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How to deal with “I want,I want, I want!”

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  • 02-04-2020 2:15pm
    #1
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭


    Since lockdown the cartoon channels have been on more often complete with their constant toy ads. Unfortunately this is a necessary evil I can’t entertain him 24hrs with a baby in tow!

    Lately all I hear from my little fella is I want... I want.... I want... please mammy, please, please mammy.... *ahhhhh!*

    He has a toy room bursting at the seams. I’ve explained to him that when his birthday comes in June he can have 2 things. Other times I’ve said if you get any more toys there won’t be any left in the toy shop for other children. It goes in one ear out the other.

    Sometimes when he starts his I want, I want please please please nag I just say okay you can have it, knowing he’ll forget it later. I know this isn’t right, I don’t want him growing up thinking he can snap his fingers and get whatever he wants when he wants. But I just need some peace!

    How do you deal with this? What do you say to your kids when they start the toy nag?


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    #2
    Moznips
    Registered Users Posts: 56 ✭✭Moznips


    Just say no!


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    #3
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭SnowyMuckish


    Moznips wrote: »
    Just say no!

    I wish it was that simple:-( goes in one ear out the other


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    #4
    Electric Nitwit
    Registered Users Posts: 10,682 ✭✭✭✭Electric Nitwit


    SnowyMuckish wrote: »
    Since lockdown the cartoon channels have been on more often complete with their constant toy ads.

    Netflix or Disney+ would avoid adverts...?
    Both have free trials

    Probably sidestepping the issue, rather than addressing it, but it could help


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    #5
    pwurple
    Closed Accounts Posts: 12,449 ✭✭✭✭pwurple


    What age is he?

    I've explained to my kids about pestering. Explained what it is (asking for something over and over again when I have already said no). I told them I don't like it and it makes me a bit cross.

    Basically, it's No means no.

    If they do it, I ask them if they think they are pestering now.

    It works *some* of the time. :)
    And it improves as they get older.


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    #6
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭SnowyMuckish


    pwurple wrote: »
    What age is he?

    I've explained to my kids about pestering. Explained what it is (asking for something over and over again when I have already said no). I told them I don't like it and it makes me a bit cross.

    Basically, it's No means no.

    If they do it, I ask them if they think they are pestering now.

    It works *some* of the time. :)
    And it improves as they get older.

    Thanks this sounds like something that he might be able to understand! He’s 3 so hard to reason with!


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    #7
    Seamai
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,250 ✭✭✭Seamai


    I remember reading an interview with the late Patricia Redlich on parenting, she said two things which stuck in my head. No.1 the most important word in parenting is the word NO.
    And no. 2, perhaps a bit controversial, is that if your children don't hate you now and again, you're doing something wrong as a parent.


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    #8
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭SnowyMuckish


    Seamai wrote: »
    I remember reading an interview with the late Patricia Redlich on parenting, she said two things which stuck in my head. No.1 the most important word in parenting is the word NO.
    And no. 2, perhaps a bit controversial, is that if your children don't hate you now and again, you're doing something wrong as a parent.

    Very true, I completely agree, I go by the motto I’m here to parent, not to be popular. I never give in to unnecessary buying, he never gets sweets in shops except for one day a week he gets one treat. There’s something far easier about saying no when you’re in a physical shop, you say no and it’s over with. This bombardment of constant ads though is Far harder to manage. I’m just going to have to bite the bullet and try to reduce tv time.


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    #9
    lazygal
    Registered Users Posts: 12,644 ✭✭✭✭lazygal


    We only let them watch channels with no ads or kids stuff on Netflix now. Our middle fella was getting addicted to Boomerang over Christmas and it wasn't one bit good for his attitude so we went cold turkey. Fewer ads seemed to calm the demands a lot. Some of the channels are basically ad space with a few programmes scattered here and there.



    They know we put requests on the birthday/Christmas wish list and there is zero point asking for anything because it ain't happening.


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    #10
    shesty
    Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,893 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Disney and netflix here, or else specific recorded programmes from rtejr and cbeebies (they have no ads and are free).So we record Paw Patrol from Rte Jr and similar on our Sky Box.

