I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

Anon.lady001 · 13-11-2016 7:06pm #1

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

jackinthemix94 · 13-11-2016 7:10pm

Nope, you were in the right. Maybe there are more sexist pigs in the office than you'd anticipated.

You should be proud for standing up for people. Ignore the pushback.

13-11-2016 7:10pm

The right thing and the popular thing aren't always the same.

You did the right thing.

Conor Bourke · 13-11-2016 7:10pm

Snitches get stitches

tomwaterford · 13-11-2016 7:12pm

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Snitches get stitches

Snitches end in ditches

But it may be the right thing to do alright....but unless everyone else in the office knows what the conversation you reported them over.....presumably they are bound to be wary around you?

Armchair Andy · 13-11-2016 7:12pm

Randy be snichin yo!

You did the right thing OP.

Grayson · 13-11-2016 7:13pm

Suspended and not fired?

You did the right thing. An office is no place for that kind of talk.

Editing to add: I realise some people may find the rating of people of the opposite gender to be ok. Some may say that women do that sort of thing on occasion. The point is, you don't do it in work. It's a place of work where people shouldn't feel subjected to that sort of thing. And anyone that does it is a bloody idiot.

xzanti · 13-11-2016 7:14pm

You've made yourself into a scapegoat.

It's cruel and unfair but it happens. It's happened to me in the past.

Eyes open and mouth shut is the way I operate these days.

Jimbob1977 · 13-11-2016 7:15pm

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

I want to find out people's opinions on this.. maybe some advice as well. I'm in a horrible position in work because I stood up to men who were belittling and treating my female colleagues like pieces of meat. But now people aren't speaking to me and I feel that I am being bullied.

I work in a large company and there are over 50 people working on my floor, all in close proximity to each other. There is a great mix of people and the banter was fun and harmless, for the most part. But on quite a few occasions, it became inappropriate and I made people aware about how I felt. The men in particular, would be talking about women they had had one-night-stands with the night before and what they had done to them... Not all of these men are single...

The last straw happened a few days ago. Two of the guys close to me were talking within earshot of me and I could clearly hear them rating women in the office. I clearly heard them say the following; "she is delicious", "I'd tap that", and "her tits are unreal". I also heard them make very cruel remarks about female colleagues whom they didn't find attractive. The tone of their 'conversation' was disgusting. It was so cruel and mercenary, and I wasn't going to let them get away with it. So I decided to do something about it. I went to the floor manager who escalated the problem to the senior manager. I was called into the office and asked to give a full report and transcript of what I believe they said. They then had interviews with the two men in question and both were suspended.

I thought I'd done the right thing but since this happened, I feel like most people in the office have turned against me and I feel like I'm being bullied. When I walk into a room, people blank me and walk out. I am being isolated. It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either. I can't believe this. I'm being bullied because I stood up for women who were being spoken about like they were pieces of meat. Some of you might say that I shouldn't have done it in the first place but I know that I would do it again, if it ever happened again. I'm wondering, was it wrong of me to stand up for these women?

You probably did the right thing morally.... but offices aren't exactly bastions of morality.

Were the men that you reported very popular and with long service to the company? It might have come as a shock to the office staff if two 'legends' were suspended. The female staff probably don't want to rock the boat or have any strife.

If the cold shoulder or victimisation continues, consider talking to HR. Or have a solicitor in mind (as a last resort) just in case.

Whispered · 13-11-2016 7:16pm

I remember on holiday in Spain a few years back. Having breakfast in the hotel bar when a stag party came in. They were discussing the night before and the women they had picked up and talking, in very graphic detail, about what they had done. They were rating the women too, talking about sympathy shags for the ugly ones. One going on about how he wanted the brunette but the blonde "did the job". Even in a pub environment with men I didn't know I felt uncomfortable. So I can only imagine it must be very hard to work in a similar environment.

I dunno if I would have gone to management. I probably wouldn't have the guts. What I will say though is if you have any way of getting out of there, do. Life is too short to be in a job that makes you miserable.

Blatter · 13-11-2016 7:20pm

It sounds like you over stepped boundaries and are paying the price for it.

The guys sound like assholes but at the end of the day, they were not talking to you and you were not part of the conversation so you should have kept your nose out.

