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I think I may be pregnant. Help.

  • 10-06-2014 10:59am
    #1
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭


    I think I may be pregnant, AH. Every morning I suffer horrible nausea and retching. I cant look at or smell food. Even looking at someone prepare food on TV makes me ill.

    Thing is - I'm of the male persuasion. Instead of easing my worries, this has been a source of much concern.


Comments

  • #2
    Kristopherus
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,907 ✭✭✭✭Kristopherus


    Ya have to give up that weed:rolleyes:


  • #3
    Birneybau
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 10,357 ✭✭✭✭Birneybau


    I saw a documentary about a pregnant man before, think it was called "Junior".


  • #4
    Valetta
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,611 ✭✭✭Valetta


    Thing is - I'm of the male persuasion.

    Should have persuaded them to stay away from you.


  • #5
    stefan idiot jones
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,518 ✭✭✭stefan idiot jones


    That's the Eamonn Holmes effect. Morning TV.


  • #6
    somuj
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 873 ✭✭✭somuj


    You prob have some kind of alien parasite laying eggs inside of you. Either that or suffering from pansyitis


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  • #7
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    It's a sympathetic pregnancy, your missus is knocked up.


  • #8
    Oink
    Moderators, Music Moderators Posts: 2,159 Mod ✭✭✭✭Oink


    Un Croissant wrote: »
    I think I may be pregnant, AH. Every morning I suffer horrible nausea and retching. I cant look at or smell food. Even looking at someone prepare food on TV makes me ill.

    Thing is - I'm of the male persuasion. Instead of easing my worries, this has been a source of much concern.


    I think you may be allergic to mornings. This is a serious and very common condition. Some members of my family are affected. They are experimenting with long-term voluntary unemployment and late mornings in bed, with great success so far.


  • #9
    kfallon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 25,775 ✭✭✭✭kfallon


    Enjoy your arsehole while you can cos in 9 months time it will never be the same again......


  • #10
    keano25
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,834 ✭✭✭keano25


    Congrats.


  • #11
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 43,028 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    The Google Doctor says you have (drum roll)

    food poisoning, a virus, vertigo, a head injury and a sprinkling of gallbladder disease


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  • #12
    Banjo String
    Closed Accounts Posts: 14,380 ✭✭✭✭Banjo String


    kfallon wrote: »
    Enjoy your arsehole while you can cos in 9 months time it will never be the same again......

    The baby doesn't emerge from the bum hole silly. :o


  • #13
    Calibos
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,810 ✭✭✭Calibos


    Congrats on the conception of your poo baby!


  • #14
    Duggy747
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,295 ✭✭✭✭Duggy747


    Ya probably have this:


    Probably....


  • #15
    keith16
    Closed Accounts Posts: 8,061 ✭✭✭keith16


    Did anyone ever see that thing on the "internet" where a guy was in a bathroom and saw and pregnancy test and pissed on it for a laugh but it came back positive and he told his friend and his friend said "go get checked" and he did and it turned out he had super cancer.

    You have super cancer OP.


  • #16
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    Banjo String wrote: »
    The baby doesn't emerge from the bum hole silly. :o

    Look there are 2 holes that it can come out of and it sure as hell isn't coming out the front one.

    Plus giving birth is just like a big poo. Lots of swearing, promising never to do this again, eye watering smells and you just wanna sleep after it


  • #17
    folan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭folan


    dont worry op. im sure your parents and peers wont judge you. this isnt the ireland of 20 years ago where it was seen as shameful to be a single father.

    my brain hurts. super cancer.


  • #18
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    keith16 wrote: »
    Did anyone ever see that thing on the "internet" where a guy was in a bathroom and saw and pregnancy test and pissed on it for a laugh but it came back positive and he told his friend and his friend said "go get checked" and he did and it turned out he had super cancer.

    You have super cancer OP.

    yup that was mental

    Original reddit thread here

    and various news stories and snoopes on it too

    http://www.snopes.com/medical/disease/pregnancytest.asp
    http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/11/08/mans-positive-pregnancy-test-leads-to-cancer-diagnosis/
    http://www.forbes.com/sites/daviddisalvo/2012/11/10/how-a-pregnancy-test-told-a-man-that-he-has-testicular-cancer/


  • #19
    fleet_admiral
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,750 ✭✭✭fleet_admiral


    been hanging around with any sailors lately?


