · 13-11-2016 8:49pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

I think the OP is a lot tougher than that, I'm sure she can continue to fulfil her work obligations and just ignore the idiots that have a problem with this. I'm also sure that there are others in there that are happy she done what she did. It will keep the rest of the fools in check in future not to carry on like the other two suspended fools.

The OP says she's being bullied at work and being blanked by people. In generally people like to enjoy work some in some way and seeing the OP is posting on her she's clearly having issues.
In my experience these men/women will continue to act like this at work but they know not to do it around the OP.

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 8:51pm

I think it was silly to report them actually. At best it would result in them being fired(and they'd probably give you a lot of **** for getting them fired, not letting it slide that easy) and other people in the office would be afraid youll snitch on them for anything they do.
And at worst they'll just get a suspension and come back and make your life ****ty or awkward and everyone in the office thinks you're a bitch. Seems like the worst has happened

And regardless of the best or worst scenarios occurring its not going to stop them being sexist assholes realistically

Fleawuss · 13-11-2016 8:52pm

BailMeOut wrote: »

Op the only thing you did wrong was posting in this forum. Posting your issue in one of the 'Work & Jobs' forums would yield better and more constructive responses.

...and well done and fair played to you for standing up for yourself and your female work colleagues.

I would have posted exactly the same in W&J.

Ulysses Gaze · 13-11-2016 8:53pm

Clampdown wrote: »

If men want to talk like that they should at least have the cop on to not do it in the office and not do it anywhere women can hear it.

Saying 'her tits are unreal', that's one thing, fairly harmless but going into detail about sex acts or what you would like to do to a colleague, and making insults about other colleagues appearances would obviously make some women feel uncomfortable. And some men, too, who might feel they are expected to join in and don't want to.

I'll admit that I've had these types of immature and crass conversations with mates after a few beers when I was younger, but the locker room talk, if you have to do it, should be kept in the locker room. Not a literal locker room, but just not where women are forced to hear it. If there are no women around and you want to act like gross little boys then knock yourself out. To do it in the workplace where female colleagues can hear it - only a disgusting pig would do that.

I'd disagree. In a work environment, you really shouldn't be saying any of that kind of ****e.

Particularly in an open-planned office environment, where it can be easily overheard.

Banter can be had a work - but that type of "banter" really is not on.

mariaalice · 13-11-2016 8:54pm

I have never worked anywhere where talking like that about work colleges would be acceptable? the men sound both dim and crass.

It is a working environment.

Angler1 · 13-11-2016 8:54pm

A totally lost opportunity for management. A mature response was to reassure the OP it would be dealt with and a discrete meeting with the two boys to give them a quiet warning the workplace is not for this type of discussion. Tell them to grow up an become adults.

Result:

OP happy the complaint was responded to by management

Two much quieter lads

A much more professional atmosphere

Win, win, win and no HR/Legal issues

Barry Badrinath · 13-11-2016 8:55pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

OP you done the right thing even though it is tough to deal with in work now, but you were perfectly right to complain about this.

The poster above with his/her childish idiotic comment should receive a slap around the head some day.

If the suspended guys end up losing their job, then the OP did not do the right thing.

Aaaanyway, the "poster above" is male as you know quite well as we have met on a number of occasions.

As we both know, if I am to "get a slap around the head", it certaintly wont be from you.

twill · 13-11-2016 8:56pm

lawlolawl wrote: »

Everything is bullying now.

Won't last a whole lot longer though. A certain fake tanned savior has come to change the world for the better

A sexual predator.

Says it all, really.

Ulysses Gaze · 13-11-2016 8:56pm

Angler1 wrote: »

A totally lost opportunity for management. A mature response was to reassure the OP it would be dealt with and a discrete meeting with the two boys to give them a quiet warning the workplace is not for this type of discussion. Tell them to grow up an become adults.

Result:

OP happy the complaint was responded to by management

Two much quieter lads

A much more professional atmosphere

Win, win, win and no HR/Legal issues

Or a general meeting where management highlights that someone has made a complaint about this type of behaviour and if another complaint is made, people will lose their jobs. No suspensions. Gone if proven.

