Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Family in a very bad financial state everyone lost their jobs

Options
  • 24-10-2020 12:59pm
    #1
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭


    Hi so I don’t know if anyone is going through the same thing and if you are I’d love to know how you are keeping it together during this pandemic. First of all I lost both my jobs in March due to pandemic I was on the verge of moving out and was looking forward to starting a new life. I’m in my mid 20s and my parents are struggling to keep the house. My mother was a childminder her job has been lost. My father has crippling anxiety the type where he can’t go to work without needing to come home after a hour. He hasn’t worked in 2 years.

    To explain how bad my fathers anxiety is. He constantly has his phone on listening to podcasts everywhere he goes his phone is blaring he can’t put his electric cigarette down he has it in his hands 24 7 he can no longer watch tv as he thinks advertisements are annoying and it heightens his anxiety. He also can’t stay still constantly rummaging and dropping things and sniffing all the time as if he has ocd. He constantly rushes my mother and puts pressure on her to be ready when he expects it and fights with her if she doesn’t hurry up. He can’t handle family members being sick his own mother is sick but my mam does everything for her while he sits and listens to podcasts and sits in the car because he can’t handle seeing her like that.

    He won’t go to hospital appointments with his mother because he hates waiting and according to him makes his anxiety worse. There was a few times he left my mother in the car park out of spite while she was doing food shopping because she took too long and it drive him mad then I had to collect her I normally bring her instead of him because he hates waiting. When he gets into his moods he calls my mother all sorts of names like fat useless tells her to F off and it will go on for hours. He doesn’t go to the doctors the doctors won’t help him anymore because he refuses to help himself. Talking to him and trying to help him is like banging your head against a wall because he is so stubborn and doesn’t listen to nobody. My mother is very unhappy but she can’t do anything about it because she has no where to go. He sits around all day starting arguments with everyone my brother and I contribute over 400 euro to go to the mortgage which is well over a thousand but the house is in serious danger of being repossessed at this stage.

    I suggested that maybe the best thing to do would be to sell the house and he flipped out telling me to f to off and that he worked for the house and he will never leave it. He can’t afford his car or tax he is driving around with expired tax for months if he is stopped the car will be taken which means more money again. Im at a loss on what to do the rent In this country is insane and Without any job right now I don’t know what to do. When my job reopens again I was thinking of heading down the country to rent I know it’s far from my family friends and away from the norm but it’s the only way to be able to survive in this country. If anything happens like my car broke down or something I’d be screwed getting to work everyday but what else can I do?


«1

Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Jenneke87
    Registered Users Posts: 807 ✭✭✭Jenneke87


    You know your father best, I get he has anxiety but he actually sounds abusive towards your mother. I know anxiety can be awful but that doesn't mean he has to treat your mother like that, there's really no excuse.

    Is there any way of talking to the bank if the house is in danger of being repossessed? Is your family receiving all the benefits it can to alleviate financial stress? Is there any sort of work you could be doing in the meantime until your job reopens again?


  • Options
    #3
    nthclare
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 3,316 ✭✭✭nthclare


    Sadly this is the tip of the iceberg during lockdowns and people losing their livelihoods.
    House's on the verge of repossession, broken relationships. My own relationship is gone due to my ex's anxiety gone through the roof.
    She's confused angry fearful and anxious from the moment she wakes up until she's in bed.
    OCD gone through the roof, scrubbing everything and it's so sad.

    The powers that be are going to have to take the blame for this, because there's a total lack of respect and empathy for people's lives emotions and world views are totally destroyed.

    I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through.
    You're not alone, there's neighbors of mine who have big high end car's and mortgages of nearly 1500 a month.
    Now they're trying to afford that on 350 a week.
    It can't be done,I think the banks should write off a percentage of people's debts.

    It's gone beyond a joke, people just cannot afford thier outgoings on the 350 except for food, and electricity etc

    I'd say there's over 200,000 people going through this.
    You're not alone,but obviously it's painful and it's your whole world turned upside down.

    All I can do is wish you and your family luck and hope you stay warm and able to feed yourself.


