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What age were you when you made the decision

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  • 31-03-2021 2:44pm
    #1
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭


    A simple poll, just select the approx age bracket you were in when you made the decision to be child free

    The poll is open-ended so I'm hoping that over time we end up with a few hundred votes which may give some indication as to the age when this decision typically happens. But then again it might not.

    I guess I'm curious because as far as I know there is no such data around this question.

    What age were you when you decided to be child free? 114 votes

    Less than 18
    59% 68 votes
    18-20
    14% 16 votes
    21-25
    1% 2 votes
    26-30
    4% 5 votes
    31-35
    12% 14 votes
    36-40
    5% 6 votes
    41-45
    2% 3 votes
    46-50
    0% 0 votes


«1

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    #2
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 14,344 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I voted for 'less than 18'. I can never recall a time when I pictured myself 'in future' with kids.


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    #3
    caviardreams
    Registered Users Posts: 5,439 ✭✭✭caviardreams


    Likewise - I can't remember ever wanting children, so I don't think it was ever a conscious decision, but rather nothing made me change my existing perspective/preference.


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    #4
    dobman88
    Registered Users Posts: 6,461 ✭✭✭dobman88


    I picked 'less than 18' but I think I made a conscious decision and knew I'd never have kids in my early 20s. I'm 32 now.

    I knew early, for a variety of reasons that i would never have kids.

    It cost me my relationship with my ex, who I told about never wanting kids, she said I was only 22 or whatever and would change my mind. 5 years in, the conversation came up and I told her I was serious when I told her about kids. She wanted them so we made the heartbreaking decision to split.

    I'm now engaged to an amazing, like minded woman who made her decision to not have kids before we met and we are very happy with 2 dogs at the moment.

    This is a great forum that I've just noticed has been started. I missed the vote for it so fair play to those who made it happen.


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    #5
    PmMeUrDogs
    Registered Users Posts: 703 ✭✭✭PmMeUrDogs


    I knew for sure by 16 I didn't want them.


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    #6
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Great to see over 50 responses already, thank folks.


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    #7
    Dial Hard
    Registered Users Posts: 13,411 ✭✭✭✭Dial Hard


    I chose less than 18 but as others have pointed out and I've said myself previously, it was never a decision for me, it was just something I always knew. I'd say very few people actually make a conscious decision about it, tbh, so the question probably could have been framed a bit differently and maybe returned more responses?


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    #8
    Tork
    Registered Users Posts: 3,270 ✭✭✭Tork


    I think I always knew I didn't want to have kids but it took a while for the penny to drop.


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    #9
    The Cool
    Registered Users Posts: 1,094 ✭✭✭The Cool


    It's been a gradual thing that I'm only really coming to terms with fully now, age 31. Always was totally set on having kids growing up, til my late 20s. Then I started feeling on the fence, but my partner always said he wanted kids, and I presumed with age I would feel the urge, but now we are both leaning much more towards not doing it at all. He's 33.


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    #10
    notsoyoungwan
    Registered Users Posts: 614 ✭✭✭notsoyoungwan


    The same as others, it was never a conscious decision, I just never wanted them and knew I didn’t want them. For me, it’s similar to how I never made a decision to join the circus, or become a nightclub promoter or uproot and go live in Alaska, I never had to mull over the pros and cons because I never had the slightest interest in or desire to do any of those things.


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    #11
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    notsoyoungwan wrote: »
    The same as others, it was never a conscious decision, I just never wanted them and knew I didn’t want them. For me, it’s similar to how I never made a decision to join the circus, or become a nightclub promoter or uproot and go live in Alaska, I never had to mull over the pros and cons because I never had the slightest interest in or desire to do any of those things.

    Thats a hilarious way of putting it, love it


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    #12
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    I have never wanted kids. I was always telling my friends this as a teenager and they actually still mention it now (we're all 40 odd). I was always told I would change my mind but definitely by the time I was 30 I knew this wasn't happening.
    I met my now husband when I was 33. He was 26. I made it very clear I didn't ever want children. He married me anyway. He has said he would like to have children, but he likes being with me more. That did start a reaction in my head. I started to think that maybe I should, as he would be a fantastic father.
    It doesn't help that we are married less than two years so people expect it of us now. I have a lot of fears about future regret, but I know that I am happy now and will continue being happy without children.
    I think the nail in the coffin was when we decided we wanted a second dog. In my mind I was still saddled with the notion that I was married now to a man who wanted a child so I pretty much had to. I started to feel under the pressure of this hypothetical child, I couldn't have a second dog because this child was going to need my time and attention. Then I realised, I want the second dog. I want a third dog and all the subsequent dogs. I want kittens, many kittens, that I can foster and send to good homes. I want to visit Canada, Japan, and New Zealand. I want all of those things, and I don't want the hypothetical child. And my husband, when I spoke to him about it, wants all that too.


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    #13
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I have never wanted kids. I was always telling my friends this as a teenager and they actually still mention it now (we're all 40 odd). I was always told I would change my mind but definitely by the time I was 30 I knew this wasn't happening.
    I met my now husband when I was 33. He was 26. I made it very clear I didn't ever want children. He married me anyway. He has said he would like to have children, but he likes being with me more. That did start a reaction in my head. I started to think that maybe I should, as he would be a fantastic father.
    It doesn't help that we are married less than two years so people expect it of us now. I have a lot of fears about future regret, but I know that I am happy now and will continue being happy without children.
    I think the nail in the coffin was when we decided we wanted a second dog. In my mind I was still saddled with the notion that I was married now to a man who wanted a child so I pretty much had to. I started to feel under the pressure of this hypothetical child, I couldn't have a second dog because this child was going to need my time and attention. Then I realised, I want the second dog. I want a third dog and all the subsequent dogs. I want kittens, many kittens, that I can foster and send to good homes. I want to visit Canada, Japan, and New Zealand. I want all of those things, and I don't want the hypothetical child. And my husband, when I spoke to him about it, wants all that too.

