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Has anyone here literally never been on a date before?

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  • 04-05-2019 9:13pm
    #1
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭


    I'm 29. Fuuuck. It's so weird, I'm not even particularly socially awkward, I've loads of friends, alright looking, likeable and friendly but just thought there how I've never ever had a date with a girl.
    R
    Anyone in the same boat. How did ya get to that point in your life? I blame bullying by girls back in school then going to an all boys school and not being particularly good at sport, turned a bit fat for a few years and was a bit awkward for a while. Not exactly Russell Brand these days but I'm like any regular guy but those early experiences condemned me to this life. I always feel inferior to birds. Strange I know. I also have bad sexual charisma to be fair, I am cute but no sex appeal. That’s a combination of personality and my frame, pretty diminutive. Maybe relationships aren’t so good but it would be great to really connect with someone. Someone to buzz off and do cool trips with and see the world. Only if you really clicked though. It’s funny I’ll be watching a show like first dates and even though I resemble more the kinda guy that looks the part, my experiences will be like the hapless hopeless romantic.


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    #2
    Sardonicat
    Registered Users Posts: 12,378 ✭✭✭✭Sardonicat


    Ah, just because birds can fly, there's no need to feel inferior. They may have wings but you have opposable thumbs.


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    #3
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    You're not weird you're you.

    You're not inferior at all.

    Being in a relationship is not all that.

    Life can be good single :)

    OP imma bird i don't feel confident all the time. Imma nobody etc. Who should i feel superior to?

    Who are these superior people? They sound like they think they are our bosses ! :mad:

    Superior people are not the boss of us! :mad:


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    #4
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Sardonicat wrote: »
    Ah, just because birds can fly, there's no need to feel inferior. They may have wings but you have opposable thumbs.


    :pac::pac::pac::pac:


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    #5
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    I was on one yesterday. Didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

    http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.cnn.com%2Fcnnnext%2Fdam%2Fassets%2F140514111500-moomin-cafe-03.jpg


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    #6
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    You're not weird you're you.

    You're not inferior at all.

    Being in a relationship is not all that.

    Life can be good single :)

    OP imma bird i don't feel confident all the time. Imma nobody etc. Who should i feel superior to?

    Who are these superior people? They sound like they think they are our bosses ! :mad:

    Superior people are not the boss of us! :mad:

    I have girls who I am mates with but superficially. It’s not real connection even though they are nice people. I blame that on myself and my subconscious feelings of inadequacy all because some 11 year old girls were mean to me back in the day

    Tbf, parts of dating seem ****e especially when you’ve never experienced being close like that with someone so when you actually break it down, you start to wonder would it be more hassle than it’s worth.


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    #7
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    I was on one yesterday. Didn't go as well as I'd hoped.

    http%3A%2F%2Fcdn.cnn.com%2Fcnnnext%2Fdam%2Fassets%2F140514111500-moomin-cafe-03.jpg

    Is this the Moomin Café in Tokyo, Japan? :p


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    #8
    Pac1Man
    Registered Users Posts: 4,394 ✭✭✭Pac1Man


    ILoveYourVibes wrote: »
    Is this the Moomin Café in Tokyo, Japan? :p

    Yes! My Moomin didn't look like her picture at all.


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    #9
    ytpe2r5bxkn0c1
    Closed Accounts Posts: 32,688 ✭✭✭✭ytpe2r5bxkn0c1


    Ask_her_out....gif


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    #10
    ILoveYourVibes
    Registered Users Posts: 15,176 ✭✭✭✭ILoveYourVibes


    Pac1Man wrote: »
    Yes! My Moomin didn't look like her picture at all.

    Cuddly Toy Trap! :eek:


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    #11
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    I think the best way to deal with this is Nike-style, just do it

    Ask a girl out. Coffee is a good first date, because you can leave after half an hour if you're not hitting it off, or you can stay for hours and go for food if it's going great.

    Are you on any of the dating apps? I've had a good few ****ty experiences on them but some good ones too.

    Side note: If there's some kind of PTSD there holding you back from being bullied as a kid, maybe get some counselling around that.


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    #12
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Yeh ofc use Tinder, but for someone who has never really hit it off with a girl, I don’t like it. I would preferably for me to hit it off organically with someone and I say that as someone who could actually get with a hotter girl by using Tinder. With real life, you’re gonna be attracted to other qualities, with Tinder, I’ll only swipe on girls I consider conventionally very attractive. But I just use it for ego not gonna lie.

    Yeah maybe I should get some therapy.


  • Options
    #13
    Brendan Delaney
    Site Banned Posts: 51 ✭✭Brendan Delaney


    1. Learn to dress
    2. Get fit
    3. Go out and meet women. Keep grinding away until you get lucky.


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    #14
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    Yeh ofc use Tinder, but for someone who has never really hit it off with a girl, I don’t like it. I would preferably for me to hit it off organically with someone and I say that as someone who could actually get with a hotter girl by using Tinder. With real life, you’re gonna be attracted to other qualities, with Tinder, I’ll only swipe on girls I consider conventionally very attractive. But I just use it for ego not gonna lie.

    Well, maybe you should work on being less shallow. Tinder does place a lot of focus on looks, but not exclusively, you can tell a lot about a person's personality and interests from their photos and bio.

    If you want to meet a girl organically, you need to be getting out of the house a lot - nights out, join clubs, go to lots of events.


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    #15
    grindle
    Registered Users Posts: 6,026 ✭✭✭grindle


    completedit wrote: »
    Yeah maybe I should get some therapy.