  • Options
    #4
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Jenneke87 wrote: »
    You know your father best, I get he has anxiety but he actually sounds abusive towards your mother. I know anxiety can be awful but that doesn't mean he has to treat your mother like that, there's really no excuse.

    Is there any way of talking to the bank if the house is in danger of being repossessed? Is your family receiving all the benefits it can to alleviate financial stress? Is there any sort of work you could be doing in the meantime until your job reopens again?

    Yeah he flies off the handle then normally apologizes the next day you couldn’t even tell him he’s being nasty he can’t take any form of criticism about his anxiety even if it’s helpful yet if the tables were turned and if it was one of us struggling with anxiety and wasting our life smoking and listening to podcasts flaked out on a couch everyday we would be told to get a grip and get off our ass. But with him it’s like banging your head against the wall the man is so stubborn. They already had a 3 month break from March on the mortgage but they are very behind and haven’t paid the mortgage the last few weeks. I’ve been applying for jobs I’m not even qualified in but with the country on lockdown again there’s no hope you can’t live off the social welfare it’s absolute poverty and goes nowhere. No matter how hard a job is it’s worth doing than ever having to worry about not having money or losing a house. This pandemic has really messed everyone up.


  • Options
    #5
    Smee_Again
    Registered Users Posts: 2,000 ✭✭✭Smee_Again


    3 months ago you were a dancer in your 30s.

    I wonder which story is true.


    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2058097484/1


  • Options
    #6
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Smee_Again wrote: »
    3 months ago you were a dancer in your 30s.

    I wonder which story is true.


    https://touch.boards.ie/thread/2058097484/1
    That was well before the pandemic and I don’t have to be specific with ages on here for safety reasons do I? Now clearly you have some issue if you are to comment on a situation as serious as this to try and think that I’d make something so terrible up Jesus next time I’ll include exact location birth date and my star sign ffs


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Smee_Again
    Registered Users Posts: 2,000 ✭✭✭Smee_Again


    Bubblesxoxx wrote: »
    That was well before the pandemic and I don’t have to be specific with ages on here for safety reasons do I? Now clearly you have some issue if you are to comment on a situation as serious as this to try and think that I’d make something so terrible up Jesus next time I’ll include exact location birth date and my star sign ffs

    No need to include it at all though. Your age had no relevance to either thread, but if you do don’t be surprised when people point out the inconsistencies. It brings your bona fides into question.


  • Options
    #8
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    nthclare wrote: »
    Sadly this is the tip of the iceberg during lockdowns and people losing their livelihoods.
    House's on the verge of repossession, broken relationships. My own relationship is gone due to my ex's anxiety gone through the roof.
    She's confused angry fearful and anxious from the moment she wakes up until she's in bed.
    OCD gone through the roof, scrubbing everything and it's so sad.

    The powers that be are going to have to take the blame for this, because there's a total lack of respect and empathy for people's lives emotions and world views are totally destroyed.

    I'm so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through.
    You're not alone, there's neighbors of mine who have big high end car's and mortgages of nearly 1500 a month.
    Now they're trying to afford that on 350 a week.
    It can't be done,I think the banks should write off a percentage of people's debts.

    It's gone beyond a joke, people just cannot afford thier outgoings on the 350 except for food, and electricity etc

    I'd say there's over 200,000 people going through this.
    You're not alone,but obviously it's painful and it's your whole world turned upside down.

    All I can do is wish you and your family luck and hope you stay warm and able to feed yourself.

    It’s absolutely impossible to live off the social welfare in these circumstances I’m Sorry to hear about your relationship it’s hard being stuck in the same space with a person 24 7 it can mess with your mood and mental health. I never in a million years thought something like this would ever happen this year just keeps getting worse.


  • Options
    #9
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Smee_Again wrote: »
    No need to include it at all though. Your age had no relevance to either thread, but if you do don’t be surprised when people point out the inconsistencies. It brings your bona fides into question.