  • #20
    Ihatecuddles
    Closed Accounts Posts: 4,986 ✭✭✭Ihatecuddles


    danniemcq wrote: »
    Look there are 2 holes that it can come out of and it sure as hell isn't coming out the front one.

    Plus giving birth is just like a big poo. Lots of swearing, promising never to do this again, eye watering smells and you just wanna sleep after it

    When you're giving birth they tell you to push like it's a big poo!


  • #21
    folan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,630 ✭✭✭folan


    sometimes poo comes out, even if its a lady doing the birth giving


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  • #22
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭Un Croissant


    Oink wrote: »
    I think you may be allergic to mornings. This is a serious and very common condition. Some members of my family are affected. They are experimenting with long-term voluntary unemployment and late mornings in bed, with great success so far.

    How long have I got? :'(


  • #23
    bear1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 12,823 ✭✭✭✭bear1


    You told me you're on the feckin pill!!!


  • #24
    AnonoBoy
    Closed Accounts Posts: 22,559 ✭✭✭✭AnonoBoy


    I'm a backstreet male abortionist.

    I do you real good deal Un Croissant.

    PM me.


  • #25
    Renegade Mechanic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,934 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    kfallon wrote: »
    Enjoy your arsehole while you can cos in 9 months time it will never be the same again......

    Oh, dont worry. He wont have that problem:D


  • #26
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭Un Croissant


    Renegade Mechanic wrote: »
    Oh, dont worry. He wont have that problem:D

    Reggie considers himself a bit of a specialist when it comes to my arse. The courts have failed to protect me from this man.


  • #27
    Ruu
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,622 ✭✭✭Ruu


    Saw this excellent documentary, think you should check it out. It is about this male scientist who becomes pregnant. I think it was called 'Junior'. Good luck!


  • #28
    King George VI
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,346 ✭✭✭King George VI


    Have you trued turning it off and back on?


  • #29
    topper75
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,942 ✭✭✭topper75


    I made a big rotten dump this morning and I'm raging now I didn't go to A&E and get a caesarean. Nearly broke an eyetooth passing it. 3 flushes no good.

    That cubicle is beyond redemption now. If I was the cleaner I'd just chuck petrol in the bowl and throw a match to it.


  • #30
    Renegade Mechanic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,934 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    Un Croissant wrote: »
    Reggie considers himself a bit of a specialist when it comes to my arse. The courts have failed to protect me from this man.

    Dont worry mate. Ill bring my calving jack over and itll just fall out:)


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  • #31
    Sauve
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 22,646 ✭✭✭✭Sauve


    Ah lads yiz are rank


  • #32
    Renegade Mechanic
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,934 ✭✭✭Renegade Mechanic


    Sauve wrote: »
    Ah lads yiz are rank

    When can we expect to be under the pregnant charter?:p


  • #33
    kriters8
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 23 ✭kriters8


    aha,see a doctor first.


  • #34
    biko
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 81,220 ✭✭✭✭biko


    Un Croissant wrote: »
    I cant look at or smell food. Even looking at someone prepare food on TV makes me ill
    Rabies.



    or maybe for rabies it's water?


  • #35
    PizzamanIRL
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 5,147 ✭✭✭PizzamanIRL


    http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/forumdisplay.php?f=30


  • #36
    danniemcq
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,163 ✭✭✭✭danniemcq


    biko wrote: »
    Rabies.



    or maybe for rabies it's water?

    Nah its water, it gives you hydrophobia. Increased saliva production but complete inability to swallow without horrible pain and spasms. To make it even better even the suggestion or thought of drinking water can cause this too.


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  • #37
    minidazzler
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,739 ✭✭✭✭minidazzler


    I'll throw a fiver in towards abortion costs I suppose.


  • #38
    Un Croissant
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,052 ✭✭✭Un Croissant


    minidazzler wrote: »
    I'll throw a fiver in towards abortion costs I suppose.

    Would I admitted into a woman's hospital? I don't want the feminists that the men take everything :P


  • #39
    Tail Docker
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,954 ✭✭✭Tail Docker


    Un Croissant wrote: »
    Would I admitted into a woman's hospital? I don't want the feminists that the men take everything :P

    It could be dementia Croissant. There's a lot of the signs..


  • #40
    Claudette
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9 ✭Claudette


    So Un Croissant will be Deux Croissant. Or even trois Croissant.

    Bonne Chance, Un croissant. Vous etes tres courageux :)


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