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How common is it to get disowned for being LGBT?

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  • 17-10-2020 4:53am
    #1
    mr_fegelien
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,483 ✭✭✭


    I would have thought it's mostly an American thing but I have heard a few stories, though rare, of teens/young adults getting disowned from the family for being gay.

    I know a friend of a friend who was studying Science in UCD. He came out as bisexual to his parents and they barred him from ever coming back to the house and also cut off his tuition. Was homeless for a while but eventually got back on his feet.

    Why do you think some parents do this? You'd be surprised that it's not all religiously motivated.


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    #2
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,842 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    mr_fegelien wrote:
    Why do you think some parents do this? You'd be surprised that it's not all religiously motivated.

    Ireland is still fairly conservative underneath, I know of younger people that still maintain these traditional conservative values, elements of it would be religious based, but other elements not. I do find it odd in this day in age, but that's the way it is, I feel very sorry for folks that find themselves in these situations, it's extremely harmful to everyone involved, not just the individual in question.


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    #3
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,867 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    mr_fegelien wrote: »
    I would have thought it's mostly an American thing but I have heard a few stories, though rare, of teens/young adults getting disowned from the family for being gay.

    I know a friend of a friend who was studying Science in UCD. He came out as bisexual to his parents and they barred him from ever coming back to the house and also cut off his tuition. Was homeless for a while but eventually got back on his feet.

    Why do you think some parents do this? You'd be surprised that it's not all religiously motivated.

    I have heard anecdotal evidence but not upto now no hard data on the issue.

    Its interesting though when you read the recent report from Focus Ireland and BeLonG To about LGBTI+ youth homelessness. They found Parental rejection of LGBTI+ young people’s sexual orientation and gender identity can be a key trigger in the decision to leave home and can subsequently lead to homelessness.

    https://gcn.ie/lgbt-youth-homelessness-ireland/

    https://www.drugsandalcohol.ie/33039/1/LGBTQI-Youth-Homelessness-Report_FINAL-VERSION.pdf

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



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    #4
    440Hertz
    Closed Accounts Posts: 651 ✭✭✭440Hertz


    I’d hope that it’s rare in this day and age. Disowning your gay children certainly would be considered to be an awful thing to do by the vast majority in Ireland, but there are always outliers with extreme views in any society, and unfortunately bizarrely conservative households and extremely odd points of view do exist, driven by religious extremism, or by just bizarre conservative notions.

    It’s one reason why supports still need to be there and why it’s dangerous to assume that everything’s absolutely rosey for everyone, which many people tend to do, post 2015 especially.

    Irish society has changed hugely on this and other issues and is much more progressive, but it doesn’t mean that’s absolutely everyone’s reality at home. Here and elsewhere you only have to go back a couple of decades to find widespread homophobic attitudes. I mean decriminalisation of homosexuality only happened here in 1993 and Section 28 was passed by Thatcher’s government in the U.K. back in 1988. You’re not talking ancient history on either island. You’ve also had politicians in Northern Ireland supporting conversion therapy etc.

    You’ll also get bleed in from the US and elsewhere and bubbles of crazy.

    There’s always a need for support and also a need to be aware of what’s going on. LGBT acceptance isn’t long enough established to just completely take it for granted.


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    #5
    Girly Gal
    Registered Users Posts: 2,848 ✭✭✭Girly Gal


    440Hertz wrote: »
    I’d hope that it’s rare in this day and age. Disowning your gay children certainly would be considered to be an awful thing to do by the vast majority in Ireland, but there are always outliers with extreme views in any society, and unfortunately bizarrely conservative households and extremely odd points of view do exist, driven by religious extremism, or by just bizarre conservative notions.

    It’s one reason why supports still need to be there and why it’s dangerous to assume that everything’s absolutely rosey for everyone, which many people tend to do, post 2015 especially.

    Irish society has changed hugely on this and other issues and is much more progressive, but it doesn’t mean that’s absolutely everyone’s reality at home. Here and elsewhere you only have to go back a couple of decades to find widespread homophobic attitudes. I mean decriminalisation of homosexuality only happened here in 1993 and Section 28 was passed by Thatcher’s government in the U.K. back in 1988. You’re not talking ancient history on either island. You’ve also had politicians in Northern Ireland supporting conversion therapy etc.

    You’ll also get bleed in from the US and elsewhere and bubbles of crazy.

    There’s always a need for support and also a need to be aware of what’s going on. LGBT acceptance isn’t long enough established to just completely take it for granted.

    I agree with the above, there seems to be an attitude in Ireland that LGBT acceptance is a given now by everyone, it's certainly not the case. While Ireland has certainly become more progressive especially in the last decade, there are still a lot of people who are uncomfortable with having LGBT family members or the LBGT community in general. On the surface or at least publicly they are kinda fine with the LGBT community as long as it doesn't affect them or their family, but, underneath they have a resentment towards the LGBT community.

    It's also surprising the people who hold these views. I've seen people who were religious and conservative accept LGBT family members without any issue, but, also seen people who I thought were fairly liberal who couldn't accept their LGBT family members. A case of being fine with it but nimby!


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    #6
    AllForIt
    Registered Users Posts: 8,295 ✭✭✭AllForIt


    I'd be more likely to disown my family rather than the other way around.


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    #7
    Rubberchikken
    Registered Users Posts: 5,083 ✭✭✭Rubberchikken


    I think it's impossible to guess at who would have an issue with a gay son or daughter. The more obvious ones just might be the most accepting. Who really knows.

    I could never understand rejecting your child just because of sexual orientation. What difference could there be? They're your child regardless of sexual preference, nothing changes that.

    You can't love them as your child but reject them for something they have no control over. It's a natural part of them imo.


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