Lost confidence in returning to work after long gap

SusanC10 · 08-05-2021 6:10pm #1

Background:- SAHM for 10+ years. Husband plus 2 kids - youngest will be 12 this Summer.

Have Degree, Masters and Professional qualification in my field (would rather not say which field). Plus some Professional Courses since stopped working but none in last 3 years.

Took redundancy but never intended to stay out this long but combination of Husband working abroad a lot (until Covid hit), no family support at all nearby, childcare costs etc mean I am where I am.

Financially, we are fine. Husband earns a very good salary. We have a low mortgage and savings. We don't have extravagant tastes and I am good with budgeting.
But we would like to move house in the next few years.

I would like to return to work. Ideally to my profession. But at least to something which stimulates my mind. Part-time 3/4 days a week. From September onwards.

Husband is now in a new role within the same company. He will be WFH 3/4 days and commute to office in Dublin 1/2 days depending on the week. Kids are older now and won't need childcare.

My professional body ran a course 2 years ago on returning to work after a gap which I completed and was very encouraged at that point. They said that I did not need to upskill at that point. I had 2 interviews in early March 2020, one of which I was quite hopeful about but Covid happened and nothing came of them.

I am not feeling confident in myself right now and don't know where to start.
Part of the advice on the course was to reach out to friends and former co-workers but I find that those that I have reached out to do not understand why I stayed a SAHM for as long as I have.

I have tentatively spoken to friends both within my profession and in different professions and most are not hopeful of my getting any kind of job really. They say that I am out too long to go back professionally (that employers would not want me) and over-qualified / wrong qualifications to do any admin-type role.

I am feeling quite discouraged at the moment.

Any advice appreciated.

Caranica · 08-05-2021 7:01pm

Check out Women Returners, they are a great organisation that offer supports to women in exactly your situation.

SusanC10 · 08-05-2021 7:14pm

Caranica wrote: »

Check out Women Returners, they are a great organisation that offer supports to women in exactly your situation.

Thanks. Will check them out.

B2021M · 08-05-2021 7:25pm

This is a good post and I hope you are not dispirited totally by people saying you wont ever get a job.

How did the interviewers in March 2020 handle the gap in your CV? Was it a major issue or were they satisfied with your reasons?

SusanC10 · 08-05-2021 7:32pm

B2021M wrote: »

This is a good post and I hope you are not dispirited totally by people saying you wont ever get a job.

How did the interviewers in March 2020 handle the gap in your CV? Was it a major issue or were they satisfied with your reasons?

They seemed fine with it. I was upfront about it in my cover emails. That I took a Career Break while raising our family. So, they knew before they met me.
One of the interviews was on the recommendation of a friend. The vacancy was not advertised. After Covid hit, they decided not to take anyone new on.
The other I never heard from again. But at the time I had my hands full with homeschooling and suddenly having my Husband at home 24/7.

I really feel though that the employment landscape has totally changed since the Pandemic arrived.

B2021M · 08-05-2021 7:38pm

SusanC10 wrote: »

They seemed fine with it. I was upfront about it in my cover emails. That I took a Career Break while raising our family. So, they knew before they met me.
One of the interviews was on the recommendation of a friend. The vacancy was not advertised. After Covid hit, they decided not to take anyone new on.

I really feel though that the employment landscape has totally changed since the Pandemic arrived.

It possibly has but we'll need to see how it evolves after reopening.

I dont know your profession but people with experience should always have a chance of getting a role somewhere. I also feel that attitudes may be changing about people being away from work for extended periods. Society now seems to have a more openminded view of life/work....but unfortunately thats just a feelimg and not based on empirical evidence!

Darc19 · 08-05-2021 7:41pm

If anything now is a great time to return.

Most office staff have been out for over a year, so in a way everyone will be new.

shesty · 08-05-2021 7:55pm

I would go for it OP.I am a mum, but I am working.Believe in yourself and just keep trying.I have been unemployed for a year before, and I know the feeling of having such low confidence in yourself but you know, view it that you are ideal in a way....your kids are bigger, you don't have to worry about mat leaves and that.Get someone to review your CV and cover letter and be prepared to change your cover letter to suit what you are applying for.Use LinkedIn, and keep an eye on jobs sites, but also publicjobs.ie and that (I am not sure what your background is).Back yourself, and keep applying for anything you think you could do.

Don't worry about the post pandemic situation, companies will be trying to put themselves back together and you might be surprised at what would come up.

zoobizoo · 08-05-2021 7:59pm

SusanC10 wrote: »

I find that those that I have reached out to do not understand why I stayed a SAHM for as long as I have.