That's how a company I worked before handled this type of thing.

It worked.

jackboy · 13-11-2016 8:56pm

Ten of Swords wrote: »

By the way, anyone who does this to their colleagues is most assuredly marked by management too and can forget about any forward advancement.

Welcome to the real world :eek:

Unfortunately this is true. Career over I'm afraid.

Aineoil · 13-11-2016 9:00pm

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. A lad in his 30's was spouting about stuff (around the staff table at half eight on a Monday morning) that was totally inappropriate. Nobody said a thing, I think they were a little shocked.

I just said to him..."Would you give it over. I have had enough." My fellow male colleagues rowed in afterwards to chastise him.

OP, while your heart was in the right place, I wouldn't have reported them. I don't condone their talk in any way but if you hear something as earshot, unless it illegal, I would just turn a blind eye.

mansize · 13-11-2016 9:00pm

You were right.

Such "locker room" talk has NO place in the workplace.

The environment sounds toxic.

No one should be subject to abuse and "rating" in the office
This is bullying and degrading behaviour.

The named offended would have a case against the company if they did nothing.

mansize · 13-11-2016 9:02pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

If the suspended guys end up losing their job, then the OP did not do the right thing.

Aaaanyway, the "poster above" is male as you know quite well as we have met on a number of occasions.

As we both know, if I am to "get a slap around the head", it certaintly wont be from you.

If they lose their jobs, and the dismissal is not proven to be unfair, she has certainly done the right thing.

Employment Law is there to protect people.

Doing the right thing isn't always easy OP.

osmiumartist · 13-11-2016 9:02pm

twill wrote: »

A sexual predator.

Says it all, really.

Well if an accusation is all that's required for proof of guilt, what happens if I call you a sexual predator?

mansize · 13-11-2016 9:03pm

jackboy wrote: »

Unfortunately this is true. Career over I'm afraid.

No it isn't. Such hyperbole.

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 9:04pm

Angler1 wrote: »

A totally lost opportunity for management. A mature response was to reassure the OP it would be dealt with and a discrete meeting with the two boys to give them a quiet warning the workplace is not for this type of discussion. Tell them to grow up an become adults.

Result:

OP happy the complaint was responded to by management

Two much quieter lads

A much more professional atmosphere

Win, win, win and no HR/Legal issues

Yeh really poorly dealt with on their part. Just from Ive hard of that office, off the few things you've said OP, sounds like a bit of a **** hole. I don't think you belong there and I mean that in a nice way.

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:05pm

freshpopcorn wrote: »

The OP says she's being bullied at work and being blanked by people. In generally people like to enjoy work some in some way and seeing the OP is posting on her she's clearly having issues.
In my experience these men/women will continue to act like this at work but they know not to do it around the OP.

Hang on a second. If the OP is being bullied in any way shape or form, then she has to notify her boss. Any boss out there will not tolerate bullying nowadays and would deal with whomever is responsible, maybe more suspensions or a sacking. This not only affects the person being bullied, but it also affects productivity in the business, it has to be nipped in the bud quickly.

mansize · 13-11-2016 9:05pm

osmiumartist wrote: »

If I was the employer I'd be more worried about employees talking ****e to each other when they are supposed to be working. There's no harassment of any sort here as it was a private conversation.

If they were talking in a sexual or derogatory manner about colleagues it is cerrtainly harassment.

Jawgap · 13-11-2016 9:06pm

By the sound of it, you overheard a private conversation and reported it.

It shows you to be untrustworthy so people won't engage with you in case you report them for their transgressions which are probably nothing more serious than sly fag breaks, a few personal phone calls and a bit of goofing off.

Maybe challenging the behaviour of the people concerned instead of grassing them up might have been better?

BailMeOut · 13-11-2016 9:06pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

If the suspended guys end up losing their job, then the OP did not do the right thing.

Aaaanyway, the "poster above" is male as you know quite well as we have met on a number of occasions.

As we both know, if I am to "get a slap around the head", it certaintly wont be from you.

if the suspended employees did something that is in breach of their workplace rules then they have no one to blame other than themselves.