    Yeah that’s fair enough I said in my twenties in both posts . I really didn’t think much about it or whether it mattered it’s just a opening for the post.


  • Options
    #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Bubblesxoxx wrote: »
    That was well before the pandemic and I don’t have to be specific with ages on here for safety reasons do I? Now clearly you have some issue if you are to comment on a situation as serious as this to try and think that I’d make something so terrible up Jesus next time I’ll include exact location birth date and my star sign ffs

    Hi OP.

    I am sorry you are in the situation you are in.

    Your family and you need stability.

    I presume you are on the covid payment?
    If anything happens like my car broke down or something I’d be screwed getting to work everyday but what else can I do?

    Don't be silly ....calm down. Lots of people are in the country and working and sometimes their car breaks down and they are a little late and their boss understands or they get help.

    Stop assuming the worst.

    I think moving to the country would be great for you.
    I’ve been applying for jobs I’m not even qualified in


    You will get something eventually.

    Best of luck. xx

    Hang in there ..this is the tunnel there is light at the end.

    But try and do nice things for yourself to get yourself in a better frame of mind :)


  • Options
    #11
    Purple Mountain
    Registered Users Posts: 13,012 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain


    Please the first thing to do is make an appointment for you and your mam to go to MABS next week.
    Let that be your starting point.
    You can't think/do everything all at once but take that first step.

    To thine own self be true



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #12
    qwerty13
    Registered Users Posts: 1,272 ✭✭✭qwerty13


    Why is your father controlling the family finances if he is unhinged, and not contributing?


  • Options
    #13
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    qwerty13 wrote: »
    Why is your father controlling the family finances if he is unhinged, and not contributing?

    He thinks it’s because he’s the man of the house and he should have the say on what happens he thinks he will go back to work yet anytime he gets offered a job he isn’t taking them he goes in for one day and doesn’t turn up the day after he rings in sick so he gets let go. It’s like lather rinse repeat with him. He will put the pressure on everyone else though while he flakes out on the couch.


  • Options
    #14
    Wanderer78
    Registered Users Posts: 28,805 ✭✭✭✭Wanderer78


    Bubblesxoxx wrote:
    He thinks it’s because he’s the man of the house and he should have the say on what happens he thinks he will go back to work yet anytime he gets offered a job he isn’t taking them he goes in for one day and doesn’t turn up so he gets let go.

    It sounds like you're father has some sort of complex issues going on, do you have any alternative accommodation options?


  • Options
    #15
    Valresnick
    Closed Accounts Posts: 208 ✭✭Valresnick


    Just a thought but why not ask you dad to take his phone, slap on his headphones and listen to the podcasts on a long beach or park walk. Tell him to give your mother a break also. Anxiety is not carte Blanche to abuse people.


  • Options
    #16
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Valresnick wrote: »
    Just a thought but why not ask you dad to take his phone, slap on his headphones and listen to the podcasts on a long beach or park walk. Tell him to give your mother a break also. Anxiety is not carte Blanche to abuse people.

    He used to go for walks but stopped he’d only walk as far as the end of the estate and back for about 5 minutes then said oh my anxiety I need to be close by the house. Getting him to drive to a beach to go for a walk I might try that and see what he says he probably won’t listen though. I did have a chat with him the other night and he claimed that there was nothing wrong with him and proceeded to tell me that my mother was unhappy because we are all out of work and doesn’t think it’s to do with him. She can barely stay in the same room as him.

    Put it this way if that was my husband he wouldn’t ever speak to me like that I don’t know why she thinks it’s okay even if he apologizes he’s a hot head. Always has flown off the handle easy and makes people feel terrible I just want to tell him to man up and stop feeling sorry for himself because it’s gone beyond a joke now. He can’t cope if a person needs help he’d be the first out the door cause he can’t handle it. It’s seems he has a big ego and won’t admit he needs help or that he gets angry.


  • Options
    #17
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Wanderer78 wrote: »
    It sounds like you're father has some sort of complex issues going on, do you have any alternative accommodation options?

