Should I tell?

Dalcassian · 11-05-2011 11:13pm #1

Should I tell my cousins that in my family tree research I have discovered that their mother had two sets of twins who died in infancy? They were born before my cousins were born.
I don't think my cousins know about the twins as it has never been mentioned.
I would like some input before I decide what to do.
Do I tell them or do I keep it to myself?

P. Breathnach · 11-05-2011 11:40pm

Why not?

I mean that as a question for you to consider, rather than as a rhetorically-worded suggestion that you should tell them. You know your cousins better than I do, and if you can think of a reason why they shouldn't be told, then you should give some weight to that.

[I presume their mother is dead, because if she is still living, I think it would be unfair to her to disclose something that she had chosen not to reveal.]

CDfm · 12-05-2011 1:27am

Genealogy is a hobby and an interesting passtime.

The general rule I think should be that if someone is going to be hurt or put out at a disclosure -then no.

If the lady has friends alive and it was common knowledge maybe.A distant relative did a warts & all family study a few years ago & is still a pariah.

So I would be with the being discrete camp.

Larkenn · 12-05-2011 2:39am

If the mother is still alive then it is not your place to tell her secrets. If she is dead then its a judgement call.

pinkypinky · 12-05-2011 9:40am

Is there one cousin you are close to that you could sound out? I know my own grandmother had a stillborn baby when my mother was a young teenager and they never talked about it again. It was just the way people were then: too sad to be discussing. My point is that this revelation is a very sad thing, it's not a horrible murder or news that their father had another family down the road....

se conman · 12-05-2011 11:16am

From my own experience my eldest sister was a twin (the second died at birth/still born 50tears ago) without seaming calloue but back then people just seemed to get on with it and it was by accident that I found out 25 - 30 years after the fact.This was never talked about , not because of any shame or secret but purely because it was in the past and things had moved on ???????????? I just found out yesterday that my Grandmother (106 this month and still alive) was a twin (died at birth)

owenc · 13-05-2011 9:49pm

Yes certainly please tell them that is if you don't want to hide it like others do and they never ever find out.

Dalcassian · 13-05-2011 10:55pm

OK. Thanks to one and all for your valued input.
I think I will err on the part of discretion and honour the wishes of my Aunt and Uncle in this and keep my findings to myself.
Perhaps in the fullness of time I may sound out one of my cousins in a roundabout way and see what happens.
Again
Thanks to all.

se conman · 13-05-2011 10:57pm

Best of luck , all families are different and choices are personal'

touts · 02-06-2011 11:53pm

Why on earth did you go back ONE generation and check what recorded births they had. What did you think you would find other than information you already knew or scandal people have hidden for decades. Investigating a current generation isnt geneology its snooping. Nothing good will come of such investigations. If I were you I would bury the information in your family history file and leave it with a note for your grandchildren to find and then they can complete that branch of the tree without fear of upsetting anyone.

Dalcassian · 03-06-2011 7:29am

Hi Touts, Thank you for your comments. That is what I have already decided to do. Any other skeletons I find will get buried again.
Cheers

Should I tell?

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