Why are so many people more ruder/nastier online than they are in real life?

SharpshooterTom · 27-05-2020 2:44pm #1

I enjoy engaging on internet forums and social media generally, but I am increasingly disappointed by how rude and obnoxious the way people treat others online, social media or on internet forums. The average person I engage with in real life is generally more pleasant than people I encounter on the internet. Why is that?

Is it a case of the type of people who come onto social media and internet forums, i.e. strongly opinionated people looking to debate, most of whom are honest and respectful, but for many others to start fights and enjoy being rude/nasty to others online, or is it the way we present ourselves in real life all an act and the internet reveals who many of us really are?

Politics debates in particularly can be toxic. The case of US and UK politics the debates on twitter at the moment are atrocious. People wishing each other cancer, ill health, death, lots of mean spirited comments generally, the atmosphere is so toxic. A lot of people just lack empathy. I like politics but I feel a higher propensity of people who follow it aren't good people (both sides) that's not everyone or even most people obviously, but there are some really ugly characters about.

I suffer from depression, which has often been severe, so I'm having to limit my interactions online as its not good for my mental health to constantly get involved heated debates, especially when they get personal. Some of my interactions online when I've taken personal abuse have left me feeling like utter crap afterwards I'll admit. I think the internet is the outstanding invention of our times, but socialising on it has a mixed legacy at best.

This is it · 27-05-2020 2:49pm

Much easier to be rude or to abuse someone online than if they're in front of you. Chances of getting a slap are much lower.

An anonymous forum makes it far easier again, for obvious reasons. Plenty of keyboard warriors on boards, I'd suggest they wouldn't say "boo" if it was to your face.

smacl · 27-05-2020 2:49pm

*quote snip*

I'd have said the reverse. Give some people anonymity and they lose their manners and feel they can get away with all sorts.

Dr. Colossus · 27-05-2020 2:50pm

Anonymity.

Turtwig · 27-05-2020 2:52pm

Dr. Colossus wrote: »

Anonymity.

So much of social media is not anonymous. So I doubt anonymity has as big an influence as we might intuitively think.

DellyBelly · 27-05-2020 2:52pm

What a stupid post OP...you are a numpty and no good to anyone...

Only joking but I can say that here but certainly wouldn't say it to your face...

LessOutragePlz · 27-05-2020 2:53pm

OP you'll be glad to know that I'm a prick online and in person!

SharpshooterTom · 27-05-2020 2:56pm

*quote snip*

Man is least himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth.

~Oscar Wilde

EmmetSpiceland · 27-05-2020 2:56pm

“Anonymity“ is one thing but you, generally, don’t come across so much stupid, or bigoted, “opinions” in every day life.

Your Face · 27-05-2020 3:10pm

Democrats are like that alright.

SharpshooterTom · 27-05-2020 3:15pm

*quote snip*

I was asking this in my OP whether internet debate attracts characters who like to be nasty and abusive, or is who we just really are? The way you make it sound is humans are fundementally bad people underneath, you could be right, but it would sad if it were true.

Wabbit Ears · 27-05-2020 3:15pm

its the range of topics online that IRL you aren't exposed to that people express opinions about online.

Ive had people I speak to regularly shock me on topics Id never have thought to discuss with them, especially when it comes to politics and faith/religious matters. Some Ive stopped talking to because I dont like that side of them.

I dont think people are different online and offline but yea, remove the repercussion of a slap and people do say what theyd normally keep to themselves.

SharpshooterTom · 27-05-2020 3:26pm

Wabbit Ears wrote: »

I dont think people are different online and offline but yea, remove the repercussion of a slap and people do say what theyd normally keep to themselves.

So people who are nice to me IRL privately are probably thinking negatively of me? Nice to know. :P

kowloon · 27-05-2020 3:56pm

You can say whatever you want online without the immediate danger of someone caving your skull in with a brick.