    Also I just say no.Or, since he IS 3, no point getting tangled up in an argument about how you can't go get it right now.I sometimes just say well you can think about getting it for your birthday /Christmas, put it on your list.They want everything at that age, so no point getting drawn into detail with them.

    Personally (my own small moral stance!!!), I despise most those ads because they teach kids that girls gets sparkly stuff, dolls and animals and boys get other stuff.I have girls and life is hard enough without that being drummed into their heads from day 1, they get it from every other angle anyway.Just another personal reason for me to keep them away from those channels.

    Also...less is more with small kids.The more stuff they have, the less likely they are to settle into concentrated play with one or two items.Take away half the toys, he won't notice.Hide them for 6 months, then swap them all around.You would be amazed what he doesn't even miss, and worse, then you realise you have spent loads of money for no reason!!!


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    #11
    jelly&icecream
    Registered Users Posts: 477 ✭✭jelly&icecream


    We keep it to cbeebies and Netflix. The ads on citv and pop etc would melt anyone's head.


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    #12
    Dravokivich
    Moderators, Category Moderators, Music Moderators, Politics Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 22,360 CMod ✭✭✭✭Dravokivich


    My kid usually sees them as things he'd like for his birthday or for christmas. But whenever it comes to looking to get something, I've no problem with explaining why we aren't getting it. Kids don't like being told no. I recon it's better to give them the opportunity to understand why I'm saying no.


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    #13
    jlm29
    Registered Users Posts: 3,818 ✭✭✭jlm29


    He will grow out of it. I am often to be heard saying “I’ve said no, please don’t ask me again”.

    But I second Netflix.


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    #14
    Marz66
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭Marz66


    I agree take lots of toys away to attic.

    I allow mine to take one down and it’s a novelty again for a while. They bring one toy back to attic in order to get another one back down.

    Outdoor time when you can so he knows there’s more to life than toys. If he spends more time outdoors then toys may not be so consuming.

    Other answer. You can pick what you want when it’s your birthday. Let’s wait until then to decide.


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    #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    I don't see the issue here.

    My kids want everything on TV. What they actually get is entirely my decision. If it's nearly their birthday, they are told to wait and see. If it's nearly Christmas they are told to ask Santa.

    Unless your child is throwing wobblers in his birthday because he didn't get absolutely everything he asked for, it's a child being a child


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    #16
    Ms2011
    Registered Users Posts: 3,119 ✭✭✭Ms2011


    I can't see the problem here either. My kids know "I want" doesn't get. Toys are for the most part only for birthdays and Christmas, no point asking outside of those times.


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    #17
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Marz66 wrote: »
    I agree take lots of toys away to attic.

    I allow mine to take one down and it’s a novelty again for a while. They bring one toy back to attic in order to get another one back down.

    Outdoor time when you can so he knows there’s more to life than toys. If he spends more time outdoors then toys may not be so consuming.

    Other answer. You can pick what you want when it’s your birthday. Let’s wait until then to decide.

    Can I confirm please, you only allow your child one toy for weeks?


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    #18
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    Cant say I understand this either.. Just say no and have it that no means no, not sure fine... I often do things like take away what toys she isnt playing with and storing them for later.. When we go out she doe'nt really ask for much and if she does unless it is something that maybe she needs really she doesnt get it..

    I know you say easier said than done, but it isnt. I think the worst thing is given into them or saying No and then changing your mind as you are getting annoyed at their behavior.. Just ignore them when they go off on one


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    #19
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Niner leprauchan wrote: »
    Can I confirm please, you only allow your child one toy for weeks?

    I can not answer for the user above but I think I read their post different to how you did. They seem to be saying the child has a number of toys but on rotation. And every few weeks one toy will be disappeared and another one re-introduced.

    So - they are saying they change one toy every few weeks - not that the kid only has one toy for a few weeks. That is my reading of it anyway.

    I am in the middle on the toys thing myself. I think too many toys can be _just_ as bad as too few. There is a happy medium. And having a larger quantity of toys on a rotation is not a bad solution at all.