It'd be different if these things were being said to you (not necessarily about you) but they weren't.

I certainly wouldn't like to work with someone who was willing to go to management because of overhearing inappropriate conversations.

nice_guy80 · 13-11-2016 7:21pm

Document everything that goes on

Constructive dismissal grounds

Away From Home · 13-11-2016 7:22pm

Fair play to you for putting an end to their bs talk, and if everybody wants to ignore you fcuk them too, if your in the right you can't be wrong.

SEPT 23 1989 · 13-11-2016 7:23pm

You will learn a valuable lesson from this

Keep your mouth shut

Augme · 13-11-2016 7:24pm

nice_guy80 wrote: »

Document everything that goes on

Constructive dismissal grounds

His colleagues can't be forced to interact with the OP and unless Senior management are telling people to behave this way or Senior management are behaving this way themselves then I would have thought he's not got much hope of constructive dismissal.

The Backwards Man · 13-11-2016 7:25pm

Sounds like you're working in a place filled with immature spoiled children, life's too short to be spending much time in that kind of environment, go in tomorrow and tell them to shove their job up their hole. Judging by the juvenile responses above, plenty of boardsies appear more suitable for that workplace.

AnGaelach · 13-11-2016 7:26pm

So, what you're saying is, you told people that you're not comfortable with them talking that way with you, and then because they had a private conversation amongst themselves that you overheard and had nothing to do with you, you reported them...

And you wonder why they don't want to talk to you?

Get real, love. You're being dramatic and it's a consequence of your action. They're adults, you're an adult, so act like a damned adult and keep your nose out of things that hardly even concern you.

It's like how the saying goes: Snitches get.... the cold shoulder.

Richard Hillman · 13-11-2016 7:27pm

People won't want to associate with you now because you are untrustworthy. They cannot speak openly to you in case you try and get them sacked too. You have no loyalty to your workmates. You are not a team player.

Ayuntamiento · 13-11-2016 7:28pm

OP you mention that it's a fun environment and there's good banter but to me it sounds like a really toxic place to work with zero boundaries between work-life and reality. I'd imagine a lot of these one night stands are fueled by alcohol and there's quite a big 'after-work drinks' culture in the organisation. Unfortunately it takes a lot more than one person to change an ingrained culture.
As a woman, i'd hate to be talked about in that manner. However, I wouldn't be stupid enough to drink heavily with work colleagues or sleep with them (regardless of whether they're married or single). If your female colleagues are behaving in that manner then that's the reputation that they are creating for themselves. It's not right but it's the way the world works. I wouldn't get involved if I were you.

tonycascarino · 13-11-2016 7:28pm

Think you are a little bit of a drama queen tbh. You sound like you would be offended by anything....

Dirty Dingus McGee · 13-11-2016 7:28pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Sounds like you're working in a place filled with immature spoiled children, life's too short to be spending much time in that kind of environment, go in tomorrow and tell them to shove their job up their hole. Judging by the juvenile responses above, plenty of boardsies appear more suitable for thsat

How do you suggest she copes financially after she quits her job?

If life was as easy as quitting every time there were a few assholes around nobody would stay in a job for long.

dudara · 13-11-2016 7:29pm

Grown ups should have more cop on than to talk like that in public or in a workplace. Once they start to bring that cr*p into the workplace, they have to be prepared to accept the consequences.

Barry Badrinath · 13-11-2016 7:29pm

If everyone got fired for talking shyte, no one would have a job.

A lot of bull**** conversations can be tagged with words ending in "ism", "ist" or be controversial or inappropriate.

What did they officially get suspended for? What part of the companys policy?

You got people suspended for talking bullsh1t....(if this is true) No wonder no one wants to talk to you.

Smell of cheese of ya, ye rat.

AnGaelach · 13-11-2016 7:31pm

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

OP you mention that it's a fun environment and there's good banter but to me it sounds like a really toxic place to work with zero boundaries between work-life and reality. I'd imagine a lot of these one night stands are fueled by alcohol and there's quite a big 'after-work drinks' culture in the organisation. Unfortunately it takes a lot more than one person to change an ingrained culture.
As a woman, i'd hate to be talked about in that manner. However, I wouldn't be stupid enough to drink heavily with work colleagues or sleep with them (regardless of whether they're married or single). If your female colleagues are behaving in that manner then that's the reputation that they are creating for themselves. It's not right but it's the way the world works. I wouldn't get involved if I were you.