TomSweeney · 27-05-2020 4:01pm

What annoys me is when you see this hostility in hobby orientated forums, fair enough you can understand politics/religion etc can be emotive topics and people lose the run of themselves, but when you go on to a forum to ask an honest question and you get some rude answer - and I'm not talking about "What does DSLR stand for on my camera?" type stuff that you can Google in a second , sometimes I google for something and can't get a clear answer , If I go to reddit I can get a GOOGLE IT sarcastic response - from an admin even.

Having said that reddit is a cesspit, at least boards is nowhere near that bad, especially in the photography forum - might take longer to get a response though, but at least it will be a helpful one.

Church on Tuesday · 27-05-2020 4:07pm

I've always gone by the mantra of I wouldn't say anything on here, or any other social media platform, I would not say to your face. I think it helps to keep that in mind.

But the anonymity of hiding being a screen is too great a temptation for many and you see it all the time here and elsewhere, as was said above most wouldn't dare say boo to you in real life.

27-05-2020 4:28pm

Well, I avoid most social media because they're generally a cesspit (Yup, twitter is the worst in my eyes). It just seems to be the way the internet has gone. Extremist views have become mainstream, and many posters have little appreciation for being polite. Besides, it's almost as if Trolls have become the new ambition for many users. It's often difficult to know if someone is genuinely posting that way in honesty or just to press buttons.

I use one social media app with a closed circle of contacts, and boards (as it's moderated quite fairly). That's the limit of my interactions online.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 4:30pm

*quote snip*
This is somewhat true.

Also in life tone makes up a lot. And twitter and social media manipulates what you mostly tweet about. Politics is pushed in front of your face.
What shows up in your feed and what doesn't is interesting.

Also there are people I would simply know to stay away from in life. Or that i wouldn't get on with them. That is harder to tell online I find. There we talk to everyone even people that perhaps we are too different from to talk to.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 4:34pm

TomSweeney wrote: »

What annoys me is when you see this hostility in hobby orientated forums, .

It kills them. That person must be really unhappy.

Bob Harris · 27-05-2020 4:45pm

It's the same reason why people inside a car curse and fcuk every other driver to high heaven but wouldn't say boo to them if they were face to face.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 5:08pm

Bob Harris wrote: »

It's the same reason why people inside a car curse and fcuk every other driver to high heaven but wouldn't say boo to them if they were face to face.

You ain't met my dad.

Bob Harris · 27-05-2020 5:10pm

Bob Harris wrote: »

It's the same reason why people inside a car curse and fcuk every other driver to high heaven but wouldn't say boo to them if they were face to face.

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You ain't met my dad.

I see, I'm guessing he keeps a baseball bat handy to release his road rage. Best post up a pic and reg so I'll know to avoid!

briany · 27-05-2020 5:14pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You ain't met my dad.

Is your dad Ronnie Pickering?

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 5:16pm

Bob Harris wrote: »

I see, I'm guessing he keeps a baseball bat handy to release his road rage.

This brings me back to one halloween.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 5:19pm

briany wrote: »

Is your dad Ronnie Pickering?

He can be.

I am trying to help him grow.

Bob Harris · 27-05-2020 5:30pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

He can be.

I am trying to help him grow.

Give him fertiliser and water him twice a week.

Earthhorse · 27-05-2020 5:31pm

A lot of is there's no visual feedback as we type. People's facial expressions tell us how they're feeling. Remove that for some people and their empathy gets removed too. Ditto tone.

So it's not all down to anonymity.

kowloon · 27-05-2020 5:38pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

A lot of is there's no visual feedback as we type. People's facial expressions tell us how they're feeling. Remove that for some people and their empathy gets removed too. Ditto tone.

So it's not all down to anonymity.

A lot of this. I find some people online can't detect sarcasm without very obvious indication. People also get offended by slagging that would be perfectly normal in person.

27-05-2020 5:43pm

An arsehole is an arsehole regardless of being online or not, might just take you a little longer to determine that they are one when not online.

But what makes someone an arsehole depends on your own standards etc.

andekwarhola · 27-05-2020 6:20pm

A lot of it is probably more prosaic than we realize.

If you know somebody well in real life, you can discount them being occasionally tetchy or brusque but online, you're judging heavily on the statement itself - outside of full personal context - which isn't always the full picture.