They say that I am out too long to go back professionally (that employers would not want me) and over-qualified / wrong qualifications to do any admin-type role.

Firstly, it really depends on ones outlook about why they stay at home as long or as short as they do.

You made the decision to stay at home and it was the right decision for your family at the time.

Secondly, it's your friends who are saying that you are not employable, not professional recruiters or employers.

Thirdly, you were called for 2 interviews. Good for you. It shows that they were interested enough to meet you despite the gap in your CV.

I presume that you didn't apply for hundreds of jobs and you only got 2 interviews. That would be very disheartening. Finding a job takes time. We are living in strange times and positions are changing / roles can be more fluid and flexible.

I'd advise contacting recruiters - there are some good and bad ones out there but at least you'll get to hear about jobs in your field.

You might find that an employer wants someone more mature, might only want someone part time, might want someone who won't be going off travelling in 2 years time etc etc...

Take it from someone who was looking for work for a year, applied for 100+ jobs, got 2/3 interviews, took the one job I was offered but didn't want as I thought it was a bit junior, got 2 pay rises in year 1, job expanded to be more challenging. So good luck.

SusanC10 · 10-05-2021 9:53am

Thanks to everyone who replied to me. Appreciate it.

Just to answer a couple of things.

I had my CV and cover letter re-worked as part of the Course 2 years ago. I applied for 4 jobs in early 2020. 3 advertised, 1 through a friend. 2 interviews - the one through a friend and 1 other. The one through a friend have not taken anyone on and the other I never heard back from post-interview but I didn't try to contact them either due to the whole shock of Covid at the time.

My friends in general are a mix of people who are working full-time, part-time and SAHMs. My 3 closest friends are from University and they are a SAHM, someone who was a SAHM and is now part-time in a totally different and less demanding field and someone who was in my profession but is now full-time again in a totally different less demanding field. They know me very well and for a long time and I asked them to be honest with me. Basically, 2 out of 3 think that I would be mad to go back especially as we are fine financially. Other less close friends can't understand how I am "dependent" on my Husband for so long. (That's not how we do things). Most think that I have been out too long.

Anyway, I have now decided to contact the person who ran the course plus a general recruiter and see what they think now.
Then start applying for any suitable jobs that turn up and see what happens. I am lucky that there is no financial pressure. Try not to get stressed/upset if things don't go well at first and just keep going.

Thanks again.

zoobizoo · 10-05-2021 10:51am

SusanC10 wrote: »

Basically, 2 out of 3 think that I would be mad to go back especially as we are fine financially. Other less close friends can't understand how I am "dependent" on my Husband for so long. (That's not how we do things). Most think that I have been out too long..

Yes, but what do you want to do?

If you want to get back to work to keep busy / keep your brain ticking over, then a few days of work a week will certainly do that.

You could also look at going back to college to just study for the sake of studying something you're interested in / doing a Masters / retrain / write a book

.

If money isn't the objective, then you've a lot of choice here. Lucky you!

SusanC10 · 10-05-2021 11:06am

zoobizoo wrote: »

Yes, but what do you want to do?

If you want to get back to work to keep busy / keep your brain ticking over, then a few days of work a week will certainly do that.

You could also look at going back to college to just study for the sake of studying something you're interested in / doing a Masters / retrain / write a book .

If money isn't the objective, then you've a lot of choice here. Lucky you!

I want to go back to work. For me and to keep my brain active. I was happy to be at home when the kids were small but they don't need me as much now and will less and less.
But I don't need or want to be in a high pressure job with a long commute either.
And yes any extra money would make things easier. When I say that money isn't the objective, I mean that we can manage fine with budgeting and not being extravagant. That is almost automatic for me now.

But we will also need to put 2 kids through University and all that that entails in the coming years. And we would like to move house too.

10-05-2021 8:37pm

Hi OP, in my experience, you most likely to get a gig through word of mouth.

Even though I hate the phrase (and concept) of networking it's the best way to hear of opportunities. Ask your friends but more importantly, ask your friends to ask their friends about opportunities (I know how hard that is, as a culture we hate to impose ourselves on others). your friends is a limited a group of people, friends of friends is a much broader net.

In my profession (law, fwiw) I'm always amazed that some people seem to be at the centre of extensive, extended networks and therefore know everything that's happening work wise (I am not one of those people, some people seem to have a gift for it). If you know anyone like that, then ask them frankly what the job market is like in your region. One other thing about those people is, in my experience, they like helping people and don't mind being approached. Perhaps they have extensive networks because they are always open to people.