    At the moment no I don’t I was thinking of applying for rent allowance I know they contribute a good bit towards accommodation I don’t know much about it I’ve never lived or had assistance off the social welfare in my life. I’d just need a few months to get a bit of rent sorted it’s just hard to get it up on top of bills insurance etc while on low payment


  • Options
    #18
    Turbohymac
    Registered Users Posts: 472 ✭✭Turbohymac


    Hi op..theres so many complex issues going on in that household and they are clearly going on with a long time but I suppose the covid issues has actually highlighted further those existing problems..if I were you as other posters advise I would simply sort out my own personal problems first..get other accommodation away from the family home and get sorted with a regular income proper employment .. not unemployment benefits or covid payment..
    Only after this can you return to the many issues that your parents have..also as for your father it may seem cruel but you need to let him see that you're well capable of living your own life and your not dependent on him
    Also I wouldn't bother about his car ..yes if he gets stopped by guards etc its 100% his own fault. Nobody else .
    Take care and give the good advice by many posters serious consideration..there ain't any magic wand that will cure all


  • Options
    #19
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    OP, if you're parents have had a break from paying the mortgage since March and have only missed a few payments, the house is no where near being repossessed. There is a lengthy process involved and if your father is in a vulnerable category (ie diagnosed with an illness) it can take even longer. Even if it was close to being repossessed there are mortgage to rent schemes out there where the property is purchased by a housing scheme and rented back to the occupiers. They are subject to certain criteria mind you. Absolutely ask your parents to discuss things with MABS and find out what their options are.

    I'm surprised that you've been working two jobs, living at home and have nothing in the bank. You can't fix your parents problem but while you're living at home with no expenses, use the time to save. There are people hiring out there, depending what you're after.


  • Options
    #20
    Bubblesxoxx
    Registered Users Posts: 31 ✭Bubblesxoxx


    Hannibal_Smith wrote: »
    OP, if you're parents have had a break from paying the mortgage since March and have only missed a few payments, the house is no where near being repossessed. There is a lengthy process involved and if your father is in a vulnerable category (ie diagnosed with an illness) it can take even longer. Even if it was close to being repossessed there are mortgage to rent schemes out there where the property is purchased by a housing scheme and rented back to the occupiers. They are subject to certain criteria mind you. Absolutely ask your parents to discuss things with MABS and find out what their options are.

    I'm surprised that you've been working two jobs, living at home and have nothing in the bank. You can't fix your parents problem but while you're living at home with no expenses, use the time to save. There are people hiring out there, depending what you're after.

    They have been behind for years my dad has been on illness benefit and my mother worked as a child minder. Where in this post did I say I had no expenses? I’m Paying back loans car nct servicing the lot savings don’t stretch far when your not working let me tell you and it went on helping my folks with the mortgage. I get some people live at home rent free etc but I never have nor would I expect too. And i no longer get covid pay it’s down to 203 which is why I’m struggling good luck to me saving money on that. I could handle the loss of one job but two in the same year is ridiculous.


  • Options
    #21
    Hannibal_Smith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,932 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    Bubblesxoxx wrote: »
    They have been behind for years my dad has been on illness benefit and my mother worked as a child minder. Where in this post did I say I had no expenses? I’m Paying back loans car nct servicing the lot savings don’t stretch far when your not working let me tell you and it went on helping my folks with the mortgage. I get some people live at home rent free etc but I never have nor would I expect too. And i no longer get covid pay it’s down to 203 which is why I’m struggling good luck to me saving money on that. I could handle the loss of one job but two in the same year is ridiculous.

    If your parents haven't been paying the mortgage, but you and your brother have been contributing towards mortgage payments, then where has the money been going?

    Paying back car loans and paying for NCTs is all normal expenditure, especially with 2 jobs. But look thats all in the past and nothing you can change now.

    There is a huge process involved in repossessions, particularly if one of the mortgagors is on illness benefit. Find out what stage they're at and plan from there.

    Other than that, there are approved housing bodies (the ones I referred to before re the mortgage to rent scheme) in each local authority, Cluid is one, Tuath is another one. They offer housing to people in difficulties, including single people. You could contact them and find out what options they could offer you?


