...baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more!

tallaght01 wrote: »

I personall think that the type of people who are attracted to giving advice regularly in PI are exactly the type of people who should never give advice to vulnerable people.

Generalise much? Then again you have a long standing antagonistic twitch concerning PI so no surprise there. In my personal life I know quite a few mental health professionals, from counselors to psychologists all the way up to psychiatrists. Some of the latter family. I can think of 5 of those individuals off the top of my head and to be frank there would be two of those I would trust to give any useful advice on the everyday practical hassles of life. One of them the least qualified and one the most(It's not reflected too well in their own lives but isn't that often the way).

Indeed its not really within their remit. Which the psychiatrists I know would be usually the first to admit, the counselors less so. Their remit is when things go very wrong. When things get to a point where medical or expert intervention is paramount. Unless you are prone to a mental illness and react accordingly medical intervention is hardly appropriate. All too often the cry of get medical help is heard.

Fine it's another piece of advice, but IMHO all too often an over reaction by many to a common aspect of life. Indeed I would contend over use of counseling in particular can often escalate the problem. I've seen that happen more than once. Maybe as it all too often puts the focus more on how the person is feeling and increases the likelihood of excessive self centeredness. The people I know that are the longest in counseling are the most self focused and not in a good way either. There have been recent studies into the value of counseling in the case of post traumatic stress and it was found that while one or two sessions proved useful, if it became more long term the anxiety increased. Even compared to those who got no counseling. We as humans have more access to mental health professionals than in any time in our history, yet mental illness appears to be rising all the time. We certainly don't need to go down the route of the American model where so many are medicated. I have been shocked how many Americans I know and have known that are on medication.

When not straying into the pathological realm the shared experience of others, whether that be pro or con and the support of ones immediate society is where most benefit is likely to be found. PI plugs into at least some of that.

Problem is, too, that they're probably very young, from what I've read of the forum.

That's certainly true of many and in general the young would be more likely to give the advice of "move on, there's more fish in the sea, don't deny the need for new experience etc". Which may actually be salient advice for many of their peers depending on the situation. One can rant on as long as you like about who you have learned stuff as you've gotten more experience, but the fact is most will take it with a pinch of salt. I know I did when young. It's often the job of the young to do so. Older types may think more along the lines of the "work at it" principle, unless of course they have worked on a previous relationship and it went badly tits up, in which case they often tend to revisit the "younger" advice, albeit from a more practical bent and the notion that times a wasting. Everybody brings their own viewpoint along for the ride.

But there's a part if me that reckons it's possible to be "in love", even after a long time in a relationship.

That I'm not so sure I agree with. Yes couples can stay together in content relationships that are mutually beneficial, but quite a few studies on this state the obvious; that the in love/romantic/affair phase lasts no more than three/four years. Usually less. So why do those couples stay together? Children can come along and replace the emotional high, people can melt into the long term contented commitment without noticing the change, or people are balanced internally and while realise the mad love phase is over see the mutually advantageous relationship as something worth staying in. Or all of the above.

One interesting article I read quite recently in Scientific American, that suggested that there may be a gene involved when it comes to propensity to fidelity. Apparently first spotted in mice. Mice with the gene, both male and female, stayed longer with mates and turned down random matings with strangers in season more often than those without the gene. The gene is in humans too, so there may be something in it. It seems the gene is also possibly connected to risk taking behaviour, which seems logical I suppose.

I may also just be kidding myself, due to my numerous commitment-phobe issues :P (I have to admit to leaving relationships as soon as they become stale in any way).

Many do. I'd reckon most do or would if they had the opportunity at least while young. Divorce rate in societies where it's easy, run close to 50%. I would strongly suspect that the other 50% would get eaten into too, if the freedom to move was there.

metrovelvet wrote: »

But that is part of the process. Developmental theory is all about rebuilding the ego. They put the focus back on the self to to develop senses of personal responsibilility and to losen dependency on others to influence or control your feelings. The benfit of this is less pain in your life, the cost is ego centrism. Usually, what I have noticed is they go through a peak where the whole ego centric thing is out of balance and then it settles into something healthier and more moderate..

I suppose the balance is the thing. I would say IME there's few enough have it, inside or outside therapy.

I think the French are worse for meds than Americans. I know so many people mention americans who are medicated, I dont know any personally, but NYC is becoming such a strange place I have to guess that its the medication people are on. But I mention the French because both France and the US have happiness mentioned in their consitutions. Its a hugely important philosophical ideal to both peoples.

The Americans still lead in medication for mental health issues. They have more therapists too. Hell pick up an american magazine and you see far more ads for medication of various types than expected. The self help publishing industry is almost entirely US driven. Don't get me wrong, I'm not against self help books per se. Some of the greatest minds in history have written what could be construed as "self help" books. Not Dr Phil mind....:D

Happiness is a dangerous idea and dreaming a dangerous activity - my guess about broken marriages is a lot has to do with someone dreams going astray or not being pursued

I would agree. The pursuit of something that most can't even define satisfactorily, is like going big game hunting for the Loch Ness monster. Not exactly fruitful. Pain is part of life. To deny that or mask it by means other than personal growth and acceptance is a dodgy road. Same goes for relationships. You will get bored at some stage. You will wonder what's what future wise. You will be tempted by others. If you have some sense of insight, you will be better prepared to figure out if this is a temporary thing or something that may require letting go.