Online relationship coaches

No contact is not meant to manipulate; its meant to be about moving on and looking out for you. If an ex comes back and there's something to be salvaged then that's something to deal with but it's not meant to be the end goal.

Op, it's only natural you'd try to get your ex back. That's normal. It's not gonna do anything though which I think you knew but we're hoping that something you'd day would sway her.

I think breakups are those pivotal life events where there's a fork in the road and the path that you choose will determine your health and happiness down the line.

You can choose to ignore, avoid and run from the very real emotional pain you're in and create a whole host of repeatable issues down the line. Unhealthy dating patterns, self-destructive beliefs and habits, low self esteem etc. Or you can choose to deal with the feelings without trying to escape or control them and learn the very valuable and underrated life skill of emotional regulation which will set up you for more self-acceptance, resilience and maturity down the line.

Here's my advice: choose the second one. Right now you're going with the first, trying to put off the gut-wrenching heartache of losing someone you thought would be in your life forever. Googling stuff and trying to delegate the work of recovering to external sources, many of whom will be clowns and cons who pray on vulnerable people like this. Here's the thing though, at some stage we all have to look ourselves in the eye and deal with our life choices and you've got a golden opportunity to get ahead of the curve here and become someone who doesn't run or self-destruct when things get hard. Become someone who says ok, this is hard, but I'll just let it be hard without trying to control anything and something better will emerge around the corner.

Here's something we're not told often enough. Uncomfortable feelings can suck, hurt, drain you from the inside out, but they're just...feelings. They have a beginning, middle and end. They don't kill you. We can do hard sh1t like this.

Look, if you are cool with a relationship where somebody just wants a visa out of you, and in return you get your house cleaned by a ‘cracker of a find’ etc - there’s a billion more out there waiting for guys like you. Sorry if that sounds harsh but it’s coming across that way a little...

I remember your previous thread. All the advice was pretty similar to the responses you've gotten here today, which would suggest that further drama and emotional rollercoasters with this woman was entirely predictable.

You got this advice, which holds true for your latest thread:

The crux of the problem here is your low self esteem. Until you deal with that you will end up in positions like the above again. There was about hundred red flags you ignored when you should she turned and run.

Apparently you continued to ignore the red flags and this woman who has never offered any level of partnership has now called it quits. Posters spelling that out in pretty clear terms to you again isn't the fault of this forum: it's that we simply don't have the blinders on and are responding to the facts as you're relaying them. It's like if you told us you intentionally put your hand on a roasting hot stove, are in extreme pain and are trying to figure out how to do it again without getting hurt this time. What's the logical, practical answer to that?

Why do you have the blinders on? Is this type of toxic relationship familiar to you? Does it remind you of any other relationship you've had, or have had modelled to you as a child? Why do you believe you have to accept such a low standard of behaviour from a woman? Why does that trigger a response of needing to win her back, (or put your hand on that stove again) despite all the obvious pain this relationship has caused you?

And most importantly: what can you do now, right in this moment, to prevent you from being back on this forum posting about a dysfunctional 'relationship' with a totally unsuitable person in another few months?

Hi OP,

The first few months/year after a break up can be awful. After mine a few years ago I could barely eat, struggled in work and life was terrible. I told the same stories to my friends over and over until I no longer needed to or they were sick of it. TBH one of my female cousins even told me to cop on eventually and she was right. You will replay stuff over and over for months and thats ok. Eventually you will look back and go it wasn't meant to be. I went though sadness, loneliness, anger, denial and whatever else until I accepted it, largely because I finaly went NO CONTACT with her. I had sent stupid messages and at one time regretted them and now just shrug my shoulders at them and think that was embarrassing but oh well. Now I do not care what my ex is doing, if she is happy or sad or whatever. It is not anger just more like being as concerned about a stranger. Do I regret my relationship, not at all, it was like yours a big part of my life but now gone. Think of it like the friends you know of but no longer talk to in school when you were a kid, they were a part of your life but no longer around. I do have one ex that I keep in contact with now, we met on the street when I was home a few years after the breakup and we probably text every month. She is in another relationship now and my gf is fully aware that we talk. My gf still talks to 2 of her exes after no contact for years and honestly is does not bother either of us as we trust each other. We both have the passwords to each others phones but I have never unlocked hers or her mine. I think the closest we get to it is asking to see who texted each other if we are beside the phone.

Now, as for dating coaches, most are about picking up women and a few are not. I will be honest and did read through one of these recommended by a friend out of curiosity after my relationship ended. It did me good though in helping me realise why I should not settle for just anyone and that I am good enough in myself. Essentially it is about picking you up off the floor and regaining confidence in how to actually talk to people again (not just women) as our body language gives a way a lot. I can also tell you now that there are many "the ones" out there too. Anyone who says there is only one is talking pure rubbish and you will find them in time.

You need to get your confidence back though through engaging with people and other hobbies and social activities (I know Covid!!) even if online. As for the online stuff, should you venture there, treat it as a game. It is very easy to take the rejections personally but online is rarely real. Once I put proper effort into my profiles and treated it as a pure game I got more hits, though it can be a feast or a famine. When you can again, go on dates and don't pressure yourself, if it works it works who cares. Even have a few warm up dates to get your confidence
and chit chat game up to speed. I promise you many of the dates you could go one will be doing the same to you. This does not mean go out to sleep with them, if that happens fine but it should be a natural thing and if you are seen to be out for that from the 1st minute then don't be surprised to see them finish the date asap and rightly so. Remember you are good enough single and nobody likes a pushover or desperation as it is very unattractive!

Oddly enough, I met my partner in one of my Tinder bars and had arranged to meet my friends in for drinks over a year ago on a Friday night. I was running 2 hours late for the drinks but got stuck in the office. She was with one of my friends and was about to leave when I turned up. I didn't even really notice her at the start as she was not my usual "type" tbh and was more focused on the night with my friends. We chatted on and off throughout the night and moved in together after 3 months with her dog! There is little drama (everyone like a little tbh), we have had 1 argument since meeting, happy out and about to buy a property together.

Maybe write down a list of what you want in partner, say 10 things. If you get 6 or 7 of them you are winning. There is no such thing as the perfect partner, we all come with out good and bad bits which makes us who we are.

This was a bit of advice I did read in that book (I am not linking it as do not think it is appropriate for this forum), don't take relationship advice from people currently in bad or who have come out of toxic relationships. Would you take advice from an obese PT on how to get fit??? The best advice comes from couples that have been together a while and very much in love and happy as they know what it takes to keep a relationship strong as one. The same applies for those people constantly in and out of relationships.


All the Best and you will be fine, day by day!!