I did not know the OP is a male and do not understand your slap reference.

meeeeh · 13-11-2016 9:06pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

If the suspended guys end up losing their job, then the OP did not do the right thing.

Aaaanyway, the "poster above" is male as you know quite well as we have met on a number of occasions.

As we both know, if I am to "get a slap around the head", it certaintly wont be from you.

I wouldn't act as op did but those two possibly getting fired is not her fault. That is management decision, so blame the management or the two morons who got suspended for being vile. That being said in my experience (I worked with 25 mechanics at one stage) a rude request to shut up is enough for conversation to stop in most cases.

wakka12 · 13-11-2016 9:07pm

Bongalongherb wrote: »

Hang on a second. If the OP is being bullied in any way shape or form, then she has to notify her boss. Any boss out there will not tolerate bullying nowadays and would deal with whomever is responsible, maybe more suspensions or a sacking. This not only affects the person being bullied, but it also affects productivity in the business, it has to be nipped in the bud quickly.

You see, 'blanking' somebody is a very hard form of bullying to prove . And even harder to stamp out, what are the management going to do like watch over the lunch room and force employees to make conversation with OP? This isn't junior infants , Your boss cant make your co workers like you.
You're in a really ****ty position OP, the best that can happen is everyone forgets about it and things go back to normal. But to be brutally honest I don't think that'll ever happen.

tylercheribini · 13-11-2016 9:08pm

The op feels like one of those fake red flag comments sent into chat shows/editorials to provoke debate.

maudgonner · 13-11-2016 9:10pm

Sounds like a rotten place to work, I feel sorry for you OP.

This is not Mad Men. I love having craic with my colleagues at work and have often worked with people who have a sense of humour that would be borderline acceptable. But who the hell goes around rating their colleagues attractiveness in an office environment? How stupid are these people? If that's the standard of humour they can come up with it certainly doesn't fill me with confidence that they'd have the intelligence to do any job really. And the management don't sound like they're much good either - as another poster pointed out, they could have dealt with this much better. They ballsed it up completely.

OP, hard as it might be, you can't make people like you or want to talk to you. Anyone that gives you the cold shoulder over this is not someone I'd want to be associating with anyway. Keep being professional and bear in mind that it's just a job. Come 5/6 o'clock you can head out the door and spend time with friends and family, people you actually like to be around.

Mr Joe · 13-11-2016 9:10pm

Aineoil wrote: »

I was in a similar situation a few years ago. A lad in his 30's was spouting about stuff (around the staff table at half eight on a Monday morning) that was totally inappropriate. Nobody said a thing, I think they were a little shocked.

I just said to him..."Would you give it over. I have had enough." My fellow male colleagues rowed in afterwards to chastise him.

OP, while your heart was in the right place, I wouldn't have reported them. I don't condone their talk in any way but if you hear something as earshot, unless it illegal, I would just turn a blind eye.

Yep, the difference here is you chimed in , and obviously werent the only one feeling the same. Running off reporting people getting them suspended and potentially fired, is a whole different ball game. The OP is naive at best, I'm guessing under 30 years of age, no understanding of office politics, stereotypical office busybody. People wont engage her now in fear she may run off reporting them if she takes "offence".

Bongalongherb · 13-11-2016 9:11pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

If the suspended guys end up losing their job, then the OP did not do the right thing.

Aaaanyway, the "poster above" is male as you know quite well as we have met on a number of occasions.

As we both know, if I am to "get a slap around the head", it certaintly wont be from you.

Do you honestly think I give a flying fcuk who you are ? You still deserve a slap around the head in regards to your previous comment, so we'll leave it there.

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 9:12pm

twill wrote: »

A sexual predator.

Says it all, really.

Sexual predator?

More like leader of the free world.

Lau2976 · 13-11-2016 9:13pm

Nothing said on the clock in work is ever "private conversation", especially if it can be heard by someone not part of the conversation. Unfortunately that's the reality of having a job.

You did the right thing OP, they weren't in the pub or at home, they were in work in a shared office space.

I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

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