I think as well, some people are just more skilled than others at expressing light sarcasm or rebuke without it sounding nasty.

That said, it's probably true that some people are just showing their true selves online as they don't have to adhere to the same level of social niceity.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 6:22pm

andekwarhola wrote: »

A lot of it is probably more prosaic than we realize.

If you know somebody well in real life, you can discount them being occasionally tetchy or brusque but online, you're judging heavily on the statement itself outside of full personal context which isn't always the full picture.

.

Ya. I agree

But sometimes I am just a total bitch! :pac:

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 6:37pm

Actually.

I know someone much NICER online than they are in real life. In real life he has an attitude and is really rude.

Online happy go lucky very sweet funny etc.

Earthhorse · 27-05-2020 7:39pm

kowloon wrote: »

A lot of this. I find some people online can't detect sarcasm without very obvious indication. People also get offended by slagging that would be perfectly normal in person.

True and I agree but I actually was coming at it from the other direction. People who think they are carefully conveying their tone cannot see that they are not even after they get a reaction. They just think the other party is being overly sensitive when in fact it's they who are obnoxious.

Strumms · 27-05-2020 7:56pm

The not detecting sarcasm can be a part of it, at times anyway. My humor is generally quite dry so I dunno.. all be it I might not always be an angel as regards the more emotive sides of conversations where I’ve been contributing.

Though a major part is no repercussions too, here as nobody knows you the worst case scenario is getting carded, banned for extreme cases..

In ‘real life’, face to face it could be hurting someone you know, love or respect... it could as a repercussion a serious falling out, or a serious slap, or both !

kowloon · 27-05-2020 8:11pm

Earthhorse wrote: »

True and I agree but I actually was coming at it from the other direction. People who think they are carefully conveying their tone cannot see that they are not even after they get a reaction. They just think the other party is being overly sensitive when in fact it's they who are obnoxious.

That too

. I think it all comes down to a lot of communication being more than the words used.

Sardonicat · 27-05-2020 8:18pm

kowloon wrote: »

That too . I think it all comes down to a lot of communication being more than the words used.

Indeed. I rely heavily on eyebrow crooking and furrowing . If I neglect to move my eyebrows people either think I'm insulting them or making a pass.

Roger the cabin boy · 27-05-2020 8:43pm

Because online, you don't need to pretend to be somebody you are not.

ILoveYourVibes · 27-05-2020 9:11pm

Roger the cabin boy wrote: »

Because online, you don't need to pretend to be somebody you are not.

true

Sardonicat · 27-05-2020 9:15pm

Roger the cabin boy wrote: »

Because online, you don't need to pretend to be somebody you are not.

Yet so many do just that online.

kowloon · 27-05-2020 11:58pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Yet so many do just that online.

Some people have multiple separate personalities online.

leggo · 28-05-2020 12:23am

It depends what we’re talking about. I think online a lot of people come to escape or vent about their issues, and thus can project a lot of anger they’re feeling about a certain thing in their personal/professional lives onto a random that it only loosely relates to. They’ll see a word or sentence that’ll remind them of something that triggers them, they’ll assume that person is the worst derivation of that and just let loose because they feel powerless to do so in real life. That’s been my experience anyway encountering people who’ve been arseholes online in the real world, they’re often the most quiet people in the room afraid to look you in the eye.

Another part is mental health issues tbh. It occurred to me the other week that Twitter is just people assuming their worst anxieties are fact then getting extremely angry about a thing they just imagined. You see a lot of this around COVID, for example: every day the death rate is falling, but one person saw a few kids not social distancing at the shops, so because of that we’re now all gonna die. And everyone is then feeding off that with their own anxiety until it builds into a hysteria, which they then need to release through anger, then boom some poor ****er gets absolutely ossified and their life destroyed because they were imperfect for a moment and said/did a thing this random hysterical mob has decided is now ‘bad’.

What’s scariest is that mob mentality is now starting to affect the world at large when it comes to elections, policy etc. Facts and logic are out the window in favour of anxious delusions. It’s the norm now and it’s been the norm for so many growing up who are now adults that they don’t even identify it as strange, so talking to them rationally is impossible because their brains never worked that way to begin with.

