Has anyone here literally never been on a date before?

completedit · 04-05-2019 9:13pm #1

I'm 29. Fuuuck. It's so weird, I'm not even particularly socially awkward, I've loads of friends, alright looking, likeable and friendly but just thought there how I've never ever had a date with a girl.
R
Anyone in the same boat. How did ya get to that point in your life? I blame bullying by girls back in school then going to an all boys school and not being particularly good at sport, turned a bit fat for a few years and was a bit awkward for a while. Not exactly Russell Brand these days but I'm like any regular guy but those early experiences condemned me to this life. I always feel inferior to birds. Strange I know. I also have bad sexual charisma to be fair, I am cute but no sex appeal. That’s a combination of personality and my frame, pretty diminutive. Maybe relationships aren’t so good but it would be great to really connect with someone. Someone to buzz off and do cool trips with and see the world. Only if you really clicked though. It’s funny I’ll be watching a show like first dates and even though I resemble more the kinda guy that looks the part, my experiences will be like the hapless hopeless romantic.

Sardonicat · 04-05-2019 9:16pm

Ah, just because birds can fly, there's no need to feel inferior. They may have wings but you have opposable thumbs.

ILoveYourVibes · 04-05-2019 9:17pm

You're not weird you're you.

You're not inferior at all.

Being in a relationship is not all that.

Life can be good single

OP imma bird i don't feel confident all the time. Imma nobody etc. Who should i feel superior to?

Who are these superior people? They sound like they think they are our bosses ! :mad:

Superior people are not the boss of us! :mad:

ILoveYourVibes · 04-05-2019 9:18pm

Sardonicat wrote: »

Ah, just because birds can fly, there's no need to feel inferior. They may have wings but you have opposable thumbs.

:pac::pac::pac::pac:

Pac1Man · 04-05-2019 9:29pm

I was on one yesterday. Didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.cnn.com%2Fcnnnext%2Fdam%2Fassets%2F140514111500-moomin-cafe-03.jpg

completedit · 04-05-2019 9:31pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

You're not weird you're you.

You're not inferior at all.

Being in a relationship is not all that.

Life can be good single

OP imma bird i don't feel confident all the time. Imma nobody etc. Who should i feel superior to?

Who are these superior people? They sound like they think they are our bosses ! :mad:

Superior people are not the boss of us! :mad:

I have girls who I am mates with but superficially. It’s not real connection even though they are nice people. I blame that on myself and my subconscious feelings of inadequacy all because some 11 year old girls were mean to me back in the day

Tbf, parts of dating seem ****e especially when you’ve never experienced being close like that with someone so when you actually break it down, you start to wonder would it be more hassle than it’s worth.

ILoveYourVibes · 04-05-2019 9:32pm

Pac1Man wrote: »

I was on one yesterday. Didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

Is this the Moomin Café in Tokyo, Japan?

Pac1Man · 04-05-2019 9:35pm

ILoveYourVibes wrote: »

Is this the Moomin Café in Tokyo, Japan?

Yes! My Moomin didn't look like her picture at all.

ytpe2r5bxkn0c1 · 04-05-2019 9:37pm

ILoveYourVibes · 04-05-2019 9:39pm

Pac1Man wrote: »

Yes! My Moomin didn't look like her picture at all.

Cuddly Toy Trap! :eek:

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 9:53pm

I think the best way to deal with this is Nike-style, just do it

Ask a girl out. Coffee is a good first date, because you can leave after half an hour if you're not hitting it off, or you can stay for hours and go for food if it's going great.

Are you on any of the dating apps? I've had a good few ****ty experiences on them but some good ones too.

Side note: If there's some kind of PTSD there holding you back from being bullied as a kid, maybe get some counselling around that.

completedit · 04-05-2019 9:58pm

Yeh ofc use Tinder, but for someone who has never really hit it off with a girl, I don’t like it. I would preferably for me to hit it off organically with someone and I say that as someone who could actually get with a hotter girl by using Tinder. With real life, you’re gonna be attracted to other qualities, with Tinder, I’ll only swipe on girls I consider conventionally very attractive. But I just use it for ego not gonna lie.