Good luck OP, it can be hard to reassert your individual identity after years of being there full-time for your family.

fits · 10-05-2021 8:55pm

I’ll send you details of a good course for returning to work. I totally empathise with you. It’s hard to get back into it after a break like that. Just keep trying.

zoobizoo · 11-05-2021 8:34am

SusanC10 wrote: »

But I don't need or want to be in a high pressure job with a long commute either.
.

I think that makes it easier to find something.

It's not like you're looking for a position in an ad agency and out of the game for 10 years missing out on the ins and outs of Social Media and competing with digital natives just out of college who are rearing to get stuck in or in law career competing with graduates willing to put in 70 hours a week!

I know a SAHM who used to work in insurance - high enough position. Got a job in a local boutique couple of days a week and became a rep for a kids clothes company which took up another few hours each week mainly online.

We don't know what area / field you work in - that might make a difference but if you have transferable skills, think about a different one to work in if it means less pressure, no commute and that you still get to use your brain.

Ellie2008 · 11-05-2021 10:55am

I could be wrong but it doesn’t sound like you are under pressure to be a high-earner. In which case you have more options - do you want to go back to your profession? I went for careers advice recently, I’d recommend it. It made me think about things like status which I always assumed I didn’t care about.

SusanC10 · 11-05-2021 1:13pm

Ellie2008 wrote: »

I could be wrong but it doesn’t sound like you are under pressure to be a high-earner. In which case you have more options - do you want to go back to your profession? I went for careers advice recently, I’d recommend it. It made me think about things like status which I always assumed I didn’t care about.

No, I am very lucky with my Husband who was happy to be the high-earner while I held the Fort.
I did work in Dublin before I had our 1st child. I took a substantial pay-cut at the time to move location and go 3 days a week.

I would like to go back to my profession. I loved the job and was good at it. But it is not a deal-breaker.

SusanC10 · 11-05-2021 1:58pm

[Deleted User] wrote: »

Hi OP, in my experience, you most likely to get a gig through word of mouth.

Even though I hate the phrase (and concept) of networking it's the best way to hear of opportunities. Ask your friends but more importantly, ask your friends to ask their friends about opportunities (I know how hard that is, as a culture we hate to impose ourselves on others). your friends is a limited a group of people, friends of friends is a much broader net.

In my profession (law, fwiw) I'm always amazed that some people seem to be at the centre of extensive, extended networks and therefore know everything that's happening work wise (I am not one of those people, some people seem to have a gift for it). If you know anyone like that, then ask them frankly what the job market is like in your region. One other thing about those people is, in my experience, they like helping people and don't mind being approached. Perhaps they have extensive networks because they are always open to people.

Good luck OP, it can be hard to reassert your individual identity after years of being there full-time for your family.

Yes, we were strongly encouraged to use all contacts (friends/former colleagues/wider family etc) when I did the return to work course.
I do struggle with it though. And was quite taken aback at the reaction when I did tentatively broach it with other people.

But like you say, maybe it's the type of person.

Thanks.

SAMTALK · 13-05-2021 3:03pm

SusanC10 wrote: »

Yes, we were strongly encouraged to use all contacts (friends/former colleagues/wider family etc) when I did the return to work course.
I do struggle with it though. And was quite taken aback at the reaction when I did tentatively broach it with other people.

But like you say, maybe it's the type of person.

Thanks.

Go for it OP !

I was a SAHM for 17 years and applied for a few jobs with little hope, but after a few months got an interview and job offer

Here 7 years , so it can be done. Just have a bit of confidence

mohawk · 14-05-2021 9:22pm

SusanC10 wrote: »

Yes, we were strongly encouraged to use all contacts (friends/former colleagues/wider family etc) when I did the return to work course.
I do struggle with it though. And was quite taken aback at the reaction when I did tentatively broach it with other people.

But like you say, maybe it's the type of person.

Thanks.

One of my coworkers was a SAHM for 15 years and is doing great. She was in pharma before but a completely different role. Got her CV reviewed by a professional.
A friend was a SAHM for 5 years and went into a part-time role at first. Got job via word of mouth.

Mystery Egg · 15-05-2021 10:26am

Google jobnet. It is a free course for skilled professionals to get them back to work. It is Dublin based but with the pandemic it's all online. They've a high success rate and I know several people who got jobs after it. Good luck.

Lost confidence in returning to work after long gap

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