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #22
    Graces7
    Registered Users Posts: 32,634 ✭✭✭✭Graces7


    Bubblesxoxx wrote: »
    At the moment no I don’t I was thinking of applying for rent allowance I know they contribute a good bit towards accommodation I don’t know much about it I’ve never lived or had assistance off the social welfare in my life. I’d just need a few months to get a bit of rent sorted it’s just hard to get it up on top of bills insurance etc while on low payment

    Call Citizens Information. They have all the answers on al of this and are easy to talk to


  • Options
    #23
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    Hi OP, this might be of some use to you but there are schools currently crying out for SNA's, your mother wouldnt need the qualification as the childminding experience would stand to her. Could be something to think about. Education worker jobs websites like educationposts.ie and all the ETB job sites have listings for special needs assistant jobs. She could also hand in cv's to creches ect. She will just need to be garda vetted.
    Also look into centers for adults with special needs.


  • Options
    #24
    Daisy78
    Registered Users Posts: 1,028 ✭✭✭Daisy78


    Bubblesxoxx wrote: »
    He thinks it’s because he’s the man of the house and he should have the say on what happens he thinks he will go back to work yet anytime he gets offered a job he isn’t taking them he goes in for one day and doesn’t turn up the day after he rings in sick so he gets let go. It’s like lather rinse repeat with him. He will put the pressure on everyone else though while he flakes out on the couch.

    So has your father actually being diagnosed with anxiety or is this just him telling you he has it? Because to be honest he sounds like a complete waste of space who decided he wasn’t arsed about contributing to family life anymore, financially or otherwise. If he was feeling that bad he would be straight down to his gp to get it sorted. I don’t meant to offend but he sounds like a selfish git, who has decided to get everyone else to run around after him while he doesn’t lift a finger.


  • Options
    #25
    noodler
    Registered Users Posts: 26,183 ✭✭✭✭noodler


    I'm becoming more.and more.convinced that everyone has anxiety


  • Options
    #26
    Airyfairy12
    Registered Users Posts: 3,390 ✭✭✭Airyfairy12


    noodler wrote: »
    I'm becoming more.and more.convinced that everyone has anxiety

    Most likely everyone has it to some extent but with anything else its worse in some people and can be completely debilitating.


  • Options
    #27
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    OP you have to live your life for you.


  • Options
    #28
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    OP you have to live your life for you.

    Well - Im supe the OP’s parents and father have done a lot for him. OP e200 may be a lot when you don’t have much & are on a low salary but can you not prioritise your parents and help them finamcially. An extra e200 woild go a lkng way and possibly take some of the edge off your families stress and financial distress. They will be even worse off if you move out and now is the time to be helping them not abandoning ship. They have helped you with pitifully low rent when you needed it - shouldn’t you man up now and help them? You have 60 more years to rent or do
    your own thing. You could also see about refinancing your car loan to make the oayments easier over a longer time and hand the balance up to your parents.


  • Options
    #29
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JustAThought wrote: »
    Well - Im supe the OP’s parents and father have done a lot for him.

    They were supposed to. They are his parents.

    They were supposed to bring him into the world to try and give him everything and then to encourage him to live for himself.

    That is what being a good parent is.

    And if this is not the case. Then sadly ..they failed as parents and the OP will have to move on and learn how life SHOULD be led ..how parents should be.

    I see many parents ..with emotional issues ...they are kids at 60 themselves.

    You have to live for you OP. You owe your parents nothing.

    When you were young they owed you everything because they brought you into the world.

    The truth is it doesnt sound like they want to be happy. ALl you can do is encourage people to move towards their own happiness. But you can't force them.


  • Options
    #30
    JustAThought
    Registered Users Posts: 5,323 ✭✭✭JustAThought


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    They were supposed to. They are his parents.

    They were supposed to bring him into the world to try and give him everything and then to encourage him to live for himself.

    That is what being a good parent is.

