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Child maintenance advice

2»

Comments

  • #52
    0ph0rce0
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,989 ✭✭✭0ph0rce0


    80 a week here, have the child 3 days a week.

    Also pay for everything if it's needed, well I always try, be it medical, dental, school, after school activities, clothes etc... Christmas I don't let her spend a penny.

    Most of the time she insists of paying half so not going to argue with that.

    I see people say pay half for Birthdays???? What's that about, do lads not buy their kids a birthday present and just say, sure I give you 50 a week. Pretty low that.


    Tried to get me to pay half a mortgage though. That was nipped right in the bud, No chance am I paying half a mortgage while she and another lad pay half each between them and I don't even live there. Get the boat she was told.


  • #53
    1874
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,404 ✭✭✭1874


    0ph0rce0 wrote: »
    80 a week here, have the child 3 days a week.

    Also pay for everything if it's needed, well I always try, be it medical, dental, school, after school activities, clothes etc... Christmas I don't let her spend a penny.

    Most of the time she insists of paying half so not going to argue with that.

    I see people say pay half for Birthdays???? What's that about, do lads not buy their kids a birthday present and just say, sure I give you 50 a week. Pretty low that.


    Tried to get me to pay half a mortgage though. That was nipped right in the bud, No chance am I paying half a mortgage while she and another lad pay half each between them and I don't even live there. Get the boat she was told.


    The first bolded comment might depend on how much money someone has, might not be much if anything left, but I think most people mother or father would do their best. Having said that, it depends on what it is half of and for, some birthday expenses like a party might be ok to go half but a gift maybe,maybe not. The Parents might not want to get tied down into getting double of everything and potentially set a child up to expect gifts all the time let alone 2. Time spent with one or both parents doing things is better than gifts imo.


    In regard to paying half the mortgage, your opinion makes sense to me, especially given there is someone else living there, that seems fair and reasonable, although Im not sure how you wrangled it?


    I dont know why there cant be a credit card account, with cards kept by both parents, specifically for childcare costs, establish approximately how much childcare costs are and for what and pay off/in convenient amounts so any debt from usage doesnt build up. Both parents pay for a 50% share monthly, if there are additional necessary costs, just split it 50:50 at the end of the month and pay it off, but no additional large expenses that are not essential or not discussed first.


  • #54
    StringerBell
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,207 ✭✭✭✭StringerBell


    Electric Sheep wrote: »
    Fathers rarely seek primary care of the children, though it's often used as a threat. Those who actually do seek it quite often get it.

    Try as I might I was unable to get primary care of my children. I have them 50/50 and that was tough enough, regardless of gender it's disgusting to use kids as a tool between two adults.

    "People say ‘go with the flow’ but do you know what goes with the flow? Dead fish."



  • #55
    Housefree
    Registered Users Posts: 685 ✭✭✭Housefree


    StringerBell wrote: »
    Try as I might I was unable to get primary care of my children. I have them 50/50 and that was tough enough, regardless of gender it's disgusting to use kids as a tool between two adults.

    Do you have to pay anything when you have 50/50


  • #56
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,943 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    Housefree wrote: »
    Do you have to pay anything when you have 50/50

    Not for children (if you are splitting the big bills too like crèche or grinds etc) but if there was a marriage or cohabitation situation then you might have to pay some upkeep of the other person


  • #57
    1874
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,404 ✭✭✭1874


    YellowLead wrote: »
    Not for children (if you are splitting the big bills too like crèche or grinds etc) but if there was a marriage or cohabitation situation then you might have to pay some upkeep of the other person


    And if the other person works and earns more? imo I think its one reason why Im not challenged so heavily, in that the other person in my case earns a lot more than me, I see no reason why i would try garner her wages or them mine just because they earn more than me.
    Id be keen for 50:50 care in so much as it is practical, my work hours wont always allow for that, Its my intent to contribute 50% to my childs needs, but not another persons.


  • #58
    YellowLead
    Registered Users Posts: 7,943 ✭✭✭YellowLead


    1874 wrote: »
    And if the other person works and earns more? imo I think its one reason why Im not challenged so heavily, in that the other person in my case earns a lot more than me, I see no reason why i would try garner her wages or them mine just because they earn more than me.
    Id be keen for 50:50 care in so much as it is practical, my work hours wont always allow for that, Its my intent to contribute 50% to my childs needs, but not another persons.

