Is there a 'one' for everyone

LegacyUser · 12-05-2016 5:05pm #1

Is there or is it all nonsense?

Wanna find a guy that I really look forward to seeing each other, wanna do stuff together, spend time together etc etc.
I can have a boyfriend if I so wished but I really want a soulmate.

Does this exist?

ElleEm · 12-05-2016 5:16pm

Relationships have to develop from something. You need to give relationships a chance, you can't expect to just trip across the perfect partner without having to put some leg work in.

Addle · 12-05-2016 5:30pm

I don't believe in 'the one' but do think there's someone for everyone

LegacyUser · 12-05-2016 8:34pm

I've had 3 serious relationships and I can say there is probably better suited people for you or that you get along better with due to similar interests,humour etc. My last partner for example,I was convinced he was the "one". However we broke up so he was not the one. :'D
Some relationships are instant sparks and fireworks and others are slow burning flames that grow bigger over time

Irish_Elect_Eng · 12-05-2016 11:34pm

There no such thing as "The One" a mythical perfect partner just waiting for you to find them.

As we go through life there are many people that cross our path, every one of them could potentially be a life long partner. The biggest factor in finding that person is being ready to accept some into our lives unreservedly.

People often forget that Love is a Verb, not an noun. To have a perfect relationship, you need to both put in a huge about of hard work on top of the initial attraction. To make that effort both people must be in the right place in their lives and make the commitment.

SusieBlue · 13-05-2016 6:11am

I don't believe in 'the' one, but 'several' ones. Otherwise, how coincidental and cliche would it be that so many people just happened to be living next door to their soulmate, or happen to meet them in college or on a night out or whatever, considering the size of the world?

I believe there are several people out there in the world that we are all perfectly compatible with and could lead very fulfilling lived with, should paths cross.

I also believe sometimes your circumstances lead you on a path to the person you're meant to be with.
In my own experience, I look back in awe at the last 6 years of my life, how so many small decisions and life choices I made put me on the path to my boyfriend without me even realising it. All those little (and not so little, one of them was a career change) things eventually brought us together.

I wouldn't stress about forcing the soulmate business. There are many perspective partners out there for you. You just need to be patient because forcing it won't help at all. Best of luck!

baby and crumble · 13-05-2016 8:47am

If I've learned nothing else in my life, I have learned that relationships- be they friendships, romantic, family, whatever- take a MASSIVE amount of work to keep going.

I don't think there's such a thing as "The One" or "soul mates". I think that people are compatible, fall in love, and then work at that relationship. Sometimes, I cannot stand my fiancée. Sometimes she can't stand me. That's ok. We always come back together by the end of the day. Relationships are about decisions, and deciding, every day, to be in that relationship.

Sorry, bit of a rant there!

ManOfMystery · 13-05-2016 10:24am

I don't believe in this notion of a single individual who fate has decreed will be the love of your life and your 'soulmate'. It's a concept which has been popularised by a succession of romantic novels and Hollywood rom-coms which are aimed at pulling the heartstrings of their (mainly female) audience by presenting a perfect suitor who has been waiting for them and who will provide that happy-ever-after ending.

There's over 7,000,000,000 people on Earth. Potentially, there are thousands of individuals who will share interests with you, who will be attractive to you, and who you will click with on a number of levels. I find that someone who spends their life looking for the 'one' (who doesn't really exist anyway) will possibly overlook many other people who could make them happy.

SarahMollie · 13-05-2016 1:51pm

I think the myth of "the one" is up there with Santa Clause.

Nice idea, but if you think about it logically, its just not possible.

Do you actually believe that out of the 7bn + people on the planet, that so many people manage to meet their "soulmate" through school/college/work/mutual friends etc?

I think there are many people with whom we could be equally compatible. You just need to find of of them, and sometimes it will work, sometimes not, and if not, then you go out and find another.

Keane2baMused · 13-05-2016 2:26pm

I have had two previous 'the ones' before meeting my current (and hopefully forever!) one who I am marrying next year.

I don't believe there is one person for everyone but I believe there is one person who you will be able to make it work with and love, ideally for life.

Dr Crayfish · 13-05-2016 3:05pm

Addle wrote: »

I don't believe in 'the one' but do think there's someone for everyone

How is there someone for everyone? I know guys who couldn't pull a woman to save their lives, and never will!

baby and crumble · 13-05-2016 3:16pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

How is there someone for everyone? I know guys who couldn't pull a woman to save their lives, and never will!

"Pulling" a woman (bleurgh) is not the same as being able to develop a relationship. They might not have the confidence or social skills right now but that doesn't mean there isn't a person out there who would be great with them.

Dr Crayfish · 13-05-2016 3:23pm

ManOfMystery wrote: »

"Pulling" a woman (bleurgh) is not the same as being able to develop a relationship. They might not have the confidence or social skills right now but that doesn't mean there isn't a person out there who would be great with them.

