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Am I going to be a poet

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Comments

  • #52
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Is his wife dead? There is no mention of her in your opening?

    Maybe she is, maybe she isn’t, maybe he never married.

    Maybe they live together but havnt registered each other’s existence in years.


  • #53
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    Is there a significant poignancy on his pet dog now being 7 years old? Is it because he broke a mirror in the past? Very interesting the way you slipped in the canteen issue at his workplace. Are you laying the arc for possible animal welfare issues here?


  • #54
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Is there a significant poignancy on his pet dog now being 7 years old? Is it because he broke a mirror in the past? Very interesting the way you slipped in the canteen issue at his workplace. Are you laying the arc for possible animal welfare issues here?

    I just think his dog pees him off, maybe he treats the dog like the bosses treat him, like a cost, time he could have to himself, like something that attracts vermin. Who knows? I suppose it’s what you feel when you read it.


  • #55
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    BDI wrote: »
    I just think his dog pees him off, maybe he treats the dog like the bosses treat him, like a cost, time he could have to himself, like something that attracts vermin. Who knows? I suppose it’s what you feel when you read it.

    Will he exterminate his dog do you think? Or will he quit his job?

    I didn't really feel anything when I read it to be honest. How bad is the scaffolding accident? Are there any casualties?


  • #56
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Will he exterminate his dog do you think? Or will he quit his job?

    I didn't really feel anything when I read it to be honest. How bad is the scaffolding accident? Are there any casualties?

    I don’t think he cares. All I’d say he cares about is that when everybody looks up to see where it came from, two scaffolders will be looking down wondering what happened.

    Maybe he planned that, maybe he got lucky, maybe there will be cctv showing him to be the pusher. I suppose if it’s not written it’s open to interpretation.


  • #57
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    BDI wrote: »
    I don’t think he cares. All I’d say he cares about is that when everybody looks up to see where it came from, two scaffolders will be looking down wondering what happened.

    It sounds riveting. What ethnicity are the scaffolders , do you think they were involved in his wife's kidnapping?


  • #58
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    It sounds riveting. What ethnicity are the scaffolders , do you think they were involved in his wife's kidnapping?

    For all you know the wife and the kids arnt with us anymore. Maybe they left him years ago and he was talking to them on the phone. Maybe the wife ran a reception in a 6 star hotel in Dubai and was one check in away from retirement.
    It’s possible she bores him and wasn’t worth a mention or died of a cancer linked to cocaine use in her early thirties.
    I’d say the scaffolders are from the country where the story is based. I’m not entirely sure but it looks like the protagonist thinks they are stealing but trying to get people to blame foreigners.


  • #59
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    BDI wrote: »
    For all you know the wife and the kids arnt with us anymore. Maybe they left him years ago and he was talking to them on the phone. Maybe the wife ran a reception in a 6 star hotel in Dubai and was one check in away from retirement.

    I’d say the scaffolders are from the country where the story is based. I’m not entirely sure but it looks like the protagonist thinks they are stealing but trying to get people to blame foreigners.

    Yeh… I never really thought about the wife being in Dubai...

    Do you think she likes it down there?

    Is she moonlighting as a hooker for rich Arabs in the evening, after she clocks off at reception?


  • #60
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Yeh… I never really thought about the wife being in Dubai...

    Do you think she likes it down there?

    Is she moonlighting as a hooker for rich Arabs in the evening, after she clocks off at reception?

    It’d make sense I suppose. Unless it is specifically stated in the text I’d imagine it’s open for interpretation. I find people put their own lives into interpretations of stories.

    Say for example if the wife’s job is not mentioned a husband of a shop worker might read the story and think the wife worked in a shop where the husband of a doctor might read the story and think the wife worked as a doctor.


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  • #61
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    BDI wrote: »
    It’d make sense I suppose. Unless it is specifically stated in the text I’d imagine it’s open for interpretation. I find people put their own lives into interpretations of stories.

    Say for example if the wife’s job is not mentioned a husband of a shop worker might read the story and think the wife worked in a shop where the husband of a doctor might read the story and think the wife worked as a doctor.

    I think you should go for the wife moonlighting as a hooker in Dubai. It will give you scope to add in some detailed chapters with depraved sexual activity. I think I would prefer to read about the perverted sexual habits of wealthy Arabians as opposed to the health scares of some scaffolders after they are involved in a workplace accident.

    Did his wife show any signs of sexual indiscretion before she moved to Dubai? Had she any commitment issues? Will the scaffolders be fired?


  • #62
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    I think you should go for the wife moonlighting as a hooker in Dubai. It will give you scope to add in some detailed chapters with depraved sexual activity. I think I would prefer to read about the perverted sexual habits of wealthy Arabians as opposed to the health scares of some scaffolders after they are involved in a workplace accident.

    Did his wife show any signs of sexual indiscretion before she moved to Dubai? Had she any commitment issues? Will the scaffolders be fired?

    I had only intended it to be a short story, but it seems people are hungry for more. I will do up a draft for a second chapter maybe. I might even name him. People have assumed he has a manly name because he works on a building site but it could be anything I suppose. Could even have a girls name but identify as a he. Anything could happen.


  • #63
    IAMAMORON
    Banned (with Prison Access) Posts: 9,078 ✭✭✭IAMAMORON


    BDI wrote: »
    I had only intended it to be a short story, but it seems people are hungry for more. I will do up a draft for a second chapter maybe. I might even name him. People have assumed he has a manly name because he works on a building site but it could be anything I suppose. Could even have a girls name but identify as a he. Anything could happen.

    Call him in something asexual like " Alex ".

    Keep your readers on their toes.


  • #64
    BDI
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,005 ✭✭✭BDI


    IAMAMORON wrote: »
    Call him in something asexual like " Alex ".

    Keep your readers on their toes.

    Maybe he could be called Alex and his wife could be called Alex and the most successful manager of Manchester United could be called Alex.


  • #65
    Man with broke phone
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 1,201 ✭✭✭Man with broke phone


    You can see the improvement over the thread but there is very little market for poetry anymore.


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