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    #20
    mariaalice
    Registered Users Posts: 12,363 ✭✭✭✭mariaalice


    Maybe it's not about the toy if he forgets he has asked for it or has moved on to asking for another toy. It might be a form of negative attention because when he askes/nags he gets attention from the op.


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    #21
    AulWan
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,653 ✭✭✭AulWan


    My mother had a phrase she used when we pestered her, she'd say very firmly, accompanied by a glare and hands on hips (which wasn't as bad as it sounds) "I want, never gets!"

    We soon learned, that if we kept pestering, it meant we were less likely to get what we wanted.

    I used the same method on my own kids, and they soon copped on too.

    Just a suggestion.


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    #22
    Marz66
    Registered Users Posts: 367 ✭✭Marz66


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I can not answer for the user above but I think I read their post different to how you did. They seem to be saying the child has a number of toys but on rotation. And every few weeks one toy will be disappeared and another one re-introduced.

    Yes that’s what I meant :)


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    #23
    Milly33
    Registered Users Posts: 8,638 ✭✭✭Milly33


    mariaalice wrote: »
    Maybe it's not about the toy if he forgets he has asked for it or has moved on to asking for another toy. It might be a form of negative attention because when he askes/nags he gets attention from the op.


    agree with this one too, if has come up a few times in books and what not. That if they learn this nagging gets them attention they will keep doing it or looking for you attention by doing it. Like the tantrums worst thing you can do is play it up with them, short and sweet stop it or time out....


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    #24
    SnowyMuckish
    Registered Users Posts: 858 ✭✭✭SnowyMuckish


    Thanks to all the kinder posts for their constructive, non critical, non judgmental and helpful advice, this is what reaching out for advice is meant to look like. It’s been very much appreciated and helpful.

    I’ve reduced cartoons to pre recorded episodes of his favorite shows seems to have worked.

    FYI I regularly say no to my child on a daily basis. I’ll leave it at that.


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    #25
    splinter65
    Registered Users Posts: 9,420 ✭✭✭splinter65


    SnowyMuckish wrote: »
    Thanks to all the kinder posts for their constructive, non critical, non judgmental and helpful advice, this is what reaching out for advice is meant to look like. It’s been very much appreciated and helpful.

    I’ve reduced cartoons to pre recorded episodes of his favorite shows seems to have worked.

    FYI I regularly say no to my child on a daily basis. I’ll leave it at that.

    My mother was a young widow with a very very limited income and 3 dependent children. She now concedes that it had a plus side in that she could honestly say “no” to more or less everything because she didn’t have any money in her purse after she had fed and clothed and warmed us. It made life very simple for her and for us. We knew there was no money because she could show us her purse, so there was no point in even asking never mind pleading and begging.
    We had a very happy secure childhood and never felt neglected unloved or uncared for.


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    #26
    Tails142
    Registered Users Posts: 2,103 ✭✭✭Tails142


    I'm listening to an audio book at the minute on audible, How to talk so little kids will listen. I find it good, though I've only listened to the first few chapters admittedly. But it deals with problems like this and echoes some of the advice in this thread such as saying to put it on a list for Christmas/birthdays etc.

    Rotating toys is a good idea too that we have started doing, they don't even notice when half of their toys go up to the attic.

    Definetly agree that TV ads are a big factor, we made the mistake of bruder toys YouTube videos and now he wants every bruder truck there is. Our lad is very strong willed and the word no just doesn't register with him and he'll just keep asking and asking, but I find the lists and few of the other tricks from the audiobook helps, some of it is basic and obvious enough when it is said to you.


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    #27
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I can not answer for the user above but I think I read their post different to how you did. They seem to be saying the child has a number of toys but on rotation. And every few weeks one toy will be disappeared and another one re-introduced.

    So - they are saying they change one toy every few weeks - not that the kid only has one toy for a few weeks. That is my reading of it anyway.

    I am in the middle on the toys thing myself. I think too many toys can be _just_ as bad as too few. There is a happy medium. And having a larger quantity of toys on a rotation is not a bad solution at all.

    that was what I presumed was meant but it just read to me that it was one at a time.


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