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Farting

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    #32
    feargale
    Registered Users Posts: 8,636 ✭✭✭feargale


    archer22 wrote: »
    Because you are having the smell of other peoples shyte forced on you...personally I think it's only the extremely ignorant who would do it in public.

    Question: Why does a fart smell?

    Answer: For the benefit of those who are deaf.


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    #33
    beertons
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 23,065 ✭✭✭✭beertons


    Professional farters association. If my missus gets wind of that, I'm off.


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    #34
    Cyclepath
    Registered Users Posts: 333 ✭✭Cyclepath


    I'll just drop this here...



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    #35
    Cee-Jay-Cee
    Registered Users Posts: 12,235 ✭✭✭✭Cee-Jay-Cee


    Apparently the Queen doesn't fart, she has someone to do it for her.


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    #36
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    I'm eagerly awaiting input from boardsie 'Fart' on this thread! I see/him silently seeking on other threads :p


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    #37
    Mundo7976
    Registered Users Posts: 1,097 ✭✭✭Mundo7976


    My wife had the “operation” that allegedly majority of women have!!


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    #38
    blackwhite
    Registered Users Posts: 8,536 ✭✭✭blackwhite


    A Tyrant Named Miltiades! wrote: »
    That's definitely true. But I come into work three days a week stinking from the gym, and have never thought to be embarrassed about it.

    Clearly there's an additional social stigma associated with farts.

    Might be an idea to have shower after the gym? ;)


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    #39
    Fart
    Registered Users Posts: 1,825 ✭✭✭Fart


    Bigbagofcans wrote: »
    I'm eagerly awaiting input from boardsie 'Fart' on this thread! I see/him silently seeking on other threads :p

    Just waiting for the right moment...


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    #40
    eddieoregan
    Registered Users Posts: 129 ✭✭eddieoregan


    This Stinks :-)


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    #41
    padd b1975
    Registered Users Posts: 10,705 ✭✭✭✭padd b1975


    Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »
    Apparently the Queen doesn't fart, she has someone to do it for her.

    Fake news.

    She's been known to let rip with the best of them, especially when in residence at Balmoral-a martyr to the haggis I believe.

    She does however try to make light of the embarrassment with a humorous quip.

    "That's working now try one's lights!"
    "One's only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!"

    That type of stuff...


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    #42
    valoren
    Registered Users Posts: 5,458 ✭✭✭valoren


    One trick I've learned is that if you're ever in bed with someone and have a desperate need to fart, then just grab one ass cheek, pull it apart from the other to stop the reverberation and exhale the gas easily. It might be silent, just hope it isn't violent.


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    #43
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,194 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    JohnnyFlash wrote: »
    Jesus, I must be on to live to 120 years old if that’s the case. Had a gallon of porter last night watching the Liverpool game. The choir of arse angels was practising all day, and there was a fent off them that would strip paint from a trawler.


    :D

    You are my favourite poster!! :D:D:D:D



    Literature!!


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    #44
    valoren
    Registered Users Posts: 5,458 ✭✭✭valoren


    Tacitus Kilgore wrote: »
    Farting is the funniest thing in the world to me, genuinely cannot contain the laughter no matter where, when who or what does it..


    I mean how can you not laugh at it - when someone rips a long one that changes tone a couple of times during the chorus and heads off for a high f to finish :D

    The ones that sound like they're asking a question get me :D


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    #45
    Tacitus Kilgore
    Registered Users Posts: 2,128 ✭✭✭Tacitus Kilgore


    valoren wrote: »
    The ones that sound like they're asking a question that get me :D

    Dropped one getting out of bed the other morning while herself was getting dressed in the jacks -

    "What" she says - in reply to the muffled question my arse apparently asked


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    #46
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    Tacitus Kilgore wrote: »
    Dropped one getting out of bed the other morning while herself was getting dressed in the jacks -

    "What" she says - in reply to the muffled question my arse apparently asked

    I laughed out loud at that!


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    #47
    TomSweeney
    Registered Users Posts: 3,194 ✭✭✭TomSweeney


    Tacitus Kilgore wrote: »
    Farting is the funniest thing in the world to me, genuinely cannot contain the laughter no matter where, when who or what does it..


    I mean how can you not laugh at it - when someone rips a long one that changes tone a couple of times during the chorus and heads off for a high f to finish :D


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    #48
    Tacitus Kilgore
    Registered Users Posts: 2,128 ✭✭✭Tacitus Kilgore


    TomSweeney wrote: »
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l88AL3GJFCg


    I see you and I raise you:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nC5-QQoBsTQ


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    #49
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    blackwhite wrote: »
    Might be an idea to have shower after the gym? ;)
    I shower in work!

    But I do come into the office, plonk my bags down, check my emails, and answer anything of priority beforehand.

    Somehow this seems to be less offensive than if I were to fart in public, even if it didn't smell (my sh*t don't stink)


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    #50
    kittensmittens
    Registered Users Posts: 2,074 ✭✭✭kittensmittens


    dingdong1234567 wrote: »
    Whoever smelt it dealt it.......
    antodeco wrote: »
    Whoever did the rhyme did the crime!

    Whoever denied it, supplied it !!