Yeah maybe I should get some therapy.

Brendan Delaney · 04-05-2019 10:05pm

1. Learn to dress
2. Get fit
3. Go out and meet women. Keep grinding away until you get lucky.

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 10:18pm

completedit wrote: »

Yeh ofc use Tinder, but for someone who has never really hit it off with a girl, I don’t like it. I would preferably for me to hit it off organically with someone and I say that as someone who could actually get with a hotter girl by using Tinder. With real life, you’re gonna be attracted to other qualities, with Tinder, I’ll only swipe on girls I consider conventionally very attractive. But I just use it for ego not gonna lie.

Well, maybe you should work on being less shallow. Tinder does place a lot of focus on looks, but not exclusively, you can tell a lot about a person's personality and interests from their photos and bio.

If you want to meet a girl organically, you need to be getting out of the house a lot - nights out, join clubs, go to lots of events.

grindle · 04-05-2019 10:26pm

completedit wrote: »

Yeah maybe I should get some therapy.

Maybe this though? Not in any mean way but if you think it it's likely true. If you think that lowly of yourself... Or go out and enjoy yourself with normal humans

04-05-2019 10:32pm

completedit wrote: »

I'm 29. Fuuuck. It's so weird, I'm not even particularly socially awkward, I've loads of friends, alright looking, likeable and friendly but just thought there how I've never ever had a date with a girl.
R
Anyone in the same boat. How did ya get to that point in your life? I blame bullying by girls back in school then going to an all boys school and not being particularly good at sport, turned a bit fat for a few years and was a bit awkward for a while. Not exactly Russell Brand these days but I'm like any regular guy but those early experiences condemned me to this life. I always feel inferior to birds. Strange I know. I also have bad sexual charisma to be fair, I am cute but no sex appeal. That’s a combination of personality and my frame, pretty diminutive. Maybe relationships aren’t so good but it would be great to really connect with someone. Someone to buzz off and do cool trips with and see the world. Only if you really clicked though. It’s funny I’ll be watching a show like first dates and even though I resemble more the kinda guy that looks the part, my experiences will be like the hapless hopeless romantic.

Maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but you don't seem to lack a healthy level of self-awareness (you're realistic about your looks, but not dismissive; you acknowledge your positive attributes without emphasising them); you seem not to be overly confident nor too phobic towards interacting with strangers, and you are acutely worrisome towards your romantic life in a way that most healthy twenty-somethings are. In short, you seem like a normal person of your age.

I suspect you've either been a little unlucky with women, or what's holding you back is that you're overthinking things, and not allowing things to happen of their own accord.

I don't think anything you've described is 'weird', my only suggestion is to confide in some friends and ask them for help in hurrying things along when it comes to the opposite sex (not too hurried mind you, oh matron)

completedit · 04-05-2019 10:39pm

Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary

Brendan Delaney · 04-05-2019 10:47pm

completedit wrote: »

Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary

There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 10:49pm

completedit wrote: »

Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary

I wouldn't necessarily be jealous of anyone who lost their virginity at 15-16. A lot of them will have had bad experiences. And anyway, comparing yourself to other people will get you nowhere.

You might be surprised the amount of people in the same position.

I'd def say counselling is a good idea, and then just start taking action - you can't think yourself out of this problem, you've been thinking about it for years... start doing.

branie2 · 04-05-2019 10:50pm

I haven't been on a date either

Brendan Delaney · 04-05-2019 10:52pm

Berties_Horse wrote: »

When is your book coming out?

Next month. How many copies will I put you down for?

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 10:57pm

Brendan Delaney wrote: »

There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.

