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child repeatedly sent home from school

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  • 22-10-2020 12:12pm
    #1
    Cunning Stunt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭


    hi all
    sisters 12 yr old son has worked out that if he causes enough trouble in school they will send him home. This is causing enormous stress for my sister. She does discipline him for his behaviour but he still acts up in school as he just doesnt want to be there. Its not the schools job to raise him, I know, but she has asked them to consider other options like detention instead of ringing her to come get him because thats exactly what he wants. But again today they have told her to come get him so she needs to leave work. Have any of you been in this situation before -- how did you deal with your child and how did the school deal with it? looking for suggestions, thanks a lot


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    #2
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    Cunning Stunt wrote: »
    hi all
    sisters 12 yr old son has worked out that if he causes enough trouble in school they will send him home. This is causing enormous stress for my sister. She does discipline him for his behaviour but he still acts up in school as he just doesnt want to be there. Its not the schools job to raise him, I know, but she has asked them to consider other options like detention instead of ringing her to come get him because thats exactly what he wants. But again today they have told her to come get him so she needs to leave work. Have any of you been in this situation before -- how did you deal with your child and how did the school deal with it? looking for suggestions, thanks a lot

    Maybe there is something going on in the school that is causing the child distress?

    Maybe he is being bullied?


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    #3
    jrosen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,629 ✭✭✭jrosen


    His behavior must be off the wall for the school to be asking his parents to come get him.

    She needs to ask to speak to his teacher/teachers. Has he always been like this? Or is this a new thing? It could be anything, perhaps he is having trouble with other kids, does he need an assessment of needs?

    But the best person to know what sets him off in class is his teacher and sending him home is not the answer, they need to come to the table with his parents to work together on a plan. They have a responsibility to work with his parents.


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    #4
    ThewhiteJesus
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 1,714 ✭✭✭ThewhiteJesus


    Honestly for a 12 year old boy to be going that extreme, there is something seriously wrong.
    Either in school, or frankly at home.
    Has anyone actually tried talking to the boy ?


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    #5
    Cunning Stunt
    Registered Users Posts: 1,292 ✭✭✭Cunning Stunt


    hi
    thx for the input.He has no interest in most of the classes. The ones he does like, he actually has no issues in, but the ones he does not like are where he runs amok.
    she is setting up a meeting with the school and possible assessment for a learning difficulty.

    thanks again for your replies


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    #6
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    Cunning Stunt wrote:
    hi thx for the input.He has no interest in most of the classes. The ones he does like, he actually has no issues in, but the ones he does not like are where he runs amok. she is setting up a meeting with the school and possible assessment for a learning difficulty.

    What do you mean by run amok?


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    #7
    stefanovich
    Registered Users Posts: 5,490 ✭✭✭stefanovich


    Cunning Stunt wrote: »
    hi
    thx for the input.He has no interest in most of the classes. The ones he does like, he actually has no issues in, but the ones he does not like are where he runs amok.
    she is setting up a meeting with the school and possible assessment for a learning difficulty.

    thanks again for your replies

    Is there a particular class of subjects he dislikes?


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    #8
    False Prophet
    Registered Users Posts: 831 ✭✭✭False Prophet


    How is he disciplined? Does he lose access to tv/phone etc for the rest of the day? Is he grounded and made to do the school work at home?
    How does he get on with the homework, perhaps he has some learning difficulties and is trying to hide it by acting up in class.


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    #9
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    False Prophet wrote:
    How is he disciplined? Does he lose access to tv/phone etc for the rest of the day? Is he grounded and made to do the school work at home? How does he get on with the homework, perhaps he has some learning difficulties and is trying to hide it by acting up in class.

    Sounds likely he has some sort of disorder(s) going on, discipline probably isn't the way to be dealing with this


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    #10
    Godeatsboogers
    Registered Users Posts: 125 ✭✭Godeatsboogers


    When I went to school, the kids that misbehaved were sent outside the door or to the library or principal, not home. They should explain to him that school and exams are a test to establish where in the hierarchy of industry, life and society you will be when you're done with school and college, I doubt he'll be mature enough to understand its importance, but it's worth a try.


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    #11
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    Godeatsboogers wrote:
    When I went to school, the kids that misbehaved were sent outside the door or to the library or principal, not home. They should explain to him that school and exams are a test to establish where in the hierarchy of industry, life and society you will be when you're done with school and college, I doubt he'll be mature enough to understand its importance, but it's worth a try.

    Maybe you should looking into complex disorders such as learning disabilities, don't be surprised if many of the folks you went to school with that behaved as such, ended up long term unemployed, stuck in low wage sectors, criminality or even dead at a young age


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    #12
    atilladehun
    Registered Users Posts: 1,564 ✭✭✭atilladehun


    Best case scenario he thinks he's outsmarting all the adults by getting to go home when it suits him and he's not fully aware of how difficult it makes mums life.

    This may have just stemmed from getting comfortable at home during lockdown.

    Worst case as others have mentioned he's got a social issue, bullying or not integrating in a new year either with friends, others in the school or the teacher. A learning challenge may also be an issue. Did he drop off during lockdown and now he feels behind or is it more serious.

    My instinct would be that he needs to feel like the adults are managing the issue. Do this as calmly and extensively as possible. Question, engage and listen to him. Do the same with the teacher and parents of friends if possible. I'm sure they'll be glad to support and their kids can just describe what they see to them.

    If it looks like best case scenario he needs to know your onto him and how much stress it causes. 12 is old enough to understand the consequences of his actions and if he improves he'll be forgiven.

    If it's more serious then he needs to know you can put a plan in place that take the unnecessary stress out of his mind so that he can go back to enjoying school, learning and friends.


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    #13
    jrosen
    Registered Users Posts: 1,629 ✭✭✭jrosen


    See how the meeting goes. But if he can behave and partake in subjects he likes but not in subjects he doesnt like seems more like he is trying to outsmart the adults and school to get what he wants.

    If he has some sort of behavioral issue I would have thought each and every class and teacher would see aspect of that.

    But best to see what the school has to say.
    Mum shouldn't allow herself to be snubbed or dismissed. The school has to engage. If both parties are joining forces its best for the student.


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    #14
    mvl
    Registered Users Posts: 1,229 ✭✭✭mvl


    but ... what changed compared to last year ? is he still primary or secondary at this stage.

    for example I find first year in secondary a bit challenging for them now, with everything else going on. also have heard from other parents that girls may have been sent home from girl only secondary for reasons like: tik-tok use within school boundaries, or taking the mask out to sneeze. neither seem too serious reasons in my view, but the school was keen to send a message I guess.


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    #15
    Dickie10
    Registered Users Posts: 3,864 ✭✭✭Dickie10


    schools are seriously different in different areas and the cohort of people they appeal to that send thier children there. the all girls schools are very easy to work in for most part, discipline is dished out for very minor offences and it gets a reputation of being very strict which then appeals to some parents and children, you would be surprised how many teenage girls love being in a strict school. these students would never act up anyway, so in a way those schools get a vicous cycle going where discipline is very easy. all boys schools are more mixed but when more and more all boys and all girls schools become mixed you will actually see the differences become more apparant. it wont be a first come first serve job , there will be entrance exams et, and boys and girls will be handpicked for these secondary schools.



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    #16
    Moonbeam
    Moderators, Education Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 18,952 Mod ✭✭✭✭Moonbeam


    I would try to get ot the bottom of why he wants to be sent home and why he does not want to be there. Is there a school counselor ?

    Is he bored?

    Is this new behaviour?



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    #17
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    old ould thread folks, be interesting to know what the outcome was/is though?



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