    And if this is not the case. Then sadly ..they failed as parents and the OP will have to move on and learn how life SHOULD be led ..how parents should be.

    I see many parents ..with emotional issues ...they are kids at 60 themselves.

    You have to live for you OP. You owe your parents nothing.

    When you were young they owed you everything because they brought you into the world.

    The truth is it doesnt sound like they want to be happy. ALl you can do is encourage people to move towards their own happiness. But you can't force them.

    What an absolutely revolting self entitled and selfish point of view about ‘parents’. Thank God not everybody is just families or relationships for what they can take or extort from it for themself. Lets hope the OP has better basic values.


  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #31
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    JustAThought wrote: »
    What an absolutely revolting self entitled and selfish point of view about ‘parents’. Thank God not everybody is just families or relationships for what they can take or extort from it for themself. Lets hope the OP has better basic values.


    No disrespect to you ..i am sure you are not getting at me personally....but EXTORT?.:confused:..What are kids meant to pay back what they ate as kids..room and board etc? Don't be silly.

    Aren't the parents the ones who are just in it for themselves? Or at least the father very much is.

    this is what she is dealing with
    He thinks it’s because he’s the man of the house and he should have the say on what happens he thinks he will go back to work yet anytime he gets offered a job he isn’t taking them he goes in for one day and doesn’t turn up the day after he rings in sick so he gets let go. It’s like lather rinse repeat with him. He will put the pressure on everyone else though while he flakes out on the couch.
    They have been behind for years my dad has been on illness benefit

    Looking after your children is something you are meant to do. Its the parents here who are self entitled and just laying about.

    The OPs parents are relying on the taxpayer YOUR MONEY AND MY MONEY. No doubt we paid for a large amount of their children too. Because they DIDNT think it was their duty as parents to provide for their own kids. To me THAT is self entitled.

    The father isn't contributing to the family finances yet still controls them. THAT is self entitled. He is being OFFERED work and walks away. He WANTS to be on benefit. He is just leeching off his family and the state at this stage.

    It is NOT entitled to think its required and an obligation for parents to fully support financially their own children. Its the opposite.

    What do you think the OP was extorting money from their kids as a ten yr old?

    OP you don't owe your parents for raising you. They owed YOU that.

    clearly they dont get that and still think the state should be paying their way.

    Its got to be the most Orwellian reversal to tell people that parents do not owe to their children to clothe and feed them themselves after they bring them into the world.

    Where would we be if we DIDNT understand that parents owe their children financial support until they are adults?

    The OP had TWO jobs when covid hit. The father probably hasn't had one in years. They kids are paying off their mortgage and they are in debt??

    The parents are taking everyone for a ride here the kids and the taxpayer.

    A father earning a wage so his kids can eat is not extortion its what he is meant to do.

    OP you don't owe your parents anything. They have messed up their own lives. Get your own place.

    Gone are the days when Irish sons sat at home paying off the farm mortgage. Thankfully.

    I feel really sorry for the OP....maybe she /he is just TOO nice?

    Expecting the op to hand up money while she lives there ..totally reasonable...expecting her to stay in this position to make them happy instead of living her life for her and leaving. Unreasonable. Partic when they are not working their way towards financial freedom and happiness.

    The Dad seems happy to take money from anyone so long as he doesn't have to work. That is not someone with a lot of self pride. I mean he isn't even going to therapy. He isn't even doing a course to keep himself occupied. Nothing.

    And there is certainly nothing wrong with my values. Whereas I think a father who hasn't worked in years even when offered and let his house go into arrears yet refuses therapy and is controlling .just surviving on benefits and his kids for years..might have some very messed up values.

    She needs to get out of there.

    OP i think you need to open your eyes up to some of the above. And also the fact that people RARELY change at 60. This is probably who he is. Giving him MORE money. Isn't going to change his behavior. And its the behavior pattern of his that has him and your mother facing homelessness.

    If there is one thing I want to say to the op its this.

    Its impossible for children to SAVE their parents. You can care for them. CARING for parents is an entirely different thing to trying to save them.


Advertisement