I know many introverted men in stable, happy relationships.

completedit · 04-05-2019 10:57pm

Brendan Delaney wrote: »

There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.

I'm introverted in some ways but extroverted in others. I don't think I look like someone who would struggle with girls.

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 11:00pm

completedit wrote: »

I'm introverted in some ways but extroverted in others. I don't think I look like someone who would struggle with girls.

You seem way too focused on looks, yours and the girls...

SEPT 23 1989 · 04-05-2019 11:21pm

Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

Dates me h0le

completedit · 04-05-2019 11:24pm

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

Dates me h0le

Lmao disco. 2019 brah get with the times.

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 11:25pm

completedit wrote: »

Lmao disco. 2019 brah get with the times.

The lingo is dated but he's not wrong. Are you based in Dublin? Get thee to Coppers.

Canis Lupus · 04-05-2019 11:28pm

Brendan Delaney wrote: »

1. Learn to dress
2. Get fit
3. Go out and meet women. Keep grinding away until you get lucky.

Not going to have much luck on Grindr I reckon.

completedit · 04-05-2019 11:33pm

KikiLaRue wrote: »

The lingo is dated but he's not wrong. Are you based in Dublin? Get thee to Coppers.

I get lost in the coppers shuffle. It's a lion's den in there. Never enjoyed pulling random girls in a night out. It's nice if you get with someone you kinda know but other than that, **** that

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 11:36pm

completedit wrote: »

I get lost in the coppers shuffle. It's a lion's den in there. Never enjoyed pulling random girls in a night out. It's nice if you get with someone you kinda know but other than that, **** that

It seems like you're putting up a lot of barriers - you don't want to meet someone in a nightclub but you also don't want to meet someone on a dating app... where do you want to meet someone?

What are your hobbies, or what could you take up?

Are there any women you fancy at work?

Or mutual friends?

completedit · 04-05-2019 11:42pm

KikiLaRue wrote: »

It seems like you're putting up a lot of barriers - you don't want to meet someone in a nightclub but you also don't want to meet someone on a dating app... where do you want to meet someone?

What are your hobbies, or what could you take up?

Are there any women you fancy at work?

Or mutual friends?

Yeh I fancy a chick but she has a bf. We got on well, bit too well and I noticed she sort of pulled away over last while

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 11:46pm

completedit wrote: »

Yeh I fancy a chick but she has a bf. We got on well, bit too well and I noticed she sort of pulled away over last while

Well she's obviously not an option then... it really is starting to look like you're setting yourself up for failure.

Is it this fear you've got around it subconciously stopping you from trying different ways to meet someone? Do you really want to meet someone?

completedit · 04-05-2019 11:49pm

I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

KikiLaRue · 04-05-2019 11:52pm

completedit wrote: »

I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

But is it something you really want? Or is it mainly something you feel like you should be doing because your peers are?

completedit · 05-05-2019 12:00am

I want to feel like I can. I feel.old now though, the spontaneity and fun has kinda gone out of it tbh. The girls I felt I clicked with, the girls that made sense, nothing happened.

SEPT 23 1989 · 05-05-2019 12:31am

completedit wrote: »

I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

Have you tried alcohol?

chrissb8 · 05-05-2019 12:59am

completedit wrote: »

I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

Take it from someone who only had sex once or twice before the age of 27, wait and try. Honestly, just go on a date and see how it goes. I used to think eventually it will come about organically but it never did.