    I don’t know if you are married or not or how long you were living with your partner. If you aren’t married and she earns more then you don’t need to support her, she would have to prove financial dependence on you to get anything for herself.
    And fair play to you for not looking for money for yourself from her, I wouldn’t either if my ex earned more, I don’t get that kind of greed. It’s a pride thing too!
    I do a 50 50 split with my ex and our son so no maintenance applies - we split the bills for grinds etc. Though I buy all his clothes and pay his pocket money, but it’s fine.


  • #59
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    Recently separated and I have an informal agreement with my ex wife.

    I pay €175 every 2 weeks plus in the future half of educational, dental, birthdays etc.

    I'm paid fortnightly. I earn about €960.

    I had to move home. My wife owned the house before we married and i'm making no claim towards it. I'm not in anyway in a position to get a mortgage for a number of years until my salary increases.

    I'm prob paying on the high side but my child's welfare come first even tho feels like I'm getting a raw deal.

    My wife also earns €200 to €300 more then me.

    My son is only 2. I'm just hoping there won't be an increase in the future.

    Just thinking down the line when I need to apply for a mortgage to have a home for me and my son would a reduction be normal in them circumstances?

    When he starting secondary school he goin be there most of the day. Dont want to short change my wife but I also want a home someday as wel. €175 is prob as high as I can go. If there an increase sought I don't kno what to do.


  • #60
    statto25
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,862 ✭✭✭statto25


    Bobby2004 wrote: »
    Recently separated and I have an informal agreement with my ex wife.

    I pay €175 every 2 weeks plus in the future half of educational, dental, birthdays etc.

    I'm paid fortnightly. I earn about €960.

    I had to move home. My wife owned the house before we married and i'm making no claim towards it. I'm not in anyway in a position to get a mortgage for a number of years until my salary increases.

    I'm prob paying on the high side but my child's welfare come first even tho feels like I'm getting a raw deal.

    My wife also earns €200 to €300 more then me.

    My son is only 2. I'm just hoping there won't be an increase in the future.

    Just thinking down the line when I need to apply for a mortgage to have a home for me and my son would a reduction be normal in them circumstances?

    When he starting secondary school he goin be there most of the day. Dont want to short change my wife but I also want a home someday as wel. €175 is prob as high as I can go. If there an increase sought I don't kno what to do.

    €350 per month for a 2 year old? That sounds way too high to me. What is that figure based on?


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  • #61
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    He in creche 3 days a week and my wife's mother looks after him while we both at work. My wife is matching what I pay and most of that goes to my mother in law. She's minding our son most of the time. Don't want anymore fights or scraps or anything to go through court but it does feel I'm getting shafted a bit.

    Actually works out €380 a month. I get paid fortnightly so 26 paydays in the year. When you divide over 12 months it's like €379.


  • #62
    jimmycrackcorm
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 14,346 ✭✭✭✭jimmycrackcorm


    Bobby2004 wrote:
    He in creche 3 days a week and my wife's mother looks after him while we both at work. My wife is matching what I pay and most of that goes to my mother in law. She's minding our son most of the time. Don't want anymore fights or scraps or anything to go through court but it does feel I'm getting shafted a bit.


    That's a very high percentage of your income and I also think you're getting shafted.

    She has a home but you're also entitled to have a home that you can have your son staying and you need to be financially in a position to do so.

    You should do an exercise to see, If you were renting a place, how much would you have to spare on maintenance after normal expenses.


  • #63
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    Nothing. I'm struggling buying clothes for myself or maintaining my car. My wife has said there ESB bill, property tax, bins, but I pointed out that them bills nothing to do with me and this just leads to fights. I just got at the time when we first broke up 'tough'. Your child needs a home. I'm just stressed out from fighting. I've actually felt mentally drained at times.
    I'm lucky I'm in a stable government job and my salary will increase over nxt 8 or 9 years. Hopefully can get promoted and maybe won't be as tight financially.