She is being blanked by the women in her job as well as the men. It's quite evident that the majority of people don't care about the "locker-room talk" in the workplace, if they're going out of their way to blank her and not the two lads.

The part I've highlighted is also somewhat disingenuous, it's not just men that do that kind of talking, men are just louder and more brash about it. Countless times I've heard women talking about guys, what they'd let them to do them, or making fun of them for being short. The difference being, it doesn't concern me so I won't go getting involved or pretending like men don't talk the exact same way about women.

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 7:32pm

You suck OP.

This what all men do and you tattled like a child because it offended your delicate sensibilities. Congrats on making the world a more dishonest place where people aren't allowed to actual be who they are.

The Backwards Man · 13-11-2016 7:32pm

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

How do you suggest she copes financially after she quits her job?

If life was as easy as quitting every time there were a few assholes around nobody would stay in a job for long.

Never been an issue for me, there will always be work.

If people tolerate and pander to assholes they will always have to suffer them.

Dirty Dingus McGee · 13-11-2016 7:33pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Never been an issue for me, there will always be work.

If people tolerate and pander to assholes they will always have to suffer them.

Most people may not be able to walk into a job very quickly after losing another one.

eurokev · 13-11-2016 7:34pm

You should tell on the people that are being mean to you now too

xzanti · 13-11-2016 7:34pm

Senor Fancy Pants wrote: »

Smell of cheese of ya, ye rat.

Calm down there Nidgy

The girl probably feels sh1tty enough already in fairness.

Mr McBoatface · 13-11-2016 7:35pm

Going against the grain here but I believe if you've a problem with what people are saying or how they act take it up with them directly.

It's sounded like lads having some banter and if you didn't want to hear it you should have said so. I know the snowflakes feminist might get up in arms over me saying that.

For the record in the past I've had several inappropriate sexual comments made about me by female co-workers and had to listen to them rate other male co-workers. They where also pretty damn mean to the less attractive female workers.

jackinthemix94 · 13-11-2016 7:36pm

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Wait til you are a victim of one of your famed "isms" in the workplace, and see how you like it.

Galwayguy35 · 13-11-2016 7:36pm

I wonder if it was 2 women talking about the men in the office would she have done the same thing?

Nobody likes a grass.

Barry Badrinath · 13-11-2016 7:36pm

xzanti wrote: »

Calm down there Nidgy

The girl probably feels sh1tty enough already in fairness.

Eh sorry, i'll have you suspended from the Internet for talking to me like that.

The Backwards Man · 13-11-2016 7:36pm

Dirty Dingus McGee wrote: »

Most people may not be able to walk into a job very quickly after losing another one.

Yeah, not the first time I've heard that one, plenty of work out there for those that want it, always was, always will be.

Dirty Dingus McGee · 13-11-2016 7:38pm

People should have more cop on than to start talking like that in the workplace, particularly if they can be overheard talking.How difficult is it to have a bit of decorum and general cop on these days.

midnight city · 13-11-2016 7:38pm

I don't believe this happened at all but if it did then I have zero sympathy for you.

RayM · 13-11-2016 7:39pm

Mr McBoatface wrote: »

Going against the grain here but I believe if you've a problem with what people are saying or how they act take it up with them directly.

It's sounded like lads having some banter and if you didn't want to hear it you should have said so. I know the snowflakes feminist might get up in arms over me saying that.

Did you read the OP's second paragraph?

yes there · 13-11-2016 7:39pm

Serves you right. Sneaky, untrustworthy, interfering and immature are the reasons why no one is talking to you Id imagine.

Dirty Dingus McGee · 13-11-2016 7:39pm

The Backwards Man wrote: »

Yeah, not the first time I've heard that one, plenty of work out there for those that want it, always was, always will be.

Yeah, there is but maybe not the job you want and people are not going to resign from a desirable job willy nilly and I'd imagine it never looks good to resign from a job for prospective future employers.

Ayuntamiento · 13-11-2016 7:39pm

AnGaelach wrote: »

She is being blanked by the women in her job as well as the men. It's quite evident that the majority of people don't care about the "locker-room talk" in the workplace, if they're going out of their way to blank her and not the two lads.

