How common is it to be turned off by the prospect of marriage/kids?

Firstly, a lot of your examples are extremes. Extremely bad divorces, divorce settlements, expenses etc.
This is just the risk you take, same as any major life choice and in general, marriage is very high reward, low risk. Hopefully you end up with a loving family.

Secondly, Women have exactly the same worries and responsibilities and hopefully, if you do get married, kids etc, you and your partner will be a team, tackling these challenges together. You're not in it alone.

Finally, you're not at the stage if your life where these things matter. You're in college, why would you begin to think about marriage and kids. Far more pressing things to worry about. Exams, job, money, career, progression etc. In 5 years, when you're hopefully more financially stable, and maybe in a relationship, marriage and kids will start to become more like the next step in life.

It's weird seeing your friends turn from immature lads into father's and husband's, but you'll start thinking "f*ck it, if he can do it, I'll have no bother"

Ekerot wrote: »

The divorce rate in Ireland is nearly 15% if I'm reading this statistic here correctly.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Divorce_demography

Personally marriage sounds like a pain, or a "Misunderstanding between two idiots" as my father would put it.
That and I hate weddings, or more specifically Irish weddings since the few I've been to feel like some warped Barbie fantasy of the brides.
25000 for a dinner dance and half cooked Yorkshire Puddings? No way José! I'd rather just get the marriage cert and go to a restaurant afterwards with my beloved.

This has to be the funniest post today!!!

Eire Go Brach wrote: »

Your still young. You might change. Lot can happen.

As an atheist. For me that’s how we live on. Through our kids. Just like every other animal on this planet. Another way to look at it.

That's a weird statement to make.
If atheism reduces having children down to a simple biological act, no different than animals, then I may start going back to mass.

What about atheism stops you having children because you and your partner wish to have them, to watch them grow up and experience the world, and to have lifelong companions?

I have zero interest in getting married or having children and it's the same for herself. I can't see that changing for me any time soon

Sorry, Bezos didn't lose money, his wife got her share. They quit their jobs, moved to Seattle and set up Amazon together.

Also she settled for 50% of what she could have got.

Married 12 years and have two kids. Personally I could have left the marriage bit out but the laws here don't give the same rights to cohabiting couples so it made sense to make it legal. A good relationship is a great place to be, I'm blessed I knew my partner as a friend for a long time before we hooked up and I think that gave us a good base. 25 years together next year and I still wouldn't want to be with anyone else. Kids are hard work but don't stay kids forever. My eldest is mid 20's and we have a great relationship as adults, that gets me though the hump of dealing with my youngest.

i think its a good topic , something you dont here much about, like are men looked down upon in society for staying marriage free, child free and maybe even relationship free. i know i have never been in a serious relationship in my life and im 37. i would think its not that uncommon i know 3 friends the same all late 30s

Irish_rat wrote: »

Kids and marriage is great but you have to pay for that gratitude for 15+ years.

Personally, I want to be financially independent in the next 5 years.

Sometimes 25+ years, per child :pac:

Irish_rat wrote: »

Yeah and that means you are tied to working until you retire an old man. Just my 2 cents

Well, they are your kids. You should love them unconditionally and want them to succeed. Many of us got where we are off the hard work and effort of our parents.

still huge amount of bachelors older men around my area is it still common in ireland

Wibbs wrote: »

Actually the more you dig into that it's not nearly so clear cut. Take the three times higher! stat. No numbers given. If the risk of something is in ideal circumstances 1 in 100, then 3 in 100 is "three times higher" but it's still low risk. Similar goes on with regard to an increase in birth defects and the like with older mothers. Yes the risk goes up, but not nearly to the degree some scaremongering suggests. It also depends on the fitness and biological age of the men(and women). All things being equal a pre-diabetic overweight 35 year old with a hash habit is going to be producing worse swimmers than a fit as a butcher's dog 45 year old who does marathons for the craic.

But Sportsfan still has a point, the fact is a 50, 60, even 70 year old bloke can still father a child, a 50 year old woman can't(unless through major medical assistance), so there is less pressure on men compared to women on that score. Forgetting extremes it is certainly true that a 35 year old guy is under far less pressure than a 35 year old woman who wants to have a family.

There might not be a physical body clock but most guys I know who want children feel a pressure to have them while they are young enough to enjoy them. Having kids is a young persons game.

Wibbs wrote: »

There can be something to that, but in my experience anyway men can be placed in roughly two camps; those who get into relationships fairly early and consistently and those who don't. The former may settle down younger, or have a few relationships until they settle down, latter tend to come into their own later on say around 30, but a fair number don't, or like ancapailldorcha notes end up with the first person they have a relationship with.

+1 on this, Yes have really noticed this phenomena, for some reason some guys absolutley hate being single and on the dating game and the antics that involve, boozing most weekends, mad weekends away, nightclubs, sun holidays etc. I think this kind of scene was big for dating in 90s and 00s maybe not as much now, but i would hazard a guess it still rings through up until covid in 80% of cases.
There are also guys who for some reason got hard to score with girls and eventually when they got to late 20s early 30s became seen this as a safe bet by women looking at the old bio clock, they were a safe pair of hands, naturally these lads were only too deleighted too get away from their "mates " and be taken seriously by others in thier community by settling down with a partner, these same guys you always had the feeling were itching to come out with statements like "Awww lads id love to head out tonight but we dont have a babysitter" or "...easy for you say, you dont know how much childcare cost", " not tonight lads were away with kids in morning" Now i know i may be poking fun, but you always knew the lads whos hearts were never in the weekend sesh and gave the collection of guys they tailed around with the boot the minute they got a partner, usually these mates were not really old friends but just a gang of single guys all on the pull together.


then there are others that love this kind of weekend fun and the thrill of the chase however these are usually good looking , popular guys who wouldnt go too long without scoring , they see it as a game, these guys if they leave it too long to eventually settle actually get afraid of the thought of a relationship where there nights out and antics are curtailed down to something like netflix and chill or cinema nights unless they are really into their partner they get hard to give up the game, unfortunatly i fell into this trap, i had numerous opportunities to get into relationships but feared giving up saturday night antics. As my friends paired off bit by bit with partners i scurried from one gang of single lads to the other, unfortunatley having to tag onto some gangs at times, sometimes younger gangs and hope not to be called out on it! Eventually i would also strike out on my own into pubs and eventually as the night wore on fall in wwith like minded souls. this can be very odd and not for the fainthearted, however you begin to realise you have super social skills and great ability to read people.

Any body agree or disagree that you can become addicted to the chase of it all.

always find women after 21/22 become very mature very quick and want to move onto the next phase