    In the end he will leave and have children with someone else, be prepared for this.


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    #14
    sameoldname
    Registered Users Posts: 900 ✭✭✭sameoldname


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    In the end he will leave and have children with someone else, be prepared for this.

    Spoken with the confidence that only comes with years of extreme ignorance.

    I've never wanted kids but I think it's only been this past year that I've felt comfortable enough that I won't ever want them. This forum actually helped quite a bit with that. It can feel sometimes like you're the only one.


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    #15
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    In the end he will leave and have children with someone else, be prepared for this.

    More room for dogs then, isn't it?


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    #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    sameoldname wrote: »
    Spoken with the confidence that only comes with years of extreme ignorance.

    I've never wanted kids but I think it's only been this past year that I've felt comfortable enough that I won't ever want them. This forum actually helped quite a bit with that. It can feel sometimes like you're the only one.

    I wouldn't take that post as genuine, I mean it's basically saying "The only way to save your marriage is an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent child". I'm sure unwanted children have saved many a marriage, as apposed to doing the exact opposite!


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    #17
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I wouldn't take that post as genuine, I mean it's basically saying "The only way to save your marriage is an unwanted pregnancy and subsequent child". I'm sure unwanted children have saved many a marriage, as apposed to doing the exact opposite!

    There's no saving a marriage if one partner wants children and the other doesn't, particularly if it's the woman who doesn't want children.

    These are incompatible outlooks on life and failure to accept that is just lying to yourself or a simple lack of maturity.


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    #18
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    There's no saving a marriage if one partner wants children and the other doesn't, particularly if it's the woman who doesn't want children.

    These are incompatible outlooks on life and failure to accept that is just lying to yourself or a simple lack of maturity.

    I think your original reply was supposed to read "I would leave and have children with someone else".


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    #19
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    More room for dogs then, isn't it?

    You mean the pseudo children


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    #20
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    You mean the pseudo children

    Your replies in this thread are showing a simple lack of maturity.


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    #21
    shtpEdthePlum
    Closed Accounts Posts: 556 ✭✭✭shtpEdthePlum


    New improved *children
    (*may in fact be dogs)


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    #22
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    I think your original reply was supposed to read "I would leave and have children with someone else".

    Well that's an assumption on your part and you know they say about assumptions, it's the mother of all . . .


    What will happen is the woman will leave as time is a pressing issue for her, the guy will stay but become unfaithful until finally one of the affairs results in a child and then leave.


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    #23
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Well that's an assumption on your part and you know they say about assumptions, it's the mother of all . . .


    What will happen is the woman will leave as time is a pressing issue for her, the guy will stay but become unfaithful until finally one of the affairs results in a child and then leave.

    You can only speak from a personal perspective, so I safely assume this is yours.


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    #24
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    Your replies in this thread are showing a simple lack of maturity.

    Why the need to care, provide, give and receive affection and make something dependent on you.

    Contrary to your ascertain the mature perspective is acceptance of divergent perspectives and their natural conclusion


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    #25
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    In the end he will leave and have children with someone else, be prepared for this.
    99nsr125 wrote: »
    You mean the pseudo children
    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Well that's an assumption on your part and you know they say about assumptions, it's the mother of all . . .


    What will happen is the woman will leave as time is a pressing issue for her, the guy will stay but become unfaithful until finally one of the affairs results in a child and then leave.

    What is your malfunction?


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    #26
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    You can only speak from a personal perspective, so I safely assume this is yours.

    Incorrect, you can have your own opinion but also empirical data which removes bias or personnel agendas, failure to see that or contemplate it is a bigoted viewpoint.


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    #27
    99nsr125
    Registered Users Posts: 1,183 ✭✭✭99nsr125


    [Deleted User] wrote: »
    What is your malfunction?

    That's a wonderfully constructive response
    I'm flummoxed by it's depth


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    #28
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    Why the need to care, provide, give and receive affection and make something dependent on you.

    Contrary to your ascertain the mature perspective is acceptance of divergent perspectives and their natural conclusion

    "Men will" and "women will" is terribly simplistic and naive. I don't need a divergent perspective on the future of my marriage from a stranger on the internet, who very obviously didn't actually make it the whole way to the end of my post to start with.


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    #29
    Swindled
    Closed Accounts Posts: 374 ✭✭Swindled


    I never wanted kids until I was in my 30's, then something just clicked and I got it / wanted to raise them.

    There's a lot of pressure in the media for white/Irish people not to have kids now.


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    #30
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    Swindled wrote: »
    I never wanted kids until I was in my 30's, then something just clicked and I got it / wanted to raise them.

    There's a lot of pressure in the media for white/Irish people not to have kids now.

    This is the Childfree by Choice forum, just in case you missed that at the top!
    Casual racism, oh my!


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    #31
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    99nsr125 wrote: »
    That's a wonderfully constructive response
    I'm flummoxed by it's depth

    Your confusion is not unexpected, however, I must ask....you come to a board called "Childfree by Choice" and proceed to belittle, insult and insinuate someone who makes such a choice.

    What is your objective?


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