I have never - and I mean NEVER

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 1:02pm #1

Found a Snack bar that doesn't have a chunky bit of chocolate at one end. Maybe it's a reflection of my own sad existence but I find the whole thing very exciting. As soon as I unwrap it, I always take a bite out of one end and hope I guessed right, hope that it's the chunky bit.

There's always - and I do mean ALWAYS - one side a bit chunkier than the other, too. I take that out immediately afterwards. I see some men biting the sides off first, like it's corn on the cob, and you can tell they're extremely good at cunnilingus because they have mastered the art of teasing and leaving it a while before putting their lips around the good bit, the clitoris in this analogy. They really work up to it, whereas I just go for the chunky bit immediately - or what I think is the chunky bit.

Sometimes you can tell off look alone.

Sometimes there's such a thin and puny layer of chocolate at one end that you can literally see the biscuit through it, as if the Cadburys people painted some chocolate on to it.

I don't know how they do it, but talk about consistency. Bloody hell.

I've eaten probably 5,000 of them during my life and I swear, every one of them has a chunky side. I used to think it was by accident, like when you find the perfect Monster Munch - you know what I'm talking about, don't pretend you don't - but the accident kept happening and then I was like, oh maybe they do this on purpose to give fat c*nts like me some sense of enjoyment in their lives.

Thank you Cadburys.

JasonStatham · 21-09-2020 1:03pm

Yorkie bar

Rodney Bathgate · 21-09-2020 1:05pm

Reese’s Peanut Butter Sticks.

stoneill · 21-09-2020 1:06pm

You get a biscuit bar and are then delighted that there is no biscuit.

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 1:09pm

Sorry some people here seem to think they can blurt out the name of random chocolate bars, like it isn't a big deal. Well it is. This is dedicated to Snack bars, so by naming others you're sort of outing yourselves as people of an 'All lives matter' disposition. Yes, all bars matter equally, but we're only talking about Snacks in here.

What's everyone's favourite memory of eating a Snack bar?

21-09-2020 1:09pm

I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.

Rodney Bathgate · 21-09-2020 1:16pm

Would be my least favourite from that range (which includes the yellow one and a wafer etc).

AllForIt · 21-09-2020 1:18pm

On average 1 in every 5000 Snack bars don't have a chunky bit. I recall seeing a report on this a while back where the expiation given is that they make them in batches of 5000 and for some technical reason the last batch doesn't have the chunky bit. Can't for the life of me remember exactly why but it did stick in my mind how unfair it was.

I'm sure if you drop Cadburys an email and explain the situation they would compensate you. I had an issue with a packet of buttons once where there were 5 less than usual and after contacting them it they sent me a voucher for half the price of a packet of buttons which I though was fair enough.

MAJJ · 21-09-2020 1:18pm

Hammer, I once bit in to a snack bar and the whole thing was solid chocolate. It was stuff of legend and will always remember the when and where.

Timberrrrrrrr · 21-09-2020 1:19pm

First World problems eh?

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 1:27pm

MAJJ wrote: »

Hammer, I once bit in to a snack bar and the whole thing was solid chocolate. It was stuff of legend and will always remember the when and where.

No you need the biscuit too. This wouldn't interest me at all.

randd1 · 21-09-2020 1:27pm

I have never - and I mean NEVER - killed someone.

Yet.

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 1:28pm

Candie wrote: »

I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.

Nail on the head. Everyone loves a surprise regardless of age - and especially surprised of the savoury kind.

Gregor Samsa · 21-09-2020 1:30pm

Hammer89 wrote: »

There's always - and I do mean ALWAYS - one side a bit chunkier than the other, too. I take that out immediately afterwards.

I always go for what I think/hope is the chunkier chocolate end too. I'm not sure why you wouldn't, unless you were some kind of self-loathing masochist.

Legend had it that a kid in my primary school in the 80s had an ALL CHOCOLATE Club Milk. The holy grail itself! Where would you even begin eating that? It's more than most mortals could handle.

Edit: MAJJ, speak more of your wisdom to us...

Edit Edit: Ok, don't. Hammer89 doesn't want to hear it, and I respect that even though I don't agree with it. Take notice entire Current Affairs forum: this is what mature discourse looks like.

ozmo · 21-09-2020 1:48pm

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Legend had it that a kid in my primary school in the 80s had an ALL CHOCOLATE Club Milk. The holy grail itself! Where would you even begin eating that? It's more than most mortals could handle.