If you want to meet someone to be with then you have to make an active effort and put yourself on the line. This ain't no movie and there is no one way to approach it. Tinder was of great use to me in meeting my current partner. I think you sound like you're blocking yourself off because it's maybe easier not to try? I don't mean to sound offensive or anything anyway. I just mean it is not all that hard if you are a good person and have patience in your efforts. There are genuine people who are looking for the same thing. Just put your best foot forward, try and if it doesn't work out then try again, once you get started in dating you generally lose the fear as you stop overthinking it and realise that it isn't life or death. Bottom line, you have nothing to lose but everything to gain. So all I can say is that it is worth it all in the end. Best of luck anyway.

kowloon · 05-05-2019 1:04am

SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »

Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

Dates me h0le

Yeah, I don't think anyone in Ireland had a 'date' before the mid-90s (might be off on my time there).

chite · 05-05-2019 1:35am

Well yeah, finnish guy asked me out for dinner at a café once. Although I don't like the idea of going on a date with a random stranger, I went as he was sound enough and I'd never been on one so it was more of a 'f it why not' moment. I just don't like the idea of a date with the expectation from the other party for it to develop into something more - even though that's the whole point of it. I prefer just knowing people as friends and if a relationship blossoms with someone you already know then great.

I've always been reluctant about getting into a relationship with anyone (and I've had opportunities to pursue them with interested fellas, and have even been hit on by 2 women aswell

). Childhood upbringing most likely had an affect as I seem to have some traits associated with avoidant personality disorder. So have always been single and also nearing 30 myself - I'd make a great nun I think as I don't really mind and could easily live a life of solitude (and tending to an allotment plot, and other hobbies I could fit in would be a bonus) - though I can't be 100% sure if I would end up regretting being single, but then I feel that been happy in your own company is a bigger priority than trying to pursue a relationship - which should go for anyone even if you're in a relationship. And people get into relationships at different ages, so what if you're a virgin veteran. If you don't give a f#*k this positive attitude will be emanated to others and they wouldn't care either (anyone who does is someone you shouldn't be going out with really tbh unless they change their mind).

kowloon · 05-05-2019 1:44am

chite wrote: »

I prefer just knowing people as friends and if a relationship blossoms with someone you already know then great.

Some people say they avoid getting into relationships with anyone inside their circle, never understood it myself.

Mike9832 · 05-05-2019 1:53am

completedit wrote: »

I want to feel like I can. I feel.old now though, the spontaneity and fun has kinda gone out of it tbh. The girls I felt I clicked with, the girls that made sense, nothing happened.

Aim lower

Your probably not as good looking as you think you are, no offence

Your only 29, try a few donkey's first, then a horse

chite · 05-05-2019 2:08am

kowloon wrote: »

Some people say they avoid getting into relationships with anyone inside their circle, never understood it myself.

Yeah daft really as you already have some idea of their personality and habits - the good and bad. Knew a girl who was passive aggressive with her ex in our circle for a while, so can see why some don't like it as it was awkward to put up with. I'd like to think I'd have a hassle-free mature break up with an ex, and try to have things like before if it was me.

Nobelium · 05-05-2019 2:29am

completedit wrote: »

I just know am not gonna meet someone in a club, whatever about pulling, actually taking it from the beginning and then getting her number. It's so hard to do. Even if I wanted.

Pub or night club pulling is like a pure lottery, and therefore an extremely inefficient way to look for a long term partner. Even if you randomly meet a women there and go out together for while, the chances that she will be a highly compatible life partner in terms of lifetime interests / temperament etc. are slim to say the least.

There's someone out there for everyone, and there's also more that one compatible person out there. Best thing you can do by far is broaden your social circle in a non drink related activity or interest and actually meet more women you actually might have something in common with, but don't specially be looking for a women at these events or activities, just enjoy them, or you will come across as desperate and needy and therefore off putting. Just let whatever happens happen, and if you get the some singles from a women that she might like you that way, ask her to go for a coffee, bite to eat, or something easy going etc. and see who it goes, and see if you both click or not. If you do you both will without trying, there's no mystery to it all.

As for the 30 year old virgin thing, forget about that crap. There's plenty other sexually inexperienced 30 year olds out out there for one reason or another, and if she's the right women, it won't bother her one bit. Shagging really isn't that complicated, you don't need a fecking qualification in it, just tell her and don't try to bluff it, and then get on with it. You'll soon figure it out.

Has anyone here literally never been on a date before?

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