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    #51
    the_pen_turner
    Registered Users Posts: 7,506 ✭✭✭the_pen_turner


    Fart wrote: »
    Just waiting for the right moment...

    Come on now . Don't do a drive by , stick around and linger for a while


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    #52
    JohnnyFlash
    Registered Users Posts: 7,055 ✭✭✭JohnnyFlash


    Tacitus Kilgore wrote: »
    Dropped one getting out of bed the other morning while herself was getting dressed in the jacks -

    "What" she says - in reply to the muffled question my arse apparently asked


    Plenty of opportunities to demonstrate some Wildean wit when presented with an opportunity like that.



    Darling, I was preparing for an after dinner speech.
    More tea, Vicar?
    Now I'm no expert of rugby, but I'm pretty sure that's a knock-on.
    etc
    etc


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    #53
    PhilOssophy
    Registered Users Posts: 2,114 ✭✭✭PhilOssophy


    I don't mind farting but I have absolutely zero time for people sharting.......


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    #54
    Mr. CooL ICE
    Registered Users Posts: 17,512 ✭✭✭✭Mr. CooL ICE


    I fart a lot. Like, a lot. Rarely smell but they're loud and frequent.

    When I first started seeing my girlfriend, I was wary of farting in front of her. Whenever I called over to hers and were watching a movie or something, I'd hold them in for ages, then would go to the toilet, sit there and fart my ass off for like 5 minutes. Just sit there and make ungodly noises with my arse. She would definitely have heard me because farting into a toilet bowl amplifies the sound so there was no hiding it but would always come back and prepare myself to hold my farts in until my next toilet break.

    This went on for a few months until one day when we were going for a walk and I needed to let off a loud one. A truck was driving nearby so I used the opportunity to fart just as it passed. I farted louder than the truck, she laughed at it, then laughed more when I told her what I was trying to do. To this day, she regrets laughing that one time because as far as I'm concerned, the ice had been broken and I felt free to fart whenever I wanted.


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    #55
    davidk1394
    Registered Users Posts: 4,045 ✭✭✭davidk1394


    A common saying by a friend of mine “speak again oh toothless one”


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    #56
    blackwhite
    Registered Users Posts: 8,536 ✭✭✭blackwhite


    Mark Rippetoe wrote: »
    I fart a lot. Like, a lot. Rarely smell but they're loud and frequent.

    When I first started seeing my girlfriend, I was wary of farting in front of her. Whenever I called over to hers and were watching a movie or something, I'd hold them in for ages, then would go to the toilet, sit there and fart my ass off for like 5 minutes. Just sit there and make ungodly noises with my arse. She would definitely have heard me because farting into a toilet bowl amplifies the sound so there was no hiding it but would always come back and prepare myself to hold my farts in until my next toilet break.

    This went on for a few months until one day when we were going for a walk and I needed to let off a loud one. A truck was driving nearby so I used the opportunity to fart just as it passed. I farted louder than the truck, she laughed at it, then laughed more when I told her what I was trying to do. To this day, she regrets laughing that one time because as far as I'm concerned, the ice had been broken and I felt free to fart whenever I wanted.

    It's not really a relationship until you've farted in her company


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    #57
    Keyzer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,331 ✭✭✭Keyzer


    Its about consideration for other people - no one wants to smell the gaseous contents of someone elses hoop.

    Its deplorable on a packed train, someone lets a ripper off and stinks the entire carriage out.

    Repugnant behaviour.


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    #58
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    davidk1394 wrote: »
    A common saying by a friend of mine “speak again oh toothless one”
    I wonder where that originates from. In many cultures, you have the myth of the vagina dentata - the toothed vagina - where the vagina is a trap for masculinity/ manhood.

    The toothless (less dangerous) anal orifice (*shudder*) is an interesting corollary. I wonder if there's any link here to the vagina dentata, seeing as though anal intercourse cannot result in pregnancy and is less associated with female power. That's speculation, and may be a long shot.

    Having said that, in Joyce's Ulysses, it was the vagina which was the toothless one: "She fixes her bluecircled hollow eyesockets on Stephen and opens her toothless mouth uttering a silent word"


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    #59
    Keyzer
    Registered Users Posts: 4,331 ✭✭✭Keyzer


    And on that bombshell:

    A guy goes to pick up his date for the evening. She's not ready yet, so he has to sit in the living room with her parents. He has a bad case of gas and really needs to relieve some pressure.

    Then, the family dog jumps up on the couch next to him. He decides that he can let a little fart out and if anyone notices they will think that the dog did it.

    He farts, and the woman yells, "Spot, get down from there."

    The guy thinks, "Great, they think the dog did it." He releases another fart, and the woman again yells for the dog to get down.

    This goes on for a couple more farts.

    Finally the woman yells, "Dammit Spot, get down before he ****s on you."


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    #60
    magentis
    Closed Accounts Posts: 2,249 ✭✭✭magentis


    Another variation "Speak again oh chocolate lips".


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    #61
    Bigbagofcans
    Registered Users Posts: 1,164 ✭✭✭Bigbagofcans


    magentis wrote: »
    Another variation "Speak again oh chocolate lips".

    That's rotten :D


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