I had a friend growing up whos Dad worked making them in Coolock - used to get some of solid Snack bars from him -

When making - They weigh them at the end of the conveyer belt - and any too heavy get rejected and given to staff and visitors to the factory. Think you could buy a bag of rejects also by weight - saw them in a jar once in a small sweet shop.

Doubt health and safety would let anyone sell rejects today.

Except - Did you know they mash up the reject kit-kats to make one of the layers in Kit-Kats, inception style ( https://www.today.com/food/kit-kat-bars-are-made-ground-kit-kats-t106777 )

imme · 21-09-2020 1:51pm

You'll have to get on to them directly.

Cadburys have cut back on everything in recent years, quality of ingredients, quality of wrapping /containers.

The amount of Cadbury items that have "made under licence" on them is chronic.

EmmetSpiceland · 21-09-2020 2:09pm

For years I’d go for the pink Snack. Sometimes I’d go for the yellow but I never, ever, went for the purple Snack.

What a fool I had been! All those work “breaks” I could have spent enjoying that chocolate-y biscuit-y goodness but instead I settled for less.

No more.

SuperGrover · 21-09-2020 2:18pm

Purple > Yellow > Pink

Rodney Bathgate · 21-09-2020 2:20pm

SuperGrover wrote: »

Purple > Yellow > Pink

Pink > Yellow > Purple.

EmmetSpiceland · 21-09-2020 2:21pm

SuperGrover wrote: »

Purple > Yellow > Pink

Rodney Bathgate wrote: »

Pink > Yellow > Purple.

Purple > Pink > Yellow.

Gruffalux · 21-09-2020 2:29pm

I worked in a Cadbury's Biscuit factory at a decidedly non-pecunious time of my life. Night shift too. If you saw what the lorry loads of globulous fat looks like shortly before it combines with other things and turns into biscuit you would be a very sad boy or girl. Still, I do succumb to a snack bar or two if himself buys them. Working at a biscuit factory is like labour. You forget the truth completely so you can go again..

Gregor Samsa · 21-09-2020 2:34pm

Yellow > Purple > Pink

There's 6 biscuits in the Yellow Snacks. This increases their savourability.

Purple Snacks are good, but they're not as good as the Club Milks they so blatantly rip off.

Pink Snacks are only for decoration in traditional Irish pubs, like old Guinness posters and the soap in the toilets.

corner of hells · 21-09-2020 3:00pm

Candie wrote: »

I ate a Smartie that turned out to be solid chocolate. It was one of the best days of my life. Yes, I know the option is there to buy solid chocolate to begin with but it was the surprise that made it special.

I know the feeling , I bought a bag of doughnuts that was supposed to have 5 in the bag.Turned out there was 6 in the bag.
A truly momentous day.

I worry there is a poor soul somewhere who only got 4 in his bag.

Cee-Jay-Cee · 21-09-2020 3:13pm

Kit-Kat chunky!!

Church on Tuesday · 21-09-2020 3:22pm

Club bar for me and yes I take my time with it.

Mr Meanor · 21-09-2020 3:23pm

Years ago I remember getting a snack bar with no wafer inside, just pure chocolate like a miniature Yorkie bar.
That was a good tea break.

SureYWouldntYa · 21-09-2020 3:25pm

Does anyone else eat all the chocolate off the purple one before eating the biscuit.....

Errashareesh · 21-09-2020 3:30pm

Yeah I love that too. There's a tiny air pocket - like a gasp of anticipation... and then that sweet, pure, unspoiled chunk.

The chewy Malteser is a similar experience.

Although the purple Snack isn't quite the same since they got rid of the foil.

ohnonotgmail · 21-09-2020 3:41pm

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Does anyone else eat all the chocolate off the purple one before eating the biscuit.....

is there another way to eat them?

21-09-2020 4:38pm

Errashareesh wrote: »

Yeah I love that too. There's a tiny air pocket - like a gasp of anticipation... and then that sweet, pure, unspoiled chunk.

The chewy Malteser is a similar experience.

Although the purple Snack isn't quite the same since they got rid of the foil.

Malteasers take me ages to eat. I have to attempt to eat the chocolate coating while leaving the honeycomb centre intact. It's a joyous occasion when I achieve a perfectly smooth, round ball of honeycomb.