28-05-2020 12:30am

Mob mentality is nothing new. The KKK, Nazi Germany, The French Revolution. Nothing new at all.

One eyed Jack · 28-05-2020 5:37am

I don’t think people actually are more rude or nasty or anything else than they are offline. It’s simply that we encounter a lot more people online than we would in the course of our lifetimes offline, and we wouldn’t normally surround ourselves with those types of people offline, whereas online we have less of a choice in who we are surrounded by.

Take as an example someone like Ricky Gervais - some people think he’s great, some people can’t stand him, but most people have never heard of him. There’s no such thing as anonymity online, but it doesn’t matter because more and more people are quite proud to put their names to their opinions - because a bigger audience means more appreciation and support of their opinions, which by far and away outweigh any potential backlash for expressing their opinions.

The only difference in whether we think someone is being nasty and attempting to humiliate someone else, or whether we think they’re an upstanding individual and a fighter for the greater good simply comes down to whether or not we already agreed with their opinions. It’s not just an online phenomenon, and it’s certainly not new. John Cleese does a good observational take on the phenomenon -

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLNhPMQnWu4

leggo · 28-05-2020 8:40am

JayZeus wrote: »

Mob mentality is nothing new. The KKK, Nazi Germany, The French Revolution. Nothing new at all.

Yes but it wasn’t based around angry people on the internet then, hence me saying “*that* mob mentality.” The internet allows people to connect with others who have the same opinion, which they’ll find no matter how mental their opinion is, so you have crazy validating crazy. So, say, where Hitler was a charismatic and capable, but evil, person who took advantage of Germany post-WWI and used it to enact his will, now a Trump is more of a consequence of people’s disaffection rather than someone who stirred it because they had a master plan (remember it’s contended by his own camp whether he even wanted to be President or not).

So this version of mob mentality leads to malpractice and incompetence (I’m not surprised that the defining story of this period is a manageable disease mishandled on a global scale rather than a world war), because facts are out the window in a world where you can find a corner that’ll tell you that whatever you think is right and the other side are idiots.

rusty the athlete · 28-05-2020 8:42am

Maybe you should ask Trump.

Badly Drunk Boy · 28-05-2020 9:47am

Watford footballer Troy Deeney has been vocal about his reluctance about the Premier League restarting, some saying that it's because Watford are at risk of relegation, but also because 3 Watford players had Covid-19. More importantly, he has a 6 month old boy with breathing problems.

Some of the lovely people of the internet who want their football don't like his opinion so have been abusing him, saying they hope his son gets the virus. What sort of person thinks that's an acceptable thing to even suggest? I'm sure they wouldn't say it in real life, unless from the middle of their mob on the football terraces and at a significant distance.

biko · 28-05-2020 9:49am

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Nhgb9hC7UI

Wanderer78 · 28-05-2020 9:53am

Badly Drunk Boy wrote:

Some of the lovely people of the internet who want their football don't like his opinion so have been abusing him, saying they hope his son gets the virus. What sort of person thinks that's an acceptable thing to even suggest? I'm sure they wouldn't say it in real life, unless from the middle of their mob on the football terraces and at a significant distance.

That's fcuking disturbing, some people really are fcuked up

SharpshooterTom · 28-05-2020 12:28pm

Badly Drunk Boy wrote: »

Some of the lovely people of the internet who want their football don't like his opinion so have been abusing him, saying they hope his son gets the virus. What sort of person thinks that's an acceptable thing to even suggest? I'm sure they wouldn't say it in real life, unless from the middle of their mob on the football terraces and at a significant distance.

This is my point there's a significant proportion of the population who engage in this sort of behaviour, so isn't humanity on average a lot worse than we think it is when given the opportunity to say what they really feel?

rusty the athlete wrote: »

Maybe you should ask Trump.

Eh? Trump's nasty in both real life and online so this doesn't apply to him.

Why are so many people more ruder/nastier online than they are in real life?

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