  • #64
    statto25
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,862 ✭✭✭statto25


    Bobby2004 wrote: »
    Nothing. I'm struggling buying clothes for myself or maintaining my car. My wife has said there ESB bill, property tax, bins, but I pointed out that them bills nothing to do with me and this just leads to fights. I just got at the time when we first broke up 'tough'. Your child needs a home. I'm just stressed out from fighting. I've actually felt mentally drained at times.
    I'm lucky I'm in a stable government job and my salary will increase over nxt 8 or 9 years. Hopefully can get promoted and maybe won't be as tight financially.

    You both need to engage in the mediation process to get this sorted. At the moment the emotion and anger of the situation is dictating decision so a mediator will cut all that out. There is the free option but a huge waiting list or you both pay for a mediator privately and get it done. A solicitor will also be needed to consult and review any documents and requests/demands. Good luck to you. I've been down this road and it's not pretty but once it's done the guess work is taken out of the financial side of things


  • #65
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    Hi just wondering if could get some advice. As previously said I pay €380 a month maintenance to my wife for our 3 year old son. I want to reduce that some because I'm struggling financially. She said she is as well despite her getting a promotion a number of months back. She earns 50k a year. I earn 33k. I'm also paying loans that we have together. She said she not in a position to pay me back for 2 years. I'm paying the interest on her part of the loans. She also works from home while it costs me over €300 diesel in the car every month. She says the €380 I pay does nt cover half the costs of our son. Any thoughts? I would be hoping to reduce to €300 just so I can keep my head above water. This does nt include half of educational and medical costs down the line. Am I been unreasonable? Any thoughts? I've had to move back with my parents and have no chance at a mortgage for years to come unless I get a promotion.



  • #66
    Housefree
    Registered Users Posts: 685 ✭✭✭Housefree


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118218670#Comment_118218670

    Dude your getting ripped, I know father's with 3 children not paying that, Just reduce it to €50 a week and stop paying the loans. Stop being walked over. Make sure to go after her pension in your divorce as well.



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  • #67
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Delete - didn't realise this was an old thread.



  • #68
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118232111#Comment_118232111

    Won't be goin after anything. What's hers is hers. I just want to get on with my life and provide a home for my son as well down the line.



  • #69
    Housefree
    Registered Users Posts: 685 ✭✭✭Housefree


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118236839#Comment_118236839

    Seems what's hers is hers and what your is hers, you think it's fair your living at home without a pot to piss in? She married you, what's hers is yours, you are legally entitled to it.



  • #70
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    If you're need to reduce outgoings, tell your ex partner that you can no longer pay her share of the shared loans rather than reduce what you're contributing in child maintenance.

    To be honest, €87.50 a week (€380 a month) does not sound like its that high when it includes paying creche fees for 3 days a week (as mentioned n your earlier post). I would not describe it as being "ripped". If you're in full time employment, I doubt you'd be ordered to pay less in court.

    And to be fair, if her household costs are not your problem, then your diesel costs are not hers.



  • #71
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118237981#Comment_118237981

    It's free for him in creche as far as I'm aware until he's 4 but not 100% on that. I just want fairness all round. I've asked her to do up an affidavit of means but it's shot down straight away. I get nothing from the home as well. She's made that perfectly clear despite contributing for many years. Her take home pay is €800 to €1000 more than me a month also before I contribute maintenance.



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  • #72
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    Also she's shot down about paying anything back in loans but she can spend €100 plus on fags a month. Basically she won't budge on anything.



  • #73
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    If you can't come to an agreement, you've no choice but to seek mediation.

    It will look better for you in court in the long run, as I assume at some time you will want to legally separate or divorce.



  • #74
    Bobby2004
    Registered Users Posts: 139 ✭✭Bobby2004


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118253865#Comment_118253865

    Hopefully we can sit down in the new year and thrash out something that will suit everyone. Last place I want to be is in a Court with bad blood between both of us with a child in the middle.



  • #75
    [Deleted User]
    Posts: 0 ✭ [Deleted User]


    Court mightn't be the worst place for this to end up. Your child won't actually be present in Court, no need for them to know anything about it.

    At least if everything was formalised in a court order you'd the option open to you to apply for a variance and have your means independantly assessed if your circumstances change (for better, or worse) in the future.

    You'd both have to provide Affidavits of Means to the Courts beforehand.



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