It's the little things.

bobbyy gee · 21-09-2020 5:12pm

you should all find girlfriends

sadie1502 · 21-09-2020 5:13pm

Time outs don't have any chunky chocolate.

ablelocks · 21-09-2020 5:15pm

Gregor Samsa wrote: »

Yellow > Purple > Pink

There's 6 biscuits in the Yellow Snacks. This increases their savourability.

not anymore, there's only 4

cadbury products are not the same since they got taken over by mondelez, the milk robbing, cheap ****e adding bastards.

kowloon · 21-09-2020 5:24pm

bobbyy gee wrote: »

you should all find girlfriends

Do they have a chunky end?

ohnonotgmail · 21-09-2020 5:24pm

kowloon wrote: »

Do they have a chunky end?

only the good ones

gogo · 21-09-2020 5:29pm

It has to be noted the increasing price of Cadbury’s purple snack.. in comparison to their size they are quiet expensive. €5.40 for a 12 pack now in tesco’s... I’m not sure when they joined the rank of luxury chocolate... but 100% agreed on the chunky end, it’s always been there and it’s always been the highlight!

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 6:03pm

ozmo wrote: »

I had a friend growing up whos Dad worked making them in Coolock - used to get some of solid Snack bars from him -

When making - They weigh them at the end of the conveyer belt - and any too heavy get rejected

Girls on Tinder operate like this too.

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 6:06pm

SureYWouldntYa wrote: »

Does anyone else eat all the chocolate off the purple one before eating the biscuit.....

Well this is what the thread is about. Realistically you can only eat the chocolate off half of it, without penetrating the biscuit.

kowloon · 21-09-2020 6:08pm

Candie wrote: »

Malteasers take me ages to eat. I have to attempt to eat the chocolate coating while leaving the honeycomb centre intact. It's a joyous occasion when I achieve a perfectly smooth, round ball of honeycomb.

It's the little things.

I deconstruct food like that. Do you separate the three components of a Jaffa Cake?

Piehead · 21-09-2020 6:12pm

I have never - and I mean NEVER - Stuck my schlong in a bobo

Errashareesh · 21-09-2020 6:24pm

sadie1502 wrote: »

Time outs don't have any chunky chocolate.

Time Outs have been utterly destroyed. :mad:

JasonStatham · 21-09-2020 9:48pm

kowloon wrote: »

Do they have a chunky end?

Actually most of them.....

Rodney Bathgate · 21-09-2020 9:54pm

Piehead wrote: »

I have never - and I mean NEVER - Stuck my schlong in a bobo

Try it.

Boscoirl · 21-09-2020 9:57pm

EmmetSpiceland wrote: »

For years I’d go for the pink Snack. Sometimes I’d go for the yellow but I never, ever, went for the purple Snack.

What a fool I had been! All those work “breaks” I could have spent enjoying that chocolate-y biscuit-y goodness but instead I settled for less.

No more.

Purple snacks are the reason I donate blood

Hammer89 · 21-09-2020 10:24pm

Boscoirl wrote: »

Purple snacks are the reason I donate blood

So did Jesus. The church actually used to give out wee pieces of Snack instead of wafer during communion but, as a cost-cutting measure, they stopped. That was used to symbolise the lord's body. If you think about it, it makes no less sense than wafer. The order came straight down from the Vatican and more people would know about it if they weren't a bunch of paedos. That scandal took the spotlight of the removal of chocolate in mass. Even in Islam, muslims worshipped these treats BEFORE Allah. The phrase used to be Allahu Snack-bar, not Allahu Akbar. The Snack bar is not only rich in taste, but rich in culture and history.

mistersifter · 21-09-2020 10:52pm

this thread is freaking me out.

I;ve been on a purple snack buzz for about a week or so now. Usually a yellow snack man (although neither are what they used to be - smaller and artificial sweetenery)

The thing is, only today I was thinking about doing a snack bar thread . Now I come online and there;s one here...

what are the odds.

Quantum Baloney · 12-03-2021 11:59pm

Pink Snacks I loved, Yellow Snacks I miss, Snax Crisps I adore, so my penis is firm

jiltloop · 13-03-2021 12:28am

Cee-Jay-Cee wrote: »

Kit-Kat chunky!!

Kitkat chunkies remind me of a great joke....

A man walks in to a shop and says to the woman behind the counter "can I have a KitKat chunky?", She reaches for a KitKat chunky and he shouts "no I want a normal kitkat ya fat b1tch!".

I have never - and I mean NEVER

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