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14-05-2019, 21:47   #46
Gimme A Pound
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I only have brothers - I understand men not wanting their role in parenting to be forgotten/undermined, but crikey, what a thread to pick to make that point. And what a whiny way of going about it.
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14-05-2019, 21:50   #47
wiggle16
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Wtf? She's actually carrying the child and you feel you're "entitled" to the same duty of care? They'll ask her how she's coping and if she's drinking/smoking.
I don't agree with doctors/nurses asking the pregnant woman's partner if she smokes or drinks or whatnot, obviously. They are there to provide care for her through her pregnancy, not police her. But myself I thought Feisar's wider point was interesting. I wasn't aware that questions about domestic abuse were a standard thing in antenatal care, and I'm glad to know it's there and happens.

However, I suppose as a parallel point, I don't think it would be objectionable for a doctor or nurse to ask the father-to-be if he has any concerns relating to the pregnancy. And I mean that in a very general way, not with a view towards "yes, she smokes 20 a day", more like "I feel stupid asking her this, but is XYZ normal during pregnancy?" - obviously he is not entitled to the same duty of care, not by any stretch of the imagination, he's not a patient. But he is involved, and I don't see the harm in that kind of inclusion.
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14-05-2019, 21:54   #48
Gimme A Pound
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She's being afforded this additional duty of care not for herself but because of our child.
And the whole being the one carrying the child thing.

I agree wiggle16 though.
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14-05-2019, 21:54   #49
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She's being afforded this additional duty of care not for herself but because of our child.
No, it's because as a pregnant woman she is at a higher risk of various things, including domestic violence and pregnancy complications that very well may be life threatening to her as well as her child. So the additional duty of care is very much for her as the person is who actually gestating a child

But go ahead and start a campaign for fathers to receive ante natal care if you want and to be asked to verify that their partner is being truthful when asked about various things. I'm sure that will go down well. Maybe demand a bed in hospital so you can spend time with your wife and new son too. Or a private room so your sleep isn't disturbed by crying babies after the hardship of you going through labour. Lol

Last edited by ceadaoin.; 14-05-2019 at 22:03.
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14-05-2019, 21:55   #50
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She's being afforded this additional duty of care not for herself but because of our child.
Yes, your child which she is carrying. On her own. She’s the one who’s body is changing radically, who’s hormones are all over the place. The baby will not come out of your vagina.

You are an equal parent but you are not an equal partner in the pregnancy.
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14-05-2019, 21:55   #51
Feisar
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Wtf? She's actually carrying the child and you feel you're "entitled" to the same duty of care? They'll ask her how she's coping and if she's drinking/smoking.
I'm not entitled to anything hell I'm just the sperm donor.

Asking her if sees smoking/drinking is the same as asking me if she's safe!
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14-05-2019, 21:58   #52
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I don't agree with doctors/nurses asking the pregnant woman's partner if she smokes or drinks or whatnot, obviously. They are there to provide care for her through her pregnancy, not police her. But myself I thought Feisar's wider point was interesting. I wasn't aware that questions about domestic abuse were a standard thing in antenatal care, and I'm glad to know it's there and happens.

However, I suppose as a parallel point, I don't think it would be objectionable for a doctor or nurse to ask the father-to-be if he has any concerns relating to the pregnancy. And I mean that in a very general way, not with a view towards "yes, she smokes 20 a day", more like "I feel stupid asking her this, but is XYZ normal during pregnancy?" - obviously he is not entitled to the same duty of care, not by any stretch of the imagination, he's not a patient. But he is involved, and I don't see the harm in that kind of inclusion.
I completely agree with your point that the father should be included and any concerns addressed. There is no harm in that and would be Benefial for everyone but a huge difference to asking does she smoke or drink.

I imagine the question about safety is for both the mother and child and in the one in a thousand or ten thousand that are unsafe feel that they can speak up then it should be asked.
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14-05-2019, 22:02   #53
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She's being afforded this additional duty of care not for herself but because of our child.
Not for herself? Are you for real?

Who do you think is at risk and will go through huge changes mentally and physically? You think healthcare is for the baby only?

Honestly I give up. This argument is too stupid.
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14-05-2019, 22:02   #54
ceadaoin.
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I didn't give birth in Ireland but are ante natal classes offered there for couples at all? We did an nct one in the UK but the nhs also offered them for free. Those are a good time for prospective fathers to ask questions and learn a bit more about the process and are definitely worth it.
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14-05-2019, 22:07   #55
Candie
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I'm not entitled to anything hell I'm just the sperm donor.

Asking her if sees smoking/drinking is the same as asking me if she's safe!
She's pregnant, you aren't. She's not just an incubator for your baby.

As an adult, I'm sure she can answer questions about smoking or drinking without it being double checked with you to make sure she's not lying about it.
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14-05-2019, 22:08   #56
jam_mac_jam
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Originally Posted by ceadaoin. View Post
I didn't give birth in Ireland but are ante natal classes offered there for couples at all? We did an nct one in the UK but the nhs also offered them for free. Those are a good time for prospective fathers to ask questions and learn a bit more about the process and are definitely worth it.
When I went the fathers went to some of the classes. Also when I was getting scans or anything like that if there were questions from the father they were generally handled very well and we were both explained anything that was going on or concerns.
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14-05-2019, 22:16   #57
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??? Why is it a bizarre post? She's being treated differently as she is carrying our child. Am I not entitled to the same duty of care as she is, being asked these additional questions due to being pregnant with our child.
No , why would you be entitled to same duty of care ? Are you pregnant ? Carrying a child ? About to give birth ?
Honestly get a grip . The mother and child are the primary focus here
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14-05-2019, 22:27   #58
Feisar
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Originally Posted by ceadaoin. View Post
No, it's because as a pregnant woman she is at a higher risk of various things, including domestic violence and pregnancy complications that very well may be life threatening to her as well as her child. So the additional duty of care is very much for her as the person is who actually gestating a child

But go ahead and start a campaign for fathers to receive ante natal care if you want and to be asked to verify that their partner is being truthful when asked about various things. I'm sure that will go down well. Maybe demand a bed in hospital so you can spend time with your wife and new son too. Or a private room so your sleep isn't disturbed by crying babies after the hardship of you going through labour. Lol
No need to be a dick about it lol
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14-05-2019, 22:33   #59
Feisar
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No , why would you be entitled to same duty of care ? Are you pregnant ? Carrying a child ? About to give birth ?
Honestly get a grip . The mother and child are the primary focus here
Right, I'll try again.

She's asked does she feel safe in her home. She's not asked this when she goes to the doctor generally, it's because she is pregnant. So the question mustn't be for her it's for the unborn child. Which is ours. So following this logic if it's also mine, why am I not being asked is she keeping her end up also?
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14-05-2019, 22:40   #60
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Right, I'll try again.

She's asked does she feel safe in her home. She's not asked this when she goes to the doctor generally, it's because she is pregnant. So the question mustn't be for her it's for the unborn child. Which is ours. So following this logic if it's also mine, why am I not being asked is she keeping her end up also?
The question is because pregnant women (not just walking incubators) are particularly vulnerable to abuse as was outlined earlier. She's not being asked because she's carrying your baby, she's being asked because she's a person.

And you think it's acceptable that an adult womans doctor checks with her partner that she's not lying about smoking or drinking?

You are starting to sound resentful that your wife is getting attention and you aren't.

She's pregnant. You aren't. You don't get to control her healthcare.
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