    Maybe this though? Not in any mean way but if you think it it's likely true. If you think that lowly of yourself... Or go out and enjoy yourself with normal humans


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    #16
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 13,712 ✭✭✭✭ [Deleted User]


    completedit wrote: »
    I'm 29. Fuuuck. It's so weird, I'm not even particularly socially awkward, I've loads of friends, alright looking, likeable and friendly but just thought there how I've never ever had a date with a girl.
    R
    Anyone in the same boat. How did ya get to that point in your life? I blame bullying by girls back in school then going to an all boys school and not being particularly good at sport, turned a bit fat for a few years and was a bit awkward for a while. Not exactly Russell Brand these days but I'm like any regular guy but those early experiences condemned me to this life. I always feel inferior to birds. Strange I know. I also have bad sexual charisma to be fair, I am cute but no sex appeal. That’s a combination of personality and my frame, pretty diminutive. Maybe relationships aren’t so good but it would be great to really connect with someone. Someone to buzz off and do cool trips with and see the world. Only if you really clicked though. It’s funny I’ll be watching a show like first dates and even though I resemble more the kinda guy that looks the part, my experiences will be like the hapless hopeless romantic.
    Maybe I'm reading too much into your post, but you don't seem to lack a healthy level of self-awareness (you're realistic about your looks, but not dismissive; you acknowledge your positive attributes without emphasising them); you seem not to be overly confident nor too phobic towards interacting with strangers, and you are acutely worrisome towards your romantic life in a way that most healthy twenty-somethings are. In short, you seem like a normal person of your age.

    I suspect you've either been a little unlucky with women, or what's holding you back is that you're overthinking things, and not allowing things to happen of their own accord.

    I don't think anything you've described is 'weird', my only suggestion is to confide in some friends and ask them for help in hurrying things along when it comes to the opposite sex (not too hurried mind you, oh matron)


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    #17
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

    How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary


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    #18
    Brendan Delaney
    Site Banned Posts: 51 ✭✭Brendan Delaney


    completedit wrote: »
    Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

    How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary

    There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.


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    #19
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    Yeh but can’t help but feel I just lack that it factor. As I get older and my sitch has changed, my luck with girls hasn’t. I’m not sexually confident at all, being a near 30 year old virgin will do that to you. It makes you kinda feel like a man child and it always plays in the back of your mind. It’s just sex but in one aspect of my life I don’t feel like a grown up.

    How atypical do you think it is in Ireland? Imagine there’s guys out there my age who lost their virginity 14 years ago, even longer. That’s scary

    I wouldn't necessarily be jealous of anyone who lost their virginity at 15-16. A lot of them will have had bad experiences. And anyway, comparing yourself to other people will get you nowhere.

    You might be surprised the amount of people in the same position.

    I'd def say counselling is a good idea, and then just start taking action - you can't think yourself out of this problem, you've been thinking about it for years... start doing.


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    #20
    branie2
    Registered Users Posts: 10,295 ✭✭✭✭branie2


    I haven't been on a date either


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    #21
    Brendan Delaney
    Site Banned Posts: 51 ✭✭Brendan Delaney


    Berties_Horse wrote: »
    When is your book coming out?

    Next month. How many copies will I put you down for?


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    #22
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    Brendan Delaney wrote: »
    There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.

    I know many introverted men in stable, happy relationships.


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    #23
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    Brendan Delaney wrote: »
    There aren't too many 30 year old virgins these days. Are you introverted? Introversion will kill your chances with women.

    I'm introverted in some ways but extroverted in others. I don't think I look like someone who would struggle with girls.


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    #24
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    I'm introverted in some ways but extroverted in others. I don't think I look like someone who would struggle with girls.

    You seem way too focused on looks, yours and the girls...


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    #25
    SEPT 23 1989
    Registered Users Posts: 43,027 ✭✭✭✭SEPT 23 1989


    Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

    Dates me h0le


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    #26
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    SEPT 23 1989 wrote: »
    Go to the disco have a dance and then the slow set comes on

    Dates me h0le

    Lmao disco. 2019 brah get with the times.


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    #27
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    Lmao disco. 2019 brah get with the times.

    The lingo is dated but he's not wrong. Are you based in Dublin? Get thee to Coppers.


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    #28
    Canis Lupus
    Registered Users Posts: 9,893 ✭✭✭Canis Lupus


    Brendan Delaney wrote: »
    1. Learn to dress
    2. Get fit
    3. Go out and meet women. Keep grinding away until you get lucky.

    Not going to have much luck on Grindr I reckon.


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    #29
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    The lingo is dated but he's not wrong. Are you based in Dublin? Get thee to Coppers.

    I get lost in the coppers shuffle. It's a lion's den in there. Never enjoyed pulling random girls in a night out. It's nice if you get with someone you kinda know but other than that, **** that


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    #30
    KikiLaRue
    Closed Accounts Posts: 1,283 ✭✭✭KikiLaRue


    completedit wrote: »
    I get lost in the coppers shuffle. It's a lion's den in there. Never enjoyed pulling random girls in a night out. It's nice if you get with someone you kinda know but other than that, **** that

    It seems like you're putting up a lot of barriers - you don't want to meet someone in a nightclub but you also don't want to meet someone on a dating app... where do you want to meet someone?

    What are your hobbies, or what could you take up?

    Are there any women you fancy at work?

    Or mutual friends?


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    #31
    completedit
    Registered Users Posts: 2,639 ✭✭✭completedit


    KikiLaRue wrote: »
    It seems like you're putting up a lot of barriers - you don't want to meet someone in a nightclub but you also don't want to meet someone on a dating app... where do you want to meet someone?

    What are your hobbies, or what could you take up?

    Are there any women you fancy at work?

    Or mutual friends?

    Yeh I fancy a chick but she has a bf. We got on well, bit too well and I noticed she sort of pulled away over last while


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