Trust me. Many men (and women I'm sure) never end up with anyone, mostly because they're a bit odd. I had uncles/aunties who never married or had partners.

Addle · 13-05-2016 3:44pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

How is there someone for everyone? I know guys who couldn't pull a woman to save their lives, and never will!

Do they make a genuine effort?

Fred West met Rosemary. There's someone for everyone!

Dr Crayfish · 13-05-2016 3:51pm

Addle wrote: »

Fred West met Rosemary. There's someone for everyone!

Hmmm, hope springs eternal!

pgj2015 · 13-05-2016 5:27pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Trust me. Many men (and women I'm sure) never end up with anyone, mostly because they're a bit odd. I had uncles/aunties who never married or had partners.

maybe they just prefer being single, very harsh to call someone odd because they choose to remain single.

FizzleSticks · 13-05-2016 5:34pm

This post has been deleted.

DoozerT6 · 13-05-2016 7:10pm

Dr Crayfish wrote: »

Trust me. Many men (and women I'm sure) never end up with anyone, mostly because they're a bit odd. I had uncles/aunties who never married or had partners.

I've never had a relationship and I assure you I'm not 'odd'. I just don't seem to have whatever it is men look for in a partner. After many years of trying, eventually you just have to come to peace with it and basically end your search. Otherwise you'll just end up ruminating on the constant rejections and/or indifference and drive yourself crazy.

Incidentally I don't believe there is just 'one' person for everyone, otherwise who would ever get re-married after losing the 'love of their life' through death or divorce, or even find someone new after the break up of a long-term, serious relationship?

Noodles81 · 13-05-2016 9:48pm

I don't believe in the "one" idea either. However I think it's a popular idea because it's such a special thing when you meet someone and you both are attracted to each other on multiple levels and both ready to share in each other's lives.

There are so many variables that it is difficult to find the right "one" to be vulnerable with and reveal your heart's desire. It's about trust. Building trust with a stranger or acquaintence who will become family one day. And as humans we tend not to wholly trust that many people, so it's a big deal when we find a suitable partner where all the important variables are aligned or matched...or you at least believe they are!

The "one" idea is therefore based on a belief system and consists of such a deep sense of connection that it appears to some to have an almost spiritual or mystical quality.

Hence the "stars aligned", "it was fate", etc that we hear so often.

As someone in the honeymoon phase myself, I feel blessed to have met someone I would describe as an ideal match for me. Looking back on my deathbed I may believe he was indeed the one but we've a lot of reality to live through before I ever believe that!!

Ignatius in bloom · 14-05-2016 10:13am

Whatever about 'The one' you do want someone who is on your own buzz and who you can laugh with and have a good time with and have good conversations with and who has respect and admiration for you and someone who will support you in the bad times and enhance you in the good times. You can be lonely when you are single but its nothing like the loneliness you can suffer while in a defunct relationship.

A poster above called some people odd for never marrying or being in a relationship but isn't it really odd to be in a relationship that your heart is just not in?

Take your time and find out who you are as once you know that then you will know what you want.

Conor Bourke · 14-05-2016 12:14pm

Where does "the one" come into it if someone is widowed and then re-married?

Heckler · 16-05-2016 6:58am

Yeah met the "one" fell in love, got married.

Separated 3 years now. Divorce on the way.

Don't be waiting all wide eyed for some perfect person.

What Ignatius in bloom said about the loneliness of a defunct relationship....Spot on.

Heckler · 16-05-2016 7:11am

Cornelius Crow wrote: »

Where does "the one" come into it if someone is widowed and then re-married?

Then I would say thats a very lucky person.

screamer · 16-05-2016 7:28am

I believe that there are many potential partners out there for everyone it just depends what direction life takes you in.

As for a soulmate yes you can have that connection and that bond with someone but it is something that takes years it's not a bolt of lightning moment. It's more 2 people who spend a long time together who know each other inside out.

I'll also say I think some people have a very idealised criteria of what they want in a partner sometimes it's unattainable so I'm not surprised if there are people out there who can't find someone perfect.

KikiDee · 16-05-2016 2:01pm

I think when people say 'the one', they have this vision in their head. Often people, myself included, have an idea of what their 'one' is and it can be hard to meet someone who loves up to this very perfect person we've built in our heads. I'm not sure if there's a 'the one' for everyone out there. There's definitely people on each others wave length and I'd like to think that's someone that I'll find eventually, if I decide to settle down.

Conor Bourke · 16-05-2016 3:26pm

Heckler wrote: »

Then I would say thats a very lucky person.

But which one is their "one"? Their first or subsequent spouse? It's not at all an uncommon occurrence.

Is there a 'one' for everyone

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