Dont know where my life is going

Im not sure where to start with this, just need to get this out of my head and out into the open with the hope of gaining some feedback.
Im in my 30's, single, live at home with the family. Ive had bad mental health for all my adult life, ive really struggled with depression and social anxiety, I dont have many friends and have had trouble with making new friends as an adult. I was very insecure in my 20's and pushed allot of people away as a result. Im much calmer now but still struggle to connect with people, theres an invisible barrier that I just cant get past when in social situations. Im also hyper aware of being judged negatively and shut down completely when I feel like im being judged.
For instance, when im in the car with certain people who I know will judge me if I make a mistake, I cannot drive, physically cannot do it, it's like im a new learner all over again.
Its so bad that if certain people ask me what time it is and I have to read a 12 hour clock, I cant tell them what time it is, even though I can read a clock, in that moment the fear of being wrong and judged for it, I shut down and cannot read that clock. 2 small examples but this happens in lots of different ways when in social situations. I dont know if that makes sense but it's my best way of explaining it. Its like a wall goes up.
Ive been to several counsellors and 4 gp's over the last 10 years and they have been great for giving me somewhere to vent, I learned some mindfulness and cbt to help cope with negative thinking and depression but its been generally useless for overcoming self esteem issues, past trauma, social anxiety and relationship issues.

Despite having 2 university qualifications ive not had a stable job, I bounce around from one temp job to another and generally feel undermined within the jobs, not really considered part of the staff etc. I exclude myself to a good extent but even when I try I tend not to be liked by people, I work hard, im reliable and try my best but just dont fit in. Its probably got something to do with my past and current issues but hay ho, it is what it is.
My career never took off and most of the time I dont have much money. When I have money I save but I dont have much savings, 4k in total.

Im not at all where I thought I would be in life, in my teenage years I had such high hopes and dreams for myself, nothing in my life is what I thought it would be.

The only people I have in my life are my immediate family but we've always had a strange family dynamic. I always felt like a scapegoat's within the family, got blamed for everything, had more responsibility, I was expected to clean the house, iron clothes from a very young age while siblings didnt have to. Siblings where egged on to annoy me/bully me at home by parents, Nothing I ever did was right, I was never good at anything, never got any praise, I wasnt allowed to socialise much either and spent allot of time alone in my room besides going to school but I was bullied in school so didnt like going. Home and school where hell.
As an adult its not much easier, I feel like I am constantly having to stand up for myself and ensuring the relationship between us is amicable as they can easily start making life very difficult.
Its hard to explain this, theyre both very immature despite their ages, my dad sometimes reminds me of a 16 year old. He's not paternal at all and is more like a housemate than a dad, he's really judgmental of my situation but has never helped or supported me in anyway. Dont ever remember him teaching me or my siblings anything or being involved in any meaningful ways in our lives. He was always just there but would criticize us.

Now my parents are in their 60's and I worry about when they pass away, ill be completely alone, I worry about their old age and having to look after them. I worry about me, alone, single, childless, friendless..
Neither of my parents look after themselves, my dad drinks allot, he wont go to doctors despite having medical issues that are already limiting him in what he can do.
He works for himself doing manual jobs but techniqually isnt known to revenue. He isnt on social welfare payments or anything, just works cash in hand and spends what he earns when he earns it. He has no savings and no pension. He inherited money when his own parents died but he spent it on expensive suits and shoes that he doesnt wear costing up to 1000 euro, he gambled and drank allot of it away, mostly just blew it all away.
My mother has several health issues, has a terrible diet, doesnt exercise or look after her health in anyway.
She will have a pension but very little, her jobs not that well paid. She also inherited money when her parents died but similarly she blew most of it away.
I worry that the financial burden will fall on me when I havnt even begun to get my own life in order.
Ive been trying desperately to get a life, I volunteer, ive been to counselling lots throughout the years, moved away from home for half my 20's, got qualifications, apply to jobs all the time but remain in the same place for whatever reason just cant seem to get my **** together.
I have a very bad feeling about my future and worry about where or how im going to end up.
Any feedback appreciated.
Thanks.