The part I've highlighted is also somewhat disingenuous, it's not just men that do that kind of talking, men are just louder and more brash about it. Countless times I've heard women talking about guys, what they'd let them to do them, or making fun of them for being short. The difference being, it doesn't concern me so I won't go getting involved or pretending like men don't talk the exact same way about women.

I'd say the reason the OP is being blanked by men and women alike in their office is because they feel it's an attack on the 'fun' aspect of their job- the after work drinks, the banter, the flirtation, etc.
It probably all seems like harmless fun. However, when people are coming into the office and talking about their sexual exploits with a co-worker the night before or rating women from the ugliest upwards...that's a problem.

AnGaelach · 13-11-2016 7:40pm

jackinthemix94 wrote: »

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Did you just assume my gender?

Richard Hillman · 13-11-2016 7:40pm

midnight city wrote: »

I don't believe this happened at all but if it did then I have zero sympathy for you.

Agreed. Sounds like a click bait journalist looking for material.

Mr McBoatface · 13-11-2016 7:40pm

jackinthemix94 wrote: »

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Wait til you are a victim of one of your famed "isms" in the workplace, and see how you like it.

You ok there snowflake ?

lawlolawl · 13-11-2016 7:41pm

jackinthemix94 wrote: »

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Wait til you are a victim of one of your famed "isms" in the workplace, and see how you like it.

Most grown ups would deal with themselves or just ignore it.

You don't go running to mammy and daddy with every perceived sleight.

yes there · 13-11-2016 7:41pm

dudara wrote:

Grown ups should have more cop on than to talk like that in public or in a workplace. Once they start to bring that cr*p into the workplace, they have to be prepared to accept the consequences.

They were having a conversation amongst themselves and didnt kniw they were being snooped on. Entirely pathetic to think you cant have a private conversation at work without it ending up with being suspended.

bucketybuck · 13-11-2016 7:41pm

Worth considering that most of the other workers don't know all the details about why the men were suspended, they didn't hear the conversation and don't know what was said.

All they know is that the OP reported the men for something they said, so its not entirely surprising that they will be careful about what they say to the OP now.

riffmongous · 13-11-2016 7:42pm

It was hardly a private conversation in that sort of environment, how much of a dick do you have to be to rip on your colleagues while they are in the same room as you??

DalgCais · 13-11-2016 7:42pm

It sounds like you took issue with what two people were saying to each-other privately. You then ratted them out for it.

Regardless of how morally righteous the people in your workplace might consider your actions, these actions ultimately betray you as: a) a bit nosy;

a bit of a Stag. Suffice to say, people are going to hold their tongue around you from now on!

AnGaelach · 13-11-2016 7:43pm

Ayuntamiento wrote: »

I'd say the reason the OP is being blanked by men and women alike in their office is because they feel it's an attack on the 'fun' aspect of their job- the after work drinks, the banter, the flirtation, etc.
It probably all seems like harmless fun. However, when people are coming into the office and talking about their sexual exploits with a co-worker the night before or rating women from the ugliest upwards...that's a problem.

As I've said before, the rating stuff and exploits goes both ways. People are people, if it doesn't concern you, keep your nose out of it.

AirBiscuit · 13-11-2016 7:43pm

jackinthemix94 wrote: »

I bet all of the people criticizing the poster are straight white men.

Wait til you are a victim of one of your famed "isms" in the workplace, and see how you like it.

That's not an argument, you haven't said why any of them are wrong.

And lots of straight white men in IRELAND of all places?! The horror! Get over yourself, this isn't the US or UK.

Renegade Mechanic · 13-11-2016 7:43pm

Anon.lady001 wrote: »

It's not just the men who are doing this, many of my female colleagues are not talking to me either.

Good. I hope you learn an important lesson here.
The main reason women aren't talking to you is because, surprise surprise, they rate men themselves - talking up the good lookers and talking down the chubby baldies. It's a fact of life. And they wouldn't like to be suspended for doing so.

Everyone is going to watch what they say around you for as long as you decide you want to work there for and rightly so.
I hope you take this on board. Office environments are miserable enough without people being completely unable to talk to each other freely - whatever "freely' entail.

I got colleagues suspended for rating women in the office

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